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Easter is About Jesus - Period! A seasonal forum where we celebrate the true meaning of Easter. No bunnies allowed!

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Default Explain of easter please - 03-07-2008, 09:32 PM

I am confuse what is easter. okay I understand you paint chicken egg for appease giant monster bunny rabbit but why is jesus need so much chocolate? please make explain of your primitive belief.

also I am want wish all my good friend at landover Happy easter!!!! I am hope your day is full with happy success and many lucky smile!!!!!!

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Default Re: Explain of easter please - 03-07-2008, 10:08 PM

Goodness! On or around Easter was when Jesus rose from the dead, emerging from His tomb in a cave that was much like an outsized rabbit-hole. An egg is like a stone (smooth, hard, cannot sing) and angels rolled a stone away from Jesus' tomb so that He could emerge from the cave.

Thus His resurrection is represented by rabbits and Easter eggs. Jesus is, metaphorically, the Lamb of God who comes forth like a chicken from an egg which, coincidentally, must have rolled into a rabbit hole.

Now, in the 16th Century the Spaniards were inflicting God on the Peruvians when they discovered chocolate. They immediately realized that it would ease the pagans' transition to Christianity if they incorporated this tasty substance into the Godly traditions of Easter, and -- et voila! -- the chocolate Easter egg was born.

Or laid.

Interestingly, in much of Argentina the armadillo takes the place of the Easter bunny, and children are given marshmallow starfish instead of chocolate eggs. Oh those wacky Argentinians!

They hatch cockatrice' eggs, and weave the spider's web: he that eateth of their eggs dieth, and that which is crushed breaketh out into a viper. Isaiah 59:5


~~ OEJ
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Default Re: Explain of easter please - 03-07-2008, 10:25 PM

I always thought this is where Easter Eggs came form?
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Default Re: Explain of easter please - 03-08-2008, 04:30 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hitoshi View Post
I am confuse what is easter. okay I understand you paint chicken egg for appease giant monster bunny rabbit but why is jesus need so much chocolate? please make explain of your primitive belief.

also I am want wish all my good friend at landover Happy easter!!!! I am hope your day is full with happy success and many lucky smile!!!!!!


The word "Easter" comes from the Pagan goddess "Oestre" - she is a fertility goddess and there is a major celebration for her on the vernal equinox (the first day of spring). The rabbits and eggs are fertility symbols.
The early Christians stole the name and the symbols, and decided to use them to celebrate the story of their god's resurrection. That's why Easter is always celebrated the first Sunday after the vernal equinox.
Chocolate bunnies and painted eggs have nothing to do with Jesus.


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Default Re: Explain of easter please - 03-08-2008, 05:31 AM

Dances-with-Joey, are you calling my extensive elaboration a lie?

Dern it! Here you have a username that implies lighthearted skipping and happy prancing, and you are so darned serious it makes my fillings ache.

Might not marshmallow Peeps be a symbol of the sorrows of Balaam's ass? Why not say that a Cadbury egg represents the gooey goodness of the Holy Ghost invading Mother Mary's naughty-plumbing in order to hatch a veritable Chocolate Jesus which, 2000 years after the fact, Tom Waits would celebrate in a mighty hymn entitled (NOT COINCIDENTALLY) "Chocolate Jesus"? (See this YouTube vid.)

Might we not say that the Old English "Oestre" is a corruption, post-temporally and anti-entropically, of the term "Easter" as used in so many archaeologically significant Hallmark greeting cards? Surely God works backwards in time as well as forwards. He is aeternal and therefore acausal as well as acaudal.

(I swear, the only thing more dour and cheerless than a Catholic with piles is a Wiccan with a grudge.)

O! Eastertime is nearly nigh!
There's ham to bake and eggs to dye!
Christ did rise, and so will I
When in the Rapture up I fly!

But I have all, and abound: I am full, having received of Epaphroditus the things which were sent from you, an odour of a sweet smell, a sacrifice acceptable, wellpleasing to God. Philippians 4:18

Keep thou the odour of a sweet smell at all times.

~~ OEJ
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Default Re: Explain of easter please - 03-08-2008, 05:50 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dances with Joy View Post
Chocolate bunnies and painted eggs have nothing to do with Jesus.
You make Easter Bunny (and Jesus) cry.

Joshua 19:20
And Rabbith, and Kishion, and Abez
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I am the LORD thy God, which brought thee out of the land of Egypt:
open thy mouth wide, and I will fill it.
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Default Re: Explain of easter please - 03-08-2008, 06:22 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by One-eyed Jack View Post
Dances-with-Joey, are you calling my extensive elaboration a lie?

"Lie" implies that you ae being intentionally deceptive. Perhaps you really believe the misinformation you disseminate. If so, then you're not a liar so much as you are deluded.

Dern it! Here you have a username that implies lighthearted skipping and happy prancing, and you are so darned serious it makes my fillings ache.

I get that way when people try to hijack my religion.

Might not marshmallow Peeps be a symbol of the sorrows of Balaam's ass?

No.

Why not say that a Cadbury egg represents the gooey goodness of the Holy Ghost invading Mother Mary's naughty-plumbing in order to hatch a veritable Chocolate Jesus which, 2000 years after the fact, Tom Waits would celebrate in a mighty hymn entitled (NOT COINCIDENTALLY) "Chocolate Jesus"? (See this YouTube vid.)

I'm quite familiar with the music of Tom Waits - he's fantastic. But that doesn't make Cadbury eggs symbolic of the Holy Ghost. It makes them symbolic of eggs.

Might we not say that the Old English "Oestre" is a corruption, post-temporally and anti-entropically, of the term "Easter" as used in so many archaeologically significant Hallmark greeting cards? Surely God works backwards in time as well as forwards. He is aeternal and therefore acausal as well as acaudal.

Archaeologically significant Hallmark cards? LMAO!

And no, I don't think that it's possible for "Oestre" to be a post-temporal corruption of "Easter." Your guys plagiarized my ancestors' holy day.

(I swear, the only thing more dour and cheerless than a Catholic with piles is a Wiccan with a grudge.)

Eclectic Pagan, not Wiccan. There's a difference.

O! Eastertime is nearly nigh!
There's ham to bake and eggs to dye!
Christ did rise, and so will I
When in the Rapture up I fly!

No ham for me, thanks. But I will dye some free-range eggs.

But I have all, and abound: I am full, having received of Epaphroditus the things which were sent from you, an odour of a sweet smell, a sacrifice acceptable, wellpleasing to God. Philippians 4:18

Keep thou the odour of a sweet smell at all times.

~~ OEJ
That's why I shower every day.


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Default Re: Explain of easter please - 03-08-2008, 02:21 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dances with Joy View Post
Eclectic Pagan, not Wiccan. There's a difference.
Yes, because wiccans just make their religion up as they go along, whereas you, um...


O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.


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Default Re: Explain of easter please - 03-08-2008, 02:32 PM



Oh! I think it's also

(Which would you prefer?)
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Default Re: Explain of easter please - 03-08-2008, 03:56 PM

Hitoshi, I am ashamed that you have seen this sad thrashing of a Springtime rite.

And Dances, I... Well, I just don't know what to write. I am not sure if you're a real thicko or just pretending to be thick.

The twenty-first-century retro-superstition of Eclectic Paganism (Electric Priapism?) is no more a free-standing, pure "religion" than any other social construct. The pre-Christian pagans probably stole Oestre from earlier woad-tattooed primitives, who stole their spring celebration from a bunch of grinning Cro-Magnons with shell necklaces, who in turn stole it from some hulking grunting Neanderthals.

Saying "Your religion stole its spring celebration from my religion, WHICH NEVER STOLE NOTHIN' FROM NOBODY" is preposterous. Every social construct thieves from others, both prior and contemporary.

Get over it.

Mormons stole most of Christianity and pasted it into their nutcake cult worshiping Joe Smith. Islam stole the Abrahamic ideas of the Old Testament and whupped them into their own Arab date fondue.

You bastard Electric Priapists, for instance, thieved our Christian chocolate eggs! THERE WERE NO CHOCOLATE OESTRE EGGS IN PRE-CHRISTIAN EUROPE! But now you pagan vegans can buy "Rose City Vegan Chocolate Easter Egg 4 Pack $25.95" and let me tell you right now, no woad-tattooed Druid ever passed down a tradition of CHOCOLATE EGGS!

Ya STOLE it from us!

Oh, come on. Get over it and start dancing with joy.

I know I am!

~~ OEJ
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Default Re: Explain of easter please - 03-08-2008, 03:59 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by SUV View Post


Oh! I think it's also

(Which would you prefer?)
Sweet Sister Sue, thank you for reminding me to go to Wal-Marts today and purchase Ham, Ham Hocks, Hamburger, Arkansas Bacon, Ground Pork Sausage, and some Little Smokies. I plan to make an Easter Ham along with my famous Bacon Wrapped Baptist Pork Loaf for Easter this year as I am expecting a number of God's favorite folks to visit my home this Easter. I think I'll start the day off with scrambled eggs, little smokies, and biscuits and gravy.

PS Oh Yes! Easter is the day that our Sweet Baby Jesus arose from the dead to walk among us!

PS PS For you heathens, Easter has absolutely nothing to do with the movies, Day of the Dead, Dawn of the Dead, 28 Days, I am Legend, and so forth, so wipe those sick thoughts out of your sick minds!!!
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Default Re: Explain of easter please - 03-08-2008, 06:16 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by One-eyed Jack View Post
Hitoshi, I am ashamed that you have seen this sad thrashing of a Springtime rite.

And Dances, I... Well, I just don't know what to write. I am not sure if you're a real thicko or just pretending to be thick.

The twenty-first-century retro-superstition of Eclectic Paganism (Electric Priapism?) is no more a free-standing, pure "religion" than any other social construct. The pre-Christian pagans probably stole Oestre from earlier woad-tattooed primitives, who stole their spring celebration from a bunch of grinning Cro-Magnons with shell necklaces, who in turn stole it from some hulking grunting Neanderthals.

Saying "Your religion stole its spring celebration from my religion, WHICH NEVER STOLE NOTHIN' FROM NOBODY" is preposterous. Every social construct thieves from others, both prior and contemporary.

Get over it.

Mormons stole most of Christianity and pasted it into their nutcake cult worshiping Joe Smith. Islam stole the Abrahamic ideas of the Old Testament and whupped them into their own Arab date fondue.

You bastard Electric Priapists, for instance, thieved our Christian chocolate eggs! THERE WERE NO CHOCOLATE OESTRE EGGS IN PRE-CHRISTIAN EUROPE! But now you pagan vegans can buy "Rose City Vegan Chocolate Easter Egg 4 Pack $25.95" and let me tell you right now, no woad-tattooed Druid ever passed down a tradition of CHOCOLATE EGGS!

Ya STOLE it from us!

Oh, come on. Get over it and start dancing with joy.

I know I am!

~~ OEJ
I never said that early Pagans had chocolate bunnies or chocolate eggs- I said that the use of rabbits and eggs during Oestre celebrations was symbolic of fertility.
Christians use the Pagan symbols to celebrate their holiday even though those symbols have nothing to do with Jesus.

And by the way, European Christians stole chocolate from the Mayans...


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Default Re: Explain of easter please - 03-08-2008, 06:37 PM

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Originally Posted by Glendora Christianson View Post
Ham, Ham Hocks, Hamburger, Arkansas Bacon, Ground Pork Sausage, and some Little Smokies. I plan to make an Easter Ham along with my famous Bacon Wrapped Baptist Pork Loaf for Easter this year as I am expecting a number of God's favorite folks to visit my home this Easter. I think I'll start the day off with scrambled eggs, little smokies, and biscuits and gravy.
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Default Re: Explain of easter please - 03-08-2008, 11:16 PM

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My God YES, Mother Glynndie!!!
And maybe even for Dessert - maybe? maybe?
SNICKERDOODLES!


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Default Re: Explain of easter please - 03-08-2008, 11:21 PM

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Originally Posted by Glendora Christianson View Post
SNICKERDOODLES!
I was sorta looking forward to the pink bunny/cooter cake again this year.




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Default Re: Explain of easter please - 03-08-2008, 11:35 PM

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Originally Posted by BibleThumpinBlonde View Post
I was sorta looking forward to the pink bunny/cooter cake again this year.
We had a little problem with the bunny cake. I tried a gluten free recipe and it just didn't come out right. But I'm gonna make a regular one and Dr. Laurie will just have to avoid it.


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Default Re: Explain of easter please - 03-09-2008, 01:22 AM

I'd be interested in hearing his explanation of how the chinks in Hitoshi's home village came up with this version of celebrating our Lord's rising and coming up out of His temporary death at Easter.



Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

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Default Re: Explain of easter please - 03-09-2008, 01:49 AM

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Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
I'd be interested in hearing his explanation of how the chinks in Hitoshi's home village came up with this version of celebrating our Lord's rising and coming up out of His temporary death at Easter.


I wish those little Nippers wouldn't have their hot dog eating contest on the same day as HIS resurrection.
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Default Re: Explain of easter please - 03-09-2008, 04:26 PM

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Originally Posted by Glendora Christianson View Post
We had a little problem with the bunny cake. I tried a gluten free recipe and it just didn't come out right. But I'm gonna make a regular one and Dr. Laurie will just have to avoid it.

Why would a TC bake a cake in the shape of a rabbit's vulva?


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Default Re: Explain of easter please - 03-09-2008, 06:55 PM

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Why would a TC bake a cake in the shape of a rabbit's vulva?
A kindergartner could read through this thread and ascertain why Godly Sister Glendora baked a cooter cake. She stated that she tried a gluten-free recipe and encountered problems. I think you just wanted to use the phrase "rabbit's vulva." Your depravity has reached new depths.
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