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Landover to the Rescue - Christian Help Forum A Christian Help Forum led by Sister Daisy Mae Johnson. Warning! Sometimes the Lord's advice is a hard pill to swallow.

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Default Happy New Year - 12-29-2006, 05:27 PM

I want to quickly touch upon an issue before the New Year, that should help the women decide to revisit their Godly role and also help them set a Biblically based™ New Years resolution. Of course increasing your tithing to a Bible Believing Church® should be at the top of the list of anyone’s resolutions.

I am including this especially for the women, who we all know that God tells us are weak willed, and always need guidance from the True Christian™ men in their lives.

You are aware of my difficulties with some secular science that doesn’t use God’s word as the first reference and source of knowledge But I am open-minded and I do accept solid Biblical creation based science even if it from a secular source. Such as the recent study in the suspiciously named Cancer Epidemiology Biomarkers & Prevention Journal, that states the well known True Christian fact™ that God wants women in the home cooking cleaning and having babies.

Despite being funded by a secularist anti-American terrorist-loving European country and a group called the Cancer Research UK, this study confirms God’s gift to women who serve their men. The study says something that True Christians™ have always known; that death, pain and disease are caused by sin and the fact that The Baby Jesus rewards those who obey Him (and tithing is included in this). After cutting through all of the fancy sciency words of the secular research, it clearly shows that: "Doing housework can cut substantially a woman’s risk of developing breast cancer, according to researchers."

So now even the lieberal hippy secularists can see that women should stay at home for their own good. You don’t even have to know that you are going to Hell for rejecting Jesus to see the wisdom of this advice. It isn’t just God’s word now, it is the darwinist’s god of science saying what we have known all along.

So women I think that you should all have as your New Years resolution to be "healthier". And men, please pass this wisdom on to the women in your life.

Pastor Bob

ps. Yes, I am the original Pastor Bob, I have not been back sliding, but I cannot reclaim my login name since the last big attack by the satanists. Perhaps a moderator with great wisdom and guidance can help me. I would like to contrubute to these Godly forms once again.
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Default Re: Happy New Year - 12-29-2006, 06:01 PM

Personally, I stopped reading after I noticed that your attempt at adding God's Holy Word's credence to your nonsensical post was a miserable failure. We True Christians use only the version of the Bible endorsed by God Himself -- the 1611 King James Version. I'm not convinced that you are a pastor, especially with such a grievous error as that, but perhaps someone more learned here can vouch for you.....


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Default Re: Happy New Year - 12-29-2006, 06:09 PM

Please be assured that I am a Pastor and also a dean of Bible Believing™ College in Mullet Hollow North Carolina. I do understand and know that the KJV1611 is the inspired Word of God as He intended it to be written. The reference that the Baby Jesus wrote for His favorite country is the reference text at our school.

I do believe in unicorns! Not any sissy NIV wild oxen.

Pastor Bob (PB)
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Default Re: Happy New Year - 12-29-2006, 06:12 PM

Without a letter of recommendation from good Pastor Al (or similar Pastor) and a healthy tithe to Jesus, I can't see how you could be made a Pastor..


If thou be wise, thou shalt be wise for thyself: But if thou scornest, thou alone shalt bear it.
A foolish woman is clamorous: She is simple, and knoweth nothing.
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Default Re: Happy New Year - 12-29-2006, 06:25 PM

Please do not worry about offending me. You are correct to be skepitcal, I have seen many a serpent attempt to imitate a man of God. On of my resolutions for this new year is get back into this Godly forum and contribute to the Holy work going on here.

PB
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Default Re: Happy New Year - 12-29-2006, 06:56 PM

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Originally Posted by Tempe View Post
Please do not worry about offending me. You are correct to be skepitcal, I have seen many a serpent attempt to imitate a man of God. On of my resolutions for this new year is get back into this Godly forum and contribute to the Holy work going on here.

PB
Pastor Bob, is that really you? We thought we were dead. I can assist you with reclaiming your heritage.


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Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


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Default Re: Happy New Year - 12-29-2006, 07:05 PM

Pastor Al,

It is indeed Pastor Bob from Mullet Hollow in North Carolina. I used the name of a heathen College town to login since every time that I tried to register using Pastor Bob I was unable to register. I still have my avatar and will post it when I am restored.

PB
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Default Re: Happy New Year - 12-29-2006, 08:22 PM

OH GLORY!

You have RETURNED!!!!

I thought maybe you were "pre"-Raptured along with the last board.

Welcome Back Pastor Bob!!!!!!!

Delighted, Sister Thumper




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Default Re: Happy New Year - 12-29-2006, 08:45 PM

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Originally Posted by BibleThumpinBlonde View Post
OH GLORY!

You have RETURNED!!!!

I thought maybe you were "pre"-Raptured along with the last board.

Welcome Back Pastor Bob!!!!!!!

Delighted, Sister Thumper
HEY THUMPER! 10:45 am, 77 degrees. :-)


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Default Re: Happy New Year - 12-29-2006, 08:52 PM

Happy new year!!!!!!


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Default Re: Happy New Year - 12-30-2006, 12:58 AM

Why, Pastor Bob, Welcome Back! and how are things in Mullet Hollow?
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Default Re: Happy New Year - 12-30-2006, 03:15 AM

Goodddd lorddd!!

Well you CERTAINLY sound like a stark raving MAD preacher boy to me! I mean...afterall...WHO but a TC PREACHER could SPOUT such HATRED and BIGOTRY towards WOMAN???
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Default Re: Happy New Year - 12-30-2006, 04:10 AM

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Goodddd lorddd!!

Well you CERTAINLY sound like a stark raving MAD preacher boy to me! I mean...afterall...WHO but a TC PREACHER could SPOUT such HATRED and BIGOTRY towards WOMAN???
What hatred and bigotry? The good pastor was stating facts about a good way for women to stay healthy, facts found by athiest scientists no less.

This just goes to show that even athiests can discover what we True Christians™ have known for years, that women belong in the home.
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Default Re: Happy New Year - 12-30-2006, 05:01 AM

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Originally Posted by Jesus is Lord View Post
What hatred and bigotry? The good pastor was stating facts about a good way for women to stay healthy, facts found by athiest scientists no less.

This just goes to show that even athiests can discover what we True Christians™ have known for years, that women belong in the home.
AMEN Brother JIL!

Why, if I weren't already bethrothed to Pastor Zeke, I might find myself a little infatuated with you.

Humble, Sister Thumper




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Default Re: Happy New Year - 12-30-2006, 05:44 AM

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AMEN Brother JIL!

Why, if I weren't already bethrothed to Pastor Zeke, I might find myself a little infatuated with you.

Humble, Sister Thumper
Thank you, Sister, for your kind words. I only typed what the Good Lord moved me to type.

Pastor Zeke is a very lucky man to have a beautiful, GOD-fearing, True Christian™ lady like you to call his own. I can only hope to be as lucky as him one day.
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Default Re: Happy New Year - 12-30-2006, 05:51 AM

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Pastor Zeke is a very lucky man to have a beautiful, GOD-fearing, True Christian™ lady like you to call his own. I can only hope to be as lucky as him one day.
She is a great cook as well. We are all hoping to be entertained by her girls one of these days.


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Default Re: Happy New Year - 12-30-2006, 11:41 PM

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Originally Posted by Pastor Al E Pistle View Post
We are all hoping to be entertained by her girls one of these days.
Gross... How old are you man? Do I have to point out the disturbing part of that sentence? >_<


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Default Re: Happy New Year - 12-31-2006, 04:20 AM

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Gross... How old are you man? Do I have to point out the disturbing part of that sentence? >_<
HOW DARE YOU TAKE WHAT PASTOR PISTLE SAID IN A PERVERTED WAY!!
He is a Man of GOD and it is not capable for him to think perverted thoughts as he has the Seed of GOD in him and it is impossible for him to sin.

You are the sick, perverted one here, not Pastor Pistle.
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Default Re: Happy New Year - 12-31-2006, 08:21 AM

Why thank you ever so kindly Brother JIL.

Every True Christian™ knows Pastor P was talking about my precious putty tats. Daisy Belle and Petunia Mae.

Just look at my Daisy Belle, who could NOT want to see her.

Pastor Pistle is the epitomy of wholesome goodness!

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Default Re: Happy New Year - 12-31-2006, 09:33 AM

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Originally Posted by BibleThumpinBlonde View Post
Why thank you ever so kindly Brother JIL.

Every True Christian™ knows Pastor P was talking about my precious putty tats. Daisy Belle and Petunia Mae.

Just look at my Daisy Belle, who could NOT want to see her.

Pastor Pistle is the epitomy of wholesome goodness!

With Love, Sister Thumper

Every sane man would wanna see her. Tucked in nice and safe between your ****


Now that, that don't kill me can only make me stronger.

Last edited by Pastor Ezekiel; 12-31-2006 at 09:36 AM. Reason: obscenity about my girlfriend deleted
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