[Des]

I don't like to brag too much about my five soldiers for Jesus, but just today my youngest one, little Israel Regan, made me nearly burst with joy.

While most of the people on my block are decent, upright, but still hellbound folks, the brazen serpent across the street is not. You see, folks, she is a Wickedan; one of those crystal rubbing, Satan worshiping, tree hugging witches who gets together with 12 other lesbo feminists every full moon and has sex with a goat while reciting poetry about how they hate Jesus.

Now I've done everything I can to save this woman's soul. I've called child protective services and reported her for Satanically abusing her kids in the hopes of it being a wake-up call, I've painted Exodus 22:18 on her front door numerous times, when she told me that her cat was a familiar spirit I kindly turned the wraith of my faithful 130 pound Rottie Hans on it and let him rend the demon asunder. When I finally realized my compassion was in vain, I began collecting packing boxes and carefully labeling them for Queerbec Canada and leaving them on her porch. She has yet to take the hint, instead seeking to ooze false friendlieness and trying to be neighborly.

Which brings me to today. It is a wonderful warm day, and I decided to grill outside. The missus is bustling inside making coleslaw and potato salad (pretty much the only salad type foods fit for heterosexual consumption) and I took little Izzy out with me to bond and see how real men cooked their food. I'm minding my own business; humming a hymn and thinking about Jesus when Hans gives a warning growl.

Like the sinister being she is, she approaches me on my left, her latest cat that she calls Powacket or some other heathen gibberish tagging along behind her.

Hellish She-Beast: Howdy!

Me: Mmm.

HS-B: Wonderful day, isn't it?

Me: It was, until a minute ago.

HS-B: (giggles) You're so funny!

Me: Mmm.

HS-B: You're grilling?

Me: Teaching my son. The steaks represent unsaved souls and the fire represents hell.

HS-B: (rolls eyes) You aren't going to feed your little boy that poison, are you?

Me: Hmm?

HS-B: Meat. You aren't going to feed him meat, are you? I mean, look at him, he isn't old enough to be eating that.

Me: I'll have you know that Izzy swallowed a whole pork chop for lunch, and only choked twice. He gets better at it every time he does it, just like we do with shooting a gun or praying.

HS-B: But the human body isn't meant to eat meat. We don't have canines and our guts are too short, and...

Me: GLORY, GLORY, HALLELUJAH! Oh, sorry, sometimes the spirit overcomes me and I burst into song. What were you lying about, again?

HS-B: (Rolls eyes again and sighs) All I'm saying is that if you give the boy an apple and a kitten, he'll eat the apple and pet the kitten. He knows instinctively what he's supposed to eat.

I glanced down at Izzy right then, and a second later her eyes followed mine. I smiled broadly at what I saw, then pulled out my cellphone and snapped a picture.



Me: You were saying?

HS-B: Never mind (blushing) Have a great day.

Me: Burn in hell, leaf munching Satan sucker!

[Alexandria Puckett]

I'm afraid I didn't follow. But I'm guessing little Izzy tried to eat the kitten? What a good boy!! You seem like an amazing Father! That little Heathen deserves a good smack across the face from her husband! But I'm guessing she is a whorish single mom. Hm, well. Good on Izzy! I hope my boys will be as smart as he is one day! From the sounds of it though, Little miss She-Beast is one rib short of a rack.

[Des]

Originally Posted by Alexandria Puckett

I'm afraid I didn't follow. But I'm guessing little Izzy tried to eat the kitten? What a good boy!! You seem like an amazing Father! That little Heathen deserves a good smack across the face from her husband! But I'm guessing she is a whorish single mom. Hm, well. Good on Izzy! I hope my boys will be as smart as he is one day! From the sounds of it though, Little miss She-Beast is one rib short of a rack.

You're correct, sister. Izzy was doing his level best to eat the cat, and knowing him, if he had been given an apple he would have used it to club the cat and then stuck the cat in his mouth.

The Satan loving, carpet munching, tree hugging Wickedan doesn't have any bastard imps running around. I assume she either aborts her unborn, sacrifices them to Satan, or dumps them off at Our Lady of Perpetual False God Worship catlick church for the priests to molest. Either way, she won't be making that claim to me again.

Glory onto Him!

[Alexandria Puckett]

Originally Posted by Des

You're correct, sister. Izzy was doing his level best to eat the cat, and knowing him, if he had been given an apple he would have used it to club the cat and then stuck the cat in his mouth.

The Satan loving, carpet munching, tree hugging Wickedan doesn't have any bastard imps running around. I assume she either aborts her unborn, sacrifices them to Satan, or dumps them off at Our Lady of Perpetual False God Worship catlick church for the priests to molest. Either way, she won't be making that claim to me again.

Glory onto Him!

Glory indeed!! That sounds absolutely precious! I'm sure the missus was just pleased as punch that you were able to snap a photo! That's one for the fridge!
OH! I see you posted the photos! Are they showing up for you? Because I can't seem to see them.

[Des]

Originally Posted by Alexandria Puckett

Glory indeed!! That sounds absolutely precious! I'm sure the missus was just pleased as punch that you were able to snap a photo! That's one for the fridge!
OH! I see you posted the photos! Are they showing up for you? Because I can't seem to see them.

Oh, the missus! Yes, she'll probably want to see the picture as well. Will try and remember to show her when she's done with the dishes, laundry, and ironing my shirts.

Not sure why you can't see the picture. Have you had your computer checked for demonic infestation? What with Microsoft being owned by a baby eating atheist, I'm sure its commonplace.

[Alexandria Puckett]

Originally Posted by Des

Oh, the missus! Yes, she'll probably want to see the picture as well. Will try and remember to show her when she's done with the dishes, laundry, and ironing my shirts.

Not sure why you can't see the picture. Have you had your computer checked for demonic infestation? What with Microsoft being owned by a baby eating atheist, I'm sure its commonplace.

Nope everything checks out for me, but I'll have my hubby check the thing out tomorrow. Just gave him his midnight footrub and beer, and he's out like a light, so I'll need to tuck him in soon. The darling man <3
I really can't wait to get these interwebs figured out soon so I can see your cute little boy!

[WilliamJenningsBryan]

Originally Posted by Des

Oh, the missus! Yes, she'll probably want to see the picture as well. Will try and remember to show her when she's done with the dishes, laundry, and ironing my shirts.

Not sure why you can't see the picture. Have you had your computer checked for demonic infestation? What with Microsoft being owned by a baby eating atheist, I'm sure its commonplace.

Jesus protects our forum from certain links that might harm our Christian faiths. An administrator has been called in to bless the image of your precious son so that he may share the inspiration of the Holy Spirit with our readers.

[Des]

Originally Posted by WilliamJenningsBryan

Jesus protects our forum from certain links that might harm our Christian faiths. An administrator has been called in to bless the image of your precious son so that he may share the inspiration of the Holy Spirit with our readers.

Hallelujah! What a comfort to know that at least our administration is protecting us from evil. Now if this would only catch on with the White House administration.

2 Peter 2:19 While they promise them liberty, they themselves are the servants of corruption: for of whom a man is overcome, of the same is he brought in bondage.

Proverbs 29:2 When the righteous are in authority, the people rejoice: but when the wicked beareth rule, the people mourn.


Glory!

[Alexandria Puckett]

Originally Posted by Des

Hallelujah! What a comfort to know that at least our administration is protecting us from evil. Now if this would only catch on with the White House administration.

2 Peter 2:19 While they promise them liberty, they themselves are the servants of corruption: for of whom a man is overcome, of the same is he brought in bondage.

Proverbs 29:2 When the righteous are in authority, the people rejoice: but when the wicked beareth rule, the people mourn.


Glory!

PRAISE! Now I can indeed see the little carnivore! How precious!

[CrimsonIsBullSh*t]

A Familer is a spirt in the form of a animal, they protect their owner and they are found in most pets, in fact their is a high chance that you dog is a Familer. Also you are being very cruel towards this woman, I won't be supprised when she has you jailed

[WilliamJenningsBryan]

Originally Posted by CrimsonIsBusy

A Familer is a spirt in the form of a animal, they protect their owner and they are found in most pets, in fact their is a high chance that you dog is a Familer. Also you are being very cruel towards this woman, I won't be supprised when she has you jailed

Son, that sounds a little like that old Greek Mythology that Hesiod, Homer, Pindar and Ovid wrote about.

I don't ever recall that in the Bible (KJV1611), but maybe you can supply some scripture to defend "spirits" turning into animals.

[Dr Laurence Niles]

Originally Posted by CrimsonIsBusy

A Familer is a spirt in the form of a animal, they protect their owner and they are found in most pets, in fact their is a high chance that you dog is a Familer. Also you are being very cruel towards this woman, I won't be supprised when she has you jailed

You have obviously read too much of the Harry Potters

You do know it's just a book, right?

God Bless