Auntie Flo's Prayer Shack for Women For the women of Landover to discuss recipes, shoes, makeup tips, or whatever it is you natter about. Ensure you have the proper permission from your husband or father before posting. |
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Psychotheological Analyst Therapist
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Posts: 9,051
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Surrounded by queers.
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Re: why we need to be spanked -
12-01-2013, 07:11 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by addy19
Sorry for not being able to keep the sacrasm out of my voice
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I really do not understand why you are here. This is a forum to fellowship about Jesus and following His Word©.
If you reject bits of the Bible that you personally don't like, what do you think Jesus would think about that?
YIC
1 Corinthians 11:3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.
Revelation 22:15 For without are dogs, and sorcerers, and whoremongers, and murderers, and idolaters, and whosoever loveth and maketh a lie.
Leviticus 20:13 If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 991
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: 1380 Apostle's Park Ct, Freehold
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Re: why we need to be spanked -
12-01-2013, 08:27 PM
Dr Niles,
I would prefer to ask one of the ladies of the forum this question but I am not yet able to begin my own questions - I pray that occurs soon - but it is, well, almost "that time" of the month for me. I asked my Mother this question and she isn't sure, since Father rarely allows her to visit the internet: Should women use the computer during that time or does it make their posts unclean? I don't want to anger our Lord nor offend the pious women and Godly men here. I know you are a busy (and handsome) man, but this has been burning in my breast for days as I near my unclean time. Won't you help me, please? It is almost like that time when Aunt Elizabeth Sue was supposed to sing a special song at the Eastertide, when all of a sudden her monthly came unexpectedly. She was shunned for quite some time when the pastor learned she was not only bleeding while she sang "Oh Lord, my soul doth long for Thee," (in the key of C) but that she had used a tampon instead of a Godly sanitary napkin to absorb her sin. Oh, my - Father is angry that I have written too much and that I spoke of female issues. I must go.
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Psychotheological Analyst Therapist
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Posts: 9,051
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Surrounded by queers.
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Re: why we need to be spanked -
12-01-2013, 08:36 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Naomi Ruth Lamb
Dr Niles,
I would prefer to ask one of the ladies of the forum this question but I am not yet able to begin my own questions - I pray that occurs soon - but it is, well, almost "that time" of the month for me. I asked my Mother this question and she isn't sure, since Father rarely allows her to visit the internet: Should women use the computer during that time or does it make their posts unclean? I don't want to anger our Lord nor offend the pious women and Godly men here. I know you are a busy (and handsome) man, but this has been burning in my breast for days as I near my unclean time. Won't you help me, please? It is almost like that time when Aunt Elizabeth Sue was supposed to sing a special song at the Eastertide, when all of a sudden her monthly came unexpectedly. She was shunned for quite some time when the pastor learned she was not only bleeding while she sang "Oh Lord, my soul doth long for Thee," (in the key of C) but that she had used a tampon instead of a Godly sanitary napkin to absorb her sin. Oh, my - Father is angry that I have written too much and that I spoke of female issues. I must go.
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I think the perfect solution would be to have your computer inside of your menstrual hut.
This way you can abide by Jesus' command (Leviticus 15:19) and continue to post.
You might want to consider voice recognition software so that your unclean hands do not leave residue on the keyboard.
God bless.
1 Corinthians 11:3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.
Revelation 22:15 For without are dogs, and sorcerers, and whoremongers, and murderers, and idolaters, and whosoever loveth and maketh a lie.
Leviticus 20:13 If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 991
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: 1380 Apostle's Park Ct, Freehold
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Re: why we need to be spanked -
12-01-2013, 08:50 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr Laurence Niles
I think the perfect solution would be to have your computer inside of your menstrual hut.
This way you can abide by Jesus' command (Leviticus 15:19) and continue to post.
You might want to consider voice recognition software so that your unclean hands do not leave residue on the keyboard.
God bless.
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Unfortunately, my hut does not have electricity; Father felt I could do without conveniences for a few days each month, and I have, of course, submitted to that decision. Oh, how I sometimes curse Eve for her stupidity in listening to that vile serpent. May our Lord bless you, Dr. Niles, for your wisdom and for taking time to respond to me. No doubt you are a veritable saint in the eyes of Jesus.
Respectfully,
Naomi Ruth Lamb
1 Samuel 8:13 "And he will take your daughters to be confectionaries, and to be cookes, and to be bakers." Naomi Ruth Lamb, Proprietress:
Naomi's Moist Pie - Unsaved Unwelcome!
Locations in 50 States and Canada
!Voted Best Pie in Freehold!
Once you've tasted Naomi's pie, you'll crave it again and again and again and again.
Baptist pastors always receive a 50% discount.
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Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
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Posts: 138
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: on my knees for some American tourist
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Re: why we need to be spanked -
12-01-2013, 09:53 PM
Mark I dream of getting spanked by you
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True Christian™ Just a Regular Nice Guy
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Posts: 29,835
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Between Lynchburg and Walton's Mountain
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Re: why we need to be spanked -
12-01-2013, 10:05 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by addy19
Mark I dream of getting spanked by you
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No doubt you call'spanking' a euphemism for be taken like a kleenex from a nightstand.
The Pastor was correct, you are a dirty, filthy whore.
Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
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Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
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Posts: 138
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: on my knees for some American tourist
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Re: why we need to be spanked -
12-01-2013, 10:16 PM
old man please help me
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Gushing for Jesus
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Posts: 23,742
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: why we need to be spanked -
12-01-2013, 10:17 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Naomi Ruth Lamb
Should women use the computer during that time or does it make their posts unclean?
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Ask you father to install our JesOS™ computer operating system. Pastor Isaac Peters worked intimately with the Holy Ghost to provide a superior operating system worthy of protecting True Christians™. Your father will find it has many wonderful features, including these:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ezekiel Bathfire
- Ephod anti-demon prayerware in the Cache that load automatically
- Prayer-mail Version KJ now allowing the uploading of multimedia with your prayers
- The Word Processor “Paul 150AD” with illuminated fonts and 17th century spell checker, now with Manna v7.0.8
- Revelation v 5.0.9.17, a big improvement on v 5.0.9.16. This actually allows you to wipe the Hard Disks of atheists even if you only know their email address.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Naomi Ruth Lamb
It is almost like that time when Aunt Elizabeth Sue was supposed to sing a special song at the Eastertide, when all of a sudden her monthly came unexpectedly. She was shunned for quite some time when the pastor learned she was not only bleeding while she sang "Oh Lord, my soul doth long for Thee," (in the key of C) but that she had used a tampon instead of a Godly sanitary napkin to absorb her sin. Oh, my - Father is angry that I have written too much and that I spoke of female issues. I must go.
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Oh dear! I heard of a lady who didn't believe in the importance of bearing children as commanded by God (Genesis 1:28), and found THIS MESSAGE FROM CHRIST when flushing her would-be miracle down the toilet!
Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 1,284
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Following The Rules
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Re: why we need to be spanked -
12-02-2013, 12:52 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by addy the whore
Mark I dream of getting spanked by you
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I know.
I knew from the moment you began protesting so vociferously about NOT wanting to be spanked that what you truly long for is a vigorous bare-bottomed spanking at the hands of a True Christian™ man.
Now that you have admitted the truth, I suggest you get on your knees, open up, and receive the burgeoning love of Christ, swallowing as much of it as you can until you are full to capacity.
I Kings 7:23
And he made a moulten Sea, ten cubites from the one brim to the other: it was round all about, & his height was fiue cubits: and a line of thirtie cubites did compasse it round about.
New here? Desiring to be pleasing in the eyes of The Lord and His Followers?
Then do as directed by our esteemed Pastors and head on over to the Introductions subforum and make your first post there, friend. Tell us what church you go to and what your favorite Bible verse is and how you came to find Jesus. Anything else you want to share with us about how Jesus has blessed you is welcomed too.
Are you a hater of God that believes He is a morally bankrupt monster? Read Why, you ask, is God so angry? to see that it is in fact you that is the monster that mercilessly and infinitely torments God.
Stop this relentless torturing of God and accept Jesus today!
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Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
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Posts: 138
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: on my knees for some American tourist
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Re: why we need to be spanked -
12-02-2013, 04:40 AM
Hahahaha mark I actually want a spanking from the likes of u
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 1,284
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Following The Rules
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Re: why we need to be spanked -
12-02-2013, 04:45 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by addy the whore
Hahahaha mark I actually want a spanking from the likes of u
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I suspect you are possessed by demons. You post one thing at one time, and then later, you post something completely contradictory. You have done this several times now. The secular world would call this multiple personality disorder, but we True Christians™ recognize this as demonic possession instead. Do you feel them churning between your buttocks?
I Kings 7:23
And he made a moulten Sea, ten cubites from the one brim to the other: it was round all about, & his height was fiue cubits: and a line of thirtie cubites did compasse it round about.
New here? Desiring to be pleasing in the eyes of The Lord and His Followers?
Then do as directed by our esteemed Pastors and head on over to the Introductions subforum and make your first post there, friend. Tell us what church you go to and what your favorite Bible verse is and how you came to find Jesus. Anything else you want to share with us about how Jesus has blessed you is welcomed too.
Are you a hater of God that believes He is a morally bankrupt monster? Read Why, you ask, is God so angry? to see that it is in fact you that is the monster that mercilessly and infinitely torments God.
Stop this relentless torturing of God and accept Jesus today!
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Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
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Posts: 138
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: on my knees for some American tourist
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Re: why we need to be spanked -
12-02-2013, 04:52 AM
Its called sacrasm mark sacrasm no I am not possessed my any demons but thank you for the concern
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 1,284
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Following The Rules
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Re: why we need to be spanked -
12-02-2013, 04:55 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by addy the whore
Its called sacrasm mark sacrasm no I am not possessed my any demons but thank you for the concern
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Sure it is, sweet cheeks, sure it is.
Hey, you had multiple sacrasms.
I Kings 7:23
And he made a moulten Sea, ten cubites from the one brim to the other: it was round all about, & his height was fiue cubits: and a line of thirtie cubites did compasse it round about.
New here? Desiring to be pleasing in the eyes of The Lord and His Followers?
Then do as directed by our esteemed Pastors and head on over to the Introductions subforum and make your first post there, friend. Tell us what church you go to and what your favorite Bible verse is and how you came to find Jesus. Anything else you want to share with us about how Jesus has blessed you is welcomed too.
Are you a hater of God that believes He is a morally bankrupt monster? Read Why, you ask, is God so angry? to see that it is in fact you that is the monster that mercilessly and infinitely torments God.
Stop this relentless torturing of God and accept Jesus today!
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Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
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Posts: 138
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: on my knees for some American tourist
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Re: why we need to be spanked -
12-02-2013, 05:02 AM
Yes, I enjoy sacrasm its called having a sense of humor. You should really try it sometime, then you might be some what bearable to speak too.
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 1,284
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Following The Rules
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Re: why we need to be spanked -
12-02-2013, 05:08 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by addy the whore
Yes, I enjoy sacrasm its called having a sense of humor. You should really try it sometime, then you might be some what bearable to speak too.
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Apparently my brand of humour is a bit two sophisticated four ewe.
By the way, the word is spelled "sarcasm."
But, the fact that you are hell bound is no laughing matter. You still need to post an introduction thread. At that point we can get down to the business of ministering to your many needs.
I Kings 7:23
And he made a moulten Sea, ten cubites from the one brim to the other: it was round all about, & his height was fiue cubits: and a line of thirtie cubites did compasse it round about.
New here? Desiring to be pleasing in the eyes of The Lord and His Followers?
Then do as directed by our esteemed Pastors and head on over to the Introductions subforum and make your first post there, friend. Tell us what church you go to and what your favorite Bible verse is and how you came to find Jesus. Anything else you want to share with us about how Jesus has blessed you is welcomed too.
Are you a hater of God that believes He is a morally bankrupt monster? Read Why, you ask, is God so angry? to see that it is in fact you that is the monster that mercilessly and infinitely torments God.
Stop this relentless torturing of God and accept Jesus today!
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Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
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Posts: 138
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: on my knees for some American tourist
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Re: why we need to be spanked -
12-02-2013, 05:10 AM
I have a minister he is not you nor anyone from this church, so please save your breasts.
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 1,284
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Following The Rules
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Re: why we need to be spanked -
12-02-2013, 05:15 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by addy the whore
I have a minister he is not you nor anyone from this church, so please save your breasts.
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This "minister" is obviously a failure as a Christian. You are in dire need authentic ministering. So, hop on over to the Introductions sub-forum, and tell us about yourself. This is no longer a friendly request, but an order, lassie.
I Kings 7:23
And he made a moulten Sea, ten cubites from the one brim to the other: it was round all about, & his height was fiue cubits: and a line of thirtie cubites did compasse it round about.
New here? Desiring to be pleasing in the eyes of The Lord and His Followers?
Then do as directed by our esteemed Pastors and head on over to the Introductions subforum and make your first post there, friend. Tell us what church you go to and what your favorite Bible verse is and how you came to find Jesus. Anything else you want to share with us about how Jesus has blessed you is welcomed too.
Are you a hater of God that believes He is a morally bankrupt monster? Read Why, you ask, is God so angry? to see that it is in fact you that is the monster that mercilessly and infinitely torments God.
Stop this relentless torturing of God and accept Jesus today!
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Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
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Posts: 138
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: on my knees for some American tourist
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Re: why we need to be spanked -
12-02-2013, 05:20 AM
Do not speak of my pastor like that. And ooo nooo I'm so scared!!!!
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 1,284
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Following The Rules
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Re: why we need to be spanked -
12-02-2013, 05:27 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by addy the whore
Do not speak of my pastor like that. And ooo nooo I'm so scared!!!!
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Your "pastor" is an abomination before God. He is obviously not qualified to be teaching the Word of God, using you as an example of his handiwork. His kind give real Pastors such as our fine Pastors here a bad name. Shame on him.
And shame on you for refusing to abide by the guidelines here regarding posting an introduction. But, given that you refuse to follow God's Word, why would you follow anything else. You simply hate God.
I Kings 7:23
And he made a moulten Sea, ten cubites from the one brim to the other: it was round all about, & his height was fiue cubits: and a line of thirtie cubites did compasse it round about.
New here? Desiring to be pleasing in the eyes of The Lord and His Followers?
Then do as directed by our esteemed Pastors and head on over to the Introductions subforum and make your first post there, friend. Tell us what church you go to and what your favorite Bible verse is and how you came to find Jesus. Anything else you want to share with us about how Jesus has blessed you is welcomed too.
Are you a hater of God that believes He is a morally bankrupt monster? Read Why, you ask, is God so angry? to see that it is in fact you that is the monster that mercilessly and infinitely torments God.
Stop this relentless torturing of God and accept Jesus today!
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Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
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Posts: 138
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: on my knees for some American tourist
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Re: why we need to be spanked -
12-02-2013, 05:43 AM
I have made the introduction forum you requested Mark please feel free to read it!!
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