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Reload this Page The way is straight and narrow
Landover to the Rescue - Christian Help Forum A Christian Help Forum led by Sister Daisy Mae Johnson. Warning! Sometimes the Lord's advice is a hard pill to swallow.

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Default The way is straight and narrow - 05-31-2007, 03:01 AM
I was reading the Good Word and noticed the way to the Lord was straight and narrow.

I get the straight part - no faggotry.

But the narrow?
That means we should not be fat, right?

Are fat people going to burn in Hell? I'd imagine so. God could do many things, but there's only soooo much room in Heaven. I dont want to share Eternal Awesomeness with Patty McFat Pants making the air all humid with her fat people breath.
In addition, how can they [the fat people] ever sin if no one wants to "do it" with them? Its unfair to the normal weight people.

Lastly, what could we do to make their miserable lives slightly bearable? Perhaps I could go over to an obese person's house and massage their fluid filled ankles so their diabetes doesnt cause bed sores.

I am so grateful that I can stop after the 2nd cheeseburger.
Any input on this matter would be a godsend!
Peace be with thee brethren and sist-ren!

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Default Re: The way is straight and narrow - 05-31-2007, 05:17 AM
You might want to take a look at THIS thread. Although some True Christians are big boned....

Personally I eat anything I want, because I swim 5 miles each day and maintain rock hard abs, the better to serve Jesus with. Its the least I could do since He supplied me with such a nice olympic sized pool. GLORY!

Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: The way is straight and narrow - 05-31-2007, 12:03 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
You might want to take a look at THIS thread. Although some True Christians are big boned....

Personally I eat anything I want, because I swim 5 miles each day and maintain rock hard abs, the better to serve Jesus with. Its the least I could do since He supplied me with such a nice olympic sized pool. GLORY!

Jesus dug you a pool? Not bad for a dead guy.
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Default Re: The way is straight and narrow - 05-31-2007, 02:07 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dances with Joy View Post
Jesus dug you a pool? Not bad for a dead guy.
Well once again you show how deeply ignorant you truly are. If you had ever read the Holy Bible, you'd know that Jesus only died for 3 days. That is how he covered our sins with His blood and Grace. Jesus certainly lives, and one fine day soon you'll find out the hard way just how imbecilic you've been. Glory!

Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: The way is straight and narrow - 06-03-2007, 12:41 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dances with Joy View Post
Jesus dug you a pool? Not bad for a dead guy.
I though Jesus, SUV's Mexican gardener, only cleaned the pools. And provide SUV with other....umm....miscellaneous services.
Does he also dig pools? He must be quite the handyman, and quite energetic. No wonder SUV seemed to think highly of his.....pool cleaning abilities.


Wake up and smell the 21st Century!!
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Default Re: The way is straight and narrow - 06-04-2007, 05:21 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
I though Jesus, SUV's Mexican gardener, only cleaned the pools. And provide SUV with other....umm....miscellaneous services.
Does he also dig pools? He must be quite the handyman, and quite energetic. No wonder SUV seemed to think highly of his.....pool cleaning abilities.

I hear he does wonderful things with carpet.
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Default Re: The way is straight and narrow - 06-05-2007, 03:41 AM
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Originally Posted by Miss.Dances with Joy View Post
I hear he does wonderful things with carpet.
why you use that liddle guilty-lookin whistlin face, Miss.Dances? have you been neglectin your carpets, has your carpets got fleas an liddle louses an mouses! an real long threads, all scruffy-wuffy?

it ok. Miss.Dances, maybee Miss.SUV hook you up wiv her handyman Jesus!

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Default Re: The way is straight and narrow - 06-05-2007, 07:57 PM
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why you use that liddle guilty-lookin whistlin face, Miss.Dances? have you been neglectin your carpets, has your carpets got fleas an liddle louses an mouses! an real long threads, all scruffy-wuffy?

it ok. Miss.Dances, maybee Miss.SUV hook you up wiv her handyman Jesus!

My carpet is just fine, and I have my own handy man. But thanks for your concern.
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Default Re: The way is straight and narrow - 06-22-2007, 09:57 AM
Jesus is a true Muscular Christian. Not only did He dig that pool, He personally squeezed the rain clouds to fill it and then swam a hundred laps to test it! Amen!
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