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Unhappy Who are you praying for Jesus to raise from the dead this Easter? - 04-14-2017, 04:57 PM

We all know that when Jesus was resurrected, many dead people came out of their graves and tombs no longer dead, and joined the big party in downtown Jerusalem.
And, behold, the veil of the temple was rent in twain from the top to the bottom; and the earth did quake, and the rocks rent;
And the graves were opened; and many bodies of the saints which slept arose,
And came out of the graves after his resurrection, and went into the holy city, and appeared unto many.
Matthew 27:51-53
I'll be praying for my best friend Cynthia who died from melanoma last year, despite praying to Jesus to be supernaturally protected from the UV rays from the sun He created for us. I don't know if her body will be decomposed or if, like Jesus and Lazarus, it will be perfectly healthy and she'll smell clean. I wonder if her ear will be back. They had to remove it, ultimately. Anyway, I don't want to presume but it would be nice if she didn't look like an extra on Walking Dead. Anyway, who are you praying for Jesus to resurrect this Easter?




(PS, I don't think she'll look like this, but I couldn't find a better picture. Also, I like the question.
Yes, I take all the Holy Bible literally. Jesus meant what He said and said what He meant.


Glory!)


Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

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Prayer Re: Who are you praying for Jesus to raise from the dead this Easter? - 04-14-2017, 05:10 PM

I am asking, if Jesus feels that it is appropriate, to raise President Ronald Reagan and a selection of velociraptors from the dead to help President Trump in His battle against the swarming sodomites and federal judges.



Ezekiel 20:33
As I live, saith the Lord GOD, surely with a mighty hand, and with a stretched out arm, and with fury poured out, will I rule over you:



Yours in Christ,

Elmer


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Default Re: Who are you praying for Jesus to raise from the dead this Easter? - 04-14-2017, 05:16 PM

Sweet little Rufus the weasel. I so miss the way he would launch himself into the faces of strangers, showering them with toothy kisses as a way of introductions. He left a mark on everyone he ever met. Sometimes seven or eight marks.


Psalm 137:9 Happy shall he be, that taketh and dasheth thy little ones against the stones.
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Default Re: Who are you praying for Jesus to raise from the dead this Easter? - 04-14-2017, 08:03 PM

I'm praying for Jesus to return.

I've always felt like there is a good chance that when Jesus does make His triumphant return, it will be on Easter Day. It would be fitting to come back on the anniversary of the same day He rose, but it would also take advantage of the general world wide awareness that it is the anniversary of the glorious resurrection of Jesus Christ. That's the kind of free advertising that helped President Trump overcome the forces of Satan in America.

That's why I always keep a window slightly open around Easter. I definitely don't want to miss the shout and the trumpets. It will be grand to look up in the sky and see Jesus descending, while the local heathens run for their lives, knowing their hour is come round at last.


God judgeth the righteous, And God is angry with the wicked every day- Psalm 7:11
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Default Re: Who are you praying for Jesus to raise from the dead this Easter? - 04-14-2017, 10:19 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Des View Post
Sweet little Rufus the weasel. I so miss the way he would launch himself into the faces of strangers, showering them with toothy kisses as a way of introductions. He left a mark on everyone he ever met. Sometimes seven or eight marks.
Oh yes, sweet Rufus. It's been a year since he chewed through the wiring of Large Hadron Collider, hasn't it? Have you been able to recover his charred remains?
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Default Re: Who are you praying for Jesus to raise from the dead this Easter? - 04-15-2017, 12:23 PM

It might seem strange for a True Christian™, but I want to see Cristopher Hitchens alive for just a brief time. I want to tell him again what a jerk he is. And, I'd like to hear how he likes burning in hell.

If I could make him just a little more miserable it would make Easter all the more joyful.


Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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Default Re: Who are you praying for Jesus to raise from the dead this Easter? - 04-15-2017, 01:35 PM

Is there a time limit? I'd like to see Samuel and could ask him about David's hair.
I Samuel 16 . KJV
12a
And he sent, and brought him in.
12b Now he was ruddy, and withal of a beautiful countenance, and goodly to look to.
12c And the LORD said, Arise, anoint him: for this is he.
13a Then Samuel took the horn of oil, and anointed him in the midst of his brethren:
13b and the Spirit of the LORD came upon David from that day forward.
I think this would be a strong witness for the doubters, especially at such a special time of year.
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Default Re: Who are you praying for Jesus to raise from the dead this Easter? - 04-16-2017, 05:04 AM

I think I would like to sit and chew the fat with Jeffrey Dahmer as I would like to know about his walk with Jesus just before he was executed.


YIC
TT


Isaiah 66:15

For behold, the Lord wil come with fire, and with his charets like a whirlewinde, to render his anger with furie, and his rebuke with flames of fire.
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Cake Re: Who are you praying for Jesus to raise from the dead this Easter? - 04-16-2017, 05:36 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Thomas Taylor View Post
I think I would like to sit and chew the fat with Jeffrey Dahmer as I would like to know about his walk with Jesus just before he was executed. []

YIC
TT
Dear Friend,

Brother Jeffrey was never executed but, in fact, brutally murdered by a fellow criminal while in prison, as explained by our Godly Pastor Osborne. It is very important that Christians keep to the tested facts that can be studied in both the Bible and secular research in order not to appear ridiculous in the eyes of vile unbelievers.
Quote:
While in prison, Brother Jeff realized what a horrible life he led. He felt the tugging of Jesus on his heart. So Brother Jeff began to talk with Pastor Roy Ratcliffe about repenting his sins and accepting Jesus Christ as his Lord and Savior. In 1994, Brother Jeffrey was baptized and become a fellow brother in Christ. Praise Jesus!

Sadly, Brother Jeff was murdered in prison by being beat to death by an unsaved negro monster with a barbell.
Of course, this does not change the ultimate outcome (John 3:15, and the sad and horrible story of Mr. Dahmer remains one of the ultimate examples of the goodwill of Jesus (see also Jonah 4:2 and, what the heck, the whole Chapter!) towards those who discard sin and accept Him sincerely. The party when Mr. Dahmer entered Heaven must have been grandiose!

Luke 15:7
I say unto you, that likewise joy shall be in heaven over one sinner that repenteth, more than over ninety and nine just persons, which need no repentance.




Yours in Christ,

Elmer


2 Kings 18:25 - Am I now come up without the LORD against this place to destroy it? The LORD said to me, Go up against this land, and destroy it.



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Default Re: Who are you praying for Jesus to raise from the dead this Easter? - 04-16-2017, 05:42 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Elmer G. White View Post
Dear Friend,

Brother Jeffrey was never executed but, in fact, brutally murdered by a fellow criminal while in prison, as explained by our Godly Pastor Osborne. It is very important that Christians keep to the tested facts that can be studied in both the Bible and secular research in order not to appear ridiculous in the eyes of vile unbelievers.
Of course, this does not change the ultimate outcome (John 3:15, and the sad and horrible story of Mr. Dahmer remains one of the ultimate examples of the goodwill of Jesus (see also Jonah 4:2 and, what the heck, the whole Chapter!) towards those who discard sin and accept Him sincerely. The party when Mr. Dahmer entered Heaven must have been grandiose!

Luke 15:7
I say unto you, that likewise joy shall be in heaven over one sinner that repenteth, more than over ninety and nine just persons, which need no repentance.




Yours in Christ,

Elmer

Dear Brother Elmer,


Thanks for the correction, but surely if that negro had been instructed to perform this brutal act of aggression then would it not be an execution. This negro buck was probably a low level gang member and was told to murder dear Brother Jeff. Please advise.


YIC
TT


Isaiah 66:15

For behold, the Lord wil come with fire, and with his charets like a whirlewinde, to render his anger with furie, and his rebuke with flames of fire.
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Default Re: Who are you praying for Jesus to raise from the dead this Easter? - 04-20-2017, 09:36 PM

I really want to bring back Galileo because then I could beat his ass lol jk I am not going to do that, since that is against the word of God.

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Default Re: Who are you praying for Jesus to raise from the dead this Easter? - 04-20-2017, 10:05 PM

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Originally Posted by DemocratsAreHeretics View Post
I really want to bring back Galileo because then I could beat his ass lol jk I am not going to do that, since that is against the word of God.
Which part of your statement is against the Word of God, sweetie? Are you referring to a) you having some kind of lustful feelings towards a dude who's been rotting in the ground for a few hundred years (enough to want to bring him back to life), or b) having a weird wish of beating up the aforementioned rotten/decomposed by now dead body?

Please support your claim with appropriate Bible verse! You may want to read 1 Samuel 28, there's a story of a king who had the same unhealthy attraction towards the dead as you seem to have.
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Default Re: Who are you praying for Jesus to raise from the dead this Easter? - 03-20-2018, 03:25 AM

I'm going to be honest here. I hope no one is praying that Jesus raise Billy Graham. He did no miracles and put off his death for so many years.


Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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Default Re: Who are you praying for Jesus to raise from the dead this Easter? - 03-20-2018, 04:10 AM

Ronald Reagan.



Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: Who are you praying for Jesus to raise from the dead this Easter? - 03-20-2018, 04:55 AM

Is there a restriction on nationality? A chat with Yasser Arafat would be interesting, especially what he spent his NOBEL PEACE PRIZE money on.


Yasser Arafat was chairman of the Palestine Liberation Organization
from 1969 until his death in 2004 a tumultuous period in which
clashes with neighboring Israel were prevalent.
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Default Re: Who are you praying for Jesus to raise from the dead this Easter? - 03-20-2018, 02:00 PM

I would love to get my little Modesty back, taken from us too soon, damaging certain financial prospects we were looking forward for.
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Default Re: Who are you praying for Jesus to raise from the dead this Easter? - 03-20-2018, 05:22 PM

I’d like to speak to my work colleague’s baby who died not long after being born to find out once and for all what he did that was so repugnant to Jesus that He smote him bare minutes after birth.

My money’s on him being a homersexualist but I never be able to collect the bet unless I have proof.

And he better tell the truth or Jesus will be even more angry with him.

Leviticus 5:1 5 And if a soul sin, and hear the voice of swearing, and is a witness, whether he hath seen or known of it; if he do not utter it, then he shall bear his iniquity

YIC


1 Corinthians 11:3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.

Revelation 22:15 For without are dogs, and sorcerers, and whoremongers, and murderers, and idolaters, and whosoever loveth and maketh a lie.

Leviticus 20:13 If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.
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