[Des]

Originally Posted by Harsha Shah

Yes. Mr. Hammer. I am thinking that I did offend you. I am sorry. I am not wishing to dictate my values to you christians. Yes. I am just showing that there are alternative ways in the world with non-violence and asceticism. Your religion knows that on too. Yes. John and the desert, eh? Yes. But I am sorry. You are absolutely right. Yes.

Hypothetically speaking, what size ball would best fit in your mouth? Two inch diameter maybe?

[Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson]

Originally Posted by Harsha Shah

Yes. I am sorry that I am late. My congratulations. Wonderful! Yes. I do not wish to offend and I am not writing this as advise but as information for those of you who are interested in the Jain marriage. Once a boy child has been born we think it is good to abstain from marital sex as all sensual pleasure is indulgence and bad karma. Yes. But I am not saying this should be applied by you christians. I hope you lead a profitable and happy life with your wonderful family and at work with your wonderful career. Yes!

Thank you for your congratulations. You know what would be a wonderful wedding present and would make me happy? You renouncing your pagan ways, and becoming a True Christian wife. Why? Because it is filled with joy that the Lord will redeem me, pain (but pain was created by the Lord, so thank you Lord) and a life of godly love. Also, career? My dear, I will never work outside the home a day of my life? My church is generous with tithes, and thus, Mr. Johnson makes about 300,000 US dollars annually. I stay at home, and clean, cook, sew, and reproduce. It's really, a simple job, compared to the men who work hard outside of the peaceful home.

[Jim Farmer]

Originally Posted by Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson

Praise, the Lord, I am. I know from the stirring in my womb that I have been blessed with children, and I believe I have at least 2 children. Please join me in prayer that I'll have at least one son!

Are you sure that you're feeling your womb stirring, and it's not something else? I think, maybe you enjoyed what was so unpleasant for your husband!

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Don't be too disappointed, Sister, if you are mistaken. It is a little early to feel so over-confident and it could just be wind.

By the way, could a Moderator possibly change the title of this thread? It really ought to read:

Ladies, Don't forget to congratulate MRS. Elizabeth Johnson

[MitzaLizalor]

Mark 1:6 And John was clothed with camel's hair, and with a girdle of a skin about his loins; and he did eat locusts and wild honey; KJV
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Hallelujah! An answer to prayer!! What a wonderful gift for your new owner!!! I'm never certain which sects of the hindu cult do what but recommending John Baptist, celebrated locust cruncher, would be almost the perfect exit for one of the creed. Are they the ones who worship rats and smoke vast amounts of hashish? I recall that Christopher Hitchens, celebrated fool, used to speak highly of the jainists so they must be the hindu atheists.

Psalm 14:1 The fool hath said in his heart, There is no God. They are corrupt, they have done abominable works, there is none that doeth good. KJV
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When is Mr Johnson's next hunting trip?

[Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson]

Originally Posted by Joanna Lytton-Vasey

Don't be too disappointed, Sister, if you are mistaken. It is a little early to feel so over-confident and it could just be wind.

By the way, could a Moderator possibly change the title of this thread? It really ought to read:

Thank you for the warning, Sister Joanna. I do hope I was right, and earlier, kind Mr. Farmer, wanted to make sure that the child-creation was not pleasant, and I can fully guarantee that it was painful and messy -- not my idea of fun. I am not a harlot, so any mention of "the deed" makes my skin crawl, but when my husband demands it of me, I'll obey. I pray that my feeling is right though, and I'll have a son!

YiC,
Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson

[Jim Farmer]

Originally Posted by Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson

I can fully guarantee that it was painful and messy -- not my idea of fun ............. when my husband demands it of me, I'll obey.

Good! On both counts. I do hope the mess was your blood, and not spilled seed! I shoved a cork into my missus when I did the deed, so that she couldn't expel any seed. Although I cannot imagine why your husband would want to do it again, except when the times comes when he needs another son.

[Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson]

Originally Posted by Jim Farmer

Good! On both counts. I do hope the mess was your blood, and not spilled seed! I shoved a cork into my missus when I did the deed, so that she couldn't expel any seed. Although I cannot imagine why your husband would want to do it again, except when the times comes when he needs another son.

Don't worry! After placing his seed in me, he had a machine to avoid spilled seed, with me upside down, so not one precious child would be killed. I don't know why my husband would want to do it for fun; however, I know that I am not to question him or his motives, ergo, what he wants, he receives, happily and with a "Yes, sir".

[Jim Farmer]

Not a Brother Machine I hope!

[Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson]

Originally Posted by Jim Farmer

Not a Brother Machine I hope!

He did not appear to enjoy it; however, I was not paying to much attention to the pain, rather, I was praying to Jesus and staring at a picture of His face! He is a pastor, and a good, honest, godly man, so I need not worry. He will surely lead me to Heaven!

[Faith_Machine]

Originally Posted by Jim Farmer

Not a Brother Machine I hope!

Um...

I...

Oh dear.

[Naomi Ruth Lamb]

Elizabeth, my lovely, kind, thoughtful and most beautiful sister in Jesus,

I long for the day when I can meet your husband and sit under his firm and steadfast teaching. I should think his expository talents from Jesus will arouse the Holy Spirit's guidance for my benefit. You didn't ever tell me if the food I sent you was well received; I admit to being a little sad about that. My staff worked quite diligently to ensure your guests enjoyed a feast fit for the King of Kings (Glory!) and I've yet to see even a "thanks." In between my fervent prayers for Sister Cookie, my hair appointments, and running a business (with the permission of our mayor), I just bless God that I have His strength to deal with it all. Since Jesus has chosen to keep me single at this time, I can only surmise it is my lot in life to work hard and continue making my pie available to all who would have it. God is a good God (indeed, the ONLY God). Well, my filling isn't going to make itself, so I must run.

For God's Glory,
NRL

[Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson]

Originally Posted by Naomi Ruth Lamb

Elizabeth, my lovely, kind, thoughtful and most beautiful sister in Jesus,

I long for the day when I can meet your husband and sit under his firm and steadfast teaching. I should think his expository talents from Jesus will arouse the Holy Spirit's guidance for my benefit. You didn't ever tell me if the food I sent you was well received; I admit to being a little sad about that. My staff worked quite diligently to ensure your guests enjoyed a feast fit for the King of Kings (Glory!) and I've yet to see even a "thanks." In between my fervent prayers for Sister Cookie, my hair appointments, and running a business (with the permission of our mayor), I just bless God that I have His strength to deal with it all. Since Jesus has chosen to keep me single at this time, I can only surmise it is my lot in life to work hard and continue making my pie available to all who would have it. God is a good God (indeed, the ONLY God). Well, my filling isn't going to make itself, so I must run.

For God's Glory,
NRL

Oh my Sister Naomi! I am so sorry to not have gotten back to you on your lovely food; I was so wrapped up in my pregnancy; I am such a selfish woman! Yes, it was very well-received by all, and my husband wishes I could cook as well as you! Thank you so much; you and your staff did a lovely job; even the old Pastor Greene who tasted many in his life, said yours was the loveliest he has ever had. It was so good, and my husband's brother has asked about contacting you. I told them the name of the forum and yours, so hopefully, you will hear from them soon!

Apologetically and lovingly yours in Christ,
Elizabeth