[Modern Crusader]

I am Crusader. I found Jesus through reading the Holy Book, which my parents possessed. I do not go to a church; the area where I live is full of immorality and corruption, and the teachings of God are scarce. My favorite bible verse is 2 Samuel 23:6; “The sons of Belial shall be all of them as thorns thrust away, because they cannot be taken with hands.”

[Elmer G. White]

Originally Posted by Modern Crusader

I am Crusader. I found Jesus through reading the Holy Book, which my parents possessed. I do not go to a church; the area where I live is full of immorality and corruption, and the teachings of God are scarce. My favorite bible verse is 2 Samuel 23:6; “The sons of Belial shall be all of them as thorns thrust away, because they cannot be taken with hands.”

Hello, Mr./Ms./Mrs. (?) Crusader! You've come to the right place. Here you can learn all about Jesus and His bestseller, the real® Bible!



Such an interesting verse! How do you relate that to the two opposing accounts of thorns in the Bible?

John 19:5
Then came Jesus forth, wearing the crown of thorns, and the purple robe. And Pilate saith unto them, Behold the man!

Hebrews 6:8
But that which beareth thorns and briers is rejected, and is nigh unto cursing; whose end is to be burned.

in case you're male: Has your begetting been successful? In case you're a woman: Are you here by the permission of a husband/male family member and has your potential husband been successful in begetting you?


Yours in Christ,

Elmer

[Dr Laurence Niles]

Originally Posted by Modern Crusader

I am Crusader. I found Jesus through reading the Holy Book, which my parents possessed. I do not go to a church; the area where I live is full of immorality and corruption, and the teachings of God are scarce. My favorite bible verse is 2 Samuel 23:6; “The sons of Belial shall be all of them as thorns thrust away, because they cannot be taken with hands.”

Are you one of them fellas that gets all dressed up as medieval knights, are you?

YIC

[Faith_Machine]

MC, I'm very pleased to make your acquaintance! Who is your favorite football team? I'm partial to the 49ers!

[Basilissa]

Originally Posted by Modern Crusader

I am Crusader. I found Jesus through reading the Holy Book, which my parents possessed. I do not go to a church; the area where I live is full of immorality and corruption, and the teachings of God are scarce. My favorite bible verse is 2 Samuel 23:6; “The sons of Belial shall be all of them as thorns thrust away, because they cannot be taken with hands.”

Hello and to our friendly forums! You seem like a nice fellow! I look forward to reading more of your contributions!

[James Hutchins]

I'd welcome you but you left already. Let me know when you will make your second coming.

[Modern Crusader]

Originally Posted by Dr Laurence Niles

Are you one of them fellas that gets all dressed up as medieval knights, are you?

YIC

No.

[Modern Crusader]

In response to Mr. Elmer:
I think the accounts of the thorns are not so much opposing as they are cementing the solitary power Jesus has to bear our sins.
As I mentioned, my local area is not exactly a bastion of morality and offers little in the way of begetting.

[Modern Crusader]

Originally Posted by Faith_Machine

MC, I'm very pleased to make your acquaintance! Who is your favorite football team? I'm partial to the 49ers!

Really? The former home of America-hating Kaepernick and the home team of the homosexual capital?
I favor the Seahawks myself.

[BrotherLarry]

Originally Posted by Modern Crusader

I am Crusader. I found Jesus through reading the Holy Book, which my parents possessed. I do not go to a church; the area where I live is full of immorality and corruption, and the teachings of God are scarce. My favorite bible verse is 2 Samuel 23:6; “The sons of Belial shall be all of them as thorns thrust away, because they cannot be taken with hands.”

I assume the "Holy Book" is the KJV1611, since there is no other book that could be called holy (Although "Heartbreaker" - the story of Judy Garland - runs a close 2nd in many folks' opinion). As a Christian man, what do you see as the major issue facing us in these ungodly times? Do you feel that Jesus will split the morning sky someday soon? It could be the afternoon sky or twilight sky or even the midnight sky, of course. God doesn't sleep (Psalm 121:4).


Has the Lord God blessed you with a bounty of sheep or goats? Do you tend them yourself or are you wealthy enough to hire hands? Have you horses? Are their teeth straight?


Well, let's have another manly conversation soon. I think it's important for us males to be very close and I'd like to get closer to you. What is your age, by the way? Would you consider yourself muscular, average, a few extra pounds?


Not that it matters, LOL. But could you answer anyway? LOL


BrotherLarry

[Modern Crusader]

To whomever commented on my reply to Elmer:
Yes, my local “cesspit” is perfect for begetting– if you’re a heathen. I would be hard pressed to find a good subservient Christian woman.

[Faith_Machine]

Originally Posted by BrotherLarry

there is no other book that could be called holy (Although "Heartbreaker" - the story of Judy Garland - runs a close 2nd in many folks' opinion).

Oh, yes, yes, yes, yaaasssssss, I love, love, LOVE Judy Garland!!!


But just to be clear, that biography was authored by John Meyer.

[Modern Crusader]

Hello, I am wondering how I can become verified as a True Christian™.

[Elmer G. White]

Originally Posted by Modern Crusader

Hello, I am wondering how I can become verified as a True Christian™.

Dear Friend,

We have an easy-read but difficult-to-realize guide prepared just for you! Persistence and meticulous obedience and Fear of God (Ecclesiastes 12:13) are always a prudent way to start. The best of luck on your journey. Jesus knows that only very few will join us True Christians™ in Heaven!

Matthew 7:14
Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it.



Yours in Christ,

Elmer

[BrotherLarry]

Originally Posted by Modern Crusader

Hello, I am wondering how I can become verified as a True Christian™.

One start - but it is ONLY a start - would be to answer the questions I asked of you. You got all hung up on Judy but you seemed to miss the important parts of the post. Know that becoming a True Christian™ involves believing in the LORD GOD in totality, just as He is. It means accepting the Bible for its real value in our lives - since it is the ONLY guidebook to the narrow gates of Heaven.


It doesn't happen in the twinkling of an eye. Our Department of Faith is thorough and diligent in observations of potential fellow pilgrims. I was unsaved trash when I first stepped into these forums, and I remained as such for quite some time! I made mistakes along the way, but JESUS and these good people forgave me when I proved myself worthy. Since then, I have praised His Name with them, prayed with them, and continue to perfect my walk with Jesus with them. I will add you to my prayer list which assures your name will reach the ear of Christ on an intermittent basis.


May He lead you to His Fullness, aspiring fellow!
BrotherLarry

[Modern Crusader]

To Brother Larry:
I did not get hung up on Judy, just so that is clear. As for your questions; I think there is a multitude of issues that equally contribute to the degeneration of humanity. I can only hope the Rapture comes soon.
I do own a stable of young, straight-teethed horses whom I tend myself. I am in my early 30s, and I would consider myself muscular.
I appreciate you asking these personal questions in a non-homer way. It seems all the more common that homers find the audacity to approach people such as myself who try their hardest to avoid a lifestyle of sin.

[Thomas Taylor]

Originally Posted by Modern Crusader

I am Crusader. I found Jesus through reading the Holy Book, which my parents possessed. I do not go to a church; the area where I live is full of immorality and corruption, and the teachings of God are scarce. My favorite bible verse is 2 Samuel 23:6; “The sons of Belial shall be all of them as thorns thrust away, because they cannot be taken with hands.”

Hello Crusader and welcome to the forums.


When you say you read a Holy Book possessed by your parents I hope you mean that they owned it and did not actually possess it. I also hope that it was a KJV 1611 Holy Book as this is the only Book that cannot be possessed due to the fact that It contains the inerrant Word of God.


Proverbs 30:5
Every word of God is pure: he is a shield unto them that put their trust in him.

What is the aim of your crusade? Please tell us more.


YIC
TT

[Modern Crusader]

To Thomas:
Of course I meant “owned” in this context.
As for my crusade, much of the Holy Land of America has been claimed by sin as I’m sure you know, and so I plan embarking on a quest to reclaim as much of it as I can from the heathens and restore respect for the commandments of God.

[BrotherLarry]

Originally Posted by Modern Crusader

To Brother Larry:
I did not get hung up on Judy, just so that is clear. As for your questions; I think there is a multitude of issues that equally contribute to the degeneration of humanity. I can only hope the Rapture comes soon.
I do own a stable of young, straight-teethed horses whom I tend myself. I am in my early 30s, and I would consider myself muscular.
I appreciate you asking these personal questions in a non-homer way. It seems all the more common that homers find the audacity to approach people such as myself who try their hardest to avoid a lifestyle of sin.

There is no other way I could inquire about your physical attributes than in a strictly hetero fashion, as everyone in this forum will attest just how straight I am before the LORD my GOD. A photo of yourself would be appreciated at some time. Let us plan to break bread together before Jesus, also. I think our fellowship would be mutually fulfilling. However, this will have to wait until such time as you become on equal footing with us as a True Christian™. I simply have no time for pretenders in the faith as I am sure you understand.


BrotherLarry

[BrotherLarry]

Originally Posted by Faith_Machine

Oh, yes, yes, yes, yaaasssssss, I love, love, LOVE Judy Garland!!!


But just to be clear, that biography was authored by John Meyer.

Brother Faith,


I admire your enthusiasm regarding Miss Garland. Surely God gifted this woman and it is sad that she squandered it away or allowed herself to be manipulated by evildoers who took her money away without conscience. Despicable.


I have quite a collection of her music. Perhaps we could spend a day in front of a fire listening to it?


BrotherLarry