General Church Fellowship A place for True Christians to join in praise, faith and fellowship. |
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Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 9,980
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: San Francisco, California
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Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Faith Machine! -
12-28-2012, 07:49 AM
I'm so sorry my friends, I fear that in my zeal to procreate for Jesus, I've let my emotions get the better of me.
I will entrust dear Allyson to your care while I retreat to my prayer closet to ask God for guidance.
WARNING:
In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.
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Former Mary Hailer who has seen The Light©
True Christian™
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Posts: 10,391
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Surrounded By Married Homos and Baby Killers in Godless England
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Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Faith Machine! -
12-28-2012, 08:25 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Faith_Machine
I'm so sorry my friends, I fear that in my zeal to procreate for Jesus, I've let my emotions get the better of me.
I will entrust dear Allyson to your care while I retreat to my prayer closet to ask God for guidance.
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I'm sure your wife (when properly selected and certified as a virgin) will find herself most fruitful as a result. Remember what happened to brother Cletus when his lust got the better of him and he met that "nice lady" he chatted to on the internet. Let's just say she didn't need to sit down to pee...
Stealth sodomy is everywhere, brother, and rectal demons are no joke.
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Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 9,980
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: San Francisco, California
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Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Faith Machine! -
12-28-2012, 08:46 AM
Thank you for protecting me, RP!
Allyson seems like such a nice young lady, though...
WARNING:
In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.
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Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
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Posts: 74
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Studying the Bible
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Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Faith Machine! -
12-29-2012, 03:56 AM
I would hope I am! Anxiously awaiting the next step!
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Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 9,980
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: San Francisco, California
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Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Faith Machine! -
12-29-2012, 04:15 AM
Allyson, I hope you believe in homeschooling.
WARNING:
In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.
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Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
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Posts: 74
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Studying the Bible
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Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Faith Machine! -
12-29-2012, 05:22 AM
I am perfectly fine with whatever you wish for. I am fervently praying this all works out and my father agrees!
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Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 9,980
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: San Francisco, California
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Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Faith Machine! -
12-29-2012, 08:45 AM
Allyson, one of the senior pastors here has spoken to me about his concern that I may be "jumping the gun," so to speak, and he has reminded me that, as a former masturbaddict, I am may be especially vulnerable to my baser instincts.
Therefore, I am going to once again retire to my prayer closet for the time being.
WARNING:
In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.
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Petite pearl of Baptist womanhood
True Christian™
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Posts: 6,686
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Woodlawn Drive, Freehold, USA USA USA
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Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Faith Machine! -
12-29-2012, 10:29 PM
You know, Miss Allyson, I just want to jump in and opine that it's not such a bad thing to have a male suitor (or even husband) who's as devoted to his prayer closet as Brother Machine is.
It leaves lots of time for us ladies to get things done around the house (like consulting about fabric swatches for redecorating), and of course, the extended prayer time gives our True Christian™ Menfolk even more crystal clear direction from On High.
What I'm saying is, don't necessarily see this as a setback.
Good luck!
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Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
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Posts: 74
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Studying the Bible
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Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Faith Machine! -
12-30-2012, 03:12 AM
Thank you ma'am. He sure is a wonderful man living his life for The Lord! Oh how I admire him!
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Petite pearl of Baptist womanhood
True Christian™
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Posts: 6,686
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Woodlawn Drive, Freehold, USA USA USA
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Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Faith Machine! -
12-31-2012, 12:43 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Allyson
Thank you ma'am. He sure is a wonderful man living his life for The Lord!
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Of course you are welcome.
My neighbor Penny Maxwell recently redid her house, and she actually made a special prayer closet in the corner of each room for her dear husband, Ted.
It's a real space-saver to spread them all around the house like that! She turned his old prayer closet (which was really too big for his purposes) into a lovely sewing room.
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Unsaved trash, Arrogant Atheist Dick
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Posts: 14,451
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: The other end of the internet
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Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Faith Machine! -
12-31-2012, 12:52 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mistress Cookie
...My neighbor Penny Maxwell recently redid her house, and she actually made a special prayer closet in the corner of each room for her dear husband, Ted...
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Do they lock from the outside?
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Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
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Posts: 74
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Studying the Bible
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Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Faith Machine! -
12-31-2012, 07:17 AM
That's such a wonderful concept! How thoughtful of her! He also sounds like a faithful man living for The Lord! Glory!
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Former Mary Hailer who has seen The Light©
True Christian™
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Posts: 10,391
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Surrounded By Married Homos and Baby Killers in Godless England
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Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Faith Machine! -
12-31-2012, 08:51 AM
Brother Faith Machine is about as fervent a closet praying adherent as I have ever seen! When we have had a new batch in from GAPE and the inevitable disc-smashing session is over he's always the first to his prayer closet to ask guidance from the Lord as to how we can stamp out the evil of pornography. Even before we have drawn up strategy he is consumed by the urge to head there - bent double by the burden he feels on his shoulders of what has been seen than needs to be unseen. I have nothing but respect for him.
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Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 9,980
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: San Francisco, California
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Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Faith Machine! -
12-31-2012, 09:01 AM
Thank you RP, that means so much coming from you! As you know, I felt especially burdened by what we saw at the most recent GAPE meeting, but I must say The Lord has given me the relief I prayed for.
Truly, He is a liberator.
WARNING:
In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.
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Gushing for Jesus
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Posts: 23,730
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Faith Machine! -
12-31-2012, 09:19 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Faith_Machine
Truly, He is a liberator.
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AMEN!
Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.
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Petite pearl of Baptist womanhood
True Christian™
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Posts: 6,686
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Woodlawn Drive, Freehold, USA USA USA
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Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Faith Machine! -
12-31-2012, 07:17 PM
Quote:
FAITH MACHINE: Truly, he is a liberator! / MARY ETHELDREDA: Amen!
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There's seemingly nothing Jesus™ can't do! Who amongst us has not been Saved™ by Him™, in one way or another?
Our God™ is an awesome God™.
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