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Landover to the Rescue - Christian Help Forum A Christian Help Forum led by Sister Daisy Mae Johnson. Warning! Sometimes the Lord's advice is a hard pill to swallow.

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JonathanClement JonathanClement is offline
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Default ...You know, since it doesn't matter anymore, anyway... - 03-29-2008, 11:41 AM

Is there anywhere in the bible that directly talks about whether or not there's sex in heaven? Yeah, I'm aware of Matthew 22:30 and other 2 verses which I don't feel like looking up that talk about how there's no marriage, but it doesn't explicitly state there's no sex in heaven, but only vaguely implies it. All help is greatly appriciated...

(I think I might "join" your church later on, but later when I'm not playing Maple Story or studying for my GED.)
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Pastor Ezekiel Pastor Ezekiel is offline
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Default Re: ...You know, since it doesn't matter anymore, anyway... - 03-29-2008, 12:02 PM

Get your mind out of the gutter, pal. I'll bet you spend all your time playing with yourself down in your parent;s basement, don't you.

Drop whatever you're doing and STUDY THE KJV BIBLE as if your very life depends on it. Which it does.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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JonathanClement JonathanClement is offline
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Default Re: ...You know, since it doesn't matter anymore, anyway... - 03-29-2008, 12:38 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
Get your mind out of the gutter, pal. I'll bet you spend all your time playing with yourself down in your parent;s basement, don't you.

Drop whatever you're doing and STUDY THE KJV BIBLE as if your very life depends on it. Which it does.
In other words, I've pretty much seen everything there is on the subject, right?
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Pastor Ezekiel Pastor Ezekiel is offline
Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
 

One Year/1000 posts Ribfest '09 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College 3rd Year Bible College 4th Year Bible College Saved 1 Year Long service medal, 3rd class Christian Love True Christian™ The Al E. Pistle Award for Excellence in Rebuking Real American™ True Heterosexual™ Tithing Manager 2008 Witch Hunt Award Gunfest '09 Senior Pastor Mission to Australia Heaven Bound Tagging for Jesus The Lord’s Witness Wound Home Schooled Punched the most queers TC Bravery Protected by JESUS Pastor of GOD Ex-Masturbator Jailed for JESUS Super Soaker Baptism Award Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian Teabag Patriot 20,000 posts Friend of Jesus 2010 Witch Hunt Award Flat Earth 50,000 posts Tell her once Persecuted Porn Resistant Mission to Japan Pro-Life Mission to Las Vegas True Christian Provider™ award True Scientist™ Eats the Most Pork 2011 Witch Hunt Award Outreach preacher Special Mission (North Korea) Golden Bear Award True Republican Batman Shooting Survivor Sons of Liberty Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! WisconSIN Shooting survivor Proud Niglet Sponsorer Truck Stop Ministry Member Hatchet Child Rearing Award Kirk Cameron Fan Club In Love With Zeke Bear Prayer Warrior 2012 Witch Hunt Award Man of the Year True Christian Hotrodder Paula Deen Negro Support Group Gator Touched by Jesus 75,000 posts Man of the Year Babysitter 2014 Witch Hunt Award Stamp of Approval Mission to Korea Trump of GOD Uber Angels Driver Rick Perry's Niggerhead Ranch Roper Crossburn Donald Trump 2016! Pancake Dinner Anti-sodomy Hands Off 2015 Witch Hunt Award Pastor Ezekiel Golden Bear Award Mission Long service medal, 2nd class Aardvark Asked questions later Heart of compassion Crown of Righteousness The Crown of Crowns Crown of Glory Crown of Incorruptibility Crown of Rejoicing Crown of Life BFF of Jesus Proud Survivor of the Overwatch Wars Probing for Jesus Wall of Jesus Alternative Facts Saved 10 Years Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Proud TP Rebuker for Christ Mission to the Philippines Clorox Cured Me QAnon Storm Chaser Anti-Biden British Royalty

 
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Default Re: ...You know, since it doesn't matter anymore, anyway... - 03-29-2008, 12:49 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by JonathanClement View Post
In other words, I've pretty much seen everything there is on the subject, right?
There are plenty of racy parts in the Holy Bible. That's exactly why we do not allow children under 18 to post in this Godly forum.

You need someone to guide you firmly through the passages in question. Perhaps Brother BJ could help.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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One-eyed Jack One-eyed Jack is offline
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Default Re: ...You know, since it doesn't matter anymore, anyway... - 03-29-2008, 02:16 PM

Christians will not be rolling around on the golden streets humping and grunting and slobbering like chimpanzees. It will not be up-with-the-robe and have at it any old time of the Heavenly day.

Here is one opinion:

Quote:
Everything on earth is analogous to something in Heaven. Heaven neither simply removes nor simply continues earthly things. If we apply this principle to sexual intercourse, we get the conclusion that intercourse on earth is a shadow or symbol of intercourse in Heaven. Could we speculate about what that could be?

It could certainly be spiritual intercourse...It would be special communion with the sexually complementary; something a man can have only with a woman and a woman only with a man. We are made complete by such union: "It is not good that the man should be alone." (Genesis 2:18) And God does not simply rip up His design for human fulfillment.
But Heaven is not viagra. You don't get to poke everything that moves. If you want unbridled random porkery, get thee to Hell.


~~ OEJ
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JonathanClement JonathanClement is offline
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Default Re: ...You know, since it doesn't matter anymore, anyway... - 03-29-2008, 02:36 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by One-eyed Jack View Post
Christians will not be rolling around on the golden streets humping and grunting and slobbering like chimpanzees. It will not be up-with-the-robe and have at it any old time of the Heavenly day.

Here is one opinion:



But Heaven is not viagra. You don't get to poke everything that moves. If you want unbridled random porkery, get thee to Hell.


~~ OEJ
Yeah, I saw that before... That was actually the most satisfactory answer I ever found. Fortunately, even IT wouldn't hold hold my faith together...
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One-eyed Jack One-eyed Jack is offline
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One-eyed Jack has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureOne-eyed Jack has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureOne-eyed Jack has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureOne-eyed Jack has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureOne-eyed Jack has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureOne-eyed Jack has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureOne-eyed Jack has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureOne-eyed Jack has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureOne-eyed Jack has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureOne-eyed Jack has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureOne-eyed Jack has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious Rapture
Default Re: ...You know, since it doesn't matter anymore, anyway... - 03-29-2008, 03:06 PM

Most uninteresting, I'm afraid, Mr. Clement. My advice to you: since your brain appears to be in your pants, keep your zipper closed.

~~ OEJ
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Default Re: ...You know, since it doesn't matter anymore, anyway... - 03-30-2008, 05:40 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by JonathanClement View Post
In other words, I've pretty much seen everything there is on the subject, right?
Isn't it just like Atheists, freed from the restrictions of Jesus their thoughts run immediately to what to do with their cooters/tallywhackers. The imagination runs wild and unrestrained – keyholes, orifices, tailpipes, and cucumbers. The possibilities are endless.


Hell's foundations quiver at the shout of praise;
brothers, lift your voices, loud your anthems raise.
...and get off my lawn
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JonathanClement JonathanClement is offline
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Default Re: ...You know, since it doesn't matter anymore, anyway... - 03-30-2008, 08:03 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by WilliamJenningsBryan View Post
Isn't it just like Atheists, freed from the restrictions of Jesus their thoughts run immediately to what to do with their cooters/tallywhackers. The imagination runs wild and unrestrained – keyholes, orifices, tailpipes, and cucumbers. The possibilities are endless.
Yeah! <3
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