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Default GRUEL: A Tithing Recipe - 10-29-2006, 05:38 PM

Folks, I know with Jesus birthday coming up, many of you are wishing you could give Jesus an even better tithe to HIS favorite church. This delightful recipe for Gruel can help prevent wasting money on food and put more of it into the tithing plate.

Tasty Gruel

2 teaspoons of flour
1 teaspoon of salt

Boil one cup water. Separately, drip water on flour and salt until it makes a paste. Add the paste to the boiling water. Stir to a semi-fluid consistency. Strain to eliminate film. Serve warm.
PS Reducing the flour to one teaspoon saves 50% and makes Jesus so happy!


Jesus - gentle, dependable overnight relief.
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Default Re: GRUEL: A Tithing Recipe - 10-29-2006, 06:17 PM

That's a fine I-Dear, Mother Glynndie! And if any of those Sniveling Sinners start Weeping about how they're tired of the same thing every single day, I suggest a steaming bowl of Stone Soup every now and then to fill in:

1) Boil Water
2) Put a Stone in the Water
3) Wait with it by the roadside to see if a Good Samaritan might come along and add to it some salt or vegetables
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Default Re: GRUEL: A Tithing Recipe - 10-29-2006, 06:22 PM

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Originally Posted by Sister Sue Vera View Post
That's a fine I-Dear, Mother Glynndie! And if any of those Sniveling Sinners start Weeping about how they're tired of the same thing every single day, I suggest a steaming bowl of Stone Soup every now and then to fill in:

1) Boil Water
2) Put a Stone in the Water
3) Wait with it by the roadside to see if a Good Samaritan might come along and add to it some salt or vegetables
Wear dark glasses and have an empty cup by your side, they'll probably hrow you cash as well.

Better still have a Tap-dancing Negra Servant do it for you.



Sister Talitha

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being interpreted, Damsel, I say unto thee, arise!...Mark 5:41



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Default Re: GRUEL: A Tithing Recipe - 10-29-2006, 06:43 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sister Talitha View Post
Wear dark glasses and have an empty cup by your side, they'll probably hrow you cash as well.

Better still have a Tap-dancing Negra Servant do it for you.
And I have just the "Man" to do it, too!

Where, oh where, is "Pookey Boy?"
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Default Re: GRUEL: A Tithing Recipe - 10-29-2006, 07:14 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sister Sue Vera View Post
And I have just the "Man" to do it, too!

Where, oh where, is "Pookey Boy?"
Sweet Sister Sue, I can only assume "Pookey" is our very own Brother Mike? Is he sowing his oats before the big wedding? Or is he a lost little sheep on his way to Wyoming (where men are men and sheep are scared)?


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Default Re: GRUEL: A Tithing Recipe - 10-29-2006, 07:52 PM

Mother Glynndie, Praise Him that you never had to happen onto the Satanical antics of this strutting, banjo-playing (and we all know the Deemonic "banjo" is nothing but 6-stringed SIN!) darkie from the Antidiluvian days of the old Landover message board.

OH but wasn't that one always just Winking and Leering at me anywhere I went all over that board!
Quite possibly JESUS chose to call him Home because of this very thing. Anyway, he is Gone with the Wind and I Swear too much that I have never had a single thought of him since - until Sister Tali's idea that I put a neegroe to use for me.

SUV
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Default Re: GRUEL: A Tithing Recipe - 10-29-2006, 11:03 PM

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Originally Posted by Sister Sue Vera View Post
OH but wasn't that one always just Winking and Leering at me anywhere I went all over that board!
I thought that was Chadi.


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Default Re: GRUEL: A Tithing Recipe - 10-29-2006, 11:30 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Glendora Christianson View Post
Folks, I know with Jesus birthday coming up, many of you are wishing you could give Jesus an even better tithe to HIS favorite church. This delightful recipe for Gruel can help prevent wasting money on food and put more of it into the tithing plate.

Tasty Gruel

2 teaspoons of flour
1 teaspoon of salt

Boil one cup water. Separately, drip water on flour and salt until it makes a paste. Add the paste to the boiling water. Stir to a semi-fluid consistency. Strain to eliminate film. Serve warm.
PS Reducing the flour to one teaspoon saves 50% and makes Jesus so happy!
Man cannot live by gruel alone. Does anyone still have that recipe for dung cakes that has been handed down from my great-great grandmother? I believe it was based on the Biblical version from the book of Ezekiel, my namesake.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

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Default Re: GRUEL: A Tithing Recipe - 10-30-2006, 12:11 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
Man cannot live by gruel alone. Does anyone still have that recipe for dung cakes that has been handed down from my great-great grandmother? I believe it was based on the Biblical version from the book of Ezekiel, my namesake.
Oh, you must mean...
4:12 And thou shalt eat it as barley cakes, and thou shalt bake it with dung that cometh out of man, in their sight.

Ezekiel's Barley Cakes

1 cup stone ground barley
1/2 cup dung that cometh out of a man
1/3 cup milk*
1/2 teaspoon salt

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.
Combine ground barley & salt with dung that cometh out of a man, *carefully add milk for the right consistency (should stick to a spoon and heap nicely on the cookie sheet). If the dung that cometh out of a man is firm, add all of the milk. But if the dung that cometh out of a man is less than firm, hold back on the milk, or ye will have pancakes instead of biscuits. Drop heaping tablespoon portions of the mix onto a greased cookie sheet and bake for 12 minutes.


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Default Re: GRUEL: A Tithing Recipe - 10-30-2006, 12:17 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Al E Pistle View Post
I thought that was Chadi.
Oh, it was all of them, Pastor - ALL of them, I say!

Truly, it is a Curse of Satan; my womanly Modesty Forbids me from telling any more of the Sordid details.

SUV
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Default Re: GRUEL: A Tithing Recipe - 10-31-2006, 09:31 PM

Ugh, how could anyone eat that? How about a nice cup of spicy apple cider and cupcakes with sprinkles? Now THAT is good.


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Default Re: GRUEL: A Tithing Recipe - 10-31-2006, 11:00 PM

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Originally Posted by Ixi View Post
Ugh, how could anyone eat that? How about a nice cup of spicy apple cider and cupcakes with sprinkles? Now THAT is good.
This is typical I'm afraid. Once again you are abandoning yourself to the pleasures of the flesh and neglecting Jesus and your spiritual development. I believe that we should start a prayer thread for you and your poor Godless family.


Revelation 21:8 But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.
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Default Re: GRUEL: A Tithing Recipe - 10-31-2006, 11:07 PM

OR you should sink your teeth in a Dorito...crunchy nacho goodness!


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Default Re: GRUEL: A Tithing Recipe - 11-01-2006, 01:16 AM

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Originally Posted by Ixi View Post
OR you should sink your teeth in a Dorito...crunchy nacho goodness!
So, then, you live on a diet of Doritos and cupcakes with sprinkles? That certainly explains some things about you.


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Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: GRUEL: A Tithing Recipe - 11-01-2006, 02:00 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by More Saved Than Thou View Post
So, then, you live on a diet of Doritos and cupcakes with sprinkles? That certainly explains some things about you.
A similar diet has led to positive lifestyle choices, if memory serves me. Or was that twinkies? anyway, there might be hope for this young lady yet!


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Brother Temperance Brother Temperance is offline
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A very nice young man
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Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: GRUEL: A Tithing Recipe - 11-01-2006, 02:07 PM

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Originally Posted by Ixi View Post
Ugh, how could anyone eat that? How about a nice cup of spicy apple cider and cupcakes with sprinkles? Now THAT is good.
Typical unsaved scum... here we are, having a decent Christian discussion of Godly alternatives to Pot Noodles, and you barge in recommending we get off our faces on white cider. Why does Satan lead you to debauch our Holy board in this manner?


O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.


God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.
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