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Default Clean Jokes to Teach Your True Christian™ Children - 11-30-2014, 05:54 AM

As you all know, atheists attack us every day because of our Faith in Christ Jesus. One of their favorite complaints is that "Christians have no sense of humor."

Well, I would like to put that particular lie to rest once and for all. I would ask that my congregation post some of their favorite jokes and funny stories fit to share with your family, so that all the world knows what a godly sense of humor looks like.

I'll start.

Q: Did you hear who won the Miss Poland beauty contest?
A: Nobody.

Q: Why wasn't Christ born in Poland?
A: Because they couldn't find three wisemen and a virgin.

Q: How did the Germans conquer Poland so fast?
A: They marched in backwards and the polacks thought they were leaving.

Q: How do you tell which is the Groom at a polack wedding?
A: He's the one with the CLEAN bowling shirt.

Q: Why don't they have any ice cubes in Poland?
A: They lost the recipe.

Q: What's brown and furry and wears a forest ranger's hat and carries a can of kerosene?
A: Stanislaus the Fire Prevention Bear of the Polack National Forest Service.

Q: How did the Polack mother teach her son which way to put his underwear on?
A: Yellow in the front, Brown in the back!

Q: How do you know you're in a polack neighborhood?
A: You see toilet paper hanging on the clotheslines.



Praise Jesus, I can't wait to hear some of the little ones sharing jokes like these at Sunday School.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: Clean Jokes to Teach Your True Christian™ Children - 11-30-2014, 05:59 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
Q: Did you hear who won the Miss Poland beauty contest?
A: Nobody.

Q: Why wasn't Christ born in Poland?
A: Because they couldn't find three wisemen and a virgin.

Q: Why don't they have any ice cubes in Poland?
A: They lost the recipe.

Q: How did the Polack mother teach her son which way to put his underwear on?
A: Yellow in the front, Brown in the back!

Q: How do you know you're in a polack neighborhood?
A: You see toilet paper hanging on the clotheslines.
These were especially hysterical.

I have a one!

Q: Why did the atheist throw her watch out the window?
A: She wanted to see if it was designed intelligently enough to evolve into a bird.


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Default Re: Clean Jokes to Teach Your True Christian™ Children - 11-30-2014, 06:34 AM

Q: What do you call a negroe with no arms or legs?
A: Trustworthy.
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Default Re: Clean Jokes to Teach Your True Christian™ Children - 11-30-2014, 02:15 PM

If you want to make racist jokes, at least BASE THEM ON TRUTH.

Q: Did you hear who won the Miss Poland beauty contest?
A: Nobody.

Polish girls are different league than fat american chicks, everyone can cofirm that, that's why they say polish girls are so pretty ( foreigners opinion).

You're a weak scum who thinks those jokes are funny yet their sad. I'd break ***threats removed***. I hope you ***more threats removed***. I also wish ***even more threats removed*** your future daughters and i hope ***still more threats removed*** in misery too, your name and your generation shall never reproduce because only worse evil can happen.

@HateTheSin, you look like a ***insults removed***, why do you even comment, ***more insults removed***.

Last edited by Elmer G. White; 11-30-2014 at 02:25 PM. Reason: Cleaned up insults, empty threats and potty language.
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Default Re: Clean Jokes to Teach Your True Christian™ Children - 11-30-2014, 04:45 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by BecauseIPolack View Post
If you want to make racist jokes, at least BASE THEM ON TRUTH.

Q: Did you hear who won the Miss Poland beauty contest?
A: Nobody.

Polish girls are different league than fat american chicks, everyone can cofirm that, that's why they say polish girls are so pretty ( foreigners opinion).

You're a weak scum who thinks those jokes are funny yet their sad. I'd break ***threats removed***. I hope you ***more threats removed***. I also wish ***even more threats removed*** your future daughters and i hope ***still more threats removed*** in misery too, your name and your generation shall never reproduce because only worse evil can happen.

@HateTheSin, you look like a ***insults removed***, why do you even comment, ***more insults removed***.
Well. This gives us one more thing to know about the polacks. They are rude and have no manners. Maybe polacks are worse than we thought.


Let Jesus Christ Wash You Clean
in 2016

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Default Re: Clean Jokes to Teach Your True Christian™ Children - 11-30-2014, 05:08 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by VictoryOS View Post
Well. This gives us one more thing to know about the polacks. They are rude and have no manners. Maybe polacks are worse than we thought.
Dear Sister,

Of course they are. They were basically Russians with great potential, spoke the same language with a slight lisp, etc. But... they chose to be cat licks. Result: total depravity and degeneration. Best composer: sissy Chopin. Best scientist: uppity masculine Curie who presumably stole her results from her husband. Best export: the pope who chose evolution over Jesus. Favorite food: Ogórek konserwowy. Google it up.

Genesis 11:9
Therefore is the name of it called Babel; because the LORD did there confound the language of all the earth: and from thence did the LORD scatter them abroad upon the face of all the earth.


Yours in Christ,

Elmer

Edit: on second thoughts, don't. The dish looks like moldy tallywhackers. Not suitable for a Lady's eyes nor palate.


2 Kings 18:25 - Am I now come up without the LORD against this place to destroy it? The LORD said to me, Go up against this land, and destroy it.



PREPARE YOURSELF TO RAPTURE WITH THIS MANUAL!
Check out our Research in Creation Science:

Last edited by Elmer G. White; 11-30-2014 at 05:10 PM. Reason: Had to warn Dear Sister in Christ against googling.
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Default Re: Clean Jokes to Teach Your True Christian™ Children - 11-30-2014, 05:40 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Elmer G. White View Post
Favorite food: Ogórek konserwowy. Google it up.
For some years now, my country has been plagued with immigrant Polski builders. Look at the result:



Vaccinated by the love of Jesus!!!
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Default Re: Clean Jokes to Teach Your True Christian™ Children - 11-30-2014, 05:57 PM

Oh my, what is it with polacks and tallywackers? I imagine their city skylines to look like a forst of phalluses. Anyway, back to the kneeslappers...

Did you hear about the Polish family that froze to death outside a theater? They were waiting to see the movie "Closed for the Winter."


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Default Re: Clean Jokes to Teach Your True Christian™ Children - 11-30-2014, 07:36 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by BecauseIPolack View Post

@HateTheSin, you look like a ***insults removed***, why do you even comment, ***more insults removed***.
I see that someone has politely blocked the insults you threw at me. Maybe you can attempt to re-shout them at me while I'm looking down at you from my place in the Kingdom watching you burn in hellfire.



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Default Re: Clean Jokes to Teach Your True Christian™ Children - 12-01-2014, 05:23 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by BecauseIPolack View Post
If you want to make racist jokes, at least BASE THEM ON TRUTH.

Q: Did you hear who won the Miss Poland beauty contest?
A: Nobody.

Polish girls are different league than fat american chicks, everyone can cofirm that, that's why they say polish girls are so pretty ( my polack opinion).
Then how do you explain the polack national anthem? Look at all these tubby polacks dancing to it.



Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: Clean Jokes to Teach Your True Christian™ Children - 12-01-2014, 07:45 AM

Polacks just lack good common sense and the ability to read and comprehend the message. Just look at this one's introduction thread -- I kept on having to repeat myself. http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=94578


"Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands." Proverbs 14:1
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True Christian™
True Christian™

Honorary Ex-Eskimo True Christian™ Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian Friend of Jesus Persecuted Porn Resistant Guns, Guts and GLORY! One Year/1000 posts Touched by Jesus Saved 1 Year Public Awareness Medal TC Bravery Pro-Life Christian Love 2014 Witch Hunt Award Anti-sodomy 2015 Witch Hunt Award Jailed for JESUS Wall of Jesus Alternative Facts Ex-Scandinavian Anti-Biden

 
Posts: 2,364
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Freehold, Iowa
Bjorn Jensen will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Bjorn Jensen will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Bjorn Jensen will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Bjorn Jensen will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Bjorn Jensen will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Bjorn Jensen will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Bjorn Jensen will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Bjorn Jensen will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Bjorn Jensen will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Bjorn Jensen will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Bjorn Jensen will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Clean Jokes to Teach Your True Christian™ Children - 12-01-2014, 04:41 PM

Q: What's yellow and black and makes you laugh ?
A: A bus full of nigras and gooks going over a cliff.


Q: Where is the best place to hide a nigra's food stamps?
A: Under his work boots.


Q: How can you tell when a black as been on your computer?
A: It is not there.

Q: How does a nigress tell if she's pregnant?
A: When she pulls the tampon out, all the cotton is already picked.

Q: How do you know Adam and Eve were not black?
A: You ever try to take a rib from a nigra?


Q: What did Abe Lincoln say after a 3 day drunk?
A: "I set WHO free?"

Q: What do you call a black person in a suit?
A: Defendant


Q: What did God say when he made the first nigra?
A: Oops! I burnt this one!


Q: What do you say when you see your TV floating in the middle of the night?
A: Drop it, nigra


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