Auntie Flo's Prayer Shack for Women For the women of Landover to discuss recipes, shoes, makeup tips, or whatever it is you natter about. Ensure you have the proper permission from your husband or father before posting. |
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Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
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Posts: 49
Join Date: Feb 2015
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Re: Starting THE RULES book club -
02-08-2015, 05:08 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mary Etheldreda
Granny, what are some of these rules? When I was a young lady just a few short years ago, I considered two rules to guide me: fear and obey my LORD, fear and obey my LORD by fearing and obeying my father. I knew that would be sufficient practice to being a help meet to a good man, and it was. Mr. Etheldreda has provided for me and our family for many years. I certainly didn't do any of these "modern" things like call boys on the phone, talk about my interests, or wear clothing that revealed my collar bone like they all do today. Today it's like everyone wants to be a Katy Perry and grind on table tops and dye their hair all kinds of ridiculous colors and pop pills at parties and take pictures of themselves naked and cut their arms and legs for attention.
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Hello Mary, its nice to know you have found a nice good Christian husband. You say you avoided certain practices is this what stopped you getting unwanted attention from men? It would be very useful for you to elaborate how you have avoided sinners lustful advances for many years
Matthew 5:28 -But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.
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Gushing for Jesus
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Posts: 23,743
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: Starting THE RULES book club -
02-09-2015, 02:47 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by repentingwoman
Hello Mary, its nice to know you have found a nice good Christian husband. You say you avoided certain practices is this what stopped you getting unwanted attention from men? It would be very useful for you to elaborate how you have avoided sinners lustful advances for many years
Matthew 5:28 -But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.
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As it just so happened, I wasn't Saved until after I was married. When we married, my husband and I were servants of the Dark One (2 Corinthians 4:4). My husband did not join me in the Body of Christ right away, so for some time he continued to expect such awful things as sleeping in on Sunday, raising the girls to go to college, an my input with regard to family decisions. It was a trial and a persecution to be sure, but I must say, when Jesus saw me, and pitied me, and temporarily died for me up there on the Cross, He knew that my heart would one day be His. And so my Father called me, and so I was Saved (2nd Thessalonians 2:13).
My husband was eventually won over by my beauty. Of course most people think that means my physical beauty, but while natural an assumption as that might be, he saw also the beauty that was the Holy Spirit shining through. He saw that it was no longer I he was married to, but a living, breathing, woman-sized Tupperware Of Flesh in which the Spirit of Jesus lives (1 Corinthians 3:16). He realized he was married to Jesus, but with my face smiling at him. And he couldn't resist the love. It wasn't my beauty that wooed him, nor my jewels or fashionable style, nor my lovely hair. It was the love of Jesus he saw (1 Peter 3:1-6). He joins me in being a Bride of Christ, and I've never been happier in my three-way marriage.
Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.
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Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
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Posts: 49
Join Date: Feb 2015
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Re: Starting THE RULES book club -
02-09-2015, 03:10 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mary Etheldreda
As it just so happened, I wasn't Saved until after I was married. When we married, my husband and I were servants of the Dark One (2 Corinthians 4:4). My husband did not join me in the Body of Christ right away, so for some time he continued to expect such awful things as sleeping in on Sunday, raising the girls to go to college, an my input with regard to family decisions. It was a trial and a persecution to be sure, but I must say, when Jesus saw me, and pitied me, and temporarily died for me up there on the Cross, He knew that my heart would one day be His. And so my Father called me, and so I was Saved (2nd Thessalonians 2:13).
My husband was eventually won over by my beauty. Of course most people think that means my physical beauty, but while natural an assumption as that might be, he saw also the beauty that was the Holy Spirit shining through. He saw that it was no longer I he was married to, but a living, breathing, woman-sized Tupperware Of Flesh in which the Spirit of Jesus lives (1 Corinthians 3:16). He realized he was married to Jesus, but with my face smiling at him. And he couldn't resist the love. It wasn't my beauty that wooed him, nor my jewels or fashionable style, nor my lovely hair. It was the love of Jesus he saw (1 Peter 3:1-6). He joins me in being a Bride of Christ, and I've never been happier in my three-way marriage.
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Thank you Mary what a wonderful story and it is loving you can share your marriage with Christ, you are an inspiration to me.
Mary I would like your advice please, I don't mean to cause you embarrassment or offence but I have been cursed with quite large breasts. They are not terribly big but a bit above average.
Should I get a breast reduction, is it sinful to have a heaving chest do you think? will it provoke unwanted attention?
Hebrews 13:4 - Marriage [is] honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 2,290
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: In Jesus' lap
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Re: Starting THE RULES book club -
02-09-2015, 03:25 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by repentingwoman
but I have been cursed with quite large breasts. They are not terribly big but a bit above average.
Should I get a breast reduction, is it sinful to have a heaving chest do you think? will it provoke unwanted attention?
Hebrews 13:4 - Marriage [is] honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.
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Bind them.
You will need them one day to feed your baby sons, so don't cut them off.
Song of Solomon 8:10 I am a wall, and my breasts like towers: Then was I in his eyes as one that found favour.
Isaiah 66:11 That ye may suck, and be satisfied with the breasts of her consolations; that ye may milk out, and be delighted with the abundance of her glory
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Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
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Posts: 49
Join Date: Feb 2015
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Re: Starting THE RULES book club -
02-09-2015, 03:38 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jim Farmer
Bind them.
You will need them one day to feed your baby sons, so don't cut them off.
Song of Solomon 8:10 I am a wall, and my breasts like towers: Then was I in his eyes as one that found favour.
Isaiah 66:11 That ye may suck, and be satisfied with the breasts of her consolations; that ye may milk out, and be delighted with the abundance of her glory
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Will that effect the appearance of my breasts? or will it just bind them under clothing.
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Forum Member
Forum Member
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Posts: 1,330
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: In the kitchen
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Re: Starting THE RULES book club -
02-09-2015, 06:53 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by repentingwoman
Will that effect the appearance of my breasts? or will it just bind them under clothing.
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Don't be vain dear. Your beauty is of no great importance, after all, we are simply here as mere servants, mere "tupperware" as Mrs. Etheldreda so eloquently put it, of our Lord. God doesn't like vanity. "Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised." Proverbs 31:30
"Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands." Proverbs 14:1
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Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
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Posts: 49
Join Date: Feb 2015
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Re: Starting THE RULES book club -
02-09-2015, 12:42 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson
Don't be vain dear. Your beauty is of no great importance, after all, we are simply here as mere servants, mere "tupperware" as Mrs. Etheldreda so eloquently put it, of our Lord. God doesn't like vanity. "Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised." Proverbs 31:30
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Yes I know my vanity it is a sin I need to be forced out of me also
Ecclesiastes 1:2 - Vanity of vanities, saith the Preacher, vanity of vanities; all [is] vanity
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Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
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Posts: 49
Join Date: Feb 2015
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Re: Starting THE RULES book club -
02-09-2015, 02:03 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mary Etheldreda
As it just so happened, I wasn't Saved until after I was married. When we married, my husband and I were servants of the Dark One (2 Corinthians 4:4). My husband did not join me in the Body of Christ right away, so for some time he continued to expect such awful things as sleeping in on Sunday, raising the girls to go to college, an my input with regard to family decisions. It was a trial and a persecution to be sure, but I must say, when Jesus saw me, and pitied me, and temporarily died for me up there on the Cross, He knew that my heart would one day be His. And so my Father called me, and so I was Saved (2nd Thessalonians 2:13).
My husband was eventually won over by my beauty. Of course most people think that means my physical beauty, but while natural an assumption as that might be, he saw also the beauty that was the Holy Spirit shining through. He saw that it was no longer I he was married to, but a living, breathing, woman-sized Tupperware Of Flesh in which the Spirit of Jesus lives (1 Corinthians 3:16). He realized he was married to Jesus, but with my face smiling at him. And he couldn't resist the love. It wasn't my beauty that wooed him, nor my jewels or fashionable style, nor my lovely hair. It was the love of Jesus he saw (1 Peter 3:1-6). He joins me in being a Bride of Christ, and I've never been happier in my three-way marriage.
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Mary I'm disappointed that infraction was uncalled for. You think I expressed homer interest in you, but Mary you are mistakne for I may be a harlot, but as a harlot I am also prone to lustrous thoughts towards people with PHYSICAL attractiveness on the outside, unfortunately you do not fit this category. So if I was to go lesbian with someone I would not choose you.
Sorry to let you down.
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Walking in all the commandments and ordinances of the Lord blameless.
True Christian™
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Posts: 15,223
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Thong-infested Florida©
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Re: Starting THE RULES book club -
02-09-2015, 02:08 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by repentingwoman
Mary I'm disappointed that infraction was uncalled for. You think I expressed homer interest in you, but Mary you are mistakne for I may be a harlot, but as a harlot I am also prone to lustrous thoughts towards people with PHYSICAL attractiveness on the outside, unfortunately you do not fit this category. So if I was to go lesbian with someone I would not choose you.
Sorry to let you down.
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Friend, as a True Christian™ Mrs. Etheldreda is faultless, so any Infractions given by her are by their very nature justified.
I do pray that you understand how this is Scripturally sound.
Yours in Christ,
Z. Smyth
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Forum Member
Forum Member
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Posts: 1,330
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: In the kitchen
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Re: Starting THE RULES book club -
02-10-2015, 02:03 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by whorishwoman
Mary I'm disappointed that infraction was uncalled for. You think I expressed homer interest in you, but Mary you are mistakne for I may be a harlot, but as a harlot I am also prone to lustrous thoughts towards people with PHYSICAL attractiveness on the outside, unfortunately you do not fit this category. So if I was to go lesbian with someone I would not choose you.
Sorry to let you down.
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Dear harlot:
Don't be rude to this great lady! She is a pillar of this community and she is lovely on the outside and the inside! She just radiates the Love of Our Lord! What innuendo is there? Also, don't wine about infractions! They are given rightfully and justfully. I've also lost points for forgetting my place, and when I did, all I did was apologize, work harder to being perfect and learn my place. Zip your mouth girl unless you have something to say praising Jesus! "I will bless the LORD at all times: his praise shall continually be in my mouth." Psalm 34:1
Elizabeth
"Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands." Proverbs 14:1
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Revelationary Equine Gnathologist for Christ
True Christian™
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Posts: 2,395
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Prodigal Son of Godless NYC.
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Re: Starting THE RULES book club -
02-14-2015, 09:28 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson
Dear harlot:
Don't be rude to this great lady! She is a pillar of this community and she is lovely on the outside and the inside! She just radiates the Love of Our Lord! What innuendo is there? Also, don't wine about infractions! They are given rightfully and justfully. I've also lost points for forgetting my place, and when I did, all I did was apologize, work harder to being perfect and learn my place. Zip your mouth girl unless you have something to say praising Jesus! "I will bless the LORD at all times: his praise shall continually be in my mouth." Psalm 34:1
Elizabeth
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Sister Elizabeth,
You have grown in the grace of our LORD and surely your husband must be proud. If you choose to leave Him, my offer still stands. I am a fine young man, full of God's truth and love. Happy Valentine's Day, beautiful lady!
IN HIM,
Brother Larry
Proverbs 21:31 KJV 1611:
“The horse is prepared against the day of battell: but safetie is of the Lord.”
Lord, may I serve my equine brothers and sisters just as I do my fellow man. Amen and Amen
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True Christian™ Lady Extraordinaire, an Honorary Male Biblicist
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Posts: 8,776
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Surrounded by heathens
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Re: Starting THE RULES book club -
02-14-2015, 09:36 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by BrotherLarry
Sister Elizabeth,
You have grown in the grace of our LORD and surely your husband must be proud. If you choose to leave Him, my offer still stands. I am a fine young man, full of God's truth and love. Happy Valentine's Day, beautiful lady!
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Brother Larry, I must intervene here and ask you to curb your urges. Mrs Johnson is a respectable married lady, she is with child, and your persistent advances can only distress her. Kindly behave yourself.
Also, please refrain from referring to "Valentine's Day" as though it were harmless. Brother Elmer's scholarly exposé here will show you why.
Thank you, dear.
All the best,
Joanna
Vaccinated by the love of Jesus!!!
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 991
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: 1380 Apostle's Park Ct, Freehold
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Re: Starting THE RULES book club -
02-15-2015, 10:35 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by BrotherLarry
Sister Elizabeth,
You have grown in the grace of our LORD and surely your husband must be proud. If you choose to leave Him, my offer still stands. I am a fine young man, full of God's truth and love. Happy Valentine's Day, beautiful lady!
IN HIM,
Brother Larry
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Darling, Handsome Young Man,
My dearest Elizabeth is certainly a prize, but unfortunately she has chosen another to be her lifelong husbandman. She will not be offended by your compliments, but you must be careful not to embarrass her nor anger her beloved Mervyn or whatever his name is.
As an unmarried woman, I know the pain you feel - I know you have been struggling through life without a helpmeet after successfully fighting the scourge of the catholic faith, realizing that there is only ONE true way to Heaven - the Man Christ Jesus, not His mother. Your counsel here has likely been noticed and will result in rewards if you follow Jesus, tithe until it hurts, and maintain a respectful attitude toward True Christians™. I will pray that a lovely, Christian woman takes interest in you very soon, my dear. (And before you ask, No)
Yours in Jesus' love and claiming His Victory,
NRL
1 Samuel 8:13 "And he will take your daughters to be confectionaries, and to be cookes, and to be bakers." Naomi Ruth Lamb, Proprietress:
Naomi's Moist Pie - Unsaved Unwelcome!
Locations in 50 States and Canada
!Voted Best Pie in Freehold!
Once you've tasted Naomi's pie, you'll crave it again and again and again and again.
Baptist pastors always receive a 50% discount.
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 991
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: 1380 Apostle's Park Ct, Freehold
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Re: Starting THE RULES book club -
02-15-2015, 10:37 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson
Dear harlot:
Don't be rude to this great lady! She is a pillar of this community and she is lovely on the outside and the inside! She just radiates the Love of Our Lord! What innuendo is there? Also, don't wine about infractions! They are given rightfully and justfully. I've also lost points for forgetting my place, and when I did, all I did was apologize, work harder to being perfect and learn my place. Zip your mouth girl unless you have something to say praising Jesus! "I will bless the LORD at all times: his praise shall continually be in my mouth." Psalm 34:1
Elizabeth
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My sweet daughter in Christ,
How the Holy Spirit speaketh through your writings! You are never out of my prayers and always in my thoughts. I swell with pride when I see the lovely wife and soon to be mother you've become. May Christ shower you with His love and blessings each day, my darling!
Yours in Him,
NRL
1 Samuel 8:13 "And he will take your daughters to be confectionaries, and to be cookes, and to be bakers." Naomi Ruth Lamb, Proprietress:
Naomi's Moist Pie - Unsaved Unwelcome!
Locations in 50 States and Canada
!Voted Best Pie in Freehold!
Once you've tasted Naomi's pie, you'll crave it again and again and again and again.
Baptist pastors always receive a 50% discount.
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Forum Member
Forum Member
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Posts: 1,330
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: In the kitchen
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Re: Starting THE RULES book club -
02-15-2015, 11:43 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by BrotherLarry
Sister Elizabeth,
You have grown in the grace of our LORD and surely your husband must be proud. If you choose to leave Him, my offer still stands. I am a fine young man, full of God's truth and love. Happy Valentine's Day, beautiful lady!
IN HIM,
Brother Larry
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Brother Larry,
As Mrs. Johnson, I must kindly, in a most-Christian manner, ask you to search for another helpmeet. As Sister Joanna and Naomi kindly pointed out, I'm happily married and with child; therefore, I am not eligible for marriage. Also, I would never leave my marriage (if that's what you mean by him, and even less, Him who is Above), so I'm sorry that is not an option. Also, Valentines Day is not a Christian holiday, and my husband, a pastor, refuses to let anyone celebrate it, with good reason. I'll pray that you find another lady to stalk consider.
Yours in Christ,
Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson
"Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands." Proverbs 14:1
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Forum Member
Forum Member
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Posts: 1,330
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: In the kitchen
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Re: Starting THE RULES book club -
02-15-2015, 11:47 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Naomi Ruth Lamb
My sweet daughter in Christ,
How the Holy Spirit speaketh through your writings! You are never out of my prayers and always in my thoughts. I swell with pride when I see the lovely wife and soon to be mother you've become. May Christ shower you with His love and blessings each day, my darling!
Yours in Him,
NRL
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Sister Naomi,
How lovely it is to hear from you; I hope and pray fervently that the Lord continues His Gracious Goodness to you and that He blesses you with a husband soon, so I can see you in heaven, after you bear a son to whoever may be blessed to have you as a helpmeet! Also, on a side note, may I confirm that the ladies I recommended to you for your California branch of your pie, are suitable and properly behaved. As members of my parish, my husband has ordered me to keep the silly ladies in line for him, so he, as a godly man, can deal with the bigger issues. If you have any problems with me, don't hesitate to fire them, and contact me.
Elizabeth
"Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands." Proverbs 14:1
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 991
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: 1380 Apostle's Park Ct, Freehold
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Re: Starting THE RULES book club -
02-21-2015, 07:46 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson
Sister Naomi,
How lovely it is to hear from you; I hope and pray fervently that the Lord continues His Gracious Goodness to you and that He blesses you with a husband soon, so I can see you in heaven, after you bear a son to whoever may be blessed to have you as a helpmeet! Also, on a side note, may I confirm that the ladies I recommended to you for your California branch of your pie, are suitable and properly behaved. As members of my parish, my husband has ordered me to keep the silly ladies in line for him, so he, as a godly man, can deal with the bigger issues. If you have any problems with me, don't hesitate to fire them, and contact me.
Elizabeth
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Elizabeth, Dear,
The devoted, Christian women you referred are now in training. So far, the trainer has given them a complete thumbs up. They pray over each ingredient, asking Jesus to bless it and edify it to the consumer's needs. He rated their moistness as impeccable and taste as above average. He said every time their pies touch his lips, he almost screams out in joy and so do they. I am, of course, very pleased.
On the other hand, I hired one person for my location in Kansas this past week that I later found out was skipping church and then lying about it (I keep a log in each store that requires employees to write down when they attended church and the topic of the sermon). She wrote in the log that she attended Wichita First Baptist and the topic was "Men of Faith," when the fact was that she didn't attend and the topic was the Sermon on the Mount. I immediately had her removed and she will spend her eternity in Hell unless she repents immediately. Either way I marked her as a DNR (Do Not Rehire). Being in business these days is so stressful. Praise God for the men I have managing each location, or I would never survive since I am but a lowly and weak-minded woman. But you know that, since you're weak minded, too.
Glory to Jesus,
NRL
1 Samuel 8:13 "And he will take your daughters to be confectionaries, and to be cookes, and to be bakers." Naomi Ruth Lamb, Proprietress:
Naomi's Moist Pie - Unsaved Unwelcome!
Locations in 50 States and Canada
!Voted Best Pie in Freehold!
Once you've tasted Naomi's pie, you'll crave it again and again and again and again.
Baptist pastors always receive a 50% discount.
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Forum Member
Forum Member
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Posts: 1,330
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: In the kitchen
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Re: Starting THE RULES book club -
02-22-2015, 12:47 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Naomi Ruth Lamb
Elizabeth, Dear,
The devoted, Christian women you referred are now in training. So far, the trainer has given them a complete thumbs up. They pray over each ingredient, asking Jesus to bless it and edify it to the consumer's needs. He rated their moistness as impeccable and taste as above average. He said every time their pies touch his lips, he almost screams out in joy and so do they. I am, of course, very pleased.
On the other hand, I hired one person for my location in Kansas this past week that I later found out was skipping church and then lying about it (I keep a log in each store that requires employees to write down when they attended church and the topic of the sermon). She wrote in the log that she attended Wichita First Baptist and the topic was "Men of Faith," when the fact was that she didn't attend and the topic was the Sermon on the Mount. I immediately had her removed and she will spend her eternity in Hell unless she repents immediately. Either way I marked her as a DNR (Do Not Rehire). Being in business these days is so stressful. Praise God for the men I have managing each location, or I would never survive since I am but a lowly and weak-minded woman. But you know that, since you're weak minded, too.
Glory to Jesus,
NRL
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What a hard, busy life you have, Sister! Being in the business sounds trying, let me know if you need my help. Also, my husband is craving your cherry pie; there are no cherries in God-forsaken California. He asked me to put in an order for 20 pies; the check is already on it's way.
Yours in Christ,
Elizabeth
"Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands." Proverbs 14:1
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