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Posts: 571
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I can't help but want Jesus inside of me. 😳 -
09-08-2018, 12:15 PM
Hello church elders. I am looking for guidance. Recently I have asked my father about what I should do after high school and he said to be a good wife. I already know how to cook, clean, and read The Bible. I've said my prayers before every bedtime for as long as I can remember. I still feel as though I am missing something in my life. As someone who is nearing womanhood (I am 17) I fear that when I turn 18 I will be preyed upon by satanic temptation. I am still pure and intend to stay this way for my future husband whoever that may be. Can you maybe help me figure out what it is I am missing? I relish knowing Jesus is inside of me but I want MORE. I want him to fill me to the brim with his wisdom and guidance. I want to give my body and soul to Jesus so he can do whatever he wants to with me.
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Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
True Christian™
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Re: I can't help but want Jesus inside of me. 😳 -
09-10-2018, 09:41 AM
Have you considered reading the Bible on a waterproof e-book reader? That way, you could read it while taking a cold shower.
WARNING:
In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.
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Unsaved trash, some kind of fag
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Posts: 585
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Re: I can't help but want Jesus inside of me. 😳 -
09-10-2018, 09:52 AM
Bean pie
Proverbs 20:23 Divers weights are an abomination unto the LORD; and a false balance is not good.
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Re: I can't help but want Jesus inside of me. 😳 -
09-11-2018, 03:58 PM
Mister Faith Machine, it's funny you say that because my Pa said that to me when I was screaming praise of Jesus in my bedroom (which I keep locked as it's private prayer time between the Lord and I). We don't have hot showers in my house as my father forbids them (something about how hot showers promote satanic temptation). Where may I go to get a waterproof KJV Bible? I'm definitely interested!
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Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 9,984
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: San Francisco, California
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Re: I can't help but want Jesus inside of me. 😳 -
09-11-2018, 06:56 PM
Your father allows you to have a lock on your bedroom door? Hmmm...
We certainly didn't have any locks on any of the doors in my home when I was growing up.
WARNING:
In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.
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True Christian™ Lady Extraordinaire, an Honorary Male Biblicist
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Posts: 8,776
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Surrounded by heathens
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Re: I can't help but want Jesus inside of me. 😳 -
09-11-2018, 07:03 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Faith_Machine
Your father allows you to have a lock on your bedroom door? Hmmm...
We certainly didn't have any locks on any of the doors in my home when I was growing up.
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We have locks on all our children's doors, but only on the outside.
Vaccinated by the love of Jesus!!!
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Not the sharpest crayon in the box Cherry picker on his way to Hell
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Posts: 173
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Usually down by the river in my Bible Bus
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Re: I can't help but want Jesus inside of me. 😳 -
09-11-2018, 07:16 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by BibleReader2231
Hello church elders. I am looking for guidance. Recently I have asked my father about what I should do after high school and he said to be a good wife. I already know how to cook, clean, and read The Bible. I've said my prayers before every bedtime for as long as I can remember. I still feel as though I am missing something in my life. As someone who is nearing womanhood (I am 17) I fear that when I turn 18 I will be preyed upon by satanic temptation. I am still pure and intend to stay this way for my future husband whoever that may be. Can you maybe help me figure out what it is I am missing? I relish knowing Jesus is inside of me but I want MORE. I want him to fill me to the brim with his wisdom and guidance. I want to give my body and soul to Jesus so he can do whatever he wants to with me.
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BibleReader2231,
I am sorry dear, but the last person that Jesus was inside of, as Yahweh God incarnate, was his mother Mary when he performed the notable "Celestial Impregnation" of the Virgin Birth.
Subsequent to this godly act with Jesus' mother, do you really think that you have a chance as a lesser vessel woman for Jesus to perform this act again? Surely you jest!
Accept your place in the godly scheme of things and marry quickly so as to be ruled over by your Christian husband, and start making those little "Christian Soldiers" in the name of Christ!
“ But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ AND THE HEAD OF THE WOMAN IS MAN. For the man is not of the women; but the woman of the man.” (1Corinthians 11: 3,8 )
In the name of the hung Savior,
Brother D. Thomas
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South of the Border outreach program True Christian™
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Posts: 13,156
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Godly Midwest
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Re: I can't help but want Jesus inside of me. 😳 -
09-11-2018, 07:20 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother D. Thomas
I am sorry dear, but the last person that Jesus was inside of, as Yahweh God incarnate, was his mother Mary when he performed the notable "Celestial Impregnation" of the Virgin Birth.
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My sweet little Tommy, you see, our beautiful American language is equipped with something called "metaphors." I know I won't be able to explain this concept to you, but as they say - one picture is worth a thousand words. So, without a further ado, here it is:
P.S.: I am not getting into another pissing match with you, dear, I feel it would be unbecoming for a True Christian™ lady to engage in such an activity with a commie unsaved trash like you.
Last edited by Basilissa; 09-11-2018 at 07:40 PM.
Reason: Added PS
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Another brick in Donald´s wall - A.K.A "The Gonz" True Christian™
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Posts: 2,111
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Ungodly South America
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Re: I can't help but want Jesus inside of me. 😳 -
09-11-2018, 07:54 PM
Sister Bassilissa, sometimes I forget you are a woman, and as such, you fail to see the point when you are focused on fighting the Unsaved Trash.
"Brother" Thomas has made a terrific advance by recognizing the women as property of the husband! PRAISE THE LORD!
ALELUYA!
1 Thessalonians 4:16 For the Lord himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the TRUMP of God: and the dead in Christ shall rise first.
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Not the sharpest crayon in the box Cherry picker on his way to Hell
Forum Member
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Posts: 173
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Usually down by the river in my Bible Bus
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Re: I can't help but want Jesus inside of me. 😳 -
09-12-2018, 05:41 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother Gonzalez
Sister Bassilissa, sometimes I forget you are a woman, and as such, you fail to see the point when you are focused on fighting the Unsaved Trash.
"Brother" Thomas has made a terrific advance by recognizing the women as property of the husband! PRAISE THE LORD!
ALELUYA!
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Brother Gonzalez,
You'll have to excuse Sister Basalissa, she continues to hide behind her continuous Satanic smoke screens by trying in vain to rewrite the inspired word of Jesus regarding the woman. She will certainly pay upon Judgment Day, praise our ever loving and forgiving Jesus for His revenge!
Brother Gonzalez, I am sure you would agree that you as well know many Christian men that only go to church for the reason that the woman cannot speak in church, therefore it is a respite to men from the continuous blabbering of the woman!
"The women should keep silent in the churches. For they are not permitted to speak, but should be in submission, as the Law also says." (1 Corinthians 14:34)
In the name of the hung Savior,
Brother D. Thomas
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Re: I can't help but want Jesus inside of me. 😳 -
09-12-2018, 06:00 PM
Mister Thomas, I have to interject. My topic discussion may have veered quite a bit off course and I have to take a break from Bible Study to remind you that Miss Basilissa is a True Christian™ and to accuse her of being anything less is a grave sin I fear. I don't have the title of True Christian™ but I know my place in the hierarchy in these forums. I'll pray for your soul as I believe that accusing True Christian™ People of being anything less is a slippery slope sir.
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Not the sharpest crayon in the box Cherry picker on his way to Hell
Forum Member
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Posts: 173
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Usually down by the river in my Bible Bus
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Re: I can't help but want Jesus inside of me. 😳 -
09-12-2018, 07:31 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by BibleReader2231
Mister Thomas, I have to interject. My topic discussion may have veered quite a bit off course and I have to take a break from Bible Study to remind you that Miss Basilissa is a True Christian™ and to accuse her of being anything less is a grave sin I fear. I don't have the title of True Christian™ but I know my place in the hierarchy in these forums. I'll pray for your soul as I believe that accusing True Christian™ People of being anything less is a slippery slope sir.
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BibleReader2231,
Dear, what you should worry about is your hierarchy within our Bronze and Iron Age thinking King James bible where you are to be submissive to ALL Christian men like myself!
My "slopes" are NEVER slippery as shown ad infinitum within my godly posts! How dare you be so insolent to the superior Christian biblical man like myself?!
If there is any praying to do, it is me praying for your Hell bound soul to burn quickly when you arrive within the sulfur lakes of HELL upon your lesser vessel womanly demise.
AS A MERE WOMAN, LEARN YOUR PLACE WITHIN JESUS' SCHEME OF THINGS!!!
In the name of the hung Savior,
Brother D. Thomas
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Another brick in Donald´s wall - A.K.A "The Gonz" True Christian™
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Posts: 2,111
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Ungodly South America
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Re: I can't help but want Jesus inside of me. 😳 -
09-12-2018, 07:56 PM
Brother, please you have to take the Bible word by word, literally. This means women are not allowed to talk in Church, but the Bible does not say they are not allowed to write in Church. That is why we let them, even though we don't like that so much.
I see a spark in you, wanting to be a True Christian. I guess you will have to re-read the Bible again. Once more. But I can recognize potential when I see it.
1 Thessalonians 4:16 For the Lord himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the TRUMP of God: and the dead in Christ shall rise first.
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South of the Border outreach program True Christian™
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Posts: 13,156
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Godly Midwest
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Re: I can't help but want Jesus inside of me. 😳 -
09-12-2018, 08:25 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by BibleReader2231
Mister Thomas, I have to interject. My topic discussion may have veered quite a bit off course and I have to take a break from Bible Study to remind you that Miss Basilissa is a True Christian™ and to accuse her of being anything less is a grave sin I fear. I don't have the title of True Christian™ but I know my place in the hierarchy in these forums. I'll pray for your soul as I believe that accusing True Christian™ People of being anything less is a slippery slope sir.
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Thank you dear, that was very nice of you. We must forgive this poor, confused soul - we really must, God gives us no choice:
Matthew 6:15 - But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother Gonzalez
Sister Bassilissa, sometimes I forget you are a woman, and as such, you fail to see the point when you are focused on fighting the Unsaved Trash.
"Brother" Thomas has made a terrific advance by recognizing the women as property of the husband! PRAISE THE LORD!
ALELUYA!
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I am not sure if I share your optimism, Brother. In his latest reply to BibleReader, this poor lad has once again expressed the communist opinion that women are to obey all Christian men indiscriminately. I guess some people are just born communist.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother D. Thomas
Christian men like myself!
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The issue whether you are a Christian man/boy/manchild, dear Tommy, is an unproven hypothesis at this stage. Please quit boasting about what still can be determined to be untrue, or at least an alternative fact:
Proverbs 25:14 Whoso boasteth himself of a false gift [is like] clouds and wind without rain.
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Not the sharpest crayon in the box Cherry picker on his way to Hell
Forum Member
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Posts: 173
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Usually down by the river in my Bible Bus
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Re: I can't help but want Jesus inside of me. 😳 -
09-12-2018, 10:30 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother Gonzalez
Brother, please you have to take the Bible word by word, literally. This means women are not allowed to talk in Church, but the Bible does not say they are not allowed to write in Church. That is why we let them, even though we don't like that so much.
I see a spark in you, wanting to be a True Christian. I guess you will have to re-read the Bible again. Once more. But I can recognize potential when I see it.
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_____________________
Brother Gonzalez,
Writing is a form of "speaking," and as long as the lesser vessel woman does not show her writings to the superior man in church, then I am sure Jesus would agree that she is not speaking in church!
In the name of the hung Savior,
Brother D. Thomas
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Trying to out-Methuselah Methuselah You kids get off his lawn!
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Posts: 22,438
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Close to God
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Re: I can't help but want Jesus inside of me. 😳 -
09-12-2018, 11:11 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Faith_Machine
We certainly didn't have any locks on any of the doors in my home when I was growing up.
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We didn't even have doors in my home when I was an annoying little brat. My father used to say that if you spend money on needless luxuries like doors, you are stealing money from Jesus you should have tithed instead. He died refusing to spend any money on food after Jimmy Carter caused an increase in the price of beef, so I am certain my father is now in Heaven.
Freedom means voting for Donald Trump!
To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."
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Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
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Posts: 454
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Rockford, IL
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Re: I can't help but want Jesus inside of me. 😳 -
09-13-2018, 03:22 AM
You're father was a genius, Cranky Old Man. Without doors, why, there's nothing for Jesus that needs knocking on. Saves our Saviour so much hassle!
Truly a home without doors, brings in the ... (Oh, I forgot how this saying goes... anyone know?)
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Forum member
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Location: The greatest country in the world - United States!
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Re: I can't help but want Jesus inside of me. 😳 -
09-13-2018, 05:23 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by DolliMoans
You're father was a genius, Cranky Old Man. Without doors, why, there's nothing for Jesus that needs knocking on. Saves our Saviour so much hassle!
Truly a home without doors, brings in the ... (Oh, I forgot how this saying goes... anyone know?)
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Floors? I guess doors go with floors.
Judge in yourselves: is it comely that a woman pray unto God uncovered?
1 Corinthians 11:13
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Unsaved trash, some kind of fag
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Posts: 585
Join Date: Jan 2012
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Re: I can't help but want Jesus inside of me. 😳 -
10-27-2018, 02:17 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by BibleReader2231
Mister Faith Machine, it's funny you say that because my Pa said that to me when I was screaming praise of Jesus in my bedroom (which I keep locked as it's private prayer time between the Lord and I). We don't have hot showers in my house as my father forbids them (something about how hot showers promote satanic temptation). Where may I go to get a waterproof KJV Bible? I'm definitely interested!
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http://www.billionbibles.com/china/project-pearl.html
Proverbs 20:23 Divers weights are an abomination unto the LORD; and a false balance is not good.
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Unsaved trash, some kind of fag
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Posts: 585
Join Date: Jan 2012
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Re: I can't help but want Jesus inside of me. 😳 -
07-03-2019, 10:06 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by BibleReader2231
Mister Faith Machine, it's funny you say that because my Pa said that to me when I was screaming praise of Jesus in my bedroom (which I keep locked as it's private prayer time between the Lord and I). We don't have hot showers in my house as my father forbids them (something about how hot showers promote satanic temptation). Where may I go to get a waterproof KJV Bible? I'm definitely interested!
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Proverbs 20:23 Divers weights are an abomination unto the LORD; and a false balance is not good.
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