Go Back   The Landover Baptist Church Forum > Church Forums > General Church Fellowship
Reload this Page Burn All Mark Twain Books
General Church Fellowship A place for True Christians to join in praise, faith and fellowship.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
(#1)
Old
TC Patriot's Avatar
TC Patriot TC Patriot is offline
AMERICA - LOVE IT OR LEAVE IT!!!
True Christian™

True Christian™ Real American™ Bronze Tither Christian Love Heaven Bound Gunfest '09 Teabag Patriot Friend of Jesus Ex-Masturbator The Lord’s Witness Wound One Year/1000 posts Saved 1 Year Super Soaker Baptism Award Flat Earth

 
Posts: 1,059
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: In the grace of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ
TC Patriot has bribed people to get these reputation points.TC Patriot has bribed people to get these reputation points.TC Patriot has bribed people to get these reputation points.TC Patriot has bribed people to get these reputation points.TC Patriot has bribed people to get these reputation points.TC Patriot has bribed people to get these reputation points.TC Patriot has bribed people to get these reputation points.TC Patriot has bribed people to get these reputation points.TC Patriot has bribed people to get these reputation points.TC Patriot has bribed people to get these reputation points.TC Patriot has bribed people to get these reputation points.
Default Burn All Mark Twain Books - 01-01-2011, 03:42 PM

Mark Twain hated Jesus. The following Satanic diatribe proves that. Here is what the Jesus hater wrote.

Mark Twain's Diatribe
“...a God who could make good children as easily as bad, yet preferred to make bad ones; who could have made every one of them happy, yet never made a single happy one; who made them prize their bitter life, yet stingily cut it short; who gave his angels eternal happiness unearned, yet required his other children to earn it; who gave his angels painless lives, yet cursed his other children with biting miseries and maladies of mind and body; who mouths justice, and invented hell--mouths mercy, and invented hell--mouths Golden Rules and forgiveness multiplied by seventy times seven, and invented hell; who mouths morals to other people, and has none himself; who frowns upon crimes, yet commits them all; who created man without invitation, then tries to shuffle the responsibility for man's acts upon man, instead of honourably placing it where it belongs, upon himself; and finally, with altogether divine obtuseness, invites his poor abused slave to worship him!”
Mark Twain


I am too outraged for comment other than to say that we need to have a law passed that will BURN all of his books. I urge all True Christians to call their congressmen and ask them to pass a law banning and burning all the writing of atheist Samuel Clemons aka Mark Twain.














Jesus loves Dick



Cheney/Palin 2012
Reply With Quote
(#2)
Old
Gabriel Reproba's Avatar
Gabriel Reproba Gabriel Reproba is offline
Head Attorney of Landover's Legal Team
The Most Honest Lawyer in America
True Christian™

True Christian™ Real American™ Tin Tither True Christian Provider™ award Christian Love Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS Ex-Masturbator Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian Friend of Jesus Flat Earth The Lord’s Witness Wound Saved 1 Year The Al E. Pistle Award for Excellence in Rebuking Punched the most queers TC Bravery Super Soaker Baptism Award One Year/1000 posts Tell her once Persecuted Porn Resistant Pro-Life Public Awareness Medal True Republican Guns, Guts and GLORY! Proud Niglet Sponsorer Divorcee Prayer Warrior

 
Posts: 2,471
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: God's Good Side!
Gabriel Reproba will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Gabriel Reproba will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Gabriel Reproba will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Gabriel Reproba will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Gabriel Reproba will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Gabriel Reproba will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Gabriel Reproba will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Gabriel Reproba will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Gabriel Reproba will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Gabriel Reproba will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Gabriel Reproba will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Burn All Mark Twain Books - 01-01-2011, 03:48 PM

Amen! Did you know that they JUST published his own autobiography? He left instructions that it not be published for 100 years after his death, presumably because he knew that America would be under religious attack and would be susceptible to his atheistic subversion in this day and age.

Also, if ever a book demanded burning, it is the Jumping Frog of Calaveras County. My sixth grade English teacher is in receipt of a ten page critique which explains why.


Yours In Christ,

Gabriel Reproba, Esq. (Lawyer for the Lord)

Further reading to help you become a True Christian™

Stoning Sinners: A How-To Guide
Scientific Study: Bible is NOT "All About Love"
The One Sin Jesus Says He Won't EVER Forgive!
Should we only follow SOME of the Bible?
How will YOU sacrifice your kids?
20 Questions To See If Your Son Is A Fag
God: Dress Like A Whore...Get Raped!
Bible: If You Love Your Wife, Beat Her!
Logic and Bible Agree: Gay is a choice!
Nursery Rhymes Teach kids that Christ is Lord!
There is no such thing as an "agnostic!"
Science: People are Only Islamic Because They are Depressed!

Reading only the parts of the Bible your pastor tells you to (those that make you feel warm and fuzzy) is nothing but mental and spiritual masturbation. Read the WHOLE Bible to find out what Christianity is REALLY all about! Only then can you talk to us about why we try so hard to save people from Hell.
Reply With Quote
(#3)
Old
Billy Bob Jenkins's Avatar
Billy Bob Jenkins Billy Bob Jenkins is offline
Family Man of the Year 2010-2013
About as Straight and Manly as you can get
Hates anal sex. And trees.
True Christian™

True Christian™ Protected by JESUS True Christian Caucasian Christian Love Ready for the Rapture Ex-Masturbator Parking Lot Tither True Christian Provider™ award Punched the most queers Real American™ The Lord’s Witness Wound Heaven Bound Home Schooled True Christian Hotrodder Teabag Patriot The Hatchet Child Rearing Award One Year/1000 posts Friend of Jesus Flat Earth Tell her once Persecuted Porn Resistant Pro-Life True Republican Ex-treehugger Sons of Liberty Batman Shooting Survivor Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! Proud Niglet Sponsorer Kirk Cameron Fan Club Prayer Warrior Mission to Korea Saved 10 Years

 
Posts: 8,323
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Protecting my children from homosexuals
Billy Bob Jenkins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Billy Bob Jenkins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Billy Bob Jenkins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Billy Bob Jenkins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Billy Bob Jenkins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Billy Bob Jenkins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Billy Bob Jenkins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Billy Bob Jenkins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Billy Bob Jenkins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Billy Bob Jenkins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Billy Bob Jenkins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Burn All Mark Twain Books - 01-01-2011, 03:48 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by TC Patriot View Post
Mark Twain hated Jesus. The following Satanic diatribe proves that. Here is what the Jesus hater wrote.

Mark Twain's Diatribe
“...a God who could make good children as easily as bad, yet preferred to make bad ones; who could have made every one of them happy, yet never made a single happy one; who made them prize their bitter life, yet stingily cut it short; who gave his angels eternal happiness unearned, yet required his other children to earn it; who gave his angels painless lives, yet cursed his other children with biting miseries and maladies of mind and body; who mouths justice, and invented hell--mouths mercy, and invented hell--mouths Golden Rules and forgiveness multiplied by seventy times seven, and invented hell; who mouths morals to other people, and has none himself; who frowns upon crimes, yet commits them all; who created man without invitation, then tries to shuffle the responsibility for man's acts upon man, instead of honourably placing it where it belongs, upon himself; and finally, with altogether divine obtuseness, invites his poor abused slave to worship him!”
Mark Twain


I am too outraged for comment other than to say that we need to have a law passed that will BURN all of his books. I urge all True Christians to call their congressmen and ask them to pass a law banning and burning all the writing of atheist Samuel Clemons aka Mark Twain.
Mark Twain chose his penname because it rhymes with "Mark of Cain". He is not only an atheist, a mongoloid, and a sodomite, but he is also a Satanist.


The Only Real Climate Change Will be Hell!
Reply With Quote
(#4)
Old
ChristComeInside's Avatar
ChristComeInside ChristComeInside is offline
Forum Member
Forum Member
 
Posts: 15
Join Date: Jan 2011
ChristComeInside is under investigation -- suspected to be Unsaved Trash.ChristComeInside is under investigation -- suspected to be Unsaved Trash.
Angry Re: Burn All Mark Twain Books - 01-01-2011, 04:06 PM

I always knew this guy was noting but trouble
If you really want to get your blood boiling, read this http://twainproject.blogspot.com/201...1_archive.html
The commies in the soviet union LOVED this perverts work.
Reply With Quote
(#5)
Old
Rev. Jim Osborne's Avatar
Rev. Jim Osborne Rev. Jim Osborne is offline
True Christian™ Televangelist
Director of Fundraising and Tithing
On the Look Out for Wife #6!
True Christian™

1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College 3rd Year Bible College 4th Year Bible College True Christian™ Public Awareness Medal Christian Love Tithing Manager Real American™ Ex-Mary Worshipper The Al E. Pistle Award for Excellence in Rebuking The Lord’s Witness Wound Heaven Bound Tagging for Jesus Protected by JESUS Pastor of GOD Ex-Masturbator TC Bravery Jailed for JESUS Super Soaker Baptism Award Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian Senior Pastor Mission to Australia Teabag Patriot Saved 1 Year One Year/1000 posts True Scientist™ Friend of Jesus Flat Earth Tell her once Persecuted Porn Resistant Pro-Life Mission to Japan Iceland Mission to Las Vegas Eats the Most Pork 2011 Witch Hunt Award Outreach preacher True Republican Batman Shooting Survivor Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! Proud Niglet Sponsorer Truck Stop Ministry Member Hatchet Child Rearing Award Kirk Cameron Fan Club Prayer Warrior

 
Posts: 8,727
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Apostles Grove, Freehold, Iowa
Rev. Jim Osborne will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. Jim Osborne will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. Jim Osborne will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. Jim Osborne will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. Jim Osborne will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. Jim Osborne will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. Jim Osborne will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. Jim Osborne will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. Jim Osborne will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. Jim Osborne will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. Jim Osborne will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Burn All Mark Twain Books - 01-01-2011, 04:06 PM

I've never read any of Mark Twain's work, but I was taught that it was evil, subversive, and dangerous. So this is why True Christians™ need to band together and stamp out this moral menace once and for all.



Watch the #1 Televangelist Gospel Hour in the World! "Turn or Burn: Accept Christ or Go to Hell with Rev. Jim Osborne." Check your local cable listings.

Reply With Quote
(#6)
Old
Oakland "Reb" Griner Oakland "Reb" Griner is offline
True Christian™
True Christian™

True Christian™ True Heterosexual™ Bronze Tither Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS Super Soaker Baptism Award True Christian Caucasian Real American™ One Year/1000 posts Ex-Masturbator Friend of Jesus Tell her once

 
Posts: 2,216
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: West of Eden
Oakland "Reb" Griner is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.Oakland "Reb" Griner is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.Oakland "Reb" Griner is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.Oakland "Reb" Griner is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.Oakland "Reb" Griner is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.Oakland "Reb" Griner is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.Oakland "Reb" Griner is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.Oakland "Reb" Griner is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.Oakland "Reb" Griner is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.Oakland "Reb" Griner is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.Oakland "Reb" Griner is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.
Default Re: Burn All Mark Twain Books - 01-01-2011, 05:57 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Billy Bob Jenkins View Post
Mark Twain chose his penname because it rhymes with "Mark of Cain". He is not only an atheist, a mongoloid, and a sodomite, but he is also a Satanist.

Well, there you have it; a sodomite!

I should have known, all these leftie liberal Christ Haters take Stan's sacrament in their backsides!


Jud 1:15 To execute judgment upon all, and to convince all that are unGodly among them of all their unGodly deeds which they have unGodly committed, and of all their hard [speeches] which unGodly sinners have spoken against him.
Reply With Quote
(#7)
Old
Ezekiel Bathfire's Avatar
Ezekiel Bathfire Ezekiel Bathfire is offline
Pastor for Diversity and Tolerance
Christ's Rottweiler
 

One Year/1000 posts Saved 1 Year 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College 3rd Year Bible College 4th Year Bible College True Christian™ The Al E. Pistle Award for Excellence in Rebuking Christian Love Real American™ Tithing Manager Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS True Scientist™ Pastor of GOD Ex-Masturbator Super Soaker Baptism Award Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian Senior Pastor Teabag Patriot TC Bravery Friend of Jesus Flat Earth Tell her once Persecuted Porn Resistant The Hatchet Child Rearing Award Ex-Brit Eats the Most Pork True Republican Ex-eurotrash Batman Shooting Survivor Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! Proud Niglet Sponsorer Kirk Cameron Fan Club Nuts for JESUS! Prayer Warrior Touched by Jesus Stamp of Approval Rick Perry's Niggerhead Ranch Mower Donald Trump 2016! Anti-sodomy Pastor Ezekiel Aardvark Bathfire Crown of Life Alternative Facts Probing for Jesus 20,000 posts Saved 10 Years Proud TP Rebuker for Christ Anti-Biden

 
Posts: 22,727
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Toiling selflessly towards Salvation
Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Burn All Mark Twain Books - 01-01-2011, 07:33 PM

I recall that a misguided uncle gave me a copy of Adventures of Huckleberry Finn for my birthday. My mother started reading it to me before bedtime. The reading became, for both of us, increasingly disturbing. If I recall, the eponymous hero, lives a villainous life until taken in hand by his father. Despite his father’s best efforts the sinner flees and teams up with a nigra! The nigra was apparently a poor widow’s property but now this criminal Finn decides he will give him away for free!

Next, giving way to his godless passions, Finn becomes a transvestite and walks like a brazen hussy into town.

It was at this point that I implored mama to cease reading and send a stern letter of rebuke to my uncle and ask for $100 damages for my loss of sleep and general worry that the world could be anything at all like this.

If any of you know the ending, I don’t want to know.





“We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

Author of such illuminating essays as,
Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.
Reply With Quote
(#8)
Old
Nobar King's Avatar
Nobar King Nobar King is offline
Municipal Code Archivist - Deuteronomy 28:58
Christ's Guardian
True Christian™

One Year/1000 posts Saved 1 Year True Christian™ True Christian Provider™ award Ribfest '07 Christian Love Tin Tither Real American™ Cleanest Kitchen Mission to Australia Heaven Bound Tagging for Jesus Protected by JESUS Ex-Masturbator Super Soaker Baptism Award True Christian Hotrodder Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian True Christian Nerd TC Bravery Ex-liberal Ex-Christ-Killer Friend of Jesus Flat Earth Saved 5 Years Tell her once Persecuted Porn Resistant Pro-Life 20,000 posts Eats the Most Pork True Republican Divorcee Batman Shooting Survivor Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Early riser Guns, Guts and GLORY! Proud Niglet Sponsorer Kirk Cameron Fan Club Prayer Warrior Touched by Jesus Grammar Nazi Pancake Dinner Anti-sodomy Hands Off Pastor Ezekiel Cup of Jesus Trump of GOD Donald Trump 2016! Proud Survivor of the Overwatch Wars Wall of Jesus Alternative Facts Saved 10 Years

 
Posts: 23,743
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Mostly on the front porch.
Nobar King will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Nobar King will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Nobar King will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Nobar King will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Nobar King will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Nobar King will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Nobar King will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Nobar King will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Nobar King will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Nobar King will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Nobar King will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Burn All Mark Twain Books - 01-01-2011, 08:43 PM

I haven't been able to find the MT autobiography at the public library, yet, but when I do, I'm going to burn it.


May you be a blessing to every life you touch.
Reply With Quote
(#9)
Old
Johny Joe Hold's Avatar
Johny Joe Hold Johny Joe Hold is online now
Mayor of Freehold
 

Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS Ex-Masturbator Ready for the Rapture True Christian™ Christian Love Real American™ True Christian Caucasian TC Bravery Friend of Jesus Flat Earth Tell her once One Year/1000 posts Persecuted Porn Resistant Pro-Life Mayor True Republican Teabag Patriot Ex-liberal Saved 1 Year Batman Shooting Survivor Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! Eats the Most Pork Prayer Warrior Touched by Jesus Mission to Korea Stamp of Approval Guns ablazin' Trump of GOD Donald Trump 2016! Pancake Dinner Anti-sodomy Pastor Ezekiel BFF of Jesus Wall of Jesus Alternative Facts Saved 5 Years Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Team Fortress Rebuker Extraordinaire Sons of Liberty Saved 10 Years Proud TP Rebuker for Christ Polling for Christ Anti-Biden Midget porn survivor

 
Posts: 12,123
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: City Hall, Freehold, Iowa
Johny Joe Hold will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Johny Joe Hold will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Johny Joe Hold will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Johny Joe Hold will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Johny Joe Hold will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Johny Joe Hold will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Johny Joe Hold will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Johny Joe Hold will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Johny Joe Hold will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Johny Joe Hold will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Johny Joe Hold will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Burn All Mark Twain Books - 01-01-2011, 08:49 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ezekiel Bathfire View Post
I recall that a misguided uncle gave me a copy of Adventures of Huckleberry Finn for my birthday. My mother started reading it to me before bedtime. The reading became, for both of us, increasingly disturbing. If I recall, the eponymous hero, lives a villainous life until taken in hand by his father. Despite his father’s best efforts the sinner flees and teams up with a nigra! The nigra was apparently a poor widow’s property but now this criminal Finn decides he will give him away for free!

Next, giving way to his godless passions, Finn becomes a transvestite and walks like a brazen hussy into town.

It was at this point that I implored mama to cease reading and send a stern letter of rebuke to my uncle and ask for $100 damages for my loss of sleep and general worry that the world could be anything at all like this.

If any of you know the ending, I don’t want to know.
Really, this story was the beginning of the undoing of America. Treating someone of the inferior race as an equal, dressing like a homer and all the rest set in motion all the problems we see today.


Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Tags
atheist samuel clemons, mark twain, samuel clemons

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Find Additional Forums Here



Powered by Jesus - vBulletin® Version 3.8.9
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
vBulletin Skin developed by: vBStyles.com
Content Landover Baptist Forums © 1620, 2022 all rights reserved