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Reload this Page Happy Birthday, Zechariah Smyth!
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Cake Happy Birthday, Zechariah Smyth! - 09-11-2015, 02:03 PM
I know you had your heart set on a 50 caliber gun, but I got you the 49 caliber instead, because it was the biggest they could legally sell me here in California.

I pray that being able to come and hunt prairie dogs with me in the Golden State with almost a 50 caliber will offset your disappointment about it not being a full 50 cal.

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Cake HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Brother Zechariah Smyth! - 09-11-2015, 02:19 PM






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Love Jesus Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Brother Zechariah Smyth! - 09-11-2015, 02:31 PM
Happy Birthday, Young Man!

May you never have the time to grow old before meeting Jesus in the clouds and submitting to Him for all Eternity!





Romans 15:29
And I am sure that, when I come unto you, I shall come in the fulness of the blessing of the gospel of Christ.


Yours in Christ,

Elmer

2 Kings 18:25 - Am I now come up without the LORD against this place to destroy it? The LORD said to me, Go up against this land, and destroy it.



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Check out our Research in Creation Science:
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Default Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Brother Zechariah Smyth! - 09-11-2015, 04:20 PM
I missed you at the Landover 'Reach Out and Touch Jesus' luncheon and golf outing last week. Nothing in the world like seeing you placing your balls in the cup.
I had a case of Carruades de Lafitein in my Porsche, hoping to give it to you at the event but I had to get rid of it before it spoiled. Ring me up next time you are in town. Assuming of course, God did not pass off to you a Golden ticket to Heaven

Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
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Default Re: Happy Birthday, Zechariah Smyth! - 09-11-2015, 08:09 PM
Have a most blessed birthday!

Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

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Default Re: Happy Birthday, Zechariah Smyth! - 09-11-2015, 08:29 PM
Happy Birthday, Brother. This evening, my older boys are all offering up a special prayer for "Uncle Zech". They have never forgotten your kind attention to them.

Vaccinated by the love of Jesus!!!
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Cake Re: Happy Birthday, Zechariah Smyth! - 09-12-2015, 04:02 AM
Have a Blessed birthday, Brother Zechariah!


God created fossils to test our faith.

* * *

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True Christians are Perfect!
True Christian™ Love.
Salvation™ made Easy!
You can’t be a Christian if you don’t believe the Old Testament.
Jesus is impolite. Deal with it.
Jesus is xenophobic and so should we.
 Sanctity of Life is NOT a Biblical Concept.
Biblical view on modern-day slavery.
The Immorality of the "Universal Declaration of Human Rights."
Geneva Conventions vs. The Holy Bible.
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Default Re: Happy Birthday, Zechariah Smyth! - 11-04-2015, 09:33 AM
Friends, I want to address a rumor that has been going around. Apparently somebody from the Landover Sewing Circle told the other ladies she'd seen me drinking at the Holy Load Saloon, and she further claimed I had drunkenly criticized brother Zech for returning from his long absence, yet not posting in this happy birthday thread.

I would NEVER do something like that!

You know how some women do love to talk.

Not to tell tales out of school, but I think she might take a bit too much of an interest in me, if you know what I mean.

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Default Re: Happy Birthday, Zechariah Smyth! - 11-04-2015, 09:51 AM
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Originally Posted by Faith_Machine View Post
Not to tell tales out of school, but I think she might take a bit too much of an interest in me, if you know what I mean.
Thats an interesting story. Praise Jesus I have my Anti-M Badge.

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Default Re: Happy Birthday, Zechariah Smyth! - 11-04-2015, 03:05 PM
Greetings Mr. Smyth! We have not yet met but I am wanting to wish you a very happy birthday. I am here in your country to train as a television personality at the University of Wisconsin. In time I will be the Brian Williams of Africa.

Sing unto God, sing praises to his name: Extol him that rideth upon the heavens By his name JAH, and rejoice before him.-Psalms 68:4
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Default Re: Happy Birthday, Zechariah Smyth! - 11-04-2015, 08:02 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by I Man Rastafari View Post
Greetings Mr. Smyth! We have not yet met but I am wanting to wish you a very happy birthday. I am here in your country to train as a television personality at the University of Wisconsin. In time I will be the Brian Williams of Africa.

If you want to give Zechariah a birthday present he will always cherish, how about you give your life to Jesus?

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Default Re: Happy Birthday, Zechariah Smyth! - 11-04-2015, 10:02 PM
Is it me or do we keep celebrating this man's birthday?

I most certainly will not be buying him a present.

Freedom means voting for Donald Trump!
To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."
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Zechariah Smyth Zechariah Smyth is offline
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Default Re: Happy Birthday, Zechariah Smyth! - 11-05-2015, 05:32 AM
Hello Landoverites!

Sorry for the delay in replying, my carpentry/woodworking business has been booming lately. One of the reasons is I'm now making full-sized "weathered" wooden statues of Mary, and these crazy catlick cubans down here are going crazy for them!

Oh, and they'll ask, is this made of genuine cedar? You bet. Is this made of real cypress? Yup. Is this made of period-correct dogwood? Nothing but.

THEY'RE ALL MADE FROM BANYAN SCRAPS!!!



Good grief, mackeral-snappers are delusional.

Yours in Christ (NOT MARY),

Zech

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Default Re: Happy Birthday, Zechariah Smyth! - 11-05-2015, 05:39 AM
Zech, now that you're flush with cash, and given that my birthday is coming up, and in light of the exquisite 49 caliber rifle I gave you for your birthday, I am worried you might feel obligated to splurge on my present.

Please don't do anything silly like send me a box of Cohiba Behikes!




Even though I would slowly savor every single one, the last thing I would want you to do is spend your hard-earned money on such an extravagance for a man as humble as myself!

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Pumpkin pie Re: Happy Birthday, Zechariah Smyth! - 11-05-2015, 07:42 AM
Brother Zech, the boys of the No-Homo™ Youth Choir and the Killing For Christ band have prepared a private concert for you. The session will last at least one hour and is guaranteed to blow your mind! Then, afterwards, they will play a wonderful song for you! PRAISE JESUS!

Please send 23 First Class airline tickets to the Youth Ministry Office of Tithing. Also, can we stay at your place in Florida?

SURPRISE! Happy Birthday! Praise GOD!

Slathered in the Fresh Hot Blood of the Infant Christ,
-Youth Minister Harry Lester
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Cake Re: Happy Birthday, Zechariah Smyth! - 11-05-2015, 09:32 AM
My Dear Brother Zech,
I wanted this to be a surprise, but I just can't help myself. I sent you a surprise box of God's living, slithering tests! I made sure to include a whole bunch because I could only afford the slowest shipping and I want some of them to survive the trip. Those little buggers are going to be agitated and hungry when they get there, making for wonderful excitement when the box is opened. I recommend gathering the neighborhood kids before opening your gift! PRAISE CHRIST!

Your Faithful Usher in Christ Jesus,
Herman T. Periwinkle

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