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Faith_Machine will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Faith_Machine will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Faith_Machine will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Faith_Machine will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Faith_Machine will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Faith_Machine will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Faith_Machine will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Faith_Machine will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Faith_Machine will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Faith_Machine will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Faith_Machine will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Faith Machine! - 12-28-2012, 07:49 AM

I'm so sorry my friends, I fear that in my zeal to procreate for Jesus, I've let my emotions get the better of me.

I will entrust dear Allyson to your care while I retreat to my prayer closet to ask God for guidance.


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Default Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Faith Machine! - 12-28-2012, 08:25 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Faith_Machine View Post
I'm so sorry my friends, I fear that in my zeal to procreate for Jesus, I've let my emotions get the better of me.

I will entrust dear Allyson to your care while I retreat to my prayer closet to ask God for guidance.
I'm sure your wife (when properly selected and certified as a virgin) will find herself most fruitful as a result. Remember what happened to brother Cletus when his lust got the better of him and he met that "nice lady" he chatted to on the internet. Let's just say she didn't need to sit down to pee...

Stealth sodomy is everywhere, brother, and rectal demons are no joke.



Isaiah 34:6 The sword of the LORD is filled with blood, it is made fat with fatness, and with the blood of lambs and goats, with the fat of the kidneys of rams: for the LORD hath a sacrifice in Bozrah, and a great slaughter in the land of Idumea.

John 5:46,47 For had ye believed Moses, ye would have believed me: for he wrote of me. But if ye believe not his writings, how shall ye believe my words?

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Default Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Faith Machine! - 12-28-2012, 08:46 AM

Thank you for protecting me, RP!

Allyson seems like such a nice young lady, though...


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Default Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Faith Machine! - 12-29-2012, 03:56 AM

I would hope I am! Anxiously awaiting the next step!
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Default Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Faith Machine! - 12-29-2012, 04:15 AM

Allyson, I hope you believe in homeschooling.


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Default Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Faith Machine! - 12-29-2012, 05:22 AM

I am perfectly fine with whatever you wish for. I am fervently praying this all works out and my father agrees!
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Default Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Faith Machine! - 12-29-2012, 08:45 AM

Allyson, one of the senior pastors here has spoken to me about his concern that I may be "jumping the gun," so to speak, and he has reminded me that, as a former masturbaddict, I am may be especially vulnerable to my baser instincts.

Therefore, I am going to once again retire to my prayer closet for the time being.


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Default Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Faith Machine! - 12-29-2012, 10:29 PM

You know, Miss Allyson, I just want to jump in and opine that it's not such a bad thing to have a male suitor (or even husband) who's as devoted to his prayer closet as Brother Machine is.

It leaves lots of time for us ladies to get things done around the house (like consulting about fabric swatches for redecorating), and of course, the extended prayer time gives our True Christian™ Menfolk even more crystal clear direction from On High.

What I'm saying is, don't necessarily see this as a setback.

Good luck!

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Default Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Faith Machine! - 12-30-2012, 03:12 AM

Thank you ma'am. He sure is a wonderful man living his life for The Lord! Oh how I admire him!
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Default Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Faith Machine! - 12-31-2012, 12:43 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Allyson View Post
Thank you ma'am. He sure is a wonderful man living his life for The Lord!
Of course you are welcome.

My neighbor Penny Maxwell recently redid her house, and she actually made a special prayer closet in the corner of each room for her dear husband, Ted.

It's a real space-saver to spread them all around the house like that! She turned his old prayer closet (which was really too big for his purposes) into a lovely sewing room.
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Default Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Faith Machine! - 12-31-2012, 12:52 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mistress Cookie View Post
...My neighbor Penny Maxwell recently redid her house, and she actually made a special prayer closet in the corner of each room for her dear husband, Ted...
Do they lock from the outside?


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Default Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Faith Machine! - 12-31-2012, 07:17 AM

That's such a wonderful concept! How thoughtful of her! He also sounds like a faithful man living for The Lord! Glory!
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Default Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Faith Machine! - 12-31-2012, 08:51 AM

Brother Faith Machine is about as fervent a closet praying adherent as I have ever seen! When we have had a new batch in from GAPE and the inevitable disc-smashing session is over he's always the first to his prayer closet to ask guidance from the Lord as to how we can stamp out the evil of pornography. Even before we have drawn up strategy he is consumed by the urge to head there - bent double by the burden he feels on his shoulders of what has been seen than needs to be unseen. I have nothing but respect for him.



Isaiah 34:6 The sword of the LORD is filled with blood, it is made fat with fatness, and with the blood of lambs and goats, with the fat of the kidneys of rams: for the LORD hath a sacrifice in Bozrah, and a great slaughter in the land of Idumea.

John 5:46,47 For had ye believed Moses, ye would have believed me: for he wrote of me. But if ye believe not his writings, how shall ye believe my words?

Join me in scoffing at backwards Muslims clinging to their beliefs in the face of the evidence!
The truth about volcanos
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Default Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Faith Machine! - 12-31-2012, 09:01 AM

Thank you RP, that means so much coming from you! As you know, I felt especially burdened by what we saw at the most recent GAPE meeting, but I must say The Lord has given me the relief I prayed for.

Truly, He is a liberator.


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Default Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Faith Machine! - 12-31-2012, 09:19 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Faith_Machine View Post
Truly, He is a liberator.
AMEN!



Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

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Default Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Faith Machine! - 12-31-2012, 07:17 PM

Quote:
FAITH MACHINE: Truly, he is a liberator! / MARY ETHELDREDA: Amen!
There's seemingly nothing Jesus™ can't do! Who amongst us has not been Saved™ by Him™, in one way or another?

Our God™ is an awesome God™.
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