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Reload this Page 25, Single, and looking for a True Christian™ Woman
MEET CHRISTIAN SINGLES! Who knows? The love of your life might be here! All the single men are GODLY and all the single ladies are virgins...........for the most part.

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Default 25, Single, and looking for a True Christian™ Woman - 04-12-2007, 02:25 AM

Hello, some of you already know me by now. Some of my hobbies include sending unsaved and non-believers to hell through the will of the LORD and His favorite nation The United States of America(and God Bless it!), firing weapons, killing in the name of Christ and all of His teachings, working out, Bible study, and most recently, meeting other True Christians™. I'm looking for a woman that is adept in the ways of the LORD and True Teachings™ of the Landover Baptist Church™. Another very important prerequisite would have to be the abilities to cook and clean, though I don't doubt that True Christian™ women are expert in these matters.

God Bless,

Warrior in Christ


Proverbs 23:13 Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. 14Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell.

Last edited by Talitha; 04-16-2007 at 10:55 PM.
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Default Re: 25, Single, and looking for a True Christian™ Woman - 04-12-2007, 05:20 AM

Friend, I imagine you're going to have to fight the ladies off with a basball bat with a resume like that. Have them take a number and bake you a pie, just for starters.

Happy hunting.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: 25, Single, and looking for a True Christian™ Woman - 04-12-2007, 01:52 PM

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Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
Friend, I imagine you're going to have to fight the ladies off with a basball bat with a resume like that. Have them take a number and bake you a pie, just for starters.

Happy hunting.
That sounds like one great plan Brother. But in terms of pies, I've been pretty careful lately with where I place them. It seems as though the nigra population is growing in certain areas of Colorado and there has been a sharp increase in pie theft. A coincidence? I doubt it.

God Bless,

Warrior in Christ


Proverbs 23:13 Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. 14Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell.
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Default Re: 25, Single, and looking for a True Christian™ Woman - 04-12-2007, 09:51 PM

Hi Brother Corey
Talitha here in response to your Post.
You seem like a really good honest All-American hunk Christian Male.
Now, normally I prefer my men to be rich & Geriatric more mature in years than your good self, but reading your Posts on here, well, you got me feeling like a silly Schoolgirl.

Tell me now, do they allow you to wear your erm.... Uniform....erm....at home?
............... and would you consider a (very slightly) older True Christian™ Blonde, Blue-eyed Lady?

YIC
Talitha



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HE took the damsel by the hand, and said unto her, Talitha Cumi; which is,
being interpreted, Damsel, I say unto thee, arise!...Mark 5:41



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Default Re: 25, Single, and looking for a True Christian™ Woman - 04-12-2007, 10:07 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sister Talitha View Post
Hi Brother Corey
Talitha here in response to your Post.
You seem like a really good honest All-American hunk Christian Male.
Now, normally I prefer my men to be rich & Geriatric more mature in years than your good self, but reading your Posts on here, well, you got me feeling like a silly Schoolgirl.

Tell me now, do they allow you to wear your erm.... Uniform....erm....at home?
............... and would you consider a (very slightly) older True Christian™ Blonde, Blue-eyed Lady?

YIC
Talitha
Yes, they do allow me to wear my uniform at home, I've earned the right to wear this outfit, it has had a long history of blood spilt and battles fought in the name of America and God. Why are you curious about this?

As for you, Blonde haired and Blue-eyed? I will most definitely consider you. As a True Christian™ I am quite sure you are only of the best the LORD has to offer and I would like to see any suggestions or Godly activity plans that you might have. For now I am still searching, but you will definitely be considered.

God Bless,

Warrior in Christ


Proverbs 23:13 Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. 14Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell.

Last edited by Warrior in Christ; 04-12-2007 at 10:08 PM.
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Default Re: 25, Single, and looking for a True Christian™ Woman - 04-12-2007, 10:32 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Warrior in Christ View Post
As for you, Blonde haired and Blue-eyed? I will most definitely consider you. As a True Christian™ I am quite sure you are only of the best the LORD has to offer and I would like to see any suggestions or Godly activity plans that you might have. For now I am still searching, but you will definitely be considered.

God Bless,

Warrior in Christ
Sister Tali has some of the best pie around. Her pie is stuff of legend. If you manage to get ahold of her cherry, I assure you, it was the best around. The peach pie, also outstanding.

Her pie is outstanding with whipped cream on top. I normally make my own whipped cream, but she is a master of churning. It's been rumoured that she can get more whipped cream out of a cup, than most men can (hard to believe but true).

Her fruit pies are what she is known (mostly) for; but she also makes some delicious cream pies. (keep away from the chocolate). Also, when she's making tapioca, it's normally not a good thing.

Do I see a budding romance on the way?

YIC
V
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Default Re: 25, Single, and looking for a True Christian™ Woman - 04-12-2007, 10:37 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother V View Post
Sister Tali has some of the best pie around. Her pie is stuff of legend. If you manage to get ahold of her cherry, I assure you, it was the best around. The peach pie, also outstanding.

Her pie is outstanding with whipped cream on top. I normally make my own whipped cream, but she is a master of churning. It's been rumoured that she can get more whipped cream out of a cup, than most men can (hard to believe but true).

Her fruit pies are what she is known (mostly) for; but she also makes some delicious cream pies. (keep away from the chocolate). Also, when she's making tapioca, it's normally not a good thing.

Do I see a budding romance on the way?

YIC
V

(Blushes)
PASTOR V...... Really.

Don't forget, I'm also partial to some Dickens Cider right after Church on a Sunday.

PRAISE!!



Sister Talitha

Markswoman, Circumcisionist, Platinum Tither.


HE took the damsel by the hand, and said unto her, Talitha Cumi; which is,
being interpreted, Damsel, I say unto thee, arise!...Mark 5:41



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Default Re: 25, Single, and looking for a True Christian™ Woman - 04-12-2007, 10:43 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother V View Post
Sister Tali has some of the best pie around. Her pie is stuff of legend. If you manage to get ahold of her cherry, I assure you, it was the best around. The peach pie, also outstanding.

Her pie is outstanding with whipped cream on top. I normally make my own whipped cream, but she is a master of churning. It's been rumoured that she can get more whipped cream out of a cup, than most men can (hard to believe but true).

Her fruit pies are what she is known (mostly) for; but she also makes some delicious cream pies. (keep away from the chocolate). Also, when she's making tapioca, it's normally not a good thing.

Do I see a budding romance on the way?

YIC
V
Wow, that Cherry sure does sound amazing. I might have to dive into some of that pie myself. I love pie so much. I'm certain that if I could try her pie I would be quite smitten with her.

Thank you for the rest of that information Pastor V, I'll keep that in mind for future references.

And Sister, I just so have to have some Dickens I can give to you, whenever you'd like it of course. That cider is certainly a worthy and wonderful drink.

As for a budding romance? I don't know yet, we'll see. Only God and Jesus can guide us!

God Bless,

Warrior in Christ


Proverbs 23:13 Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. 14Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell.
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Default Re: 25, Single, and looking for a True Christian™ Woman - 04-12-2007, 10:52 PM

Well Corey, you'll just have to come along to our little Church on Sunday.
I'll make sure Security allow you access to the afternoon Shin-dig.
It would be real nice if you could wear your Uniform .
There will be lots of True Christian™ Ladies there who enjoy a small Dickens in the afternoon. We usually have a fine old time passing one around.

Pastor V, do you remember the time when the Dickens Cider people delivered by Donkey?
What was it called now? The Dickens Cider Donkey? Or something like that?
I'm sure you'd remember.



Sister Talitha

Markswoman, Circumcisionist, Platinum Tither.


HE took the damsel by the hand, and said unto her, Talitha Cumi; which is,
being interpreted, Damsel, I say unto thee, arise!...Mark 5:41



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Default Re: 25, Single, and looking for a True Christian™ Woman - 04-12-2007, 11:01 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sister Talitha View Post
Well Corey, you'll just have to come along to our little Church on Sunday.
I'll make sure Security allow you access to the afternoon Shin-dig.
It would be real nice if you could wear your Uniform .
There will be lots of True Christian™ Ladies there who enjoy a small Dickens in the afternoon. We usually have a fine old time passing one around.

Pastor V, do you remember the time when the Dickens Cider people delivered by Donkey?
What was it called now? The Dickens Cider Donkey? Or something like that?
I'm sure you'd remember.
Well, it's only Thursday, so I should definitely be able to fly out there. I'll just use government resources to make it and I'll most certainly be wearing my uniform. I look forward to passing out Dickens and helping with the congregation. It should be a truly Godly and great experience!

God Bless,

Warrior in Christ


Proverbs 23:13 Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. 14Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell.

Last edited by Warrior in Christ; 04-12-2007 at 11:01 PM.
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Default Re: 25, Single, and looking for a True Christian™ Woman - 04-13-2007, 03:59 PM

Hello Brother Warrior,

I would apply, but I am already betrothed to the Godly Pastor Zeke.


I keep waiting and waiting and waiting for this



and then this



Someday, GOD willing it will happen.....someday


Anyway, please do come out for Services like Sister Tali talked about. You will really enjoy yourself after services. I always HAVE to have a nice big helping of Dicken's on Sunday after Services. There is just something about watching Pastor Zeke in his sharp, taylored suites giving his sermon that makes me very thirsty.

So after services we can enjoy Sister Tali's homemade pie, Dicken's Cider and I will bring my famous rabbit casserole. GLORY! It's going to be so FUN!

I hope you are able to stay for a few days, that way Pastor Zeke and the other Brothers can take you into town so you can help Witness and Rebuke the strippers. The Brothers really look forward to it. Thier zeal for it is really very adorable. Pastor Zeke always gets worked up about something called a lap dance. He says he can help the strippers get closer to GOD and how it helps him come to JESUS.

Good luck with your search for a True Christian™ wife! The reason I asked you in your introduction thread if you were single is because I wanted to hook you up with my favorite Sister in Christ, Sister Tali. I see you have already met her! I think she would be perfect for you.

Hope to see you in Freehold SOON Brother Warrior!

Lve, Sister Thumper




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Last edited by Daisy Mae Johnson; 04-13-2007 at 04:20 PM.
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Default Re: 25, Single, and looking for a True Christian™ Woman - 04-13-2007, 04:12 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by BibleThumpinBlonde View Post
Hello Brother Warrior,

I would apply, but I am already betrothed to the Godly Pastor Zeke.


I keep waiting and waiting and waiting for this



and then this



Someday, GOD willing it will happen.....someday


Anyway, please do come out for Services like Sister Tali talked about. You will really enjoy yourself after services. I always HAVE to have a nice big helping of Dicken's on Sunday after Services. There is just something about watching Pastor Zeke in his sharp, taylored suites giving his sermon that makes me very thirsty.

So after services we can enjoy Sister Tali's homemade pie, Dicken's Cider and I will bring my famous rabbit casserole. GLORY! It's going to be so FUN!

I hope you are able to stay for a few days, that way Pastor Zeke and the Other Brothers can take you into town so you can help in Witness and Rebuke the strippers. The Brothers really look forward to it. There zeal for it is really very adorable. Pastor Zeke always gets worked up about something called a lap dance. He says he can help the strippers get closer to GOD and how it helps him come to JESUS.

Good luck with your search for a True Christian™ wife! The reason I asked you in your introduction thread if you were single is because I wanted to hook you up with my favorite Sister in Christ, Sister Tali. I see you have already met her! I think she would be perfect for you.

Hope to see you in Freehold SOON Brother Warrior!

Lve, Sister Thumper
Sister,

Thank you for your kind words! I'm looking forward to enjoying services this Sunday©. As for Sister Tali, I've spoken with her in private and she is amazing! I'm looking forward to becoming completely True Christian™, I feel as though I'm already on my way. I'm sure the brothers wouldn't mind inviting me to their stripper Witnessing and Rebuking© sessions. I too have heard of this lapdance; it most certainly would help any stripper find her way to God!

Sister, Pastor Ezekiel is an excellent husband for you indeed, I'm sure he will keep you in line with the teachings of Christ and help you become closer to God! I will most definitely be staying for a few days, I'm looking forward to partaking in all of the Landover Baptist Men's activities, like watching sports while the women clean the house and generally Praising Jesus©!

I'll see you there on Sunday© Sister!


Proverbs 23:13 Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. 14Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell.
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Default Re: 25, Single, and looking for a True Christian™ Woman - 04-13-2007, 04:23 PM

Well! I never! Alas, I Fear I have arrived here much too late.

But in case there's still Hope - before I give you my 'vitals' Brother Warrior, tell me this: Are you in the habit of wearing those dark lenses at all times?

SUV (< that isn't a Cigarette. I'm very Certain it is something else.)
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Default Re: 25, Single, and looking for a True Christian™ Woman - 04-13-2007, 05:28 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by SUV View Post
Well! I never! Alas, I Fear I have arrived here much too late.

But in case there's still Hope - before I give you my 'vitals' Brother Warrior, tell me this: Are you in the habit of wearing those dark lenses at all times?

SUV (< that isn't a Cigarette. I'm very Certain it is something else.)
Only when I have to fire a 7.62mm round into the skull of mudlslime terrorist from 400 or more yards and the heathen and very hell-like sun in Iraq is beating down on my face. It helps me focus on what I'm here to do, send NON-BELIEVERS TO HELL!

God Bless,

Warrior in Christ


Proverbs 23:13 Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. 14Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell.
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Default Re: 25, Single, and looking for a True Christian™ Woman - 04-13-2007, 05:51 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Warrior in Christ View Post
Only when I have to fire a 7.62mm round into the skull of mudlslime terrorist from 400 or more yards and the heathen and very hell-like sun in Iraq is beating down on my face. It helps me focus on what I'm here to do, send NON-BELIEVERS TO HELL!

God Bless,

Warrior in Christ
Oh my GOD - I wonder if those other Sisters have left the room yet?

Now, Brother - let's see indeed if you are a KJV 1611 TRUE Christian!

Should it come to a choice between Sister Thumper's Cherry Pie and MY Home-made, Biblically-Correct DUNGBREAD.....which, I say, which would you choose?

Of course, since we are all typical Loving Christians, you'd always be Welcome to stop off at her Manse occasionally for a little Dickens.

PS Remember - JESUS shall be watching you as you type your reply
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Default Re: 25, Single, and looking for a True Christian™ Woman - 04-13-2007, 06:26 PM

I would have to choose your DUNGBREAD for it is the word of the LORD that commands my actions and not my own selfish interests. But which shall you use Sister? Cow Dung or Human Dung? God has said he perfers we use Human Dung...

As the LORD communicated:
Ezekiel 4:12-15
“And thou shalt eat it as barley cakes, and thou shalt bake it with dung that cometh out of man...Then said I, Ah, Lord God, behold, my soul hath not been polluted: for from my youth even till now have I not eaten of that which dieth of itself...Then he said unto me, Lo, I have given thee cow’s dung for man’s dung, and thou shalt prepare thy bread therewith”

It was a tough question Sister, but not that tough for one such as myself, one that seeks to be known as a True Christian™!

God Bless,

Warrior in Christ


Proverbs 23:13 Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. 14Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell.
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Default Re: 25, Single, and looking for a True Christian™ Woman - 04-13-2007, 06:38 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother V View Post
Sister Tali has some of the best pie around. Her pie is stuff of legend. If you manage to get ahold of her cherry, I assure you, it was the best around. The peach pie, also outstanding.

Her pie is outstanding with whipped cream on top. I normally make my own whipped cream, but she is a master of churning. It's been rumoured that she can get more whipped cream out of a cup, than most men can (hard to believe but true).

Her fruit pies are what she is known (mostly) for; but she also makes some delicious cream pies. (keep away from the chocolate). Also, when she's making tapioca, it's normally not a good thing.

Do I see a budding romance on the way?

YIC
V
Oooo LORD! All this talk of pies done made me hungry! I'mma have to go to some old honkey's windowsill the Wal-Marts and get me one. Praise JESUS for pie!!
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Default Re: 25, Single, and looking for a True Christian™ Woman - 04-13-2007, 08:18 PM

Assalam Alaykum.

Greetings and Peace on you, Warrior in Christ.

Who in name of Allah God (piss be upon him) you think you are, hitting on my good True Christian Ladies with proper good American voices like Angel and Blonde hair loveliness?
You should be spending your time defending good people of Iraq instead of coming here stealing Women.


Ma'assalama my good friends."
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Default Re: 25, Single, and looking for a True Christian™ Woman - 04-13-2007, 08:26 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Warrior in Christ View Post
I would have to choose your DUNGBREAD for it is the word of the LORD that commands my actions and not my own selfish interests. But which shall you use Sister? Cow Dung or Human Dung? God has said he perfers we use Human Dung...
I keep telling SUV (bless her old stubborn hide): The dung is for FUEL (and occasional cake toppings) - it's not an ingredient.

Maybe it would be easier if you just ordered some Ezekiel 4:9 bread from the Food for Life Bakery.

Name:  ezekiel-sesam.jpg
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Then you could simply toast the bread yourself over burning dung in accordance with scripture. Instant Ezekiel 4.12 bread.


Holbein

1st Corinthians 15:16 For if the dead rise not, then is not Christ raised:
1st Corinthians 15:17 And if Christ be not raised, your faith is vain; ye are yet in your sins.
1st Corinthians 15:18 Then they also which are fallen asleep in Christ are perished.
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Default Re: 25, Single, and looking for a True Christian™ Woman - 04-13-2007, 09:07 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Abdul-Khaaliq View Post
Assalam Alaykum.

Greetings and Peace on you, Warrior in Christ.

Who in name of Allah God (piss be upon him) you think you are, hitting on my good True Christian Ladies with proper good American voices like Angel and Blonde hair loveliness?
You should be spending your time defending good people of Iraq instead of coming here stealing Women.


Ma'assalama my good friends."
I come with open arms and the love of CHRIST, you may have heard of him... As for the "good people of Iraq." I think you're confusing "good people" with heathens that worship a moon god, allhaha. I don't "protect" those people, I send them to their father, satan.

God Bless,

Warrior in Christ


Proverbs 23:13 Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. 14Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell.
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