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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
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Marketing Ideas for Jesus -
02-16-2007, 01:50 AM
I happened upon THIS secular news story about talking urinal cakes, brothers, and at that moment Jesus spoke to me.
What about programming those things to shout scripture? Any thoughts?
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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Location: Twenty minutes from hell- I mean Washington DC
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Re: Marketing Ideas for Jesus -
02-16-2007, 02:04 AM
Judging the contents of one of the other threads, this idea may well soon be illegal. Good idea though.
"If thou buy an Hebrew servant, six years he shall serve: and in the seventh he shall go out free for nothing. . . . And if a man sell his daughter to be a maidservant, she shall not go out as the manservant's do."
(Leviticus 21:6-7)
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Night Hag
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Re: Marketing Ideas for Jesus -
02-16-2007, 02:26 AM
The words "urinal cakes" may have frozen my brain for a second there...till I realised what you meant! Need to go & poke out my mind's eye! 
In order to be old & wise,you must first be young & stupid.
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Re: Marketing Ideas for Jesus -
02-16-2007, 02:28 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by lilith
The words "urinal cakes" may have frozen my brain for a second there...till I realised what you meant! Need to go & poke out my mind's eye! |
Lilith..... I had such high hopes for your salvation. Please tell me you weren't thinking biscuits and milk? Even my dog wouldn't eat urinal cakes.
"If thou buy an Hebrew servant, six years he shall serve: and in the seventh he shall go out free for nothing. . . . And if a man sell his daughter to be a maidservant, she shall not go out as the manservant's do."
(Leviticus 21:6-7)
Last edited by Rev. Dr. Davidson; 02-16-2007 at 02:28 AM.
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Re: Marketing Ideas for Jesus -
02-16-2007, 03:49 AM
In the Phillipines, urinal cakes are a delicacy. At least that's what they tell me every time I make a trip there to check up on my factories.
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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
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Posts: 79,910
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Re: Marketing Ideas for Jesus -
02-16-2007, 03:54 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by lilith
The words "urinal cakes" may have frozen my brain for a second there...till I realised what you meant! Need to go & poke out my mind's eye! |
A 12" knitting needle inserted deep through your left ear, then twisted for a few seconds. should do the trick.
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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Night Hag
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Re: Marketing Ideas for Jesus -
02-17-2007, 01:59 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel
A 12" knitting needle inserted deep through your left ear, then twisted for a few seconds. should do the trick.
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That's ok Zeke,a cup...of Herbal tea did the trick.
You have to admit "Urinal cake" IS a rather unfortunate name!
In order to be old & wise,you must first be young & stupid.
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Re: Marketing Ideas for Jesus -
02-18-2007, 02:12 AM
I believe the Lord has truly inspired you, Pastor Ezekiel. I think, however, that the urinal cake is a bit restrictive, as it only would apply to men.
Certainly we would all agree that the public bathroom presents an occasion of sin for both men and women. I would take a cue from the automated air fresheners that I have observed deployed in many public facilities. Much like eliminating odors, they could be enhanced to provide messages that would help everyone remain pure and chaste before Jesus. Women could be reminded (with proper quotes from scripture) to avoid the use of tampons, and the application of excessive makeup to avoid becoming a harlot. It would be appropriate in bars to remind them to go straight home (alone) when the leave. Men need to be reminded to keep their eyes straight ahead and that shaking it more than once is considered playing with it. There will also need to be stern warnings that engaging in any form of homer activity is against God's laws. Do your business and leave immediately.
Hell's foundations quiver at the shout of praise;
brothers, lift your voices, loud your anthems raise.
...and get off my lawn
Last edited by WilliamJenningsBryan; 02-18-2007 at 02:13 AM.
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Night Hag
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Re: Marketing Ideas for Jesus -
02-18-2007, 03:35 AM
"Certainly we would all agree that the public bathroom presents an occasion of sin for both men and women."
An OCCASION of sin? That sounds very Catholic.
Any chance these deodorisers will also remind the MEN to go home alone,then? 
In order to be old & wise,you must first be young & stupid.
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Re: Marketing Ideas for Jesus -
02-18-2007, 11:41 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by lilith
Any chance these deodorisers will also remind the MEN to go home alone,then? |
Coming from someone who refers to men in the Navy as "sea food", you should know why women must go straight home alone from bars. Even Ogden Hash observed that "candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker".
The men must remain out to perform their duties on the neighborhood watch, on the lookout for pie thieves and menacing virgin whores dressed as Mary Magdalene corrupting our youth.
Hell's foundations quiver at the shout of praise;
brothers, lift your voices, loud your anthems raise.
...and get off my lawn
Last edited by WilliamJenningsBryan; 02-18-2007 at 11:41 AM.
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Night Hag
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Re: Marketing Ideas for Jesus -
02-20-2007, 01:59 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by WilliamJenningsBryan
Coming from someone who refers to men in the Navy as "sea food", you should know why women must go straight home alone from bars. Even Ogden Hash observed that "candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker".
The men must remain out to perform their duties on the neighborhood watch, on the lookout for pie thieves and menacing virgin whores dressed as Mary Magdalene corrupting our youth.
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Okaaaaaaay...so sticking with that story,then are you?
In order to be old & wise,you must first be young & stupid.
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Re: Marketing Ideas for Jesus -
02-22-2007, 05:53 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by lilith
Okaaaaaaay...so sticking with that story,then are you? |
We need some signage to keep some order and respect around here.
Hell's foundations quiver at the shout of praise;
brothers, lift your voices, loud your anthems raise.
...and get off my lawn
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Re: Marketing Ideas for Jesus -
02-22-2007, 11:06 PM
Brothers! The scripture-spouting urinal cake is a terrific way to market God's Good News. I would just add one additional component to the campaign -- and that would be, of course, the deft use of telemarketing.
Imagine, if you will, that you and Sister Sue Vera have just dinned on Denny's signature Dung Cakes and Non-alcoholic Beer. Before you two wild kids duck out for some mad browsing at the Bible Superstore, you excuse yourself and retreat to the little boy's room. And there you find the urinals are helpfully equipped with keypad-activated shields that sweep from sight, once you enter your home telephone number and waive your right to prosecute direct marketers. Glory. And then you begin to hear scripture...
Later that evening -- and for every evening after that, for the rest of the year, at all hours of the evening and weekends -- an adenoidally voiced telemarketer-in-Christ will call you to alert you to your nearly lapsed subscription to the Church's faith-enhancing, celebration in tithing program. You'll love it and truly come to cherish those calls as a source of value in your life. (Also, I think I know a telemarketing company that would be perfect for the job.)
I loved Newt before Newt was invincible
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