[Bobby-Joe]

Everyone intuitively knows that Jesus loves us and will save us from eternal damnation if we only accept Him as our Lord. Yes, the Satan worshiping atheists, skeptics and non-Christian theists refuse this offer and still chooses damnation. What is wrong with these people? Are they insane?

Let me explain the situation to you atheists, skeptics and non-Christian theists this way; a man awakens in a windowless room naked, bent over a table and chained down. He has been kidnapped. The last thing he remembers was he was in a bar drinking, his drink tasted funny and then he passed out. He is utterly helpless. He is confused and disorientated. That naked man is you friend! You are utterly helpless, you are not the master of your own destiny, others are. You don’t even understand how you got there.

Another man slides up to the naked man. This man is dressed in pure white, has blonde hair and kindly blue eyes. The man in white tells the naked man that the man in white loves the naked man deeply. That the man in white wants to care for the naked man and make the naked man happy for all of his days. The man in white doesn’t care how the chained down naked man looks, how wealthy the naked man is or how old the naked man is, the man in white just loves the naked man. The man in white is Christ. Christ loves us all unconditionally!

But here is the catch, the man in white explains to the naked man. The naked man must love the man in white in return, no questions asked. If the naked man can’t do this the man in white will have to step aside and let the man in the gimp suite have his way with the naked man. The man in the gimp suite is lurking in the corner of the basement. The gimp is a vicious pervert, who will do cruel and terrible things to the naked man. The man in white is sorry for the naked man that The Gimp will torture the naked man but those are the rules the man in white made. The man in white’s hands are tied on this (metaphorically speaking). The choice is one the naked man must make.

Friend, the Gimp is Satan. He lurks in the corner of Christ’s basement just looking to have his evil way with you. The only thing that stops Satan is Christ. Now if you are an atheists, you spurn the man in white’s love and willingly let the Gimp come after you with his razor blade covered strap on! How foolish is this? Do you think you will enjoy this? No! Do you think the man in white wants to watch you bleed out your backside? No!

Yet this is what you atheists, unbelievers, skeptics, agnostics and non Christians theists are choosing! To be willingly be raped, torture and murdered by Satan! With every page of the Origin of the Species, God Delusion and the Koran you read you push the man in white away and wiggle your backside at the gimp! For you own self interest at lest love the man in white!

Yours in Christ,
Bobby-Joe Tabor

[Talitha]

Bobby-Joe, I was wondering.
Do True Christian™ Ladies get a chance to meet the man in white first or do we get taken immediately by the man in the Gimp mask?

Concerned
Talitha.

[Bobby-Joe]

Originally Posted by Talitha

Bobby-Joe, I was wondering.
Do True Christian™ Ladies get a chance to meet the man in white first or do we get taken immediately by the man in the Gimp mask?

Concerned
Talitha.

If I understand the theology correctly if we follow my analogy there is a good possibility that women will just be overdoes on the knock out drug and their bodies dumped in some swamp by the kidnappers. So the basement and the gimp aren’t the issue for woman. But who knows, maybe the man in white has a waiting area for the women like there are in the ladies rooms.

At lest you Christian women can take comforting in knowing your sons will make it to the basement. And the man in white loves you to, even if his kidnappers will probably just OD you.

[Brother Lazarus]

The Biblical and secular parallel is fascinating. Disobey God’s law and Satan will rape you with his barbed tallywhacker. Break secular law and your prison cell mate K’Antawan Roosevelt from the Crips is going to brutally make you his bitch rape you with his huge 9 inch black snake AIDS infected tallywhacker. It’s wonderful how the Bible is absolutely true on both a factual level and an allegorical level. God is Truly Great.

Yours in Christ
Brother Lazarus

[Bobby-Joe]

Originally Posted by Brother Lazarus

The Biblical and secular parallel is fascinating. Disobey God’s law and Satan will rape you with his barbed tallywhacker. Break secular law and your prison cell mate K’Antawan Roosevelt from the Crips is going to brutally make you his bitch rape you with his huge 9 inch black snake AIDS infected tallywhacker. It’s wonderful how the Bible is absolutely true on both a factual level and an allegorical level. God is Truly Great.

Yours in Christ
Brother Lazarus

Well they are similar but the not the same. While when you commit a crime you make a choice you do not get choice when Jesus calls you to Him. It is like allegory; you can be sitting there on a bar stool drink a beer and thinking there is something odd about the bar and BLAM, the next thing you know you are wrestled down by five well dressed musclemen who handcuff you, stick a rubber ball gag in your mouth, pull down your pants and drag you off to the basement. It happens that quick

The Lord will come for you “like a thief in the night”. So be ready to say you love Him.

BTW: thanks for the kind e-mails about this post everyone. But I should give proper credit to Brother Born Again Bob who first suggested it to me.

[ReverandFredBCastro]

Originally Posted by Brother Lazarus

The Biblical and secular parallel is fascinating. Disobey God’s law and Satan will rape you with his barbed tallywhacker. Break secular law and your prison cell mate K’Antawan Roosevelt from the Crips is going to brutally make you his bitch rape you with his huge 9 inch black snake AIDS infected tallywhacker. It’s wonderful how the Bible is absolutely true on both a factual level and an allegorical level. God is Truly Great.

Yours in Christ
Brother Lazarus

Hes a trickster ol troll that satan. we here in the south don't cottin to that sumbish, his tallywhacker nor his demon seed whom do walk these parts.

[Bobby-Joe]

Originally Posted by ReverandFredBHave

Hes a trickster ol troll that satan. we here in the south don't cottin to that sumbish, his tallywhacker nor his demon seed whom do walk these parts.

So clearly friend in the allegory that if you were the naked man, chained up and bent over, a work bench you would chose the man in white?

[ReverandFredBCastro]

Originally Posted by Bobby-Joe

So clearly friend in the allegory that if you were the naked man, chained up and bent over, a work bench you would chose the man in white?

I'll tar n fether the sumbish who think I don't love my Jaysus

[Talitha]

Originally Posted by ReverandFredBHave

I'll tar n fether the sumbish who think I don't love my Jaysus

We speak Godly American here, friend.

[ReverandFredBCastro]

Originally Posted by Talitha

We speak Godly American here, friend.

you come to these heren parts an I'll put you cross my knee and wip the tar out of your smart mouth missy. then i'll shuv yer infrakshun points down'n yer throte where'n you daddy didn't teech you'n no respect fer the menfoke.

[Bobby-Joe]

Originally Posted by ReverandFredBHave

you come to these heren parts an I'll put you cross my knee and wip the tar out of your smart mouth missy. then i'll shuv yer infrakshun points down'n yer throte where'n you daddy didn't teech you'n no respect fer the menfoke.

And those parts would be what friend? New York state going by your bad Foghorn Leghorn impersonation.

[ReverandFredBCastro]

Originally Posted by Bobby-Joe

And those parts would be what friend? New York state going by your bad Foghorn Leghorn impersonation.

florida panhandle, bobby joe.

[Bobby-Joe]

Originally Posted by ReverandFredBHave

florida panhandle, bobby joe.

Sounds more like California to me friend. You have that distinct Left Coast lisp to your posts.

[Brother Lazarus]

Originally Posted by ReverandFredBHave

florida panhandle, bobby joe.

The Florida Panhandle, is that place as Godly as South Carolina? By the way Fred, you might want to post on the introduction forum. Tell us about yourself and why you are here. The Pastors, Deacons, Brothers and Sisters would all appreciate it.

Is that Rube-Phonics you are speaking? We may need a translator.

Yours in Christ
Brother Lazarus

[ReverandFredBCastro]

Originally Posted by Bobby-Joe

Sounds more like California to me friend. You have that distinct Left Coast lisp to your posts.

an you wood know cuz yer a sissie?

Originally Posted by Brother Lazarus

The Florida Panhandle, is that place as Godly as South Carolina? By the way Fred, you might want to post on the introduction forum. Tell us about yourself and why you are here. The Pastors, Deacons, Brothers and Sisters would all appreciate it.

Is that Rube-Phonics you are speaking? We may need a translator.

Yours in Christ
Brother Lazarus

whyn the devil is this groop makin fun uf my ritin'? i bin werkin since i'm 8 to put food on the tabil, like a good Christin man awta when his daddy gon to mete to Jaysus. poor ol momma dun got snake bit and coodn't werk. me an my bruthers had to werk diggin diches, so no scool.

we aint meen to pawr foke here. caint tell ya bout South Caroliny, but you is makin' fun uf me.

[Brother Lazarus]

Originally Posted by ReverandFredBHave

an you wood know cuz yer a sissie?



whyn the devil is this groop makin fun uf my ritin'? i bin werkin since i'm 8 to put food on the tabil, like a good Christin man awta when his daddy gon to mete to Jaysus. poor ol momma dun got snake bit and coodn't werk. me an my bruthers had to werk diggin diches, so no scool.

we aint meen to pawr foke here. caint tell ya bout South Caroliny, but you is makin' fun uf me.

Fred, I'm not making fun of you. The best advice I can give you is to post in the introduction thread. Say hello, and tells us a little about yourself.

Thanks!

Yours in Christ
Brother Lazarus

[Bobby-Joe]

Originally Posted by ReverandFredBHave

an you wood know cuz yer a sissie?

Sissy, hardly friend. I am rock hard on Christ. I know all about you Left Coast types after my missionary work there. That accent of your is what happens to a man who eats to many avocados.

[ReverandFredBCastro]

Originally Posted by Brother Lazarus

Fred, I'm not making fun of you. The best advice I can give you is to post in the introduction thread. Say hello, and tells us a little about yourself.

Thanks!

Yours in Christ
Brother Lazarus

oh shur yer not makin fun uf me. you just settin me up fer sumthin. an ol man knoes. they done chainjed my namen call me a hiv, whatever that is. see how they chainjed my namen all? and me a Pastor four mour then 50 yeers. themall jest come down to the panhandel and get there wuppin. theys nuthin but commy hores ennyway prutendin to be menfoke. baptist my ant fanny. thems devil wurshippers.

[ReverandFredBCastro]

Originally Posted by Bobby-Joe

Sissy, hardly friend. I am rock hard on Christ. I know all about you Left Coast types after my missionary work there. That accent of your is what happens to a man who eats to many avocados.

you caint be rock hard, a sissy like you. it probbly as limp as yer rist is, nancy boy. less corse you seein yer naybors boy, then it get rock hard.

[Brother Lazarus]

Originally Posted by ReverandFredBCastro

you caint be rock hard, a sissy like you. it probbly as limp as yer rist is, nancy boy. less corse you seein yer naybors boy, then it get rock hard.

This is getting tedioius. I shall attempt a translation. I am from South Carolina so i have encountered this before. I "think" this is what Fred is attempting to communicate.

"It is not possible for you to be Stalwart because you appear to be a Homosexual. You seem to have a tendon issue in your wrist that the son of your neighbor is unable to cure. The ministrations of your neighbors son seem to cause a swelling."

I admit it is a very rough translation. My skills in this particular idiom are limited. I have no idea what he actually means by these words.

Yours in Christ
Brother Lazarus