I am getting married!

[Creationist Ron]

Dear fellow Christians, and forum members today is a very happy day for me, and in the near future even happier. In 2 days I am getting married. My father has a friend who is trying to marry off one of his daughters, and I met him we talked over dinner, and said that he wante me to marry his daughter. My father agreed, and I was told I would marry Elizabeth in 2 days. I am very happy I was starting to think I would have trouble meeting a real Godly woman. It is a relief to me now that I will be able to have a family. Elizabeth is supposed to move in with me on our wedding day, and tonight we are going to have dinner to get to know each other better. We have been equantinces, but don't really know each other that well. Does anyone know of any good Godly restraunts to go to? I know Chic-Fil-A is a great place to go to, but it's more of grab n go food instead of sit down, and eat. Does anyone have any tips, and how should I act? Should I assert myself as being the man, or should I be very polite, and laid back? Thanks in advance!

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: I am getting married!

I have 3 tips for you, your life and your wedding:

1. Use lots of Holy Scripture.
2. Use even more Holy Scripture.
3. And then use some more Holy Scripture.

Nothing says I love you like some fitting scripture.

Ephesians 5:22 "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord."

Genesis 3:16 "Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee."

1 Timothy 2:11-12 "Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection. But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence."

[Creationist Ron]

Re: I am getting married!

I have 3 tips for you, your life and your wedding:

1. Use lots of Holy Scripture.
2. Use even more Holy Scripture.
3. And then use some more Holy Scripture.

Nothing says I love you like some fitting scripture.

Ephesians 5:22 "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord."

Genesis 3:16 "Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee."

1 Timothy 2:11-12 "Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection. But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence."

Great idea Cranky why didn't I think of that? Us young kids are so clueless elders are full of wisdom! Thank you for the advice Cranky!

[Creationist Ron]

Re: I am getting married!

I have one more question it may be a little inappropriate, but I will be as clean, and as brief as possible. How long should we wait to start "having children" per say. I would think it would be smart to make as many as possible as soon as possible or is this discouraged? Should we wait for a while? I know the whole point in getting married is so you can have children, and teach them the holy word of God, but should we wait for a while or get right to it as soon as we're married?

[Billy Bob Jenkins]

Re: I am getting married!

Amen. Remember Ephesians 5:22 especially, as it is going to be the first transgression your wife will commit before all the others. The first thing she will do is stop treating you like you were God Himself. That's when you know things are about to snowball out of control, unless you perform your role as man of the house. That role is basically the role of God Himself, according to Ephesians 5:22. So treat your wife like you would if you were the sole arbiter of good and evil. Basically, punish her whenever she offends your preferences, never question yourself, do not compromise with her, and always remember that you are infinitely superior to her, as God is superior to us.

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: I am getting married!

I have one more question it may be a little inappropriate, but I will be as clean, and as brief as possible. How long should we wait to start "having children" per say. I would think it would be smart to make as many as possible as soon as possible or is this discouraged? Should we wait for a while? I know the whole point in getting married is so you can have children, and teach them the holy word of God, but should we wait for a while or get right to it as soon as we're married?

As many youngsters have these questions I made some guides for this:

Cranky Old Man's Easy Guide to MAKING CHILDREN, RAISING CHILDREN and GETTING RID OF CHILDREN!

[Creationist Ron]

Re: I am getting married!

Amen. Remember Ephesians 5:22 especially, as it is going to be the first transgression your wife will commit before all the others. The first thing she will do is stop treating you like you were God Himself. That's when you know things are about to snowball out of control, unless you perform your role as man of the house. That role is basically the role of God Himself, according to Ephesians 5:22. So treat your wife like you would if you were the sole arbiter of good and evil. Basically, punish her whenever she offends your preferences, never question yourself, do not compromise with her, and always remember that you are infinitely superior to her, as God is superior to us.

How do I discipline my wife though? I know I should just beat her in accordance with Proverbs 13:24, but how do I do it? I mean do I just punch her in the face, or on the bottom or is that up to me, and how hard? I don't have any experience with chastening people I have been chastened before. Maybe I should see if my father could teach me.

[Creationist Ron]

Re: I am getting married!

As many youngsters have these questions I made some guides for this:

Cranky Old Man's Easy Guide to MAKING CHILDREN, RAISING CHILDREN and GETTING RID OF CHILDREN!

What a Godly thread how thoughtful of you Cranky!

[Creationist Ron]

Re: I am getting married!

Amen. Remember Ephesians 5:22 especially, as it is going to be the first transgression your wife will commit before all the others. The first thing she will do is stop treating you like you were God Himself. That's when you know things are about to snowball out of control, unless you perform your role as man of the house. That role is basically the role of God Himself, according to Ephesians 5:22. So treat your wife like you would if you were the sole arbiter of good and evil. Basically, punish her whenever she offends your preferences, never question yourself, do not compromise with her, and always remember that you are infinitely superior to her, as God is superior to us.

Also should I use a weapon like a cane or spoon or my hand or what? I don't have any disciplinary tools if father is kind enough he may give me one of his paddles he has lots.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: I am getting married!

You might want to get the girl to read THIS thread.

Also, THIS TEST is an excellent tool to see how compatable you are.

Have you seen the girl yet? Post her photo here.

[FeministSocialistSlut]

Re: I am getting married!

Proverbs 31:10-31 E

An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life. She seeks wool and flax, and works with willing hands. She is like the ships of the merchant; she brings her food from afar. ...

[Pim Pendergast]

Re: I am getting married!

How do I discipline my wife though? I know I should just beat her in accordance with Proverbs 13:24, but how do I do it? I mean do I just punch her in the face, or on the bottom or is that up to me, and how hard? I don't have any experience with chastening people I have been chastened before. Maybe I should see if my father could teach me.

Far be it from me to tell another man how to treat his own wife, but I usually hit my wife with an open hand whenever possible in areas of her body normally covered by clothing. Hitting her with a closed fist or a cane or paddle would leave obvious bruising or swelling that may take a while to go down. My only concern is that it might rouse the suspicion of any do-gooder feminazis she may come into contact with, and you know how they like to interfere in other people's lives. I don't want to go to jail. Of course, my wife should has as little contact with the outside world as possible, but some contact is unavoidable. Who else is going to do my grocery shopping, for example?

But sometimes my wife might does something extremely stupid and all of a sudden I find I've given her a black eye. For those occasions I've made sure she knows what to tell people who ask how she got it: "I walked into a door/ fell down the stairs."

[Billy Bob Jenkins]

Re: I am getting married!

Proverbs 31:10-31 E

An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life. She seeks wool and flax, and works with willing hands. She is like the ships of the merchant; she brings her food from afar. ...

The rhetorical question beginning this verse says it all. I believe Reverend Jim had six wives, was it? All of them adulterous whores, none of them worth a damn. Certainly not "excellent".

As the verse says, who can find such a wife that seeks wool and flax and works with willing hands, who brings her food from afar, etc. They are exceedingly hard to find, in these, the end times, as they were in the ancient world.

FeministSocialistSlut proves my point with this excellent choice of scripture.

Perhaps she will be a True Christian(tm) wife someday.

[Billy Bob Jenkins]

Re: I am getting married!

Also should I use a weapon like a cane or spoon or my hand or what? I don't have any disciplinary tools if father is kind enough he may give me one of his paddles he has lots.

Being the God of your wife in accordance with Ephesians 5:22 means using your innate creativity. You were created in God's image, to express yourself and your imagination as He did during the week of creation and continues to as He ensouls sperm cells, fertilizes zygotes, and shapes them into morulas and blastocysts in the wombs of fertile women, eventually giving them little tallywackers if they are blessed, or else denying them common sense and dignity in exchange for a lighter cranium (which is why women have such scrawny necks, like geese).

Basically, you can treat your wife however you want. You are her God, remember? I usually dunk my wife's head under water over and over when she screws up a meal or makes a mess. But you can do whatever you want.

[Creationist Ron]

Re: I am getting married!

Being the God of your wife in accordance with Ephesians 5:22 means using your innate creativity. You were created in God's image, to express yourself and your imagination as He did during the week of creation and continues to as He ensouls sperm cells, fertilizes zygotes, and shapes them into morulas and blastocysts in the wombs of fertile women, eventually giving them little tallywackers if they are blessed, or else denying them common sense and dignity in exchange for a lighter cranium (which is why women have such scrawny necks, like geese).

Basically, you can treat your wife however you want. You are her God, remember? I usually dunk my wife's head under water over and over when she screws up a meal or makes a mess. But you can do whatever you want.

Well I guess I will just spank her with a paddle it's what my father did to me sure straightened me out. If that doesn't work I'll try dunking her.