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Reload this Page I'm Bob, and Jesus saved my life!
The introduction forum Attention Unsaved Trash: This the ONLY subforum you can start threads in. Here is where you introduce yourself. Tell us what church you go to and what your favorite Bible verse is and how you came to find Jesus.

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Default I'm Bob, and Jesus saved my life! - 04-13-2008, 08:09 PM
I found Landover Baptist a few years ago, and I just want to say that it re-energized my spiritual life and I now have a big throbbing heart on for Jesus Christ and our LORD!!

I'm mighty happy to be with all of my brothers and sisters in Christ today, and I want to tell you the story of how I found salvation through Jesus Christ.

I still remember the day that I made the decision to turn my life around and give my heart to Jesus. I was four years old, and I was at the playground just outside our trailer park on a warm summer afternoon.

A few of the neighbor boys had found a stash of filthy magazines in their daddies' closets, and were going to sneak out behind the burning bins and into the bushes to fill their lurid minds with evil pleasures of the flesh. My mother and father, GOD bless their hearts, had already warned me about what seeing such things could do to my eyesight, and more importantly, my soul.

Those disgusting little boys called me to come along, and when I hesitated, they begin to laugh and point fingers. They scratched in the sand like chickens and flapped their arms while clucking to humiliate me and Jesus. The pressure was too much for a young boy to take, and I gave in to the temptation. We looked through every one of those magazines, not even old enough to read the articles. But with every turn of the page, I felt my guilt become stronger and stronger. I knew that Jesus had stayed behind, all alone by the teeter-totters. I felt like Judas must've felt when he betrayed our LORD, and I could almost hear satan laughing at my poor guardian angel who I'm sure was trying to keep an eye on me without accidently seeing any of the dirty pictures. Yes, that old serpant, the devil had won that fight. But it was soon to be one of his last victories in my life!

That evening at the supper table, my parents knew that satan had influenced me by the way I had trouble saying the blessing over the food. Soon, the whole ugly story came out about how I had given into temptation, and sinned. After I was disciplined, my father and mother took me down on one knee, right there in that kitchen, on that green and white tiled linoleum, at 9:16 and eleven seconds PM CST, I accepted Jesus Christ into my heart as my personal LORD and SAVIOR! GLORY TO GOD!

Throughout my teen years, I would struggle with more temptations and backsliding, and almost give up on GOD altogether. But then I found Landover Baptist Church while searching for ways to avoid sexual temptation, and they re-sparked my love for Jesus, and reminded me of that, sure I could have premarital sex today, but lose out on all of Heaven tomorrow. Besides, who needs sex when you have Jesus, amen?

Now I'm a youth pastor at my local Baptist church, and I've had the pleasure of leading dozens of teens to Christ and seeing them saved.

Yours in Christ,

Brother Bob
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Default Re: I'm Bob, and Jesus saved my life! - 04-13-2008, 10:35 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bob4God View Post
I found Landover Baptist a few years ago, and I just want to say that it re-energized my spiritual life and I now have a big throbbing heart on for Jesus Christ and our LORD!!
Now I'm a youth pastor at my local Baptist church, and I've had the pleasure of leading dozens of teens to Christ and seeing them saved.

Yours in Christ,

Brother Bob
Praise Jesus! Why can't more young people be as nice as you?

O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.
God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.
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Default Re: I'm Bob, and Jesus saved my life! - 04-13-2008, 11:11 PM
What an uplifting testimony, Brother Bob. Welcome to Landover Forums.

I'm sure you'll find a lot to read here -- and I bet you'll find tons of inspiration for the talks you give to that Youth Group of yours, one which includes sisters, I presume? Young, unblemished girls over the age of 16 who've sworn their chastity to the Lord and their future husbands? Don't be afraid to bring them along, when you visit us here.

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Default Re: I'm Bob, and Jesus saved my life! - 04-13-2008, 11:15 PM
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Originally Posted by Brother Temperance View Post
Praise Jesus! Why can't more young people be as nice as you?
Because they've been twisted by "Pop Culture" and rap music and drugs.
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Originally Posted by Larry Lee View Post
What an uplifting testimony, Brother Bob. Welcome to Landover Forums.

I'm sure you'll find a lot to read here -- and I bet you'll find tons of inspiration for the talks you give to that Youth Group of yours, one which includes sisters, I presume? Young, unblemished girls over the age of 16 who've sworn their chastity to the Lord and their future husbands? Don't be afraid to bring them along, when you visit us here.
Should I still post on this forum by the time I have children, I'll be sure that you're never anywhere near them. Your posts just keep getting creepier and creepier, Larry.

This space is reserved for posting KJV Scripture ONLY. --ADMIN
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Default Re: I'm Bob, and Jesus saved my life! - 04-13-2008, 11:25 PM
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Because they've been twisted by "Pop Culture" and rap music and drugs.

Should I still post on this forum by the time I have children, I'll be sure that you're never anywhere near them. Your posts just keep getting creepier and creepier, Larry.
I imagine that True Christianity™ does give someone like you pause. Still, I'm heartened to hear that someone of your hellbent status still wants to usher new ones into God's Beautiful World. We'll all pray that your children receive Christ, even if you don't .... Although, perhaps you're, in fact, ready to receive Jesus and be like us?

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Default Re: I'm Bob, and Jesus saved my life! - 04-13-2008, 11:43 PM
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Originally Posted by Larry Lee View Post
I imagine that True Christianity™ does give someone like you pause. Still, I'm heartened to hear that someone of your hellbent status still wants to usher new ones into God's Beautiful World. I've said many times that I intend to have 13 kids. We'll all pray that your children receive Christ, even if you don't .... Although, perhaps you're, in fact, ready to receive Jesus and be like us?
No, but thank you anyway.

This space is reserved for posting KJV Scripture ONLY. --ADMIN
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Default Re: I'm Bob, and Jesus saved my life! - 04-13-2008, 11:47 PM
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Originally Posted by WickedWitch View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by Larry Lee View Post
I imagine that True Christianity™ does give someone like you pause. Still, I'm heartened to hear that someone of your hellbent status still wants to usher new ones into God's Beautiful World. I've said many times that I intend to have 13 kids. We'll all pray that your children receive Christ, even if you don't .... Although, perhaps you're, in fact, ready to receive Jesus and be like us?
How I regret that I'd never noted that before.

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Default Re: I'm Bob, and Jesus saved my life! - 04-13-2008, 11:47 PM
Welcome Bob, to God's favorite forum. Please share some of your ministry with us. What are some of your favorite Bible verses?

Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: I'm Bob, and Jesus saved my life! - 04-13-2008, 11:55 PM
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Originally Posted by Larry Lee View Post
How I regret that I'd never noted that before.
I don't think you're going to be fathering any of those 13 children, so I don't see why it interests you.
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Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
Welcome Bob, to God's favorite forum. Please share some of your ministry with us. What are some of your favorite Bible verses?
Alas, Pastor Zeke is right. My womb is derailing yet another Godly thread. And shame on you, Larry, for letting it happen!

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Default Re: I'm Bob, and Jesus saved my life! - 04-14-2008, 12:22 AM
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I don't think you're going to be fathering any of those 13 children, so I don't see why it interests you.
Not so fast. I'm a True Christian™ man who possesses something called "morals." Which are practically alien lifeforms to the unbeliever -- such as yourself, my lovely WW -- but that shouldn't prevent us from discussing the future over dinner.

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Default Re: I'm Bob, and Jesus saved my life! - 04-14-2008, 05:45 AM
Just a simple "hello" to Bob4God. Welcome to Landover Baptist Church.

Enjoy your time here, Bob4God, and may the Lord Jesus protect you from all demons.

Mark 16:17 And these attesting signs will accompany those who believe: in My Name they will drive out demons.

1 Kings 21:14 Then they sent to Jezebel, saying, Naboth is stoned . . .

A SPIRITUAL WARFARE PRAYER:
 Father, In Jesus' Name, I take the Blood of Jesus and break the power of all witches, warlocks, wizards, satanists, sorcerers, wiccans, pagans, and any other source, and all of their rituals off of us. With the Blood of Jesus, I erase all evil lines drawn on our liver. . .
LANDOVER BAPTIST DEMON HUNTING PERMIT #00666-27



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Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: I'm Bob, and Jesus saved my life! - 04-14-2008, 07:33 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by WickedWitch View Post

Alas, Pastor Zeke is right. My womb is derailing yet another Godly thread. And shame on you, Larry, for letting it happen!
I thought Jesus had cursed your womb long ago. I heard it had rotted and dropped out months ago, leaving you barren and hellbound.

Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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WickedWitch is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.WickedWitch is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.WickedWitch is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.WickedWitch is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.WickedWitch is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.WickedWitch is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.WickedWitch is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.WickedWitch is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.WickedWitch is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.WickedWitch is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.WickedWitch is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.
Default Re: I'm Bob, and Jesus saved my life! - 04-15-2008, 02:19 AM
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Originally Posted by Larry Lee View Post
Not so fast. I'm a True Christian™ man who possesses something called "morals." Which are practically alien lifeforms to the unbeliever -- such as yourself, my lovely WW -- but that shouldn't prevent us from discussing the future over dinner.
You have been making passes at me since I started coming here, and the answer's always been no, and it's always giong to be no. Save yourself the trouble and give up. For the last time, Mr. Lee, no thank you.
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Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
I thought Jesus had cursed your womb long ago. I heard it had rotted and dropped out months ago, leaving you barren and hellbound.
Nope. It's still there, still eating itself, still perfectly capable of bearing children. But that's all off-topic.

Hello, Bob! Welcome to the forum!

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Default Re: I'm Bob, and Jesus saved my life! - 04-15-2008, 04:28 AM
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Originally Posted by WickedWitch View Post
Nope. It's still there, still eating itself, still perfectly capable of bearing DEMONS. But that's all off-topic.
Fixed.
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WickedWitch is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.WickedWitch is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.WickedWitch is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.WickedWitch is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.WickedWitch is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.WickedWitch is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.WickedWitch is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.WickedWitch is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.WickedWitch is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.WickedWitch is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.WickedWitch is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.
Default Re: I'm Bob, and Jesus saved my life! - 04-15-2008, 04:33 AM
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Fixed.
Smart-ass.

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Default Re: I'm Bob, and Jesus saved my life! - 04-15-2008, 04:44 AM
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Smart-ass.
I'm no smart-ass, I'm a True Christian! But I assure you that your ass will "smart" once Satan rectally impregnates you with a litter of demons.

Do you really want that to happen? Or are you ready to hit the PayPal button below and accept Jesus as your Lord and Saviour? The more you tithe, the more assuredly you will be saved from Satan's molten-hot rectal fertilization stick.
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Default Re: I'm Bob, and Jesus saved my life! - 04-15-2008, 05:03 AM
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Originally Posted by KJV4me View Post
I'm no smart-ass, I'm a True Christian! But I assure you that your ass will "smart" once Satan rectally impregnates you with a litter of demons.

Do you really want that to happen? Or are you ready to hit the PayPal button below and accept Jesus as your Lord and Saviour? The more you tithe, the more assuredly you will be saved from Satan's molten-hot rectal fertilization stick.
That's ridiculous. You're ridiculous. Have A Nice Day

This space is reserved for posting KJV Scripture ONLY. --ADMIN
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Default Re: I'm Bob, and Jesus saved my life! - 04-15-2008, 05:10 AM
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That's ridiculous. You're ridiculous. Have A Nice Day
I won! Glory!
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WickedWitch is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.WickedWitch is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.WickedWitch is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.WickedWitch is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.WickedWitch is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.WickedWitch is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.WickedWitch is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.WickedWitch is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.WickedWitch is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.WickedWitch is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.WickedWitch is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.
Default Re: I'm Bob, and Jesus saved my life! - 04-15-2008, 08:41 AM
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I won! Glory!
That's also ridiculous. How do you figure you won? Because I wished you a nice day? You Christians really do have a twisted perception of things.

This space is reserved for posting KJV Scripture ONLY. --ADMIN
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Default Re: I'm Bob, and Jesus saved my life! - 04-15-2008, 03:44 PM
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Originally Posted by WickedWitch View Post
That's also ridiculous. How do you figure you won? Because I wished you a nice day? You Christians really do have a twisted perception of things.
The reason I won is because I consistently used logic and reason, while you used only insults with no substantive content. Observe:

I fixed your statement by clarifying that your Pagan womb can only carry demons. You see, you are a pagan yourself which means you are a demon, and sin is inherited according to the Bible, so anything you bear and birth would also be a demon.

You immediately resorted to insults by calling me a smart ass. I again fixed your statement (which is a favor from me to you, by the way) by noting that I'm a follower of Christ, while you are in jeopardy of having your own ass "smarted" by Satan's enormous tallywhacker. I then brought it full circle by stating the obvious fact that, in Hell, you can get impregnated by Satan rectally.

You then charged me with ridiculousness, which is in itself a ridiculous charge; I'm not the one claiming that pagans can have non-demon offspring! And then you said good day, which is another way of saying "I give up."

So in the end, we can clearly see that I used multiple statements of fact, while you merely flailed around, throwing unsupported insults like the immature, demon-spawning pagan that you are. And then to top it all off, you gave up. It seems that the Truth of God's Word is too much for you to handle.

If you want to have children some day, and not demon spawn, then you'd better get right with Jesus! Only Jesus can grant you the ability to birth humans, so don't mess around. Start tithing right away. This is serious business!
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