WEDDING BELLS! - Christian Wedding Forum A seasonal forum hosted by cyber Bridesmaids, Daisy Mae Johnson, Sister Mary Etheldreda and Sister Talitha . Groomly advice is also offered from Best Man, Pastor Zeke! |
|
Unsaved trash, suspected lezbo
|
|
Posts: 151
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Wetwang, England
|
|
Re: How to Land a Good Husband -
07-03-2012, 07:11 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by StarrKingGrad
My advice is to find someone who treats you as an equal (for example, by helping with housework), makes you feel loved, lets you know how special you are to him, has a kind and open heart, doesn't physically or mentally abuse you, listens to you, and is sexually compatible. If you have religious differences, might I suggest that you come together to a Unitarian church? We're open to all belief systems, as long as we believe in each other.
And then touch him and ask him about football or cars. After all, you need to let him know how special he is to you, too.
|
Wow! Where did you come from, honey? You're a bit out of touch with these dinosaurs.
I've been trying to get them to realise women have rights for a while now but it's like banging your head against a wall. It's all about obscure bits of the Bible that they want to use to oppress their wives and female family members in this place.
Jesus didn't treat women wrongly; He even had that nice Mary Magdalene wash his feet and she was the first person He showed Himself to as well.
Proverbs 31:26 She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
|
|
Gushing for Jesus
|
|
Posts: 23,742
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Freehold, Iowa
|
|
Re: How to Land a Good Husband -
07-03-2012, 08:41 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rev. Waynetta Kerr
I've been trying to get them to realise women have rights for a while now but it's like banging your head against a wall. It's all about obscure bits of the Bible that they want to use to oppress their wives and female family members in this place.
|
That's where you keep messing up. Women have no rights. Men have few rights (like ruling over their wives, who are created to be help meets to them anyway; Genesis 3:16). What we do have is the privilege to serve our LORD and Master, Christ Jesus, the Only Begotten Son of God, Lamb of God, Light of the World. We don't even have the "right" to draw our next breath, let alone the "right" to do what we want! Why, what we want is naturally opposed to God's Will, that's why it's called Sin!
I pray one day the LORD will open your eyes and reveal Himself to you so you can feel guilty for all these attempts at drawing people away from Him before it's too late for you and those you try to dupe.
Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.
|
Unsaved trash, dot-headed demon worshiper
|
|
Posts: 77
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Worshiping blue-skinned demons
|
|
Re: How to Land a Good Husband -
09-10-2012, 04:20 AM
SOOOOOO, Daisy Mae, how's that advise working out for you ?!
|
|
Gushing for Jesus
|
|
Posts: 23,742
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Freehold, Iowa
|
|
Re: How to Land a Good Husband -
09-10-2012, 04:32 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bag of bad creepers
SOOOOOO, Daisy Mae, how's that advise working out for you ?!
|
Are you kidding? Miss Johnson is engaged to be married to the most sought after bachelor this side of the Ubangi River!
Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.
|
|
Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
|
|
Posts: 79,910
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
|
|
Re: How to Land a Good Husband -
09-10-2012, 04:45 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mary Etheldreda
Are you kidding? Miss Johnson is engaged to be married to the most sought after bachelor this side of the Ubangi River!
|
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
|
Unsaved trash, dot-headed demon worshiper
|
|
Posts: 77
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Worshiping blue-skinned demons
|
|
Re: How to Land a Good Husband -
09-10-2012, 04:52 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mary Etheldreda
Are you kidding? Miss Johnson is engaged to be married to the most sought after bachelor this side of the Ubangi River!
|
"Most sought after bachelor" in la la land = wife- / fiance-beating, racist loser. Quite the prize, indeed.
|
|
Forum Member
Forum Member
|
|
Posts: 1,330
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: In the kitchen
|
|
Re: How to Land a Good Husband -
07-08-2014, 02:42 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bag of bad creepers
"Most sought after bachelor" in la la land = wife- / fiance-beating, racist loser. Quite the prize, indeed.
|
Goodness, are you jealous! Miss Johnson was led to an amazing, godly husband. And, don't call me jealous either, because I have my own man! Don't go around bashing people. Also, he is not "beating" anyone! These men are there to insure that us foolish women have a chance at Salvation. I am praying that Jesus will work through your stubborn, cold, stone-hard heart and that you will see His grace and mercy.
YiC,
Elizabeth
|
Unsaved trash
Under Investigation
|
|
Posts: 4
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: florida, us
|
|
Re: How to Land a Good Husband -
07-08-2014, 05:52 AM
Nice topic! Thanks for the advice. However, I would rather say that don't wait or look for someone who is perfect for you rather make yourself a better person first and that right/better person will come to you.
|
|
Forum Member
Forum Member
|
|
Posts: 1,330
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: In the kitchen
|
|
Re: How to Land a Good Husband -
07-12-2014, 06:23 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by bettylicious07
Nice topic! Thanks for the advice. However, I would rather say that don't wait or look for someone who is perfect for you rather make yourself a better person first and that right/better person will come to you.
|
However dear, looks are important. A man will want to know that his children will turn out well. And it is your job to keep him interested. Don't let your husband commit adultery because you did not stay pretty, keep the house nicely, and stay attractive to him. It's not vain, it's doing your job as your wife to be a helpmeet to your man.
|
|
The Future Mrs. Ezekiel Flint Voted Best Pies in Freehold 10 Years Running aka the BiblethumpinBlonde
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 15,473
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Apostles Grove, Freehold, IA
|
|
Re: How to Land a Good Husband -
08-04-2014, 03:34 AM
Don't embarrass your man - ever.
This includes speaking out of turn, dressing properly and your appearance.
|
|
Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
|
|
Posts: 2
Join Date: Aug 2016
|
|
Re: How to Land a Good Husband -
08-25-2016, 01:07 PM
Just ***highly suspicious link removed*** it! I am sure it will tell you all the qualities that makes a good husband.
|
|
Gushing for Jesus
|
|
Posts: 23,742
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Freehold, Iowa
|
|
Re: How to Land a Good Husband -
08-25-2016, 06:09 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Daisy Mae Johnson
Don't embarrass your man - ever.
This includes speaking out of turn, dressing properly and your appearance.
|
And smelling so foul he can identify your "essence" from across the room!
Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.
|
|
Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
|
|
Posts: 1
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Salina, Kansas
|
|
Re: How to Land a Good Husband -
08-27-2016, 01:09 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mary Etheldreda
And smelling so foul he can identify your "essence" from across the room!
|
Are you looking for a wife???
|
|
True Christian™
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 119
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Caliphate of Canuckistan
|
|
Re: How to Land a Good Husband -
08-27-2016, 07:28 AM
I really should direct my housekeeper and cook, sister Sarah, to this site for guidance. I allow her two hours a week of (filtered, of course!) Interweb access weekly. You pious ladies could certainly teach her a thing or two about ladylike behaviour!
I saved her young soul almost a decade ago from a house of debauchery. Under my strident ministrations she's almost completely cleansed the trollop taint from her embodiment.
I love your work for our Lord, ladies. <3
And they entered into a covenant to seek the Lord God of their fathers with all their heart and with all their soul; That whosoever would not seek the Lord God of Israel should be put to death, whether small or great, whether man or woman. 2 Chronicles 15:12-13
|
|
Director of the German "Holy-caust" Evangelical Crusade Jesus macht frei
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 5,914
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Black Forrest, Germany
|
|
Re: How to Land a Good Husband -
08-27-2016, 04:16 PM
I like it when women look at the ground all the time and don't search eye contact. Makes me feel more confident. (That doesn't mean I like japanese women even they do this)
|
|
Is a good, decent True Christian™ lady
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 11,354
Join Date: May 2010
Location: 39.373117/-76.472688
|
|
Re: How to Land a Good Husband -
08-27-2016, 04:46 PM
I worry that I don't particularly want a husband. Having grown up Catholic (I have my ex-Mary Worshipper medal from Landover Baptist*), I fear that I may have a nun-like streak of independence.
What should be done about this? (I was going to write, "What can I do about this?" until I realized that thought was an indicator of possible independent thought.)
Thinkingly (but concerned about it) Yours,
Handmaiden
* It was my very first!
His left hand should be under my head, and his right hand should embrace me.
Guns For God and the Economy
|
|
Forum Member
Forum Member
|
|
Posts: 1,330
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: In the kitchen
|
|
Re: How to Land a Good Husband -
08-28-2016, 07:04 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by handmaiden
I worry that I don't particularly want a husband. Having grown up Catholic (I have my ex-Mary Worshipper medal from Landover Baptist*), I fear that I may have a nun-like streak of independence.
What should be done about this? (I was going to write, "What can I do about this?" until I realized that thought was an indicator of possible independent thought.)
Thinkingly (but concerned about it) Yours,
Handmaiden
* It was my very first!
|
Handmaiden, my husband's advice to all unmarried young lady is to improve your sewing, cooking, cleaning and baking skills, pray to the Lord, focus on being submissive, and ask a male pastor for guidance. After all, as women, we are too weak and likely to sin to make a lifelong commitment.
Kindly,
Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson
"Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands." Proverbs 14:1
|
|
True Christian™ Lady Extraordinaire, an Honorary Male Biblicist
|
|
Posts: 8,776
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Surrounded by heathens
|
|
Re: How to Land a Good Husband -
08-28-2016, 09:14 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by handmaiden
I worry that I don't particularly want a husband. Having grown up Catholic (I have my ex-Mary Worshipper medal from Landover Baptist*), I fear that I may have a nun-like streak of independence.
|
Sister Handy, everyone who knows and loves you (i.e. all your True Christian™ Brothers and Sisters here at Landover, but - most important of all - ) is absolutely confident that when you put your vile, Mary-worshipping ways behind you, any nunnish tendencies were returned to Satan, where they belong.
Please, Sister, I implore you, do not put yourself down like this. I have seen absolutely no signs of independent thought in anything you have ever said or done.
Quote:
Originally Posted by handmaiden
What should be done about this?
|
Assuming that your father and brothers are doing their part, looking out for a suitable husband for you, all we can really do is pray that Our Dear Lord may intervene on your behalf, so that you may bear at least one son before your internal private parts become withered and barren.
Sweet Jesus, we beg and implore You in Your Infinite Goodness and Mercy to provide Sister Handmaiden with a suitable husband and if You should choose to favor her with one who is not entirely repulsive to her then she would be extra grateful. Thank You, Jesus. Amen.
YiC
Your loving Sister in Christ,
Joanna
Vaccinated by the love of Jesus!!!
|
|
True Christian™
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 119
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Caliphate of Canuckistan
|
|
Re: How to Land a Good Husband -
08-29-2016, 05:31 PM
Sister Handmaiden, might a weekend retreat of vigorous prayer and reflection at HappyRock Church do you wonders?
You as well, Sister Joanna. You're especially welcomed.
YIC
LL
And they entered into a covenant to seek the Lord God of their fathers with all their heart and with all their soul; That whosoever would not seek the Lord God of Israel should be put to death, whether small or great, whether man or woman. 2 Chronicles 15:12-13
|
|
Is a good, decent True Christian™ lady
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 11,354
Join Date: May 2010
Location: 39.373117/-76.472688
|
|
Re: How to Land a Good Husband -
08-29-2016, 08:31 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Joanna Lytton-Vasey
Please, Sister, I implore you, do not put yourself down like this. I have seen absolutely no signs of independent thought in anything you have ever said or done.
|
Thank you, dear Sister, for your assurances and supportive prayers. The Lord has indeed used you to relieve my mind. And I try not to burden my brain with weighty thoughts, because, after all, why else did Jesus die on the cross if not to carry ALL our burdens-- our sins and our earthly concerns alike. Really, who needs to fret about worldly matters when our eternal fate is sealed in the Lamb's Book of Life?
I was having another thought, though, and if you can aid in relieving this one as well, I would be most appreciative. Does your hyphenated name mean that your husband made concessions regarding your father's surname remaining a part of yours? And why are there two "T's" in Lytton but only one "S" in Vasey?
Praise Jesus for the True Freedom and Peace of Mind that allows us to focus on what really matters!
~~ Moderately Interestedly Yours,
Handmaiden
His left hand should be under my head, and his right hand should embrace me.
Guns For God and the Economy
|
Thread Tools |
|
Display Modes |
Linear Mode
|
Posting Rules
|
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
HTML code is Off
|
|
|
Powered by Jesus - vBulletin® Version 3.8.9 Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
vBulletin Skin developed by: vBStyles.com
Content Landover Baptist Forums © 1620, 2022 all rights reserved
|