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Reload this Page I am a homer, save me please.
Straight 4 Jesus! (Back Door Christians) At LBC, we will cure your perversion of choice (even if we have to stone you).

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Default I am a homer, save me please. - 07-17-2009, 04:10 PM

I am a homer, but I want to convert to a straight Christian. I want to do everything and anything possible to please my God. What can I do? I need all the help I can get. I am a very flamboyant homer.
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Default Re: I am a homer, save me please. - 07-17-2009, 04:13 PM

You could always NOT be a queer and be normal instead. Or commit suicide so you don't spread the AIDS and so there would be more room on Earth for real people.


God bless America, the Second Amendment and the Constitution. God bless the United States Marine Corps and all who fight for Jesus in third world cess pools. God bless the GOP and all they stand for, Truth, Honesty and the American people. God bless Landover Baptist Church and all True Christians™ the world over. Curses to our Muslim President, his failure is our Salvation.
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Default Re: I am a homer, save me please. - 07-17-2009, 04:15 PM

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Originally Posted by Marshall View Post
You could always NOT be a queer and be normal instead. Or commit suicide so you don't spread the AIDS and so there would be more room on Earth for real people.
I have come to learn how to do this. I want to know how I can change my frame of mind so that I am not a queer. However, I have not had full sexual contact with another male, and so I do believe that I do not have AIDS. Suicide is not something I am willing to do. I value my life and I thank God for it every single day. I just want to change myself so that he is happy with me.
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Default Re: I am a homer, save me please. - 07-17-2009, 04:18 PM

You homophobic bastards are all going to BURN.

ILU DANYAL BB! BE PROUD OF WHO YOU ARE.
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Default Re: I am a homer, save me please. - 07-17-2009, 04:22 PM

So... stop being queer boy!

You have two choices.
1) Get the queerness beaten out of you.
2) Speak to a pastor to have him pray the gay away.

You have already made the right first choice.


Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
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Default Re: I am a homer, save me please. - 07-17-2009, 04:24 PM

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Originally Posted by James Hutchins View Post
So... stop being queer boy!

You have two choices.
1) Get the queerness beaten out of you.
2) Speak to a pastor to have him pray the gay away.

You have already made the right first choice.
1) If I was to ask my Mother to do this for me, what would she have to do, how would she have to beat me, and for how often?
2) Do you know of any good pastors in the UK, England that I can go to so that he can pray the gay out of me?
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Default Re: I am a homer, save me please. - 07-17-2009, 04:24 PM

Delicate, stop being a fag enabler! Can't you see this gay is reaching out to Jesus?

First step, grab a Bible and read it from cover to cover.
Step two, get rid of all the pastel clothes you own. Take them to Goodwill.
Third, stop looking at men as if they were women.
Next buy a mans car. Something with no less than 8 cylinders. I'm thinking an F150. Play only country music in it.
Then you can start looking for a woman in the church who needs a man. Try the nursery wing for teachers. Plenty of eager young ladies there.


God bless America, the Second Amendment and the Constitution. God bless the United States Marine Corps and all who fight for Jesus in third world cess pools. God bless the GOP and all they stand for, Truth, Honesty and the American people. God bless Landover Baptist Church and all True Christians™ the world over. Curses to our Muslim President, his failure is our Salvation.
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Default Re: I am a homer, save me please. - 07-17-2009, 04:26 PM

England? Good Lord this far more serious than I had imagined.


God bless America, the Second Amendment and the Constitution. God bless the United States Marine Corps and all who fight for Jesus in third world cess pools. God bless the GOP and all they stand for, Truth, Honesty and the American people. God bless Landover Baptist Church and all True Christians™ the world over. Curses to our Muslim President, his failure is our Salvation.
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Default Re: I am a homer, save me please. - 07-17-2009, 04:27 PM

May I wear purple? I love purple. It's my favourite colour, it goes so well with my eyes...
I do not drive yet, I am only seventeen, which is why I have come to you all for help. The earlier I get rid of my limp wrists, the better, right?
And yeah, I'm in England...
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Default Re: I am a homer, save me please. - 07-17-2009, 04:34 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Delicate View Post
expletive deleted

Why not simply fall into place and be normal like us?


God bless America, the Second Amendment and the Constitution. God bless the United States Marine Corps and all who fight for Jesus in third world cess pools. God bless the GOP and all they stand for, Truth, Honesty and the American people. God bless Landover Baptist Church and all True Christians™ the world over. Curses to our Muslim President, his failure is our Salvation.
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Default Re: I am a homer, save me please. - 07-17-2009, 04:38 PM

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Originally Posted by Marshall View Post
Why not simply fall into place and be normal like us?
Because it is not as simple as you make out.
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Default Re: I am a homer, save me please. - 07-17-2009, 04:39 PM

Life isn't fun when you are "normal".

LMAO at the warnings. Way too funny. Nice touch!

Oh, and FYI - I do like boys, yes but how does that make me a boy myself? I have the all the female parts, none of the males, thank you! I do swing both ways, though.
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Default Re: I am a homer, save me please. - 07-17-2009, 04:42 PM

Yay Delicate, we can be converted together
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Default Re: I am a homer, save me please. - 07-17-2009, 04:47 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Delicate View Post
Life isn't fun when you are "normal".

LMAO at the warnings. Way too funny. Nice touch!

Oh, and FYI - I do like boys, yes but how does that make me a boy myself? I have the all the female parts, none of the males, thank you! I do swing both ways, though.
If you don't find Christ,you will spend eternity in Hell.
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Default Re: I am a homer, save me please. - 07-17-2009, 04:48 PM

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If you don't find Christ,you will spend eternity in Hell.
So show us how to find Christ. It's all very well you coming in here and shouting the odds, but without telling us what to do, you lack substance.
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Default Re: I am a homer, save me please. - 07-17-2009, 04:49 PM

Who is to say I haven't found Christ? I thank Christ every day for allowing me the pleasure of loving both girls and boys.
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Default Re: I am a homer, save me please. - 07-17-2009, 04:49 PM

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Originally Posted by Danyal View Post
And yeah, I'm in England...
Wow, you really have some serious issues to address.


May you be a blessing to every life you touch.
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Default Re: I am a homer, save me please. - 07-17-2009, 04:52 PM

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Wow, you really have some serious issues to address.
And these would be what?
Once again, you lack substance.
By the way, shave off that beard. Makes you look like a little boy perving evil Santa.
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Default Re: I am a homer, save me please. - 07-17-2009, 04:53 PM

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So show us how to find Christ. It's all very well you coming in here and shouting the odds, but without telling us what to do, you lack substance.
The word "gospel" means "message"*. The gospel is God's message to mankind. If you will yield to the gospel, you will be reconciled to God and you will escape eternal damnation in hell and the lake of fire. Besides all of this, you will have abudant life right now as you walk with the Creator of the universe--in spite of all the woes the world will throw at you. If you are full of doubts, ask Jesus to help you to understand and to be willing to be saved.Praise Jesus
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Default Re: I am a homer, save me please. - 07-17-2009, 04:55 PM

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The word "gospel" means "message"*. The gospel is God's message to mankind. If you will yield to the gospel, you will be reconciled to God and you will escape eternal damnation in hell and the lake of fire. Besides all of this, you will have abudant life right now as you walk with the Creator of the universe--in spite of all the woes the world will throw at you. If you are full of doubts, ask Jesus to help you to understand and to be willing to be saved.Praise Jesus
Praise Jesus indeed. I bet he was an extremely good looking man
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