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Default God Hates Jokes!!! - 11-14-2009, 04:23 AM

I found a great article online that clearly tells the truth - God hates humor! That's right, it's a sin to be funny! I don't want to catch any of my fellow Landoverians laughing, unless it's at the destruction of the wicked.

The article is here: http://www.jesus-is-lord.com/humor.htm (Apparently, God also hates left-alignment.)

Is a Sense of Humor a Needful Thing? __________________________________________________ ________________________________
I've heard people say, "I think God has a sense of humor." I do not believe that they speak wisely concerning this. What we call a sense of humor is nothing more than foolish talking or jesting--these things are not funny to the Lord. In fact, He says that they are not convenient in Ephesians 5. I searched on the word, "laugh" in the Bible. I could only find ONE thing that God will laugh at--and that is the destruction of the wicked. That is not what we would call a sense of humor. The sound of Almighty God laughing at the wicked will be a booming, terrifying sound in the ears of the fools who will have rejected Him and His Christ.
Psalms 2:4 He that sitteth in the heavens shall laugh: the LORD shall have them in derision. Psalms 37:13 The LORD shall laugh at him: for he seeth that his day is coming.

Psalms 59:8 But thou, O LORD, shalt laugh at them; thou shalt have all the heathen in derision.
Proverbs 1:26 I also will laugh at your calamity; I will mock when your fear cometh; (wisdom speaketh here)

Ezekiel 23:32 Thus saith the Lord GOD; Thou shalt drink of thy sister's cup deep and large: thou shalt be laughed to scorn and had in derision; it containeth much.
I hear people say things like, "That pastor has a good sense of humor." I have a question--is a sense of humor a needful thing? I notice that many, many preachers start off their sermons with "an icebreaker" which is oftentimes a joke of some sort. Is this a needful thing?
Ephesians 5:3-4 ...let it not be once named among you, as becometh saints; Neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor jesting, which are not convenient: but rather giving of thanks.
Is not a joke jesting? If someone just happens to say something that is funny, that is one thing. But to actually cultivate joke-telling ability in service to the Lord is quite another. We get on the charismatics about their ludicrous "laughing revival" and yet we sit around joking as if it were convenient. What did The Preacher say about laughter?
Ecclesiastes 2:2 I said of laughter, It is mad: and of mirth, What doeth it? Ecclesiastes 7:6 For as the crackling of thorns under a pot, so is the laughter of the fool: this also is vanity.

Ecclesiastes 7:3 Sorrow is better than laughter: for by the sadness of the countenance the heart is made better.
Sadness and sobriety in spirit does indeed make the countenance better. My best times with the Lord are when I am going through deep waters--not when I'm flappin' my lips too much. One of the benefits of fasting is it sobers us. We put our bodies under subjection and turn our attention to our God meditating on His precepts and commandments. We are looking for Him, seeking Him out. THAT is unspeakable joy, my friend. Joy is not the foolishness of meaningless banter which has a tendency to spread like wildfire infecting everything in its path.

What saith James?
James 4:9 Be afflicted, and mourn, and weep: let your laughter be turned to mourning, and your joy to heaviness.
A bunch of hemmin' and hawin' does not glorify Jesus Christ. It glorifies the comedian with a couple of laughs--and that oftentimes at someone else's expense. Foolish talking and jesting also break the flow of the word of God when mixed in with preaching. Do not the scriptures say that we should be sober and grave? We live in perilous times. The night cometh when no man can work. We've got to work while it is day. People don't come to Jesus to be entertained. They can get better entertainment on tv than at a church service. They've come to Him for more abundant life. Young people are looking for something to live and die for. We hear from a lot of them here. An 18 year old recently asked me, with sincere interest, what personal sacrifices I've made in order to serve the Lord. That is a mature question! We exchanged several e-mails about personal holiness. He wants to be a missionary and wants to know what it means to live holy. People don't need no jokes, they need the pure doctrine of Jesus Christ.

The Lord Jesus told us something about laughter:
Luke 6:21, 25 Blessed are ye that hunger now: for ye shall be filled. Blessed are ye that weep now: for ye shall laugh.
They that mourn now shall laugh and rejoice in the kingdom to come. This is not what we call "a sense of humor." We will be so overwhelmed with happiness at seeing the Lord that we will laugh. There have been times that I've heard some great preaching, especially when the man is quoting the scriptures from heart and I get excited. Sometimes I let out an "Amen" or a "That's right" or a "Yes Sir". If it's real good a short laugh may come out, not because the thing is funny but because my spirit is rejoicing in the truth. This has nothing to do with our "sense of humor".

The following is a hodge-podge of verses about laughter.

Genesis 17:17 Then Abraham fell upon his face, and laughed, and said in his heart, Shall a child be born unto him that is an hundred years old? and shall Sarah, that is ninety years old, bear? 18:12 Therefore Sarah laughed within herself, saying, After I am waxed old shall I have pleasure, my lord being old also? 18:13 And the LORD said unto Abraham, Wherefore did Sarah laugh, saying, Shall I of a surety bear a child, which am old? 18:15 Then Sarah denied, saying, I laughed not; for she was afraid. And he said, Nay; but thou didst laugh. 21:6 And Sarah said, God hath made me to laugh, so that all that hear will laugh with me.

2 Kings 19:21 This is the word that the LORD hath spoken concerning him; The virgin the daughter of Zion hath despised thee, and laughed thee to scorn; the daughter of Jerusalem hath shaken her head at thee.

2 Chronicles 30:10 So the posts passed from city to city through the country of Ephraim and Manasseh even unto Zebulun: but they laughed them to scorn, and mocked them.

Nehemiah 2:19 But when Sanballat the Horonite, and Tobiah the servant, the Ammonite, and Geshem the Arabian, heard it, they laughed us to scorn, and despised us, and said, What is this thing that ye do? will ye rebel against the king?

Job 5:22 At destruction and famine thou shalt laugh: neither shalt thou be afraid of the beasts of the earth. 8:21 Till he fill thy mouth with laughing, and thy lips with rejoicing. 9:23 If the scourge slay suddenly, he will laugh at the trial of the innocent. 12:4 I am as one mocked of his neighbour, who calleth upon God, and he answereth him: the just upright man is laughed to scorn. 22:19 The righteous see it, and are glad: and the innocent laugh them to scorn. 29:24 If I laughed on them, they believed it not; and the light of my countenance they cast not down. 41:29 Darts are counted as stubble: he laugheth at the shaking of a spear. (Leviathan)

Psalms 2:4 He that sitteth in the heavens shall laugh: the LORD shall have them in derision. 22:7 All they that see me laugh me to scorn: they shoot out the lip, they shake the head, saying, 37:13 The LORD shall laugh at him: for he seeth that his day is coming. 52:6 The righteous also shall see, and fear, and shall laugh at him: 59:8 But thou, O LORD, shalt laugh at them; thou shalt have all the heathen in derision. 80:6 Thou makest us a strife unto our neighbours: and our enemies laugh among themselves.

126:2 Then was our mouth filled with laughter, and our tongue with singing: then said they among the heathen, The LORD hath done great things for them.

Proverbs 1:26 I also will laugh at your calamity; I will mock when your fear cometh; (wisdom) 14:13 Even in laughter the heart is sorrowful; and the end of that mirth is heaviness. 29:9 If a wise man contendeth with a foolish man, whether he rage or laugh, there is no rest.

Ecclesiastes 2:2 I said of laughter, It is mad: and of mirth, What doeth it? 3:4 A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; 7:3 Sorrow is better than laughter: for by the sadness of the countenance the heart is made better. 7:6 For as the crackling of thorns under a pot, so is the laughter of the fool: this also is vanity. 10:19 A feast is made for laughter, and wine maketh merry: but money answereth all things.

Isaiah 37:22 This is the word which the LORD hath spoken concerning him; The virgin, the daughter of Zion, hath despised thee, and laughed thee to scorn; the daughter of Jerusalem hath shaken her head at thee.

Ezekiel 23:32 Thus saith the Lord GOD; Thou shalt drink of thy sister's cup deep and large: thou shalt be laughed to scorn and had in derision; it containeth much.

Matthew 9:24 He said unto them, Give place: for the maid is not dead, but sleepeth. And they laughed him to scorn.

Mark 5:40 And they laughed him to scorn. But when he had put them all out, he taketh the father and the mother of the damsel, and them that were with him, and entereth in where the damsel was lying.

Luke 6:21 Blessed are ye that hunger now: for ye shall be filled. Blessed are ye that weep now: for ye shall laugh. 6:25 Woe unto you that are full! for ye shall hunger. Woe unto you that laugh now! for ye shall mourn and weep. 8:53 And they laughed him to scorn, knowing that she was dead.

James 5:5 Ye have lived in pleasure on the earth, and been wanton; ye have nourished your hearts, as in a day of slaughter. (The wicked fill their hearts with mirth and merriment, fattening themselves up for the day of slaughter. We Christians know what's coming, we need to be sober.)
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Default Re: God Hates Jokes!!! - 12-04-2009, 11:20 PM

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Originally Posted by Heathen_Basher View Post
I found a great article online that clearly tells the truth - God hates humor! That's right, it's a sin to be funny! I don't want to catch any of my fellow Landoverians laughing, unless it's at the destruction of the wicked.

(stuff)
It's not a sin to be funny, don't be silly. God likes a good laugh as much as the next deity.
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Default Re: God Hates Jokes!!! - 12-05-2009, 12:10 AM

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Originally Posted by goodmorningglasggow View Post
It's not a sin to be funny, don't be silly. God likes a good laugh
True, but at the expense of those who discard His Word
Quote:
as much as the next deity.
There is no "next deity."





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Default Re: God Hates Jokes!!! - 12-05-2009, 12:21 AM

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Originally Posted by goodmorningglasggow View Post
It's not a sin to be funny, don't be silly. God likes a good laugh as much as the next deity.
Did you bother to read the article? Have you bothered to read the Bible? Have you ever read anything more than a couple of lines long without your eyes glossing over, you retarded illiterate alcohol-reeking Scotch heathen?
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Default Re: God Hates Jokes!!! - 12-05-2009, 12:23 AM

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Originally Posted by Heathen_Basher View Post
Did you bother to read the article? Have you bothered to read the Bible? Have you ever read anything more than a couple of lines long without your eyes glossing over, you retarded illiterate alcohol-reeking Scotch heathen?
Pretty much no, because I'm in the comedy "profession" if you will. Ergo, I read that I need no sense of humour, saw some bible quotes, and thought, "Nah, I'll watch Russell Howard instead". So yeah.
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Default Re: God Hates Jokes!!! - 12-05-2009, 12:26 AM

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Originally Posted by goodmorningglasggow View Post
Pretty much no, because I'm in the comedy "profession" if you will.
There's nothing funny about prostitution.



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Default Re: God Hates Jokes!!! - 12-05-2009, 12:31 AM

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Originally Posted by goodmorningglasggow View Post
Pretty much no, because I'm in the comedy "profession" if you will. Ergo, I read that I need no sense of humour, saw some bible quotes, and thought, "Nah, I'll watch Russell Howard instead". So yeah.
James 5:5 Ye have lived in pleasure on the earth, and been wanton; ye have nourished your hearts, as in a day of slaughter. (The wicked fill their hearts with mirth and merriment, fattening themselves up for the day of slaughter. We Christians know what's coming, we need to be sober.)
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Default Re: God Hates Jokes!!! - 12-05-2009, 12:34 AM

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Originally Posted by goodmorningglasggow View Post
Pretty much no, because I'm in the comedy "profession" if you will. [...]
Reminds me of some Brit comedian I saw back in the 60s, he said, "They laughed when I said I was going to be a comedian, They're not laughing now."

Is what your write here considered hilarious in Scotchland?





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Default Re: God Hates Jokes!!! - 12-05-2009, 12:34 AM

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Originally Posted by Heathen_Basher View Post
Did you bother to read the article? Have you bothered to read the Bible? Have you ever read anything more than a couple of lines long without your eyes glossing over, you retarded illiterate alcohol-reeking Scotch heathen?
Oh, and I forgot something.

Allow me to disect you.

1) "Retarded"
I'm not retarded, as I have no mental or physical health issues.

2) "Illiterate"
I am not illiterate as I currently hold an "A" in Advanced Higher English, and have shown through my work that my grasp of language is considerably above average. I also hold an "unconditional" for Glasgow University to study The Classics.

3)"Alcohol-reeking"
You assume I drink because I'm Scottish? I therefore assume you're fat, lazy, work-shy, and look not unlike Homer Simpson because you're American.

4) "Scotch"
Observe.

"Scotch" - this is the American name for whiskey.
"Scot" - this is someone from Scotland.

Please revise your vocabulary as soon as possible, as this error makes you appear quite uncultured and...well, let's face it, a little illiterate.

5) "Heathen"
Heathen? Well, that I can deal with. It's better than "Scotch". At least the terminology's correct.

Also, before you throw around terms like "illiterate", you may want to revise how to set out a list. It's rather á la mode to use commas to separate each point.
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Default Re: God Hates Jokes!!! - 12-05-2009, 12:41 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by goodmorningglasggow View Post
Oh, and I forgot something.

Allow me to disect you.

1) "Retarded"
I'm not retarded, as I have no mental or physical health issues.

2) "Illiterate"
I am not illiterate as I currently hold an "A" in Advanced Higher English, and have shown through my work that my grasp of language is considerably above average. I also hold an "unconditional" for Glasgow University to study The Classics.

3)"Alcohol-reeking"
You assume I drink because I'm Scottish? I therefore assume you're fat, lazy, work-shy, and look not unlike Homer Simpson because you're American.

4) "Scotch"
Observe.

"Scotch" - this is the American name for whiskey.
"Scot" - this is someone from Scotland.

Please revise your vocabulary as soon as possible, as this error makes you appear quite uncultured and...well, let's face it, a little illiterate.

5) "Heathen"
Heathen? Well, that I can deal with. It's better than "Scotch". At least the terminology's correct.

Also, before you throw around terms like "illiterate", you may want to revise how to set out a list. It's rather á la mode to use commas to separate each point.
That's another infraction. The patience bridge is washing out!


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5:18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled
10:21 And the brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child: and the children shall rise up against their parents, and cause them to be put to death.
10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.


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Default Re: God Hates Jokes!!! - 12-05-2009, 12:44 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by goodmorningglasggow View Post
Oh, and I forgot something.

Allow me to disect you.
Allow me to say what you really mean...

Quote:
1) "Retarded"
I'm not retarded, as I have no mental or physical health issues.
Are you the best person to judge?

Quote:
2) "Illiterate"
I am not illiterate as I currently hold an "A" in Advanced Higher English,
is that English as a foreign language?
Quote:
I also hold an "unconditional" for Glasgow University to study The Classics.
Is that an unconditional "No thanks?"

Quote:
3)"Alcohol-reeking"
You assume I drink because I'm Scottish? I therefore assume you're fat, lazy, work-shy, and look not unlike Homer Simpson because you're American.
I notice anger and retaliation but no denial...

Quote:
4) "Scotch"
Observe.

"Scotch" - this is the American name for whiskey.
"Scot" - this is someone from Scotland.
Observe how your national poet uses "Scotch" as an adjective:

O thou, my Muse! guid auld Scotch drink;
Whether thro' wimplin' worms thou jink,
Or, richly brown, ream owre the brink,
In glorious faem,
Inspire me, till I lisp an' wink,
To sing thy name!

Quote:
Please revise your vocabulary as soon as possible, as this error makes you appear quite uncultured and...well, let's face it, a little illiterate.
Please learn more about Scotland than the average American.

Quote:
Also, before you throw around terms like "illiterate", you may want to revise how to set out a list. It's rather á la mode to use commas to separate each point.
Brother H. Basher, I believe is correct and if and until you can counter any of his arguments, I, for one, will see you as a frizzy-haired, ginger, alcoholic with fantasies about being educated.





“We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

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goodmorningglasggow goodmorningglasggow is offline
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Default Re: God Hates Jokes!!! - 12-05-2009, 12:55 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ezekiel Bathfire View Post
Allow me to say what you really mean...

Are you the best person to judge?

is that English as a foreign language? Is that an unconditional "No thanks?"

I notice anger and retaliation but no denial...

Observe how your national poet uses "Scotch" as an adjective:

O thou, my Muse! guid auld Scotch drink;
Whether thro' wimplin' worms thou jink,
Or, richly brown, ream owre the brink,
In glorious faem,
Inspire me, till I lisp an' wink,
To sing thy name!

Please learn more about Scotland than the average American.

Brother H. Basher, I believe is correct and if and until you can counter any of his arguments, I, for one, will see you as a frizzy-haired, ginger, alcoholic with fantasies about being educated.
Your example uses old Scots as its language, therefore it is invalid. Old Scots is not used widely any more, and is therefore considered "bad English", if you will if used without due reason. Robert Burns died in 1796. English has come on quite considerably since then.

I am not the best person to judge, you're quite right. My doctor is. I was recently given a mental health check, and I passed as "normal" with flying colours.

An "unconditional" means a place has been reserved for me in that course, should I decide to accept it. English is my native tongue. An Advanced Higher is no easy qualification to gain.

You notice anger and retaliation as these are the natural responses. I notice anger and retaliation in your own response.

Kindly do not twist my words, sir, in an attempt to be correct in your own mangled response.
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Meek and Humble Meek and Humble is offline
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Default Re: God Hates Jokes!!! - 12-05-2009, 01:12 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by goodmorningglasggow View Post
Your example uses old Scots as its language, therefore it is invalid. Old Scots is not used widely any more, and is therefore considered "bad English", if you will if used without due reason. Robert Burns died in 1796. English has come on quite considerably since then.
Don't be ridiculous. Everyone knows the English language reached its full potential in the year 1611, when God published his very own Bible (brought with the help of a Scotsman, King James. It's a shame how the nation has fallen since then ). That is perfect English, and any attempts at modernizing it is evil.

(I'm just trying to bring this discussion back to a Biblical topic, since you so very rudely tried to make it all about you and your giant Scotch ego.)
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Default Re: God Hates Jokes!!! - 12-05-2009, 01:51 AM

There's no point arguing with these people fellow Scot. They'll never see past their prejudice for Europeans. And as long as they believe that, you can never win. Trust me when I say that when ever they feel verbally cornered they'll just insult you, even if your point is completely sound.

Apologies,
Yak
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Default Re: God Hates Jokes!!! - 12-05-2009, 08:24 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by yak View Post
There's no point arguing with these people fellow Scot. They'll never see past their prejudice for Europeans. And as long as they believe that, you can never win. Trust me when I say that when ever they feel verbally cornered they'll just insult you, even if your point is completely sound.

Apologies,
Yak
And giving me an "infraction" for that just proves my point.
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Default Re: God Hates Jokes!!! - 12-08-2009, 07:19 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by yak View Post
And giving me an "infraction" for that just proves my point.
It's all good, man, we'll all float on OK. Never mind them - if they're going to heaven, we sure as hell don't want to be there. I'll save us a table in the great beyond with Frankie Boyle, Jimmy Carr and Andrew Maxwell and we can watch the burn.
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Default Re: God Hates Jokes!!! - 12-08-2009, 09:23 PM

Wow! Let me get this straight. So your God is an evil murdering and selfish prick AND he doesn't have a sense of humour? Where do I sign up?

For all of you God botherers who don't like humour, I was being sarcastic.
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Default Re: God Hates Jokes!!! - 12-08-2009, 11:06 PM

Why are you so full of hate, you Christophobe!
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Thumbs down Re: God Hates Jokes!!! - 12-08-2010, 08:25 PM

Question: What is not a sin?
If it is a sin to have sex then we will vanish.
If it is a sin to have humor then we will be with no emotions at all. Humor is the spice of life.
If it is a sin to have fun we won't have any good mood to get in a work.
Well, if you will say NO to all what did I say then see ya to the Heaven gates. You all guys so racist sometimes. I mean I hate satanists and other stuff like that but making the world communist as North Korea will not make the world better nor respecting every single word out of Bible. Who knows what people wrote into that book just to drive you out from "your good religion". You guys can't understand why God gave us and you can't even reply me with a long good -contra answer. Because you don't even have the words to respond those words. I think you mock GOD. You mock the one you created and that is a sin. Whatever. How long I will try to explain these things you will still hold that satanic religion. apocalypse 13:16 and apocalypse 13:17 . Those times will come and one Anti-Christ will come to power. Guess who will be it? The most important country in the world is U.S.A. and the anti-Christ will be aaaaan (quiz question) American of course. Think that you will be the sin country. Look! I told you a Bible paragraph which is 100% accurate.
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Exclamation Re: God Hates Jokes!!! - 12-08-2010, 08:30 PM

Revelation 13:16 and Revelation 13:17
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