[Cranky Old Man]

Originally Posted by Mr. Sam Woo

Him no good!

Jesus has already forgiven Brother Faith Machine and so should you!

1 John 1:9
King James Version (KJV)

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

[Mistress Cookie]

Originally Posted by Mr. Sam Woo

Howcome nobody talk about money Faith Machine steal?

This will all be handled in good time. Half the money was seized and returned. Personally, I do not know where the rest of the funds are, but the Pastors are tracing it. Have faith.

I'm sorry I'm distracted at the moment, but the phone is ringing off the hook here from Mother of 7. I have offered her 3 different colors of concrete blocks to redo the walls in her house, and she is still not satisfied!

I think some of us, frankly, need to do some praying about gratitude.

[Mother Of Seven]

How can you possibly rebuild this with concrete blocks and grade 6 kids?

[Bob4God]

The last few days down at the gun store have been very blessed, what with all the militia activity. It is wonderful how GOD can take something even so hideous as a delirious back-sliding church member embezzling money and turn it into an opportunity for another child of GOD to get a 4x4 truck with custom paint job of JESUS cradling a bald eagle.

[Mother Of Seven]

That's great Brother Bob for you, but it all seems to be at my expense

[Cranky Old Man]

That is not at all what your house looked like before Brother Bob4God's rocket launcher made a few minor scratches. It was a lot more like this:




I urge you to follow God's guideline in Hebrews 13:5: "Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee."

[Mother Of Seven]

That was the maid's quarters. So lazy she is. You would think in her 8 hours off a day, she could have renovated it! Can't get good help these days.

[Cranky Old Man]

You have a maid!?

Then why do you need help? Just let the maid take care of it.

And if your maid is lazy, just remind her of Colossians 3:23 "And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men;"

[Basilissa]

Ehem, all this chat about Mother of Seven's summer cottage being slightly damaged is really nice, but I have a more important question:

Do we know what happened to the money that Brother Faith was carrying?

As an objective, unrelated party I could take care of it before everything is sorted out and we know how much of it really belongs to Brother Hutchins, and how much should be tithed directly to the Landover Baptist Church.

It will be safe in my hands, I promise!

[Mistress Cookie]

Originally Posted by Basilissa

Do we know what happened to the money that Brother Faith was carrying?

Money money money...is that all anybody thinks of around here?

Titus 1:10-11 For there are many unruly and vain talkers and deceivers, specially they of the circumcision:
Whose mouths must be stopped, who subvert whole houses, teaching things which they ought not, for filthy lucre's sake.

There's talk of Brother Hutchins being gifted with a Pilgrimage Challenge, anyway...where he walks back to Freehold while thinking of the glories that await him here, nestled safe in the bosom of God™s Favorite Church™.

Filthy lucre should be the last thing on anyone's mind as we rehabilitate the fallen, and cheer Brother Hutchins on as he takes that all important first step.

[Mother Of Seven]

Originally Posted by Mistress Cookie

Money money money...is that all anybody thinks of around here?

Titus 1:10-11 For there are many unruly and vain talkers and deceivers, specially they of the circumcision:
Whose mouths must be stopped, who subvert whole houses, teaching things which they ought not, for filthy lucre's sake.

There's talk of Brother Hutchins being gifted with a Pilgrimage Challenge, anyway...where he walks back to Freehold while thinking of the glories that await him here, nestled safe in the bosom of God™s Favorite Church™.

Filthy lucre should be the last thing on anyone's mind as we rehabilitate the fallen, and cheer Brother Hutchins on as he takes that all important first step.

Fifthy lucre should be the last thing on anyone's mind while me, my husband, 7 children, 8 dogs and a litter of newborn pups sleep in a tent.

[Mistress Cookie]

Originally Posted by Mother Of Seven

Fifthy lucre should be the last thing on anyone's mind while me, my husband, 7 children, 8 dogs and a litter of newborn pups sleep in a tent.

Were you keeping the litter nextdoor, at Old Mrs. Brenerman's place? Because we collected those, as their parents did such a great job tracking Brother Faith Machine in the woods! The Church™ always needs good hunting dogs!

(One seems kind of runty, though, even for a miniature dachshund, and I don't think he's of much use. Do you want him back?)

Yay, and do we make a glorious offering up to the Lord™ ! !

[Mother Of Seven]

So you have Schatzi there too (their mother)? I'll be right around to collect them. The Church may have a couple of them - we'll just see how they turn out.

[Mistress Cookie]

Originally Posted by Mother Of Seven

So you have Schatzi there too (their mother)? I'll be right around to collect them.

You can try, but we're all in a couple of meeting intensives right now, and there's Faith Machine's Realignment & Repersonalization Therapy happening in the basement amphitheater, so probably no one will answer the door.

Don't worry so much!

[Naomi Ruth Lamb]

Dearest Sister Mother of Seven,

My heart just aches at your unfortunate loss. As you know, when I planned to move to Freehold I cashed in several shares of Google so I have a few extra million dollars in a pillow case under my bed. Won't you please let me know if I can help with your rebuilding efforts? Apparently my interest in helping Brother Hutchins ministry was not welcomed, so I have offered help to Mrs. Hun (also ignored) and Sister Basilissa (again, no response). Perhaps you will be the one whose need is met by the LORD's generosity. You see, I thought I would get ten or twenty dollars from sale of Google stock - I had no idea it would be almost $299 million. My pastor was so pleased to receive my tithe. Had I moved to Freehold, of course, that tithe would have come to Landover.

Isn't it wonderful how the LORD meets our needs? Praise Jesus! I hope to hear from you sweetheart; tents are so uncomfortable. For tonight, I've wired some money to the Hilton and your rooms are paid for until you can rebuild.

Your Sister in Jesus,
NRL

[Mistress Cookie]

Originally Posted by Naomi Ruth Lamb

Dearest Sister Mother of Seven:
My heart just aches at your unfortunate loss. As you know, when I planned to move to Freehold I cashed in several shares of Google so I have a few extra million dollars in a pillow case under my bed. Won't you please let me know if I can help with your rebuilding efforts?

Well this is a coincidence!

There's been such an outpouring of True Christian™ love and concern for Sister 7's homeless state that in a special meeting tonight, the Pastors voted to set up a special fund just for her rebuilding!

PRAISE!

Naomi, send your check for that building fund to the Church™ Offices. We can get the best building materials for the best price via the Church™s connections and contracts...so that's better than sending the funds to Sister 7, directly.

PM me...

[Mother Of Seven]

Thank you Sister Naomi
I visited the so-called "construction site" this morning, and was dismayed to see what these kids were building me and my family:

I told Sister Cookie that I didn't want concrete blocks, but my request clearly went unheeded. I thought at first they were building the construction site toilet, but no, that's it - that's all they're building us! How on earth are we all meant to fit in there? Where's the classroom? Where's the chapel? Where are the maid's quarters? Where's my kitchen? Where can my husband and I try to make new Soldiers of Christ without causing nightmares for the children? I don't mean to sound ungrateful to these kids, and I thank them for building the gardener's toilet, but honestly!


So I thank you sincerely for your most generous offer, and indeed, we're on our way to the Hilton as I type. You are truly a Godly woman.


Luke 3:10-11 10 And the people asked him, saying, What shall we do then? 11 He answereth and saith unto them, He that hath two coats, let him impart to him that hath none; and he that hath meat, let him do likewise.

[Naomi Ruth Lamb]

My, my! It IS such a coincidence! It's almost an unbelievable coincidence, don't you think? The Lord moves in such glorious ways.

Unfortunately, I just feel in my spirit that Jesus is telling me to deal with Sister Seven directly. Perhaps the "fund" that the church is organizing can help furnish the home. I know I'd love to see the financial statements once the fund is set up.

In our LOVELY Lord's Name,
NRL

[Basilissa]

Originally Posted by Mother Of Seven

Thank you Sister Naomi
I visited the so-called "construction site" this morning, and was dismayed to see what these kids were building me and my family:

I told Sister Cookie that I didn't want concrete blocks, but my request clearly went unheeded. I thought at first they were building the construction site toilet, but no, that's it - that's all they're building us! How on earth are we all meant to fit in there? Where's the classroom? Where's the chapel? Where are the maid's quarters? Where's my kitchen? Where can my husband and I try to make new Soldiers of Christ without causing nightmares for the children? I don't mean to sound ungrateful to these kids, and I thank them for building the gardener's toilet, but honestly!


So I thank you sincerely for your most generous offer, and indeed, we're on our way to the Hilton as I type. You are truly a Godly woman.


Luke 3:10-11 10 And the people asked him, saying, What shall we do then? 11 He answereth and saith unto them, He that hath two coats, let him impart to him that hath none; and he that hath meat, let him do likewise.

Dearest Sister Seven, please, when are you going to stop whining about that irrelevant cottage of yours? It's not like you don't have a real house to stay in (a few of them, actually). I get it, this was your favorite vacation cottage, but you are blowing this "problem" out of proportion, dear!

Naomi - my dearest sister, of course I did respond to you, presenting some business options here in Northern Michigan, in this post. Don't you remember?

[James Hutchins]

Originally Posted by Mistress Cookie

Money money money...is that all anybody thinks of around here?

Titus 1:10-11 For there are many unruly and vain talkers and deceivers, specially they of the circumcision:
Whose mouths must be stopped, who subvert whole houses, teaching things which they ought not, for filthy lucre's sake.

There's talk of Brother Hutchins being gifted with a Pilgrimage Challenge, anyway...where he walks back to Freehold while thinking of the glories that await him here, nestled safe in the bosom of God™s Favorite Church™.

Filthy lucre should be the last thing on anyone's mind as we rehabilitate the fallen, and cheer Brother Hutchins on as he takes that all important first step.

I am indeed making the trek back to Landover for a meeting regarding my part in the unsightly blemish on the otherwise mostly spotless glistening history of Landover Baptist Church. While I am nothing but a hapless victim here, the Church board has refused to send the G500 or even a car to get me. Nor would they provide a bus ticket.
It also seems that all my accounts were frozen by the IRS due to the loss of 501C status of my ministry and outrageous false claims of sexual misconduct, prostitution, drugs and international child transport. Obviously there must be some other group operating in the shadows using the same name as I have.
All I have are the clothes on my back, a sturdy 8' length of Hickory, my Official LBC personal Tablet running JeOS Ver 8.1 with WorldWideWiFi. It also seems my clothes and shoes were stolen after that night in the mens room where I was gang raped by the boy scout troop going to the Jamboree in Wisconsin. I've managed to locate some cardboard and twine to fashion a sort of sandal and a large blanket to protect my large, manly yet frail frame.
I will get to Landover. As God is my witness. Nothing will stop me from making the trip to the promised land at the Church offices. I cannot fail as Jesus will be guiding me.