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Straight 4 Jesus! (Back Door Christians) At LBC, we will cure your perversion of choice (even if we have to stone you).

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Didymus Much's Avatar
Didymus Much Didymus Much is offline
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Didymus Much is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Didymus Much is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Didymus Much is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Didymus Much is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Didymus Much is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Didymus Much is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Didymus Much is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Didymus Much is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Didymus Much is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Didymus Much is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Didymus Much is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.
Default Re: Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus! - 04-30-2015, 10:53 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by demifluidSwag View Post
...I'm also pansexual. And christian...
Oh? When did God come down and rewrite every Bible in existence? I hadn't noticed.

Wait, just checked, and mine still has Leviticus 20:13.

Leviticus 20:13 "If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them."

Why do you worship a god who wants you dead?


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Jim Farmer's Avatar
Jim Farmer Jim Farmer is offline
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Default Re: Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus! - 04-30-2015, 11:09 PM

Whatever all those things are that you think you are, let me say this:
You are confused
You are obsessed with your own self-importance
You are a sinner
You are destined for one place only - Hell.

What are you doing here? I doubt that Jesus would have called one who has sunk so low.


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dummifluidSwill dummifluidSwill is offline
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dummifluidSwill is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.dummifluidSwill is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.dummifluidSwill is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.dummifluidSwill is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.dummifluidSwill is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.dummifluidSwill is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.
Bible Re: Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus! - 05-01-2015, 01:12 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Didymus Much View Post
Oh? When did God come down and rewrite every Bible in existence? I hadn't noticed.

Wait, just checked, and mine still has Leviticus 20:13.

Leviticus 20:13 "If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them."

Why do you worship a god who wants you dead?
Who rewrote your bible and put in "thou shalt defame the lifestyle of others and be a total dick every chance you get"
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dummifluidSwill dummifluidSwill is offline
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dummifluidSwill is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.dummifluidSwill is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.dummifluidSwill is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.dummifluidSwill is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.dummifluidSwill is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.dummifluidSwill is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.
Jesus' eternal love Re: Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus! - 05-01-2015, 01:17 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Didymus Much View Post
Oh? When did God come down and rewrite every Bible in existence? I hadn't noticed.

Wait, just checked, and mine still has Leviticus 20:13.

Leviticus 20:13 "If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them."

Why do you worship a god who wants you dead?
God loves me, he created me the way I am and no amount of hatred can change that.
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Default Re: Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus! - 05-01-2015, 01:24 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by demifluidSwag View Post
God loves me, he created me the way I am and no amount of hatred can change that.
Can you prove that God loves you and created you the way you are? Even if God created you the way you are, that doesn't mean that He doesn't think that you're wicked or a vessel of wrath:

[Proverbs 16:4 KJV] 4 The LORD hath made all [things] for himself: yea, even the wicked for the day of evil.

[Romans 9:19-24 KJV] 19 Thou wilt say then unto me, Why doth he yet find fault? For who hath resisted his will? 20 Nay but, O man, who art thou that repliest against God? Shall the thing formed say to him that formed [it], Why hast thou made me thus? 21 Hath not the potter power over the clay, of the same lump to make one vessel unto honour, and another unto dishonour? 22 [What] if God, willing to shew [his] wrath, and to make his power known, endured with much longsuffering the vessels of wrath fitted to destruction: 23 And that he might make known the riches of his glory on the vessels of mercy, which he had afore prepared unto glory, 24 Even us, whom he hath called, not of the Jews only, but also of the Gentiles?


This church is dedicated to preaching True Christianity™ and the King James Bible exactly as they are, with no alterations to make them more politically correct for modern liberals. If you think that we've misquoted or twisted Scripture or quoted any verse out of context, please explain in detail how we've done so. Otherwise, if what you read on this site offends you, then you're offended by Almighty God and His Word, not by us.

Questions to ask liberal "Christians"Things that the Bible doesn't sayTolerance

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dummifluidSwill dummifluidSwill is offline
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dummifluidSwill is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.dummifluidSwill is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.dummifluidSwill is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.dummifluidSwill is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.dummifluidSwill is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.dummifluidSwill is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.
Default Re: Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus! - 05-01-2015, 02:40 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jim Farmer View Post
Whatever all those things are that you think you are, let me say this:
You are confused
You are obsessed with your own self-importance
You are a sinner
You are destined for one place only - Hell.

What are you doing here? I doubt that Jesus would have called one who has sunk so low.
I am confused, but arent we all? Or do you seek certainty in hatred to stop yourself from adressing confusing questions?
I am not obsessed with myself.
We are all sinners.
How do you know that?


Rom.1:26-27
For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature. And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet.
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Didymus Much's Avatar
Didymus Much Didymus Much is offline
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Didymus Much is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Didymus Much is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Didymus Much is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Didymus Much is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Didymus Much is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Didymus Much is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Didymus Much is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Didymus Much is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Didymus Much is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Didymus Much is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Didymus Much is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.
Default Re: Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus! - 05-01-2015, 02:49 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by demifluidSwag View Post
...We are all sinners...
True Christians™ aren't. They're perfect.

Quote:
...How do you know that?
It's what the Bible says.


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Default Re: Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus! - 09-16-2015, 08:56 AM

I can't tell if this site is serious or not
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Default Re: Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus! - 09-16-2015, 09:17 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by CerealPurseSnatcha View Post
I can't tell if this site is serious or not
Young lady, there is nothing more serious than the fires of Hell

Psalm 9:17 "The wicked shall be turned into hell, and all the nations that forget God."
Mark 9:43 "And if thy hand offend thee, cut it off: it is better for thee to enter into life maimed, than having two hands to go into hell, into the fire that never shall be quenched"

Please go to the Introduction forum to introduce yourself.

YIC


1 Corinthians 11:3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.

Revelation 22:15 For without are dogs, and sorcerers, and whoremongers, and murderers, and idolaters, and whosoever loveth and maketh a lie.

Leviticus 20:13 If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.
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Default Re: Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus! - 09-22-2015, 03:15 PM

Quote:
I've opened myself to Jesus and I am happy! The two have very little to do with one another, but still! I am a proud social democrat, genderfluid person, and breaker of stereotypes everywhere! Time to angrily put to sleep these bigoted Republican opinions! Yeah! (this is what happens to constricting societal norms.) I'm also pansexual. And christian. So get over yourselves!
Your obsession with "genderfluid" and "pansexual" is not what God has explained for us to do. Whatever is going on in the following example I have no idea but gender fluidity and pansexuality probably has a hand in it somewhere and none of the participants are Christians.



Quote:
I've opened myself to Jesus and I am happy! The two have very little to do with one another, but still! I am a proud social democrat, genderfluid person, and breaker of stereotypes everywhere! Time to angrily put to sleep these bigoted Republican opinions! Yeah! (this is what happens to constricting societal norms.) I'm also pansexual. And christian. So get over yourselves!
There is no such thing as a genderfluid Christian. There is no such thing as a pansexual Christian. I suppose you think you can just zbonk anything that takes your fancy regardless of its, or their, sexes or species. Gender incidentally is a characteristic of various gabbling languages. Humans do not have gender. Scripture has been posted supporting the need for you to be cured of your perversions which are usually associated with demonic possession. In this world you will know only remorse, despair, shame and self loathing. In the next everything becomes infinitely worse, torment, agony, grief and pain. Never-ending pain. The demons you worship now will become your torturers but rest assured they'll not enjoy inflicting unspeakables upon you. They will hate doing it even more than you hate having it done. And that will make them grieve you all the more.

The Bible is clear. This is what we all deserve from earliest infancy, born disgusting with only disgusting urges. Every passion vile but Jesus touched me and now I am whole. Let Him touch you too.



Let Him heal you.
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Ph0enix808 Ph0enix808 is offline
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Default Re: Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus! - 09-28-2015, 05:31 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by dummifluidSwill View Post
I've opened myself to Jesus and I am happy! The two have very little to do with one another, but still! I am a proud social democrat, genderfluid person, and breaker of stereotypes everywhere! Time to angrily put to sleep these bigoted Republican opinions! Yeah! (this is what happens to constricting societal norms.) I'm also pansexual. And christian. So get over yourselves!
Genderfluid is the slang term for seemen so are you saying you are seemen?


and pans were not made for sex my friend

may god help you
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CreepingDeath is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.CreepingDeath is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.CreepingDeath is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.CreepingDeath is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.
Default Re: Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus! - 01-21-2016, 05:07 PM

Being Gay does not have to be fixed. Let people be themselves if you don't like it go live in a rock because you can't fix something that doesn't need to be fixed it is pointless. God wants us to accept everyone and you have to accept that. If you can't be atheist or something.
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Mary Etheldreda Mary Etheldreda is offline
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Default Re: Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus! - 01-21-2016, 05:25 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by CreepingDeath View Post
Being Gay does not have to be fixed. Let people be themselves if you don't like it go live in a rock because you can't fix something that doesn't need to be fixed it is pointless. God wants us to accept everyone and you have to accept that. If you can't be atheist or something.
Don't be silly. The gays are enemies of God and therefore enemies of us all (Matthew 12:30). Why, just the other day Franklin Graham, son of the beloved "Pastor to the Presidents," Billy Graham, warned:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Franklin Graham
We have allowed the Enemy to come into our churches," Graham said. "I was talking to some Christians and they were talking about how they invited these gay children to come into their home and to come into the church and that they were wanting to influence them. And I thought to myself, they're not going to influence those kids; those kids are going to influence those parent's children.

What happens is we think we can fight by smiling and being real nice and loving," he continued. "We have to understand who the Enemy is and what he wants to do. He wants to devour our homes. He wants to devour this nation and we have to be so careful who we let our kids hang out with. We have to be so careful who we let into the churches. You have immoral people who get into the churches and it begins to effect the others in the church and it is dangerous.
Graham then went on to lament that "homosexuality is taught to be okay" in schools and "that is why I want to get the school boards back" before insisting that he loves gays and therefore feels obligated to tell them that "you cannot stay gay and call yourself a Christian."


Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

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Sarah Jane Watson is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.Sarah Jane Watson is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.Sarah Jane Watson is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.Sarah Jane Watson is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.Sarah Jane Watson is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.
Default Re: Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus! - 02-21-2016, 02:57 AM

Just a friendly reminder that God was genderqueer. The Bible says so (Genesis 1:27). So why do you hate us so much?


Proverbs 26:11 As a dog returneth to his vomit, so a fool returneth to his folly.
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Basilissa Basilissa is offline
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Default Re: Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus! - 02-21-2016, 03:05 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sarah Jane Watson View Post
Just a friendly reminder that God was genderqueer. The Bible says so (Genesis 1:27). So why do you hate us so much?
Sweetie, that verse tells us that God created him (that means, the man) in His own image. The woman was just an afterthought, and not created in His image.

Did you always have problems with reading comprehension, or does it happen only when you're taking drugs?
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Jesus' eternal love Re: Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus! - 05-22-2016, 02:58 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Virginia D. Templeton View Post
Amen, Sister. God wrote it for a reason. Homosexuality is not part of His plan—that's why He made anal sex so exquisitely painful.
if its so bad then why does it feel so good after only a little ***pharmacological reference to unnatural acts removed by moderator***?
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Default Re: Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus! - 05-22-2016, 04:22 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by GayGayAndGay View Post
if its so bad then why does it feel so good after only a little ***pharmacological reference to unnatural acts removed by moderator***?
That would be the Devil tempting you with stuff that's of this world.
1 John 2:15-17
15Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him. 16For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world. 17And the world passeth away, and the lust thereof: but he that doeth the will of God abideth for ever.
You seem to think that if it feels good it's right. No, no, no! God did not give you a means of experiencing pleasure so you could feel joy. God gave you a means of feeling pleasure and joy in perverted filthy sex acts so you could be tempted to wickedness and iniquity. You're going to burn in Hell unless you do something about it.
James 4:4-6
4Ye adulterers and adulteresses, know ye not that the friendship of the world is enmity with God? whosoever therefore will be a friend of the world is the enemy of God. 5Do ye think that the scripture saith in vain, The spirit that dwelleth in us lusteth to envy? 6But he giveth more grace. Wherefore he saith, God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace unto the humble.
You are an adulterer if you are having gay sex because it is outside marriage. No True Christian seeks to have sex feel pleasurable even within marriage - it is a duty in order to spawn children. If you do not feel like it is a chore you are not doing it right.

Please stay away from the anal cavities and get with Jesus. Once you feel Him deep inside you you will crave nothing else.



Isaiah 34:6 The sword of the LORD is filled with blood, it is made fat with fatness, and with the blood of lambs and goats, with the fat of the kidneys of rams: for the LORD hath a sacrifice in Bozrah, and a great slaughter in the land of Idumea.

John 5:46,47 For had ye believed Moses, ye would have believed me: for he wrote of me. But if ye believe not his writings, how shall ye believe my words?

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Default Re: Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus! - 09-27-2016, 05:59 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Didymus Much View Post
Oh? When did God come down and rewrite every Bible in existence? I hadn't noticed.

Wait, just checked, and mine still has Leviticus 20:13.

Leviticus 20:13 "If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them."

Why do you worship a god who wants you dead?
Say what you will about Mr. Much, --such as the fact that he is going to hell-- but at least he isn't mis-leading others into Hell.


The Bible is laser-engraved, crystal clear on the subject of homosexuality and so-called "Gay Christians" are sadly deluding themselves.


"Gay" Christians are the absolute pinnacle of Fluffy Bunny Christians.


The God of the Bible doesn't want fluffy bunnies, puppies, or kittens to serve His Word. He wants sleek, sharp-toothed doberman pinschers to spread and protect the integrity of His Commandments. Except, of course, that He wants them to respond to attack commands spoken in English, not German.


Mennacingly Yours,


Handmaiden


His left hand should be under my head, and his right hand should embrace me.

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Skull Re: Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus! - 11-01-2016, 02:50 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by ForGodsSake View Post
Child killer. Did not the blessed Pastor Ezekiel tell you to introduce yourself. Your only making it worse for your self.
You mother <<<multiple expletives deleted>>> piece of <<<multiple expletives deleted>>>. Go <<<sexual reference removed>>> a god <<<expletive deleted>>> cactus <<<sexual reference removed>>>. Why in the he'll would you say such an awful thing to a child you <<<multiple expletives deleted>>>. <<<expletive deleted>>> Donald trump supporeer. Go <<<reference to an immoral behavior removed>>>, and drink bleach.

Last edited by Basilissa; 11-01-2016 at 03:55 AM. Reason: keeping the forum Clean for Jesus
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Default Re: Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus! - 11-01-2016, 02:54 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cheesusthestank View Post
angry, incoherent rant
You sound like you could use a hug from Jesus.


Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

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