[Elmer G. White]

Dear Old Timer Brother,

It is late and your birthday is almost over. I can assure you that this message was not wantonly sent so late but, on the contrary, many of us kept a prayer vigil asking Jesus earnestly not to make you live through yet another tedious celebration. Alas, it seems that this time Jesus answered our prayer (He always answers them( by saying "No, I still need Brother Cranky to rebuke the stupid unsaved masses. There are still souls that he can save!". Who can argue with Jesus? Well, obviously, the atheists can but they will lose. Let us pray that next year we'll all have a nice birthday party in Heaven!

Job 7:15
So that my soul chooseth strangling, and death rather than my life.




Yours in Christ,

Elmer

[Nobar King]

Hello brother Cranky, I hope you enjoyed your birthday nap.

[BrotherLarry]

Brother Oldman,


I pray that the celebration of your birth brought you much joy as the time spent here on earth draws to a close and you begin to think about the the treasures you've stored in heaven.


May you have the strength to carry your crowns.

[Cranky Old Man]

Originally Posted by Nobar King

Hello brother Cranky, I hope you enjoyed your birthday nap.

One of the best ever, I slept through my entire birthday.

My wife told me everyone enjoyed the barbecue. However, I would like the person who accidentally "borrowed" one of my spoons to return it as soon as possible!

[Basilissa]

Happy belated birthday, beloved Brother in Christ!

The present this year is a bit late as you had your birthday, very inconveniently, at the time I was traveling.

[Cranky Old Man]

Originally Posted by Basilissa

at the time I was traveling

I fail to see why your husband still allows you to leave the house. The poor man had to wipe his own behind while you were away.

Ephesians 5:22 "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands..."

[Jim C. Lombardo]

Originally Posted by Cranky Old Man

I fail to see why your husband still allows you to leave the house. The poor man had to wipe his own behind while you were away.

Ephesians 5:22 "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands..."

Judging from the image, I suspect Sister B could be meaning to collect it after to bake into dung cake! How else could she whip something up on a matter of inconvenience?

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Originally Posted by Cranky Old Man

I fail to see why your husband still allows you to leave the house. The poor man had to wipe his own behind while you were away.

Ephesians 5:22 "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands..."

Originally Posted by Jim C. Lombardo

Judging from the image, I suspect Sister B could be meaning to collect it after to bake into dung cake! How else could she whip something up on a matter of inconvenience?

Jimmy boy! Jeezuz!! Sis Baz has given us solid financial advice by the permission of a senior man in her household and by the order of me. I am at this very moment taking a most inconvenient flight abroad a Singaporean private jet back from the Nobel-prize-winning summit to divide the world with bro Donnie and Kimmie.


Look at the state of disarray my jet is! I'd have more important issues to attend to than you. And you, Jim, are suggesting that sis Baz would be using human excrement to bake. And you're failing to give the verse + the context. Get your act together singer boyo or you'll be trying to chant Dies irae in the furnace (look up the ref. yourself) and it's gonna be mighty hard when you mouth is filled with molten lead and your rectum with Satan's two-foot tallywacker lined with barbed wire!

And Cranky, still alive, ha? Who could have guessed? And past the fourscore mark? This means that you may now quadruple your birthday tithes!

[Basilissa]

Originally Posted by Jim C. Lombardo

Judging from the image, I suspect Sister B could be meaning to collect it after to bake into dung cake! How else could she whip something up on a matter of inconvenience?

Dear, may I politely remind you, that this is the thread where we give Brother Cranky our birthday wishes.

I do not want to engage in criticizing that speck in your eyes (Matt 7:3), but if this is your idea of birthday wishes then you have some serious problems in that void space between your ears.

I will pray for you. I recommend you reread your KJV Bible, paying special attention to Exodus 20:16, Proverbs 19:5, 19:9, and Ephesians 4:25. Please note I am not trying to teach you anything. Just looked at these verses and thought of you, dear.

[James Hutchins]

My goodness, Cranky, you are still alive? I thought for sure we buried you after that last Pastoral Card game for LBC Elite. You had nodded off in the chair and we could not wake you. Assuming you had left us for Heaven, we had room service move the body from the hotel suite (Thank you , staff of the Bellagio for expediency and your discretion) out to the desert.
I've bought a case of Dalmore 62 Single Hiland Malt with your chips and will send what is left to you as my birthday gift.


Happy Birthday pal. As always, I have your back as any True Christian ™ does. In God we Trust®.