[Pastor Ezekiel]

Book Burning: A True Christian® Tradition

The burning of books is nothing new to True Christians®. We invented the practice over two-thousand years ago as a way to promote our faith in the Lord Jesus. In the early days of Christianity, when new believers in Christ were converted, they were naturally moved by the Holy Spirit to grab as many books as they could and pitch them into a fire. Unlike the sissy "Jesus is Love" fake-Christians (whom both the Lord Jesus and we loathe) we have running around today, the early followers of Christ were never ashamed to burn books. In fact, if you ever find yourself being grateful for the destruction of most of the works of pagan nincompoops like Socrates, Plato, and Aristotle, you have a Christian to thank! In the Book of Acts we learn that anyone who wants to follow Jesus, should get ready to start burning books at the drop of a hat. The Book of Acts teaches us that burning someone's books is a great way spread God's word.

"Many of them also which used curious arts brought their books together and burned them before all men and they counted the price of them and found it fifty thousand pieces of silver. So mightily grew the word of God and prevailed." Acts 19:19-20

In the aftermath of September 11th, a spiritual awakening is sweeping across the United States of America. One of the great signs that the Holy Spirit is moving in the hearts and souls of Americans is our glorious and sacred return to the practice of book burning. Secular humanists and Atheists have spent hundreds of years trying to make "book burners" look bad. Oftentimes the media paints a terrible image of book burners. "They make us out to look like fanatics or Germans," said one Christian. Did you know that a militant homosexual named Ray Bradbury, even wrote a popular book called Farenheight 451 about book burning? He made Christians out to look like fools! Well, Mr. Bradbury, if you are still alive, and God hasn't sent you to Hell yet, we'd like you to know that Farenheight 451 is also a book that can be burned. And nobody would miss it!

The truth is, burning a book is one of the most loving things a Christian could do for a person they really care about. The Landover Baptist Church is proud to be sponsoring America's Largest Book Burning on Satan's Birthday, October 31st. This will be the third consecutive year we have held the event. Last October, we had 152,800 American Christians show up for the event. We burned over 3.4 million books! That's right! Don't let the numbers dissuade you from holding a book burning at your local church this Halloween. Thousands of churches in America have collected millions of Harry Potter books to be burned that very night. As a Christian, you should be eager to participate in this Bible based tradition. Burning books just like the first Christians did in New Testament is a great way to say "no" to Satan and "yes" to Jesus.

As most Christians already know, the Harry Potter book series is the most evil and dangerous set of books to be released this century. "The Potter series is worse than pornography. The books are even more dangerous than the Satanic Bible," reports Pastor Deacon Fred, "At least with the Satanic Bible, young people know that the book was written by Satan. The Devil just changed his name to J.K. Rowling this time." The release of the fifth book in the Harry Potter series has been delayed because Christians have been praying to God that he will send angels to scramble Satan's brain and force him to admit Rowling's spent body to a mental hospital so that the whole series will never be completed.

To celebrate the delayed release of the final Harry Potter book and the post September 11th return to American Christian values, The Truly Saved® all across America are calling upon the name of Jesus this Halloween to decrease the number of Harry Potter books currently circulating in America by at least 70%. "We're giving True Christian® school children the Biblical authority to remove these evil books from their school libraries, bookstores, homes, grocery stores, and anywhere they find them," said Pastor Deacon Fred. "All they need to say is, Jesus wants me to take this book! Friends, let's help this great Country return to it's True Christian® roots. Wont' you please set up a Holy Ghost book fire at your local church on Satan's Birthday this Halloween? Thank you."

[SinisterPizza]

The FIFTH Harry Potter book? I think you're about 4 years too late on that one...just how long do you think it's been delayed for?

The movie, however, is released tomorrow...how's it going at the Freehold cineplex? You've been there at least 2 months now, I believe.

[Loser_seed (Quarantined)]

Books are fun. I just got this book about the Green Man. He's a spirit of nature. And it tells of all these other nature spirits, too. It's really good.

[Brother Temperance]

Originally Posted by Lunar_seed

Books are fun. I just got this book about the Green Man. He's a spirit of nature. And it tells of all these other nature spirits, too. It's really good.

That's not a book, that's the writing on the side of a tin of Green Giant sweetcorn. Try again.

[Mrs. Mary Whitford]

I would like to commend the new Hairy Pottard book for burning with such a strong, hot, long-lasting flame. Great for roasting marshmallows!