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The recent integration of Landover Baptist Church, allowing certain Platinum tithing Negro families to sit outside of the one way mirror balcony in the Main Sanctuary, has caused a bit of a stir among the congregation. Times are changing though, and believe it or not, the Negroid race in America has produced a few successful people that actually believe in God over the demonic blasphemy of Kwanzaa Voodoo. Regardless of this fact, they still often hold true to their primal instincts, and forget how to act like proper Christian white folk do.
Twelve year old Malcolm Brown, son of Jim and Eliza Brown, was removed from Sunday School this weekend under suspicion of illegal drug use. This came as no surprise to Church Leaders, who had been keeping a close eye on the Brown family since they were admitted into Church three months ago.
"It seems that no matter how much they appear like Chistians," reported Reverand Bill Porter, "They always seem to be just on the verge of sticking a bone through their noses and dancing stark naked around a bonfire."
Malcolm was spotted sitting down in the back row, after a brief shuffle of fellow Sunday Schoolers moving to different seats. Upon calling him to the front row, Sunday School teacher Sister Martha Mullins screamed and nearly fainted.
"I couldn't believe what I saw, but that little black boy had nothing other than one of those hippie peace symbols from the 1980s on his Church suit lapel," she said.
Church Deacons immediately responded to the commotion, one relying on his Godly instinct to detect sin by grabbing Malcolm by the arm before even asking what the problem was. It was clear that he had to go, and an investigation was soon to follow.
"The hippie peace symbol symbolizes three things: fornication, drugs, and Satan. We know that most buck Negroes start early in all three, but Dr. Jonathan Edwards has concluded that Malcolm was neither involved in sex or demon worship," claimed Porter. "That only leaves drugs."
As a result, the Brown family will be forced to pay fines of no less than $2000, and/or will be put on roadside cleanup in the Leviticus Landing housing developments under the supervision of Landover's prominent tithing Church members. After fines are paid and Community service is complete, they will be allowed to attend services from behind the one way mirror balcony in the Main Sanctuary, as long as their tithe does not change. Malcolm will not be allowed to return to Sunday School.
"Our Church does not tolerate even having the appearance of evil, not to mention a symbol that might just be aimed at our Godly President Bush," said Pastor Deacon Fred. "If our Negro friends can demonstrate a proper love for the Lord once this is all over, then they are welcome to stay in our Church. But if I so much as even hear one whispered word of that NAACP or ACLU nonsense, they'll be out of here faster than a colored boy carrying a stolen television set."
Landover Baptist Church Ex-Negro Ministry
Twelve year old Malcolm Brown, son of Jim and Eliza Brown, was removed from Sunday School this weekend under suspicion of illegal drug use. This came as no surprise to Church Leaders, who had been keeping a close eye on the Brown family since they were admitted into Church three months ago.
"It seems that no matter how much they appear like Chistians," reported Reverand Bill Porter, "They always seem to be just on the verge of sticking a bone through their noses and dancing stark naked around a bonfire."
Malcolm was spotted sitting down in the back row, after a brief shuffle of fellow Sunday Schoolers moving to different seats. Upon calling him to the front row, Sunday School teacher Sister Martha Mullins screamed and nearly fainted.
"I couldn't believe what I saw, but that little black boy had nothing other than one of those hippie peace symbols from the 1980s on his Church suit lapel," she said.
Church Deacons immediately responded to the commotion, one relying on his Godly instinct to detect sin by grabbing Malcolm by the arm before even asking what the problem was. It was clear that he had to go, and an investigation was soon to follow.
"The hippie peace symbol symbolizes three things: fornication, drugs, and Satan. We know that most buck Negroes start early in all three, but Dr. Jonathan Edwards has concluded that Malcolm was neither involved in sex or demon worship," claimed Porter. "That only leaves drugs."
As a result, the Brown family will be forced to pay fines of no less than $2000, and/or will be put on roadside cleanup in the Leviticus Landing housing developments under the supervision of Landover's prominent tithing Church members. After fines are paid and Community service is complete, they will be allowed to attend services from behind the one way mirror balcony in the Main Sanctuary, as long as their tithe does not change. Malcolm will not be allowed to return to Sunday School.
"Our Church does not tolerate even having the appearance of evil, not to mention a symbol that might just be aimed at our Godly President Bush," said Pastor Deacon Fred. "If our Negro friends can demonstrate a proper love for the Lord once this is all over, then they are welcome to stay in our Church. But if I so much as even hear one whispered word of that NAACP or ACLU nonsense, they'll be out of here faster than a colored boy carrying a stolen television set."
Landover Baptist Church Ex-Negro Ministry
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