MEET CHRISTIAN SINGLES! Who knows? The love of your life might be here! All the single men are GODLY and all the single ladies are virgins...........for the most part. |
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Predestinated Servant of Jesus Christ by the Will of God True Christian™ Theologian
True Christian™
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Posts: 4,420
Join Date: Sep 2006
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Re: Modest True Christian lady looking for Godly man -
11-13-2007, 05:51 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sister Elisa
I would love to live in Freehold sometime, but I'm not sure if I'm Saved enough to reside in that Godly area.
Maybe one of the pastors could let me know if I am.
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I'd been thinking of organizing a few rounds of Girl-on-Girl Liturgical Wrestling, and now that you'll be visiting Freehold, what better time could there be to schedule a few matches? I'll have to check with Brother Bobby-J, but I think Fellowship Hall is available next Friday night. Would you be agreeable to going a few rounds with Sister Thumper or Sister Talitha? It'll be glorious -- And a fine way for you to meet all the eligible bachelors in the Church, who will be very keen to watch you grapple in your most Godly low-cut lycra singlet.
I loved Newt before Newt was invincible
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Unsaved trash
Under Investigation
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Posts: 24
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: the short end of the stick
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Re: Modest True Christian lady looking for Godly man -
11-15-2007, 04:28 AM
I would like to humbly toss my hat in the ring to compete for the opportunity to wed this fine young godly woman. I believe I am as qualified as these other gentlemen are, since Jesus has forgiven me and made me a new man in Christ. While I am fresh off a 10-year struggle with Meth and Crack, who am I to argue with the Bible? "He who the Son sets free is free indeed." That makes my resume as good as the next guy's.
What d'ya think Sister Elisa? Would ya meet me for a burger and fries at Mickey Dee's? I'm buying!
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 1,840
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Nice house on Nob Hill
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Re: Modest True Christian lady looking for Godly man -
11-15-2007, 04:44 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by MarkBroccardo
I would like to humbly toss my hat in the ring to compete for the opportunity to wed this fine young godly woman ...
... What d'ya think Sister Elisa? Would ya meet me for a burger and fries at Mickey Dee's? I'm buying!
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Um, she said she wants a GODLY True Christian™ man, and no unsaved trash person who waltzes in here out of the blue is Saved® until JESUS tells the goodly pastors he is saved ... yoooou got that, burger boy?
1st Timothy 2: 9 In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array;
1st Timothy 2: 10 But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works ...
1 Timothy 5: 16 If any man or woman that believeth have widows, let them relieve them, and let not the church be charged; that it may relieve them that are widows indeed ...
Proverbs 31: 26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness ...
Proverbs 31: 27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness ...
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Anvil of the Antipodes
True Christian™
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Posts: 1,269
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: policing mockery of the free internets
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Re: Modest True Christian lady looking for Godly man -
11-15-2007, 05:30 AM
I am in need of a female companion. She must be quiet and gracious in nature, obedient and compliant. She must have no children living with her, and be happy to sleep in a single bed, in a seperate room during menstruation, and enter my study or bedroom by invitation only, or to carry out domestic duties while I am out on business errands.
She can expect to be fairly disciplined for only major infractions, such as neglect of domestic chores or speaking out of turn.
I would expect suitable applicants to be versed in shorthand, of Caucasian stock, be able to drive a tractor and to be equipped with a sizeable dowry, should marriage become an option.
Sex mad harlots need not apply.
The devil, whose business is to pervert the truth, mimics the exact circumstance of the Divine Sacraments. He baptises his believers and promises forgiveness of sins...he celebrates the oblation of bread, and brings in the symbol of the resurrection. Let us therefore acknowledge the craftiness of the devil, who copied certain things of those that be divine." Tertullian (155-222 AD) from The Prescription Against Heretics' Ch XL
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Unsaved trash, hippie dopehead
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Posts: 156
Join Date: Nov 2006
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Re: Modest True Christian lady looking for Godly man -
11-15-2007, 09:41 AM
See what heppens when you deal with these christians?! You need a caring man like me who will treat you with respect and love. Get out of this cult before they mess up your life as much as mine!
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Unsaved trash
Under Investigation
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Posts: 24
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: the short end of the stick
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Re: Modest True Christian lady looking for Godly man -
11-15-2007, 09:44 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sister Noddy
Um, she said she wants a GODLY True Christian™ man, and no unsaved trash person who waltzes in here out of the blue is Saved® until JESUS tells the goodly pastors he is saved ... yoooou got that, burger boy?
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Jesus loves me, this I know. Because the Bible tells me so.
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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
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Posts: 79,909
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: Modest True Christian lady looking for Godly man -
11-15-2007, 01:18 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by MarkBroccardo
Jesus loves me, this I know. Because the Bible tells me so.
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Exactly where in the Holy Bible does it say that Jesus loves you? Chapter and verse please, not heresay.
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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True Christian™ Theologian
Forum Member
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Posts: 3,979
Join Date: Sep 2006
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Re: Modest True Christian lady looking for Godly man -
11-15-2007, 07:34 PM
Well, Elisa.. I am a True Christian man and currently without a wife.
Although I cannot consider marrying you until it's been absolutely certified that you're a True Christian...
Not making the mistake of considering marrying anyone unsaved again.
But first.. Tell me a little about yourself:
What's your favourite Bible (KJV only!) verse?
What dish is your speciality?
Are you still a virgin, or are you damaged goods?
..You don't speak french I hope?
If thou be wise, thou shalt be wise for thyself: But if thou scornest, thou alone shalt bear it.
A foolish woman is clamorous: She is simple, and knoweth nothing.
Proverbs 9:12-13
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Scientific Advisor
True Christian™
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Posts: 2,369
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Landover Baptist University for the Saved, Corridor 17C
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Re: Modest True Christian lady looking for Godly man -
11-15-2007, 10:05 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dwayne DeKalb
See what heppens when you deal with these christians?! You need a caring man like me who will treat you with respect and love. Get out of this cult before they mess up your life as much as mine!
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Just where do you get off trying to lead a Godly young woman astray. I don't want to see her confused between True Love™ and the faggy "sensitivity" love that you espouse. We'll leave the homers to their own fey definitions and show the Love of Jesus™ to our wives by forcing encouraging them to live in a Godly manner, filled with shame and sobriety....
Trump 2020: "For Real This Time"
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Deaconess Gracious, genteel, kind, tender, and warm True Christian™ Sister
True Christian™
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Posts: 15,215
Join Date: Jan 1970
Location: God's Own America
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Re: Modest True Christian lady looking for Godly man -
11-15-2007, 11:24 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Larry Lee
I'd been thinking of organizing a few rounds of Girl-on-Girl Liturgical Wrestling, and now that you'll be visiting Freehold, what better time could there be to schedule a few matches? I'll have to check with Brother Bobby-J, but I think Fellowship Hall is available next Friday night. Would you be agreeable to going a few rounds with Sister Thumper or Sister Talitha? It'll be glorious -- And a fine way for you to meet all the eligible bachelors in the Church, who will be very keen to watch you grapple in your most Godly low-cut lycra singlet.
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Brother Larry, what's happening about this match? Has Brother BJ got back to you?
Me and Sister Thumper have been limbering up in readiness for the Main Event and we're both itching to do some Grappling.
Sister Talitha
Markswoman, Circumcisionist, Platinum Tither.
HE took the damsel by the hand, and said unto her, Talitha Cumi; which is,
being interpreted, Damsel, I say unto thee, arise!...Mark 5:41
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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
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Posts: 79,909
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: Modest True Christian lady looking for Godly man -
11-15-2007, 11:29 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sister Talitha
Brother Larry, what's happening about this match? Has Brother BJ got back to you?
Me and Sister Thumper have been limbering up in readiness for the Main Event and we're both itching to do some Grappling.
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So THAT's where sister Thumper has been getting off to lately....practicing her ladygrappling with sister Talitha! I was wondering. I thought she was out buying shoes again.....
I trust you ladies are filming every moment of your training sessions. You know tha pastors enjoy viewing those films on a Saturday night...Just to inspire our sermons the next morning.
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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Deaconess Gracious, genteel, kind, tender, and warm True Christian™ Sister
True Christian™
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Posts: 15,215
Join Date: Jan 1970
Location: God's Own America
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Re: Modest True Christian lady looking for Godly man -
11-15-2007, 11:39 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel
So THAT's where sister Thumper has been getting off to lately....practicing her ladygrappling with sister Talitha! I was wondering. I thought she was out buying shoes again.....
I trust you ladies are filming every moment of your training sessions. You know tha pastors enjoy viewing those films on a Saturday night...Just to inspire our sermons the next morning.
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Of course we have! As always
I have to say, Sister Thumper certainly has a very firm pair of Thighs and makes for a very difficult opponent. If my own body wasn't so perfectly formed I may have got beaten.
Sister Talitha
Markswoman, Circumcisionist, Platinum Tither.
HE took the damsel by the hand, and said unto her, Talitha Cumi; which is,
being interpreted, Damsel, I say unto thee, arise!...Mark 5:41
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The Future Mrs. Ezekiel Flint Voted Best Pies in Freehold 10 Years Running aka the BiblethumpinBlonde
True Christian™
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Posts: 15,473
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Apostles Grove, Freehold, IA
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Re: Modest True Christian lady looking for Godly man -
11-16-2007, 12:37 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sister Talitha
Brother Larry, what's happening about this match? Has Brother BJ got back to you?
Me and Sister Thumper have been limbering up in readiness for the Main Event and we're both itching to do some Grappling.
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~~~~cracks knuckles~~~~~~
Mmmm hummmm! Bring it!
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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
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Posts: 79,909
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: Modest True Christian lady looking for Godly man -
11-16-2007, 12:40 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sister Talitha
Of course we have! As always
I have to say, Sister Thumper certainly has a very firm pair of Thighs and makes for a very difficult opponent. If my own body wasn't so perfectly formed I may have got beaten.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BibleThumpinBlonde
~~~~cracks knuckles~~~~~~
Mmmm hummmm! Bring it!
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Ladies, Ladies!! Don't forget to anoint yourselves with olive oil and start the video cameras.
Carry on.
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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The Future Mrs. Ezekiel Flint Voted Best Pies in Freehold 10 Years Running aka the BiblethumpinBlonde
True Christian™
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Posts: 15,473
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Apostles Grove, Freehold, IA
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Re: Modest True Christian lady looking for Godly man -
11-16-2007, 12:46 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel
Ladies, Ladies!! Don't forget to anoint yourselves with olive oil and start the video cameras.
Carry on.
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Do we HAVE to?
Sister Tali is a good 5" taller than me. Remember how hard it was for me the last time to get it out of my hair?
Can't we use whipped cream or something easier to clean up this time?
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Thank you Pastor Pistle!
Forum Member
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Posts: 969
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: bible belt land
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Re: Modest True Christian lady looking for Godly man -
11-16-2007, 06:08 AM
Quote:
Well, Seeker.. I am a True Christian man and currently without a wife.
Although I cannot consider marrying you until it's been absolutely certified that you're a True Christian...
Not making the mistake of considering marrying anyone unsaved again.
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*ahem* I just got a divorce and it was a biblical one.
Quote:
But first.. Tell me a little about yourself:
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Only in secret.
Quote:
What's your favourite Bible (KJV only!) verse?
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Oh you know this. John 3:16 and Psalms 23 when I feel down.
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What dish is your speciality?
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Whatever dish you like, I can do for you..
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Are you still a virgin, or are you damaged goods?
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Please! I was married for years! Of course I am a virgin!
Quote:
..You don't speak french I hope?
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No, but don't get mad because I want to visit just for the Culinary teachings.
If the Lord leads you to it, he will get you through it.
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True Christian™ Theologian
Forum Member
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Posts: 3,979
Join Date: Sep 2006
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Re: Modest True Christian lady looking for Godly man -
11-16-2007, 12:21 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Seeker
*ahem* I just got a divorce and it was a biblical one.
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Hmmm..
Did he cheat on you.. OR DID YOU CHEAT ON HIM?
And I say unto you,
Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery:
And whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.
Matthew 19:9
Same would go for women, if the husband is a cheat (He who cheats isn't a True Christian anyways, as fornicators shall not inherit the kingdom.) the divorce is valid.
So.. who cheated on who'm? It was he who cheated on you, I hope?
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Only in secret.
Oh you know this. John 3:16 and Psalms 23 when I feel down.
Whatever dish you like, I can do for you..
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Well, I suppose it can't hurt to have you come for once..
We can have a little.. prayer.. together atleast.
And then you can cook me dinner.
Quote:
Please! I was married for years! Of course I am a virgin!
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Oh well, with jesus all things are possible so I suppose He COULD restore you.
We'll have to pray for that. A little laying on of hands..
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No, but don't get mad because I want to visit just for the Culinary teachings.
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Now, what's wrong with wholesome American dishes? Like apple pie or something?
The french eat snails as snacks, and other such disgusting nonsense.
Trust me, I'd know.. I even had a french cook once, tasted one meal then I had to fire him and call the authorites on the illegal alien -
He tried to poison me.
As for marrying you, I don't know..
You sure could use the disciplining, as you seem a little uppity at times. And I'm sure you would make quite a proper baby-maker.
I guess we can discuss the details when you come over..
If thou be wise, thou shalt be wise for thyself: But if thou scornest, thou alone shalt bear it.
A foolish woman is clamorous: She is simple, and knoweth nothing.
Proverbs 9:12-13
Last edited by SalvationSeeker; 11-16-2007 at 05:15 PM.
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Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
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Posts: 93
Join Date: Sep 2007
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Re: Modest True Christian lady looking for Godly man -
11-16-2007, 01:46 PM
I'm still in the running, right? I wouldn't want to miss the grappling for anything.
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Predestinated Servant of Jesus Christ by the Will of God True Christian™ Theologian
True Christian™
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Posts: 4,420
Join Date: Sep 2006
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Re: Modest True Christian lady looking for Godly man -
11-16-2007, 07:23 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by BibleThumpinBlonde
Can't we use whipped cream or something easier to clean up this time?
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That would be very fine -- and a worthy tribute to our Lord Jesus Christ.
But where's Sister Elisa? Without her grappling, whipped-cream lathered body undulating in praise to Him who bestows all blessings, what's a Girl-on-Girl Liturgical Wrestling match for?
I loved Newt before Newt was invincible
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True Christian™
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Posts: 9,361
Join Date: Jan 2007
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Re: Modest True Christian lady looking for Godly man -
11-16-2007, 11:17 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel
Ladies, Ladies!! Don't forget to anoint yourselves with olive oil and start the video cameras.
Carry on.
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Pastor, if I'm not mistaken it should be start the video camera and then proceed with the olive oil. You often have to be very specific with women.
Hell's foundations quiver at the shout of praise;
brothers, lift your voices, loud your anthems raise.
...and get off my lawn
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