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Promise Enforcers - Men Only! We make Promise Keepers look like homers! No homosexuals or women allowed!

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How dumb can you get?

 
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Default Re: Manly Jokes - 08-14-2015, 03:37 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Witch Hammer View Post
What do you call an Ethiopian with a yeast infection?

A quarter-pounder with cheese!

Low f at yogurt


Mark 13:22
“For false Christs and false prophets shall rise, and shall shew signs and wonders, to seduce, if it were possible, even the elect.”
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Default Re: Manly Jokes - 08-14-2015, 03:38 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by alooneymormon View Post
Low f at yogurt
I don't get it.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: Manly Jokes - 08-14-2015, 03:50 AM

Ethiopian--- Lowfat
Yeast infection (culture)--- yogurt

Smiley was misplaced...oops


Mark 13:22
“For false Christs and false prophets shall rise, and shall shew signs and wonders, to seduce, if it were possible, even the elect.”
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Default Re: Manly Jokes - 08-14-2015, 03:54 AM

Why do Jews have such big noses?
Because air is free!


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: Manly Jokes - 08-15-2015, 05:35 PM

Did you know the apostles shared a Honda?
The Bible says they were all with one Accord.


Proverbs 21:31 KJV 1611:
“The horse is prepared against the day of battell: but safetie is of the Lord.”

Lord, may I serve my equine brothers and sisters just as I do my fellow man.
Amen and Amen
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Default Re: Manly Jokes - 10-11-2015, 08:52 AM

Last week I got a gun for my wife.

.
Pretty good trade, huh?

.


Your Faithful Usher in Christ Jesus,
Herman T. Periwinkle

Mark 16:18 - They shall take vp serpents, and if they drinke any deadly thing, it shall not hurt them, they shall lay hands on the sicke, and they shall recouer.
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Default Re: Manly Jokes - 10-11-2015, 02:21 PM

My Name Is Staveros, I build boats. I am the greatest boat builder in all of Greece. My boats are sometimes worth $2,000,000. Do you think they call me Staveros the Boat builder ... NO!!!

My Name Is Staveros, I build houses. I am the greatest house builder in all of Greece. My houses are sometimes worth $25,000,000. Do you think they call me Staveros the house builder ... NO!!!

My Name Is Staveros, I build communities. I am the greatest community builder in all of Greece. My communities are sometimes populated with 250,000 people. Do you think they call me Staveros the Mayor ... NO!!!

My Name Is Staveros, I help to direct the head of Greece with decisions concerning our Country. I am the greatest advisory in all of Greece. My advice is life saving and prosperous. Do you think they call me Staveros the Presidential adviser ... NO!!!..... You Screw just one goat!........


Ecclesiastes 1:18 - For in much wisedome is much griefe: and hee that increaseth knowledge, increaseth sorrow.


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Default Re: Manly Jokes - 10-15-2015, 02:42 AM

What do you call a 5-man gay mariachi band?


Juan Direction!


.

Praise God!


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-Youth Minister Harry Lester
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Default Re: Manly Jokes - 10-15-2015, 10:45 PM

what do you call a man who pretends who love god in order to make sexual advances towards young males

Pope Francis

Praise Jesus!!!
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Default Re: Manly Jokes - 10-19-2015, 08:36 PM

What did the penis say to the condom?

"Cover me, I'm going in!"
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Default Re: Manly Jokes - 10-21-2015, 05:24 AM

A Transatlantic flight is halfway across the ocean when the pilot makes an announcement.

"Ladies and gentlemen, due to a fueling error, we lack the fuel to make a landing at our present weight. As ghastly as it is, we must ask some of you to make an ultimate sacrifice in order to save the rest of the passengers. Some of you must jump from the plane, or else we will all crash and drown."

An uproar follows, prayers are thrown to heaven, and tears are shed. Finally a Frenchman stands up, yells "Vive la France!" and throws himself from the plane.

"That bought us a few more miles," says the captain "but we are still overweight."

A Brit stands, adjusts his tie, yells "God save the Queen!" and dives from the plane.

"Almost there." says the captain. "One more brave sacrifice should do it."

A mountain of a Texan sighs deeply. He stands, hitches his jeans up, adjusts his Stetson, bellows "Remember Gilead! Remember the Alamo!", grabs two Mexicans, and tosses them both out of the plane.


Psalm 137:9 Happy shall he be, that taketh and dasheth thy little ones against the stones.
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Default Re: Manly Jokes - 10-22-2015, 03:28 PM

Whats a Mexicans favorite sport?

Cross county

What do you call jews on an apple farm?
.....
.....

apple jews
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Default Re: Manly Jokes - 10-28-2015, 06:41 PM

I have one. a Mexican American and Chinese guy are on a boat. the Chinese guy throws out a bag of rice. the Mexican asks why did you do that? I have a lot of those in my country the Chinese guy said. The Mexican throws out a bag of tacos. the American asks why did you do that? I have a lot of those in my country the Mexican said. so the American throws the Mexican off the boat. why did you do that? the Chinese guy said. I have a lot of those in my country the American said. lol I love this joke.
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Default Re: Manly Jokes - 10-28-2015, 11:05 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by arachnid View Post
I have one. a Mexican American and Chinese guy are on a boat. the Chinese guy throws out a bag of rice. the Mexican asks why did you do that? I have a lot of those in my country the Chinese guy said. The Mexican throws out a bag of tacos. the American asks why did you do that? I have a lot of those in my country the Mexican said. so the American throws the Mexican off the boat. why did you do that? the Chinese guy said. I have a lot of those in my country the American said. lol I love this joke.
That is racism! We do not allow racism on God's favorite forum! Please refrain from doing so in the future!


Freedom means voting for Donald Trump!
To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."
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Messican Re: Manly Jokes - 11-06-2015, 10:10 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cranky Old Man View Post
That is racism! We do not allow racism on God's favorite forum! Please refrain from doing so in the future!
Gracias, Hermano Cranky.


Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth. - Psalm 46:10
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Default Re: Manly Jokes - 11-07-2015, 04:53 PM

Rodrigo how are you even a forum member when you can't even speak proper english you dumb ***insults removed*** i hope ***repulsive threats removed*** aids you ***more insults removed*** sell out
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Default Re: Manly Jokes - 11-07-2015, 05:02 PM

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Originally Posted by tedalmos View Post
Rodrigo, how are you even a forum member, when you can't even speak proper English? You dumb ***insults removed***, I hope ***repulsive threats removed*** of AIDS you piffleing sell out.
Matthew 7:5, sweetie.

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Default Re: Manly Jokes - 11-07-2015, 05:23 PM

Top Ten Reasons That Beer Is Better Than Jesus:-
a) No one will kill you for not drinking beer.
b) Beer doesn't tell you how to have sex.
c) They don't force beer on minors who cannot think for themselves.
d) Beer has never caused a major war.
e) When you have a beer you don't knock on people's doors trying to give it away.
f) Nobody has ever been burned at the stake, hanged or tortured over a beer.
g) You don't have to wait 2000 years for a second beer.
h) There are laws saying beer labels cannot lie to you.
I) You can prove you have a beer.
j) If you are devoted to beer then there are groups who can help you stop.
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Default Re: Manly Jokes - 11-07-2015, 06:15 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by tedalmos View Post
plagiarism
Ermagerd, yer so original!!!


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Default Re: Manly Jokes - 11-07-2015, 09:57 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by tedalmos View Post
Top Ten Reasons That Beer Is Better Than Jesus
Top Ten Reasons YOU will burn in Hell:

1. You are a sinning idiot (James 2:10).
2. You are a sinning idiot (Deuteronomy 4:2).
3. You are a sinning idiot (Mark 16:16).
4. You are a sinning idiot (Genesis 38:9-10).
5. You are a sinning idiot (Exodus 20:7).
6. You are a sinning idiot (Matthew 12:32).
7. You are a sinning idiot (Romans 12:11).
8. You are a sinning idiot (Job 34:11).
9. You are a sinning idiot (Matthew 7:13-14).
10. You are a sinning idiot (Romans 3:23).


Enjoy Hell!


Freedom means voting for Donald Trump!
To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."
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