Auntie Flo's Prayer Shack for Women For the women of Landover to discuss recipes, shoes, makeup tips, or whatever it is you natter about. Ensure you have the proper permission from your husband or father before posting. |
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Unsaved trash, probably hopeless sinner
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Posts: 256
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Tulsa, OL
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My Irish tart recipe - It's bloody good! -
09-28-2017, 08:13 PM
Hello darlings ,
Though evident in the past while since I joined, we have our obvious differences, if there is one thing that's universal, we all cannot resist home baking, especially homemade, Gale-certified strawberry tart!
Let me share my secret
Gale Wendy-Force Hoaring's Delicious Homemade Irish Strawberry Tart
1 and a quarter cup of AP flour - the first and foremost base to deflower this tart!
4 tbs. of sweet, sweet sugar
1/2 tsp of straight up saltiness
6 sticks of warm, but firm butter
2 tb. of lard, usually Baptist ladies have some to spare
a dash of cinnamon and all-spic
2 pints of strawberries hulled and heaved
1/3 petroleum jelly to give it a little kick
For the sweet cream
5 large egg yolks, unfertilized
2/4 cups of more sugar, baby!
1 1/2 cup of hot milk
A bit of starch and slash of Cognac, rum, and vodka in that order
Squirt in a tablespoon of Irish cream and freshly churned butter
1. Get the oven nice and hot, 375 F should do. Get your free 4 inch springform tart pan and combine the flour, salt and sugar....and mix and mix and get it all nice and mingled.
2. Check for a pulse because we are going to pulsate that butter and shortening. And churn, and churn and add lots of water....lots of iced water. You want to hear about dark things at nice, you don't do it over a Bloody Caesar at brunch. Good? Now set it aside to chill out after all that pulsing.
3. Now roll out the dough and don't over stretch it! It should be nice and stiff after being in the fridge. Bake for 20 minutes until its browner than the Mexican pool boy.
4. Now, for the creamy finish. Get the sugar to sweeten up those eggs and beat it! Get it nice and thick and starch it up. Mix it nice and low and pour in your hot milk. It might look curdled but this is okay! It's normal. Just beat it with vigor, shake it all up. It will make a nice pudding. To loosen it up, slosh in all that booze. Get the pool boy to squeeze the custard out and pour into your tart crust.
5. Glaze it with your spicy jelly, and serve at your next bake sale!
Good eh? Try it now. It's bloody good tart!
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An old soul
True Christian™
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Posts: 5,207
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: USA-UK-France (traveling)
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Re: My Irish tart recipe - It's bloody good! -
09-28-2017, 09:13 PM
It sounds strange... but what man can resist some strange when it's served up on a silver platter. I'll taste your nasty pie, just don't tell anyone
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South of the Border outreach program True Christian™
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Posts: 13,142
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Godly Midwest
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Re: My Irish tart recipe - It's bloody good! -
09-28-2017, 09:42 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by GaleWhoring
Hello darlings ,
Though evident in the past while since I joined, we have our obvious differences, if there is one thing that's universal, we all cannot resist home baking, especially homemade, Gale-certified strawberry tart!
Let me share my secret
Gale Wendy-Force Hoaring's Delicious Homemade Irish Strawberry Tart
1 and a quarter cup of AP flour - the first and foremost base to deflower this tart!
4 tbs. of sweet, sweet sugar
1/2 tsp of straight up saltiness
6 sticks of warm, but firm butter
2 tb. of lard, usually Baptist ladies have some to spare
a dash of cinnamon and all-spic
2 pints of strawberries hulled and heaved
1/3 petroleum jelly to give it a little kick
For the sweet cream
5 large egg yolks, unfertilized
2/4 cups of more sugar, baby!
1 1/2 cup of hot milk
A bit of starch and slash of Cognac, rum, and vodka in that order
Squirt in a tablespoon of Irish cream and freshly churned butter
1. Get the oven nice and hot, 375 F should do. Get your free 4 inch springform tart pan and combine the flour, salt and sugar....and mix and mix and get it all nice and mingled.
2. Check for a pulse because we are going to pulsate that butter and shortening. And churn, and churn and add lots of water....lots of iced water. You want to hear about dark things at nice, you don't do it over a Bloody Caesar at brunch. Good? Now set it aside to chill out after all that pulsing.
3. Now roll out the dough and don't over stretch it! It should be nice and stiff after being in the fridge. Bake for 20 minutes until its browner than the Mexican pool boy.
4. Now, for the creamy finish. Get the sugar to sweeten up those eggs and beat it! Get it nice and thick and starch it up. Mix it nice and low and pour in your hot milk. It might look curdled but this is okay! It's normal. Just beat it with vigor, shake it all up. It will make a nice pudding. To loosen it up, slosh in all that booze. Get the pool boy to squeeze the custard out and pour into your tart crust.
5. Glaze it with your spicy jelly, and serve at your next bake sale!
Good eh? Try it now. It's bloody good tart!
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I'm confused. The list of ingredients has things not listed on the directions. So what do we do with lard, cinnamon, and strawberries?
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Unsaved trash, probably hopeless sinner
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Posts: 256
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Tulsa, OL
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Re: My Irish tart recipe - It's bloody good! -
09-28-2017, 10:43 PM
Oh my apologies, I wrote this off in a rush. I thought they'd be self-evident, but since not:
Lard - chill till nice and firm and beat in slowly with your floury millieu. That's what gives it the pastry texture.
cinnamon, I like to dash in at the same time you splash in the rum.
all-spice I like to crush myself with a mortar and pestle, and mix in with the petroleum to make spice-jelly. If you really want to go big, add some gelignite which works like agar.
The strawberries can be crushed with your feet which is the old Irish method. Take off your shoes first because you won't want the abscess of the outdoors in your tart.
Best
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South of the Border outreach program True Christian™
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Posts: 13,142
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Godly Midwest
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Re: My Irish tart recipe - It's bloody good! -
09-29-2017, 12:12 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by GaleWhoring
The strawberries can be crushed with your feet which is the old Irish method.
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Eww! I will never have any food of your making!
That sounds more disgusting that Peruvian corn beer brewed using corn pre-chewed by old ladies!
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Unsaved trash, probably hopeless sinner
Foul Sinner on Moderation
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Posts: 256
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Tulsa, OL
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Re: My Irish tart recipe - It's bloody good! -
09-29-2017, 12:55 AM
Oh oh hush, you could handle it. The mixture of foot fungus enhances the fermentation process resulting in a poignant marriage with the alcohol when added. The final results are intoxicating. 😵 You must admit, the best tasting things have the most unusual preparation methods.
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Completely CRAZY for the Lord
True Christian™
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Posts: 14,663
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Leviticus Landing
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Re: My Irish tart recipe - It's bloody good! -
09-29-2017, 03:58 AM
Does she mean it's made with fermented strawberries?
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Unsaved trash, probably hopeless sinner
Foul Sinner on Moderation
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Posts: 256
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Tulsa, OL
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Re: My Irish tart recipe - It's bloody good! -
09-29-2017, 11:21 AM
Yes! To strengthen the boozy kick
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Pastor for Diversity and Tolerance Christ's Rottweiler
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Posts: 22,727
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Toiling selflessly towards Salvation
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Re: My Irish tart recipe - It's bloody good! -
09-29-2017, 01:40 PM
Irish tart is an anagram of arthritis...
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Unsaved trash, probably hopeless sinner
Foul Sinner on Moderation
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Posts: 256
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Tulsa, OL
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Re: My Irish tart recipe - It's bloody good! -
09-29-2017, 04:04 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ezekiel Bathfire
Irish tart is an anagram of arthritis...
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I have a touch of that in the hips.
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Completely CRAZY for the Lord
True Christian™
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Posts: 14,663
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Leviticus Landing
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Re: My Irish tart recipe - It's bloody good! -
09-29-2017, 05:00 PM
no wonder you need anćsthetising
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Forum Member
Forum Member
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Posts: 43
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Longmont, CO, U.S.A. and I am PUERTO RICAN
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Re: My Irish tart recipe - It's bloody good! -
09-29-2017, 11:54 PM
This sounds Delicious! I'll try the recipe!
God Bless you and have a wonderful day!
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Municipal Code Archivist - Deuteronomy 28:58 Christ's Guardian
True Christian™
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Posts: 23,743
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Mostly on the front porch.
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Re: My Irish tart recipe - It's bloody good! -
09-30-2017, 12:51 AM
I'd like to point out that this thread is not posted to the right forum. Should be in Auntie Flo's Prayer Shack for Women.
That's so I don't have to see stuff like this.
May you be a blessing to every life you touch.
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South of the Border outreach program True Christian™
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Posts: 13,142
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Godly Midwest
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Re: My Irish tart recipe - It's bloody good! -
09-30-2017, 01:17 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nobar King
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Good idea indeed.
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True Christian™
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Posts: 9,361
Join Date: Jan 2007
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Re: My Irish tart recipe - It's bloody good! -
09-30-2017, 03:28 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ezekiel Bathfire
Irish tart is an anagram of arthritis...
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I had a hard time deciphering all the argot myself. The clue was the Bloody Caesar - only Canadians (frostbacks) down that swill.
Hell's foundations quiver at the shout of praise;
brothers, lift your voices, loud your anthems raise.
...and get off my lawn
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Unsaved trash, probably hopeless sinner
Foul Sinner on Moderation
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Posts: 256
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Tulsa, OL
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Re: My Irish tart recipe - It's bloody good! -
09-30-2017, 02:58 PM
I did live in Canada for a period, and drank that stuff religiously. Canada is very Irish-centric.
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An old soul
True Christian™
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Posts: 5,207
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: USA-UK-France (traveling)
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Re: My Irish tart recipe - It's bloody good! -
10-05-2017, 09:45 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by GaleWhoring
I did live in Canada for a period, and drank that stuff religiously. Canada is very Irish-centric.
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It would not surprise me in the least if you spread your Irish tart all around Canada and probably got into some weird Canadian meat pies as well.
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Unsaved trash, probably hopeless sinner
Foul Sinner on Moderation
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Posts: 256
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Tulsa, OL
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Re: My Irish tart recipe - It's bloody good! -
10-06-2017, 03:32 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr. Anthony J. Toole
It would not surprise me in the least if you spread your Irish tart all around Canada and probably got into some weird Canadian meat pies as well.
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Mmm, seal. God, I'm hungry. I want some meat!
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Municipal Code Archivist - Deuteronomy 28:58 Christ's Guardian
True Christian™
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Posts: 23,743
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Mostly on the front porch.
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Re: My Irish tart recipe - It's bloody good! -
10-06-2017, 09:17 AM
I hope you're having fun bragging about your menstrual cycle.
That's never happened here, before.
May you be a blessing to every life you touch.
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Unsaved trash, probably hopeless sinner
Foul Sinner on Moderation
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Posts: 256
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Tulsa, OL
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Re: My Irish tart recipe - It's bloody good! -
10-06-2017, 05:50 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nobar King
I hope you're having fun bragging about your menstrual cycle.
That's never happened here, before.
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You're making me hungry for dessert, Nobar!
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