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Smile Dothead cow "god" is turned into steak - 07-28-2007, 03:33 PM

Backwards cultists weep as their false idol becomes so much beefburger.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sindependent
The veterinary inspector first came for Shambo at 8.50am yesterday, 50 minutes late. After three months of legal wrangling and contradictory court rulings that seemed to swing between saving the six-year-old Friesian bull's life and condemning it to death, the Government had finally arrived take to the animal to the slaughterhouse.
As promised, the monks and nuns of Skanda Vale, the small predominantly Hindu community nestled deep in the heart of rural Carmarthenshire where Shambo has lived since his birth, were waiting for them.
As veterinary inspector Wyn Buick, acting on behalf of the Department for the Environment, Food and Rural Affairs and the Welsh Assembly, asked the monks to hand over the beloved bull they had sworn to protect, they refused. The inspector and entourage retreated. But late yesterday afternoon they returned, armed with a fresh warrant and backed up by more than 30 officers.
Shambo's temple was surrounded by those who had gathered to worship, but any earlier hesitation the police might have shown disappeared as they began removing the pilgrims one by one as carefully and as sensitively as possible. True to their Gandhian principles, the devotees put up no resistance and let themselves be removed.
After the cage had been sliced through, Shambo was brought out at 7.30pm and taken away in a silver trailer. There was no confirmation from the Welsh Assembly when he would be slaughtered.
Ever since Shambo the bull first tested positive for exposure to bovine tuberculosis on 27 April, a battle has raged between DEFRA and the Welsh Assembly-whose policy it is to slaughter cattle that test positive for TB-and the temple community who believe Shambo to be an embodiment of the divine. The bull, say the monks, should only have met his end when God, and not a vet, decided so.
I suspect this is the liberal media putting their PC spin on their story: more likely, Sambo was HIV-positive after having been enthusiastically mounted by one of these heathen Hindaloos. Still, one has to marvel at the sheer idiocy of these cow-worshippers: venerating any old cow just wouldn't be mormonic enough, they had to seek out the most mangy, disease-ridden old beast they could find!
[quote]For the authorities and police, simply getting close to Shambo was always going to be problematic. The 20 monks and five nuns who preside over the temple ceremonies, known as poojas, vowed to do everything they could to stop the authorities getting near Shambo, who had been isolated from the rest of the herd in the entrance to the main temple since his test.
Quote:
Supporters said yesterday that the timing of the operation to slaughter Shambo was particularly insensitive because it coincided with the temple's largest annual festival, a two-week devotion to the main presiding deity, Subramanium.
..
Brother Francis, 38, who became a monk 15 years ago, said: "It's bad enough that they've come to take Shambo but to come during the middle of our most important festival is horrendously insensitive."
PRAISE! People often stereotype bureaucrats as having no sense of humour, but the folk over at DEFRA must be comic geniuses!
Quote:
Sister Carol, one of five women to have taken the Franciscan vow of celibacy, poverty and obedience that makes a Skanda Vale devotee a monk or nun, was particularly critical of the money that she believed had been wasted by the government fighting over Shambo.
"They never wanted to negotiate from the beginning," she said. "But what exactly have they managed to achieve? Ultimately it's cost them almost a quarter of a million pounds to kill a bull."
Much as I hate to admit it, the pagan has a point: it'd have been much simpler and cheaper to just pull a Waco on these dotheads.
Quote:
The loss of Shambo is the second significant blow to the Skanda Vale community this year. Earlier this month, as the fight over Shambo first went to court, the temple's founder, a man known to his followers as Guru Sri Subramanium, died.
He had been ill for some time and had been staying in the hospice that the temple provides for both followers and locals.
Another important lesson: when Jesus has it in for you, He really has it in for you.
Quote:
For more than 30 years, deep in the heart of Western Wales, a small but dedicated group of largely Western-born men and women have chosen to forego their societies' materialism in favour of a life of poverty, chastity and worship.
Despite Skanda Vale's isolated location-it lies four miles up a potholed track and mobile phone reception is non-existent-more than 60,000 pilgrims make their way to the temple each year.
Although the gods worshipped there and the form that worship takes is noticeably Hindu, like the first temple in London Skanda Vale is nondenominational.
It is one of the few places in the world where the priests administering pooja are predominantly white. Yesterday's crowd were a typically eclectic collection of believers. Swiss Hindu converts sat next to Asian Hindus from London, who sat singing next to local Christians.
Delyth Howells, who described herself as a Christian but one that had "learned more about Christ in Skanda Vale than from anything taught in church", said she had been visiting the temple for more than 20 years.
And this is why we're not racists: these stoned white children make even Mehijixicans look smart. This Delyth Howells person deserves to be nominated for a "worst Christian ever" award.
Quote:
Last night the battle was lost. But three other members of the temple's herd of cattle are showing signs of exposure to the TB bacteria. Whether DEFRA and the Welsh Assembly will have the stomach for another fight like yesterday's remains to be seen.
This cow AIDS or whatever it is is clearly spreading like the Dickens among this unwashed cowcult. I'd say the decent, humane thing to do is just to bomb the place (I would say "into the stone age", but that's pretty much where they're starting off from anyway) now.


O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.


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Default Re: Dothead cow "god" is turned into steak - 07-28-2007, 04:58 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother Temperance View Post
If that lot want to venerate these bovinical deities, can they be sent off to Pamplona for the Running Of The Bulls? I bet a few of them would reconsider their religious stance (not to mention their stance in general) after receiving the word of their Lord delivered point first up the kush.

Have they considered a more user friendly deity, ie one that isnt prone to bovine spongioform encephalothingy? Like sheep? Sheep are nice. Perhaps they'd like some little lambs to replace the old diseased cows with. Theyre so cute. And cheap and tasty too. Anything but goats I think. Or jackals.


The devil, whose business is to pervert the truth, mimics the exact circumstance of the Divine Sacraments. He baptises his believers and promises forgiveness of sins...he celebrates the oblation of bread, and brings in the symbol of the resurrection. Let us therefore acknowledge the craftiness of the devil, who copied certain things of those that be divine."
Tertullian (155-222 AD) from The Prescription Against Heretics' Ch XL

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Default Re: Dothead cow "god" is turned into steak - 07-28-2007, 11:36 PM

My husband, Mr. Whitford, and I prayed before a cow today. Well, part of a cow as we said grace and thanked the Lord for the big, juicy steaks on our plates! AMEN!


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Default Re: Dothead cow "god" is turned into steak - 07-29-2007, 04:31 AM

Good news Brothers and sisters! For a small fee we have been able to purchase the carcass of that so-called "God-cow" from the authorities in England. In fact it is marinating right now over at the Christiansons. After Sunday Services, all True Christians™ (Platinum level Tithers only) can scoot on over to my humble barbecue pits and enjoy the feast. My servants will be serving mouth-watering beef with all the trimmings.


By the way ladies, I'm sorry to have to constantly harp on this point, but OFFICIAL CHURCH BARBECUES are NOT POTLUCKS! We do NOT require any more dungbread or green jello salad or those rock-hard bisquits that sister Matthewson keeps baking. I swear we could use those things to stone harlots with...


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

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Default Re: Dothead cow "god" is turned into steak - 07-30-2007, 05:54 AM

The cow wasn't made into steak. It had TB! What kind of mormon would eat an animal with a deadly disease?



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Default Re: Dothead cow "god" is turned into steak - 07-30-2007, 06:15 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
The cow wasn't made into steak. It had TB! What kind of mormon would eat an animal with a deadly disease?
It was roasted whole, and quite delicious. No one has even caught a cold from eating it.

The boys in Creation Science said it was fine to eat. Completely demon free. Yum!


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

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Default Re: Dothead cow "god" is turned into steak - 07-30-2007, 06:39 AM

I see nowhere in the article that referred to it being eaten. It wasn't made into steak, potroast, or anything. They were just sad because it was killed.



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Default Re: Dothead cow "god" is turned into steak - 07-30-2007, 06:48 AM

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Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
Good news Brothers and sisters! For a small fee we have been able to purchase the carcass of that so-called "God-cow" from the authorities in England. In fact it is marinating right now over at the Christiansons. After Sunday Services, all True Christians™ (Platinum level Tithers only) can scoot on over to my humble barbecue pits and enjoy the feast. My servants will be serving mouth-watering beef with all the trimmings.


By the way ladies, I'm sorry to have to constantly harp on this point, but OFFICIAL CHURCH BARBECUES are NOT POTLUCKS! We do NOT require any more dungbread or green jello salad or those rock-hard bisquits that sister Matthewson keeps baking. I swear we could use those things to stone harlots with...
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Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
I see nowhere in the article that referred to it being eaten. It wasn't made into steak, potroast, or anything. They were just sad because it was killed.
Of course THEY didn't eat it! They're dotheads who want to fornicate with cows and bow down to them instead of doing the natural Godly thing and roasting and eating them. The cows, not the dotheads.

WE ate ol' bossy the cow, as you can plainly see above. In fact we still have some leftovers. Yum yum!


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: Dothead cow "god" is turned into steak - 07-30-2007, 07:27 AM

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Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
Of course THEY didn't eat it! They're dotheads who want to fornicate with cows and bow down to them instead of doing the natural Godly thing and roasting and eating them. The cows, not the dotheads.

WE ate ol' bossy the cow, as you can plainly see above. In fact we still have some leftovers. Yum yum!
They don't want to fornicate with cows, they see them as sacred, to defile them (and yourself for that matter) in such a way would be blasphemy. Why is everything about fornication with you?

Anyways specific cow or not, all this talk about steak has gotten me wanting one...
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Default Re: Dothead cow "god" is turned into steak - 07-30-2007, 11:26 AM

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Originally Posted by Joo View Post
They don't want to fornicate with cows, they see them as sacred, to defile them (and yourself for that matter) in such a way would be blasphemy. Why is everything about fornication with you?
You must be a fool, how do you think the cow got sick in the first place?
Because some faggot dothead fornicated with it, of course.

It's a fact in Creation Science that about 95% of all diseases today can be traced to fags.
Stop being such a blind fag-enabler and open your eyes:
Without fags we'd have a LOT less std's (and all other disease too) and no HIV at all!


If thou be wise, thou shalt be wise for thyself: But if thou scornest, thou alone shalt bear it.
A foolish woman is clamorous: She is simple, and knoweth nothing.
Proverbs 9:12-13
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Default Re: Dothead cow "god" is turned into steak - 07-30-2007, 01:00 PM

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Originally Posted by Joo View Post
Why is everything about fornication with you?
Honestly, I know you JOOs are notorious whiners - neurosis this, Holocaust that - but you're starting to sound so much like a woman it's scary. You'll be blaming your irrational behaviour on the Curse of Eve next.


O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.


God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.
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Rachael Van Helsing Rachael Van Helsing is offline
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Default Re: Dothead cow "god" is turned into steak - 08-01-2007, 06:26 AM

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Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
Of course THEY didn't eat it! They're dotheads who want to fornicate with cows and bow down to them instead of doing the natural Godly thing and roasting and eating them. The cows, not the dotheads.

WE ate ol' bossy the cow, as you can plainly see above. In fact we still have some leftovers. Yum yum!
You'd eat an animal that died of TB?
Your life to throw away I guess.



Wake up and smell the 21st Century!!
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Default Re: Dothead cow "god" is turned into steak - 08-01-2007, 06:41 AM

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Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
You'd eat an animal that died of TB?
Your life to throw away I guess.
How many times must we explain to you that disease is sin and prayer removes sin? A million? It seems like it. In any case it had TB. We didn't eat the lungs, we sold the innards to a Canadian chicken farm for chicken feed.


Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
"God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


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Default Re: Dothead cow "god" is turned into steak - 08-02-2007, 02:45 AM

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Originally Posted by Pastor Al E Pistle View Post
How many times must we explain to you that disease is sin and prayer removes sin? A million? It seems like it. In any case it had TB. We didn't eat the lungs, we sold the innards to a Canadian chicken farm for chicken feed.

So...if "prayer removes sin",why didn't you nip over there & pray for it then?

And if it comes to that,just pray for all the "sinners" in the world - that'll fix them - no more "sin",no more hospitals,people in wheelchairs,dying of Cancer - they'll all be healed.
Gee Al,you could help the entire world!
So why don't you then?


In order to be old & wise,you must first be young & stupid.
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Default Re: Dothead cow "god" is turned into steak - 08-02-2007, 05:38 AM

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Originally Posted by lilith View Post
So...if "prayer removes sin",why didn't you nip over there & pray for it then?

And if it comes to that,just pray for all the "sinners" in the world - that'll fix them - no more "sin",no more hospitals,people in wheelchairs,dying of Cancer - they'll all be healed.
Gee Al,you could help the entire world!
So why don't you then?
Because (1) I don't pray for cows, I barbeque them and (2) Heaven is almost full. I think there are only a few hundred more seats, so we are gonna pick and choose VERY carefully. I think after John Wayne, the next one will be President Bush. And we had to let Paris Hilton in because of her.....conversion. Naturally, all Landover Pastors and Platinum tithers have reservations as well. Those don't detract from the numbers. We have been accounted for since Christ died for our sins.


Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
"God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


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Default Re: Dothead cow "god" is turned into steak - 08-03-2007, 07:41 AM

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Originally Posted by Pastor Al E Pistle View Post
Because (1) I don't pray for cows, I barbeque them and (2) Heaven is almost full. I think there are only a few hundred more seats, so we are gonna pick and choose VERY carefully. I think after John Wayne, the next one will be President Bush. And we had to let Paris Hilton in because of her.....conversion. Naturally, all Landover Pastors and Platinum tithers have reservations as well. Those don't detract from the numbers. We have been accounted for since Christ died for our sins.



Heaven's "almost full?"

Those poor sods - any chance they'll ever be let out? It must be hell with all those Christians!


In order to be old & wise,you must first be young & stupid.
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Default Re: Dothead cow "god" is turned into steak - 08-03-2007, 10:57 AM

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Originally Posted by SalvationSeeker View Post
You must be a fool, how do you think the cow got sick in the first place?
Because some faggot dothead fornicated with it, of course.

It's a fact in Creation Science that about 95% of all diseases today can be traced to fags.
Stop being such a blind fag-enabler and open your eyes:
Without fags we'd have a LOT less std's (and all other disease too) and no HIV at all!
Bull sh*t. Sexual orientation is not a factor in one's eligibility or capability to succumb to an STD. It may have an effect on who is more likely to get in a situation where an STD is present, but Gay people are not any more vulnerable or resistant to them than straight people.
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SalvationSeeker SalvationSeeker is offline
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Default Re: Dothead cow "god" is turned into steak - 08-03-2007, 01:35 PM

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Originally Posted by Joo View Post
Bull sh*t. Sexual orientation is not a factor in one's eligibility or capability to succumb to an STD. It may have an effect on who is more likely to get in a situation where an STD is present, but Gay people are not any more vulnerable or resistant to them than straight people.
Rubbish, fags are riddled with std's such as GRID. It's a FACT.
I suggest you check out the statistics, you foolish fag enabler.

For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature:
And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another;
Men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet.
Romans 1:26-27

Who knowing the judgment of God, that they which commit such things are worthy of death, not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them.
Romans 1:32

Just WHY do you feel a need to defend such a perverted lifestyle?
It can be nothing else but satan commanding you to.


If thou be wise, thou shalt be wise for thyself: But if thou scornest, thou alone shalt bear it.
A foolish woman is clamorous: She is simple, and knoweth nothing.
Proverbs 9:12-13
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Default Re: Dothead cow "god" is turned into steak - 08-09-2007, 10:13 AM

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Originally Posted by Joo View Post
Why is everything about fornication with you?
For the sexually repressed and horny everything is about fornication.
True Christians should give into their carnal desires and start shagging each other!

"Gimme thad ole' time religion. Gimme thad ole' time religion."
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