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Default Back From Our Evangelical Mission - 04-18-2007, 04:11 PM
Jean and I have been away on a calling from God to spread HIS WORD. Our ministerial family is committed to exalting Jesus Christ to the huddled masses. Well, that and Jean had a message in her potato salad last year that moved her to this calling. We loaded up the van full of bibles and Jean's BIG BIB™ and away we went! Jean was so excited she drooled all over the dashboard most of the first day.

We started off by traveling west from our home in North Carolina to Memphis Tennessee. (We heard there were lots of sinners in Memphis.) We called our first sermon "Purity and Righteousness In Christ"

Our next stop was in Dallas Texas. My sermon "Keeping The Unity of The Spirit" brought tears to everyone's eyes.

After that we were off to Alcoma New Mexico to preach my famous "CHRIST - THE HERALD OF RIGHTEOUSNESS" sermon. This one didn't go over too well with the half-breeds in New Mexico.

In December we found ourselves back on the east coast in Atlantic City, New Jersey preaching the popular "Reason For His Coming". There was a bit of ugliness when Jean was penalized a half pound because one of the judges congregation found a whole meatball under her chair after she finished eating testifying.

Our most recent stop found us in Long Beach California. We spoke on "Chili Cheese Fries and God". Jean was moved by a burning in her heart.

Now that we're home Jean is recovering nicely. We want to assure the pastors of LBC that all winnings tithe money accepted on our mission will be sent in next week.

PRAISE HIM!
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Default Re: Back From Our Evangelical Mission - 04-18-2007, 04:15 PM
Good to here from you again Brother Matt. I see the Lord weighs as heavily on you and you wife's hearts as always.


Time to reclaim our FREEDOM from the “Mullah in Chief” and his growing activist voter hoards of socialists, communists, anti-Semites, anti-Christians, atheists, radical gays and lesbians, feminists, illegal immigrants, Muslims, anti-Anglo whites and others.

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Time to come clean on Benghazi Mr Obama!
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Default Re: Back From Our Evangelical Mission - 04-18-2007, 04:33 PM
WELCOME BACK Brother Matt! I have missed your fine sermons!

Please tell Jean hello. I will send over some of my homemade tapico pudding to help her heartburn.

Lovely to see you and have you back! PRAISE!

Lve, Sister Thumper



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Default Re: Back From Our Evangelical Mission - 04-18-2007, 04:37 PM
Welcome back whoever you are.

You pray...I dance naked in the forest
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Default Re: Back From Our Evangelical Mission - 04-18-2007, 04:51 PM
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Originally Posted by Matt View Post
.....Buuuuuurp.....
I suggest you take a look at Galatians 5:23.

I might also point out there is no St. Denny's...St. Denis yes, St. Denny's no...although many semi-literate types might confuse the pronunciation.



Bless you, my circumferentially challenged buffet owners nightmare,
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Default Re: Back From Our Evangelical Mission - 04-18-2007, 05:01 PM
I see they haven't rid this place of pedophilic priests yet. What will it take to convince you to give up your fondling ways, put aside your Mary-on-a-half-shell statue, and bathe your soul in the word of the one true God? There may be hope for you yet Father Mo.
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Default Re: Back From Our Evangelical Mission - 04-18-2007, 05:12 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Father Maurice Lester View Post
I suggest you take a look at Galations 5:23.
While it's always nice to see someone promoting temperance, might I suggest that you quit blaspheming and learn to spell the names of the Lord's Books? "Galations" sounds like some awful alien race bent on tentacle rape from a children's cartoon!

O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.
God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.
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Default Re: Back From Our Evangelical Mission - 04-18-2007, 05:16 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother Temperance View Post
While it's always nice to see someone promoting temperance, might I suggest that you quit blaspheming and learn to spell the names of the Lord's Books? "Galations" sounds like some awful alien race bent on tentacle rape from a children's cartoon!
You guys can edit my posts all you like...it does nothing to diminish the truths I bring to you and your fellow con-artists!


Bless you, my sneaky bastage,
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Default Re: Back From Our Evangelical Mission - 04-18-2007, 09:13 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Father Maurice Lester View Post
I suggest you take a look at Galatians 5:23.
What a novelty it is to see a Romanist citing Scripture. If you take it up on a regular basis, I think you'll find that it beats praying to the finger bone of a long-dead "saint" to find out which altar boy to have tonight.

Anyway, welcome back, Brother Matt.

This church is dedicated to preaching True Christianity™ and the King James Bible exactly as they are, with no alterations to make them more politically correct for modern liberals. If you think that we've misquoted or twisted Scripture or quoted any verse out of context, please explain in detail how we've done so. Otherwise, if what you read on this site offends you, then you're offended by Almighty God and His Word, not by us.

Questions to ask liberal "Christians" ✞ Things that the Bible doesn't say ✞ Tolerance

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Default Re: Back From Our Evangelical Mission - 04-19-2007, 11:41 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bobby-Joe View Post
Good to here from you again Brother Matt. I see the Lord weighs as heavily on you and you wife's hearts as always.
Was that a typo?

Matt, I remember you.
I know SUV has missed you.


Wake up and smell the 21st Century!!
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Default Re: Back From Our Evangelical Mission - 04-19-2007, 12:28 PM
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Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
Was that a typo?

Matt, I remember you.
I know SUV has missed you.
She speaks The Truth™ Brother Matthew.

For once
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Default Re: Back From Our Evangelical Mission - 04-19-2007, 01:43 PM
Well Praise Jesus it is good to see you back with us in God's favorite forum. It was thrilling to read about your exploits around the country spreading God's fruitful message. I'm glad to hear that your lovely wife Jean is feisty as ever. I'll bet she looks forward to getting her daily "Holy Ghost enema".
Why don't you wheel her over to my estate for a pig roast after church this Sunday.

Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: Back From Our Evangelical Mission - 04-19-2007, 02:11 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Father Maurice Lester View Post
I suggest you take a look at Galatians 5:23.
Galations? How many yarns ago was that written Commander Appollo?

Shhees I though Battlestar Galatica was a Mormon thing.


Time to reclaim our FREEDOM from the “Mullah in Chief” and his growing activist voter hoards of socialists, communists, anti-Semites, anti-Christians, atheists, radical gays and lesbians, feminists, illegal immigrants, Muslims, anti-Anglo whites and others.

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Time to come clean on Benghazi Mr Obama!
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Default Re: Back From Our Evangelical Mission - 04-19-2007, 03:03 PM
Welcome back Brother Matt. Nice to see you again.
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Default Re: Back From Our Evangelical Mission - 04-19-2007, 03:11 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
Why don't you wheel her over to my estate for a pig roast after church this Sunday.
Are you now burning people at the stake again?

Wow. It's Salem all over again.



Bless you, my pyromaniacal Protestant,
Father Mo



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Senior Pastor
Ex-liberal; converted to True Christianity™
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Location: 13706 Levite's Sojourn Terr., Gibeah Hill, Freehold, Iowa
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Default Re: Back From Our Evangelical Mission - 04-19-2007, 04:28 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Father Maurice Lester View Post
Are you now burning people at the stake again?

Wow. It's Salem all over again.
Hellbound Mary-hailer, I see that you know as much about history as you do about the Bible's plan of salvation. Witches in America were hanged or pressed to death. It was in Europe, including the lands under the Romanist Inquisition, where they were burned.

This church is dedicated to preaching True Christianity™ and the King James Bible exactly as they are, with no alterations to make them more politically correct for modern liberals. If you think that we've misquoted or twisted Scripture or quoted any verse out of context, please explain in detail how we've done so. Otherwise, if what you read on this site offends you, then you're offended by Almighty God and His Word, not by us.

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Father Maurice Lester's Avatar
Father Maurice Lester Father Maurice Lester is offline
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Default Re: Back From Our Evangelical Mission - 04-19-2007, 04:40 PM
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Originally Posted by More Saved Than Thou View Post
Hellbound Mary-hailer, I see that you know as much about history as you do about the Bible's plan of salvation. Witches in America were hanged or pressed to death. It was in Europe, including the lands under the Romanist Inquisition, where they were burned.
I suggest you revisit your history. Witches were burned in Salem but there has been a revisionist movement for years to deny this truth much like the modern Holocaust deniers. We kept a close eye on you reformists and have many detailed accounts of this in our records. Keep in mind that we Catholics could actually read and write back then, unlike your sad little boat folks who brought diseases of the body and soul to the Americas.


Bless you, my Baptist David Irving,
Father Mo





A Cardinal in the making.

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Brother Temperance Brother Temperance is offline
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Default Re: Back From Our Evangelical Mission - 04-19-2007, 05:53 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Father Maurice Lester View Post
I suggest you revisit your history. Witches were burned in Salem but there has been a revisionist movement for years to deny this truth much like the modern Holocaust deniers. We kept a close eye on you reformists and have many detailed accounts of this in our records. Keep in mind that we Catholics could actually read and write back then, unlike your sad little boat folks who brought diseases of the body and soul to the Americas.
Why would we wish to deny the truth? It's not like we're some bungling Krautish Katholics who can't even kill Christ-killers properly - we carried out the Lord's work, and we're proud of it!

O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.
God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.
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Bobby-Joe Bobby-Joe is offline
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Default Re: Back From Our Evangelical Mission - 04-19-2007, 06:00 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother Temperance View Post
Why would we wish to deny the truth? It's not like we're some bungling Krautish Katholics who can't even kill Christ-killers properly - we carried out the Lord's work, and we're proud of it!
Those women and men hung at Salem weren't even witches but we executed them anyway. That's right Father Mo; they were innocent of the crimes they were accused of and were proud of it. If those God hating sinners had really been innocent Christians Jesus would have kept them from being falsely accused in the first place. GLORY!


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