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Default From the Freehold Psychoneurotheological Institution for Women - 05-24-2014, 06:11 PM

PATIENT REPORT: Lamb, Naomi Ruth
FOR THE EYES ONLY OF: God the Father, God the Son, God the Holy Ghost, Senior Pastors, Landover Baptist Church, and Dr. Laurence Niles

This information is not to be shared with any other person, entity, or spiritual being other than those named above.

Miss Lamb is a 24 year old female resident of Freehold, Iowa. She presented as a loud-mouthed, godmocking uppity feminazi, but oddly is a True Christian™. She was placed on 12 hour prayer vigils, emergency exorcism (twice daily), baptism regimens, and psychoaudiosermonological bed rest (headphones repeatedly playing sermons by Pastor Zeke along with psychotheological reinforcement by Dr. Niles). Patient began to show improvement in attitude within 4 weeks. There were setbacks, mostly in the form of foul language during vivid dreams, when she cried out about certain women of the church. Baptism with fervent laying on of hands and prayer was successful in curbing these outbursts.

Sins were discovered during therapy sessions, including:
1. Operating a business without a man in charge. Patient was beaten until she agreed to hire male management (See below)
2. Failing to marry at a proper age. (There were mitigating circumstances in that her father failed to approve various potential husbands, which is his sin, not hers) Moderate beating was recommended.
3. Patient has not produced sons for Christ due to being unwed. Moderate beating was administered.
4. Although income levels were at a titanium level, patient was not tithing at this level. Business office records show an aluminum tithe for the available weeks for which records could be obtained. (Pastors: There are approximately six weeks of tithing records for high level tithers that are missing or have white-out on them - attention needs to be given)
5. Disrespect for other True Christians™. Severe beatings have been successful in re-establishing a respectful tongue and returning Miss Lamb to the proper place of a TC™ woman.

Patient has addressed these sins through repentance, baptism, and the electronic Sindetector 4300-XL, and it would appear that her soul is once again cleared for the rapture. There is a definite Holy Ghost presence as shown on the confidential electronic scans that were sent to Sister Mary Etheldreda and the Holy Ghost Tribunal.

A male manager has been hired for Naomi's Moist Pie. We have placed an ad on a Christian singles web site to address the patient's lack of a husband. Our Social Services director has also reached out to other sources to find men willing to marry the elderly since the patient has now reached the age of 24. Virginity tests were still being researched as primary tests were inconclusive. Our team of doctors has performed these tests time and again and will provide a definitive answer in a few weeks.

Tithing has been increased as evidenced by the automatic debit receipts from the Christian Bank of Freehold® and the blessings that have been granted per the Holy Scriptures.

Miss Lamb participates in voluntary prayer, attends in-house worship daily, and provided financial support for another niglet in need of a nurturing youth (NINNY). The Pastor Zeke Fund for the Exceptionally Righteous has been given a $500,000 gift so that all senior pastors can enjoy continuing spiritual edification at the annual retreat in Aruba with no out of pocket expense this year. (Zeke, Dr. Niles has the check and has not yet deposited it per our records - can you please contact him?)

PROFESSIONAL RECOMMENDATION: Miss Lamb is spiritually and emotionally ready to be released to her home. No probationary period is necessary, but she is encouraged to check Christian Mingle twice daily and respond to at least five ads as approved by her father. (NOTE: Since Mr. Lamb has been very picky, we highly recommend that one of the sisters of the church helps in selecting those suitable of a date and that the senior pastors approve the marriage as an override to Church Law!) Miss Lamb is not legally obligated to accept a marriage proposal, but her soul could be damned with a majority vote of the True Christian™ Council on Aging and Non-Compliance with the Laws of the Lord to be Fruitful and Multiply.®

NOTICE OF RELEASE PER FREEHOLD ORDINANCE: Miss Lamb has been returned to her home, where she is not to receive visitors for at least 24 hours (parents excepted, of course). Monitoring of her estate has been approved by Mayor Hold to enforce this temporary restriction, with Miss Lamb footing the bill for the police and DOF presence.

Respectfully submitted this 24 day of May, in the year of our Glorious Lord 2014.

The Doctors of the Freehold Psychoneurotheological Institution for Women


1 Samuel 8:13 "And he will take your daughters to be confectionaries, and to be cookes, and to be bakers."
Naomi Ruth Lamb, Proprietress:
Naomi's Moist Pie - Unsaved Unwelcome!
Locations in 50 States and Canada
!Voted Best Pie in Freehold!
Once you've tasted Naomi's pie, you'll crave it again and again and again and again.
Baptist pastors always receive a 50% discount.
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Default Re: From the Freehold Psychoneurotheological Institution for Women - 05-25-2014, 06:22 AM

My prayers are with Miss Lamb, and for the record, I have been pleading her case at the Footstool of the Lord Jesus Christ Himself who alone is the Intermediary between God Almighty Himself and man (in this case, woman, specifically Ruth Naomi; 1 Timothy 2:5). As Jesus and God are One (John 10:30), we can only hope in faith His Intermediary Powers are sufficient for the task. Also, I have been praying that this time the baptism reveals an actual Rebirth, and not another False Labor Of Faith, if you will.



Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

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Default Re: From the Freehold Psychoneurotheological Institution for Women - 05-25-2014, 06:58 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Naomi Ruth Lamb View Post
PATIENT REPORT: Lamb, Naomi Ruth
FOR THE EYES ONLY OF: God the Father, God the Son, God the Holy Ghost, Senior Pastors, Landover Baptist Church, and Dr. Laurence Niles

This information is not to be shared with any other person, entity, or spiritual being other than those named above.
Given what it says in bold there, Sister Mary-E, I averted my eyes and read no further. Should this have been posted on here, where absolutely anyone can read it?


2 Timothy 3:16

All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness:


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Mary Etheldreda will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mary Etheldreda will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mary Etheldreda will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mary Etheldreda will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mary Etheldreda will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mary Etheldreda will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mary Etheldreda will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mary Etheldreda will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mary Etheldreda will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mary Etheldreda will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mary Etheldreda will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: From the Freehold Psychoneurotheological Institution for Women - 05-25-2014, 04:40 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Attila's Wife View Post
Given what it says in bold there, Sister Mary-E, I averted my eyes and read no further. Should this have been posted on here, where absolutely anyone can read it?
I don't know, Sister. The LORD works in mysterious ways. I hope you'll join us in prayer.



Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

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Default Re: From the Freehold Psychoneurotheological Institution for Women - 05-26-2014, 06:44 AM

Dr Niles told us Ladies of Landover to make our best effort to welcome Miss Lamb back and to make sure she was on the right track. Naturally, I would love to help and I am sure Sister 'Lis and Sister Mo7 would adore to. It all started after you became snappy with us, so we'd love to help you out, once you're out of house lockdown that is.

Also, if you require beatings, my husband says he is more than happy to oblige and give you a beating when you need it.

Yours In Christ,
Mary Thompson.


Thinking of Abortion?
That fetus will be in Hell, because they never had a chance to repent their sinful ways (Psalms 51:5) (1 Kings 8:46)
Think of the children. Stop being a slut.
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Naomi Ruth Lamb has bribed people to get these reputation points.Naomi Ruth Lamb has bribed people to get these reputation points.Naomi Ruth Lamb has bribed people to get these reputation points.Naomi Ruth Lamb has bribed people to get these reputation points.Naomi Ruth Lamb has bribed people to get these reputation points.Naomi Ruth Lamb has bribed people to get these reputation points.Naomi Ruth Lamb has bribed people to get these reputation points.Naomi Ruth Lamb has bribed people to get these reputation points.Naomi Ruth Lamb has bribed people to get these reputation points.Naomi Ruth Lamb has bribed people to get these reputation points.Naomi Ruth Lamb has bribed people to get these reputation points.
Default Re: From the Freehold Psychoneurotheological Institution for Women - 05-26-2014, 04:56 PM

My father is quite capable of any discipline that I require, but at this point I have completely and thoroughly complied with all that was required. I am no longer required to remain at home and no longer restricted from having guests.

Father has taken your name in case he is unavailable for a beating, but we feel that won't be a problem. He was curious about your husband's availability during late-night hours - just in case. Such a precious friend and servant of Christ you are, Sister, to make such a loving and generous offer. I cannot tell you just how much it touches my heart. Please know that I would do the same for you.

Allow me to give you a free membership to Naomi's Pie of the Month Club®, which is managed by a True Christian™ at my Leith, North Dakota location. Each month you'll receive one of my luscious pies. Ordinarily, this would be $29.99 per month! You may call our toll-free pie line to request a specific flavor. As is always the case with my pie, satisfaction is guaranteed. (Recommendation: Try our new Summer Surprise, filled to the brim with your favorite berries!)

I would love to chat but I must look for responses to my ad on Christian Mingle as per the release agreement from my recent voyage.

Lovingly,
NRL

PS: Won't you come for a visit soon? Your TC® card should work in my gate, and you may park in the covered area if you wish.


1 Samuel 8:13 "And he will take your daughters to be confectionaries, and to be cookes, and to be bakers."
Naomi Ruth Lamb, Proprietress:
Naomi's Moist Pie - Unsaved Unwelcome!
Locations in 50 States and Canada
!Voted Best Pie in Freehold!
Once you've tasted Naomi's pie, you'll crave it again and again and again and again.
Baptist pastors always receive a 50% discount.
Reply With Quote
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