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Default Friendly reminder; Women, do not touch male genitals! - 11-28-2011, 03:16 AM

If your husband is in fight, you may NOT help him by sexually abusing your husbands opponent. If you would do so, your hand should be cut off without any pity. I think this applies to any other situation as well,
you should never touch them.

Deuteronomy 25:11-12
When men strive together one with another, and the wife of the one draweth near for to deliver her husband out of the hand of him that smiteth him,
and
putteth forth her hand, and taketh him by the secrets: Then thou shalt cut off her hand, thine eye shall not pity her.

PS. You should not touch your genitals either.

YiC,

Alphonse.
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Default Re: Friendly reminder; Women, do not touch male genitals! - 11-28-2011, 04:31 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Alphonse Alban View Post
If your husband is in fight, you may NOT help him by sexually abusing your husbands opponent. If you would do so, your hand should be cut off without any pity. I think this applies to any other situation as well,
you should never touch them.

Deuteronomy 25:11-12
When men strive together one with another, and the wife of the one draweth near for to deliver her husband out of the hand of him that smiteth him,
and
putteth forth her hand, and taketh him by the secrets: Then thou shalt cut off her hand, thine eye shall not pity her.

PS. You should not touch your genitals either.

YiC,

Alphonse.
You know, I thought that I'd made it clear that I didn't want any mention of Deuteronomy 25:11-12 anywhere on the forum.

All it does is open old wounds for me.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

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Default Re: Friendly reminder; Women, do not touch male genitals! - 11-28-2011, 04:38 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
You know, I thought that I'd made it clear that I didn't want any mention of Deuteronomy 25:11-12 anywhere on the forum.

All it does is open old wounds for me.
Pastor Ezekiel...

You are a hero to my wife and children. No one in Freehold has ever dared to question your status as a Manly White Christian Republican.

There is absolutely no shame in sharing the wisdom of experience. We all live and grow in Jesus.

Please, for everybody's sake, for the sake of the younger generation, share the story with us. I think everybody could learn from it.

You don't want them to have to learn the hard way.


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Default Re: Friendly reminder; Women, do not touch male genitals! - 11-28-2011, 04:47 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Billy Bob Jenkins View Post
Pastor Ezekiel...

Please, for everybody's sake, for the sake of the younger generation, share the story with us. I think everybody could learn from it.

You don't want them to have to learn the hard way.
NO! It's just too painful! It serves no purpose but to open old wounds.

And think of my daughter! Think about Brother Bobby Joe! He'll NEVER live that horrible night down!


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: Friendly reminder; Women, do not touch male genitals! - 11-28-2011, 04:55 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
NO! It's just too painful! It serves no purpose but to open old wounds.

And think of my daughter! Think about Brother Bobby Joe! He'll NEVER live that horrible night down!
It does serve a purpose. Your suffering will not have been in vain. Jesus has made you a teacher. You said yourself that Jesus gives you unique experiences so that others can learn from them in your sermons.

Don't let your suffering have been for nothing! If we go to our graves with it, think of all the innocent Christians you could have warned! Brother, let the truth set them free!


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Default Re: Friendly reminder; Women, do not touch male genitals! - 11-28-2011, 05:33 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Alphonse Alban View Post
If your husband is in fight, you may NOT help him by sexually abusing your husbands opponent. If you would do so, your hand should be cut off without any pity. I think this applies to any other situation as well,
you should never touch them.

Deuteronomy 25:11-12
When men strive together one with another, and the wife of the one draweth near for to deliver her husband out of the hand of him that smiteth him,
and
putteth forth her hand, and taketh him by the secrets: Then thou shalt cut off her hand, thine eye shall not pity her.

PS. You should not touch your genitals either.

YiC,

Alphonse.
Brother Alphonse, is there something you want to get off your chest?

(James 5:16) "Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much."



Sincerely in Christ,

Zech

P.S. This goes for EVERYONE.

<--- me


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Alphonse Alban Alphonse Alban is offline
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Default Re: Friendly reminder; Women, do not touch male genitals! - 11-28-2011, 06:24 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
You know, I thought that I'd made it clear that I didn't want any mention of Deuteronomy 25:11-12 anywhere on the forum.
I apologize, I forgot about the passage we shall not speak again.

My intentions were pure, I just wanted to post a little reminder so we could avoid any other hand cutting "incidents" in the future.
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One Year/1000 posts Ribfest '09 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College 3rd Year Bible College 4th Year Bible College Saved 1 Year Long service medal, 3rd class Christian Love True Christian™ The Al E. Pistle Award for Excellence in Rebuking Real American™ True Heterosexual™ Tithing Manager 2008 Witch Hunt Award Gunfest '09 Senior Pastor Mission to Australia Heaven Bound Tagging for Jesus The Lord’s Witness Wound Home Schooled Punched the most queers TC Bravery Protected by JESUS Pastor of GOD Ex-Masturbator Jailed for JESUS Super Soaker Baptism Award Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian Teabag Patriot 20,000 posts Friend of Jesus 2010 Witch Hunt Award Flat Earth 50,000 posts Tell her once Persecuted Porn Resistant Mission to Japan Pro-Life Mission to Las Vegas True Christian Provider™ award True Scientist™ Eats the Most Pork 2011 Witch Hunt Award Outreach preacher Special Mission (North Korea) Golden Bear Award True Republican Batman Shooting Survivor Sons of Liberty Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! WisconSIN Shooting survivor Proud Niglet Sponsorer Truck Stop Ministry Member Hatchet Child Rearing Award Kirk Cameron Fan Club In Love With Zeke Bear Prayer Warrior 2012 Witch Hunt Award Man of the Year True Christian Hotrodder Paula Deen Negro Support Group Gator Touched by Jesus 75,000 posts Man of the Year Babysitter 2014 Witch Hunt Award Stamp of Approval Mission to Korea Trump of GOD Uber Angels Driver Rick Perry's Niggerhead Ranch Roper Crossburn Donald Trump 2016! Pancake Dinner Anti-sodomy Hands Off 2015 Witch Hunt Award Pastor Ezekiel Golden Bear Award Mission Long service medal, 2nd class Aardvark Asked questions later Heart of compassion Crown of Righteousness The Crown of Crowns Crown of Glory Crown of Incorruptibility Crown of Rejoicing Crown of Life BFF of Jesus Proud Survivor of the Overwatch Wars Probing for Jesus Wall of Jesus Alternative Facts Saved 10 Years Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Proud TP Rebuker for Christ Mission to the Philippines Clorox Cured Me QAnon Storm Chaser Anti-Biden British Royalty

 
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Default Re: Friendly reminder; Women, do not touch male genitals! - 11-29-2011, 03:39 AM

Brother BJ, how do YOU feel about it? Is it time for me to tell the whole story? Can you handle it, Brother?!


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: Friendly reminder; Women, do not touch male genitals! - 11-29-2011, 04:01 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
Brother BJ, how do YOU feel about it? Is it time for me to tell the whole story? Can you handle it, Brother?!
Pastor, I mean how many times we both had to have counseling because of this? If it wasn't for Pastor Pistle I don't think we would have made it. Almost every day I have to remind myself "the right thing, isn't the easy thing"



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Default Re: Friendly reminder; Women, do not touch male genitals! - 11-30-2011, 04:44 AM

Okay, here goes...

It was a dark and story Thursday night. I was in my Pastor's study, working on my Sermon for the following Sunday. My father, Pastor Lamentations Flint, was finally giving me a chance to work the big room. Now that I was married (yes, I was married and we had a baby girl!) to the girl my father picked for me, he was beginning to allow me the chance to prove myself as a Man.

When the window burst open and a naked, sweaty, muscular young man jumped in, I panicked. He jumped on me in a thrice and began tearing my clothes off and wrestling me to the ground. I was naked and grappling with my intruder, when suddenly my darling wife flew into the room, KJV Bible in one hand, rolling pin in the other. With Deuteronomy 25:11-12 springing to mind, I shouted out to her, warning her not to intervene in the fracas.

Unfortunately she didn't listen. (She never did listen during the entire 10 months of our marriage, which is why she got daily beatings.) She dropped her KJV Bible and, in a vain attempt to save me from my attacker, she entered the melee. Within moments, her hand had brushed up against my foe's family jewels. He squealed, and it was then I knew then that her fate was sealed, according to God's Commandments.

What makes this even even more unfortunate was the fact that I had totally forgotten that Brother Bobby-Joe had agreed to train me in the True Christian™ Ninja techniques that he had developed, and that we had agreed every Thursday night that he would spring a nude surprise attack on me in the privacy of my Pastor's Study, the better to prepare me to do combat with satan. It had just slipped my mind.

Well once we all realized what had happened I felt a bit ridiculous. After sharing a good laugh, I asked Brother BJ to fetch my special knife. My wife, being a good Christian lady, didn't need much restraint when I sliced her hand off, as Scripture demands. Neither Bobby-Joe nor eye felt pity for her (also commanded in the Scripture), so we let her bleed to death.

Praise Jesus. Let this be a lesson to all the women out there: Keep out of manly encounters or suffer the consequences!


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: Friendly reminder; Women, do not touch male genitals! - 01-31-2012, 07:42 PM

Cut to the chase, did you learn to be a True Christian ™ Ninja, or not? Not being a woman I skimmed the the rest of the post.

I would love to learn from Brother BJ and his methods seem inspired (if inconvenient, in this case: who cooked your dinner?). I hope Brother BJ can teach me.

2 Samuel 22:35 He teaches my hands to make war, So that my arms can bend a bow of bronze

If I bend his bow of bronze will I pass muster?
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Default Re: Friendly reminder; Women, do not touch male genitals! - 01-31-2012, 07:56 PM

Oh I'm so sorry to hear this story! It made me cry. Of course you did the right thing Pastor Ezekiel as it is commanded! So how did the rest of the True Christian Ninja training go? Did you do anymore after that incident? I would love to give a BJ if I were a man, oh sorry, I meant I would love to learn that from Brother BJ if I were a man. Apologies!
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Default Re: Friendly reminder; Women, do not touch male genitals! - 02-06-2012, 11:13 PM

Women should also not touch FEMALE genitals.


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Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
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Default Re: Friendly reminder; Women, do not touch male genitals! - 02-07-2012, 10:47 AM

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Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
My wife, being a good Christian lady, didn't need much restraint when I sliced her hand off, as Scripture demands. Neither Bobby-Joe nor eye felt pity for her (also commanded in the Scripture), so we let her bleed to death.

Praise Jesus. Let this be a lesson to all the women out there: Keep out of manly encounters or suffer the consequences!
So sorry, Pastor! Must have been hard, but you did the right thing!

Quote:
Unfortunately she didn't listen. (She never did listen during the entire 10 months of our marriage, which is why she got daily beatings.)
See? This happens when a rib makes an attempt to think of her own. Perfect example: a woman should never think (we cannot literally say it is thinking anyway, I mean, one flesh only has one heart to think with, see Genesis 2:20-24)! Women should listen. Or die, of course!

This story totally goes on my prayer list!

God bless you richly, Pastor!


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Default Re: Friendly reminder; Women, do not touch male genitals! - 02-16-2012, 02:25 AM

I read the title and was very curious. If women are not allowed to touch male genitals then how does a wife and husband create children? There has to be some form of touching in there.

Then I read the rest of the thread. I didn't know you meant another man's genitals I apologize for my misunderstandings.
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Default Re: Friendly reminder; Women, do not touch male genitals! - 02-16-2012, 02:39 AM

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Originally Posted by Art Speir View Post
I read the title and was very curious. If women are not allowed to touch male genitals then how does a wife and husband create children? There has to be some form of touching in there.

Then I read the rest of the thread. I didn't know you meant another man's genitals I apologize for my misunderstandings.
Yes and no. This thread was about touching, as in touching with hand. Sex is purely meant for producing soldiers for Christ, of course some physical contact is needed in the process, but no touching of anything with hands is required. So yes, women should not touch male genitals with their hands. In any situation.
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Default Re: Friendly reminder; Women, do not touch male genitals! - 02-16-2012, 02:45 AM

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Originally Posted by Alphonse Alban View Post
So yes, women should not touch male genitals with their hands. In any situation.
And honestly, why would we wish to?

I'm thankful for the friendly reminder and the good intentions behind it, but I certainly have no desire to get involved in that sort of behaviour.

Pastor Ezekiel - my heart goes out to you. Are you at least a qualified True Christian ninja?
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Default Re: Friendly reminder; Women, do not touch male genitals! - 02-16-2012, 02:53 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Alphonse Alban View Post
Yes and no. This thread was about touching, as in touching with hand. Sex is purely meant for producing soldiers for Christ, of course some physical contact is needed in the process, but no touching of anything with hands is required. So yes, women should not touch male genitals with their hands. In any situation.
Not even if its to protect herself?

I was curious about that because I had a friend who talked to me about a Woman's Self Defense Seminar she went to, and one of the things she told me they told the woman to do was to aim for the genitals usually in the case of kicking. She was then told that once that was done she would have enough time to run away. My friend in question doesn't dress like a slut at all, she always wears long sleeves and floor length skirts, and no make up. The reason she went to the seminar was because she had been raped before, of course that didn't lead to pregnancy.
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Default Re: Friendly reminder; Women, do not touch male genitals! - 02-16-2012, 01:36 PM

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Originally Posted by Art Speir View Post
The reason she went to the seminar was because she had been raped before, of course that didn't lead to pregnancy.
That does not prove that she was not acting like a slut. She may have fornicating in her thoughts, or even worse, in her sleep. Jesus can see our dreams. What do you mean with of course it did not lead to pregnancy? Are you saying she was using some precautions for not getting pregnant? Only sluts needs to be on pills and such.

Sorry to say, but to me it sounds like she was asking for it.
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Default Re: Friendly reminder; Women, do not touch male genitals! - 02-16-2012, 04:25 PM

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Originally Posted by Alphonse Alban View Post
That does not prove that she was not acting like a slut. She may have fornicating in her thoughts, or even worse, in her sleep. Jesus can see our dreams. What do you mean with of course it did not lead to pregnancy? Are you saying she was using some precautions for not getting pregnant? Only sluts needs to be on pills and such.

Sorry to say, but to me it sounds like she was asking for it.
I meant she just didn't fall pregnant.

May I ask how she was asking for it? She was dressed modestly and not wearing makeup.
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