[Brother V]

2 Kings 19-21

Today we get:

• Hezekiah defies Assyria
• Introduction to Isaiah
• Manasseh sucks!

2 Kings 19

Remember from our last reading that the king of Assyria sent some messengers to tell the people of Jerusalem to follow the king of Assyria. They refused.

1 And it came to pass, when king Hezekiah heard it, that he rent his clothes, and covered himself with sackcloth, and went into the house of the LORD.

He was afraid of what was going to happen to his people for not submitting to the king of Assyria.

2 And he sent Eliakim, which was over the household, and Shebna the scribe, and the elders of the priests, covered with sackcloth, to Isaiah the prophet the son of Amoz.

Isaiah is the next great prophet of the LORD, following in the steps of Elijah and Elisha. We'll get to read more of his version of the story when we get to the book of Isaiah. Which is about 100 readings away (or so).

3 And they said unto him, Thus saith Hezekiah, This day is a day of trouble, and of rebuke, and blasphemy; for the children are come to the birth, and there is not strength to bring forth.

They also asked Isaiah to pray for the remaining people in Jerusalem.

6 And Isaiah said unto them, Thus shall ye say to your master, Thus saith the LORD, Be not afraid of the words which thou hast heard, with which the servants of the king of Assyria have blasphemed me.

God will take care of them!

7 Behold, I will send a blast upon him, and he shall hear a rumour, and shall return to his own land; and I will cause him to fall by the sword in his own land.

God will take care of them!

8 So Rabshakeh returned, and found the king of Assyria warring against Libnah: for he had heard that he was departed from Lachish.

The king of Assyria was already gone to fight a different battle. Ethiopia had attacked them.

Rab-shaker was left with a message to take back to Jerusalem that basically said, after we get done kicking the ass of Ethiopia, you are NEXT! And your God can't help you!

15 And Hezekiah prayed before the LORD, and said, O LORD God of Israel, which dwellest between the cherubims, thou art the God, even thou alone, of all the kingdoms of the earth; thou hast made heaven and earth.

He then talks about how great the Assyrians are; and how they destroyed other gods, except he realized they weren't gods at all, but wood and metal.

19 Now therefore, O LORD our God, I beseech thee, save thou us out of his hand, that all the kingdoms of the earth may know that thou art the LORD God, even thou only.

Those gods are fake; YOU are the ONLY real God!

So Isaiah sends God's message back (to be sent to the king of Assyria).

21 This is the word that the LORD hath spoken concerning him; The virgin the daughter of Zion hath despised thee, and laughed thee to scorn; the daughter of Jerusalem hath shaken her head at thee.

Why would a virgin laugh at a man? Isaiah told Hezekiah to tell the king of Assyria that he had a small penis! Not only that, but a virgin who hasn't known a man, is to point and chuckle at his tiny man bits!

28 Because thy rage against me and thy tumult is come up into mine ears, therefore I will put my hook in thy nose, and my bridle in thy lips, and I will turn thee back by the way by which thou camest.

He'll put a ring in the nose and lead him around like he's a cow on a string!

32 Therefore thus saith the LORD concerning the king of Assyria, He shall not come into this city, nor shoot an arrow there, nor come before it with shield, nor cast a bank against it.

Assyria isn't gonna even get close!

34 For I will defend this city, to save it, for mine own sake, and for my servant David's sake.

He just won't let any of the new kings have anywhere near the acclaim of David.

35 And it came to pass that night, that the angel of the LORD went out, and smote in the camp of the Assyrians an hundred fourscore and five thousand: and when they arose early in the morning, behold, they were all dead corpses.

When was the last time the angel of the LORD killed a bunch of people? Was it in Egypt when he went around and killed the firstborn?

36 So Sennacherib king of Assyria departed, and went and returned, and dwelt at Nineveh.

When you lose an army of 185,000 people overnight; you should probably pack up and go home.

37 And it came to pass, as he was worshipping in the house of Nisroch his god, that Adrammelech and Sharezer his sons smote him with the sword: and they escaped into the land of Armenia. And Esarhaddon his son reigned in his stead.

The king of Assyria was killed... eventually. Well, the Bible (KJV1611) isn't the only place that Sennacherib is listed. He apparently wrote something currently called the Taylor Prism. On it, he wrote some stuff, but didn't bother mentioning the loss of 185,000 troops. He did mention the siege of Jerusalem. He did mention some tribute (REAL scholars know it was the original tribute, and not "leave us alone" tribute).

Because Hezekiah, king of Judah, would not submit to my yoke, I came up against him, and by force of arms and by the might of my power I took 46 of his strong fenced cities; and of the smaller towns which were scattered about, I took and plundered a countless number. From these places I took and carried off 200,156 persons, old and young, male and female, together with horses and mules, asses and camels, oxen and sheep, a countless multitude; and Hezekiah himself I shut up in Jerusalem, his capital city, like a bird in a cage, building towers round the city to hem him in, and raising banks of earth against the gates, so as to prevent escape... Then upon Hezekiah there fell the fear of the power of my arms, and he sent out to me the chiefs and the elders of Jerusalem with 30 talents of gold and 800 talents of silver, and divers treasures, a rich and immense booty... All these things were brought to me at Nineveh, the seat of my government.

Where did Israel come up with 30 MORE talents of gold and 800 MORE talents of silver? They had already stripped the temple of everything it had that was worth anything.

This secular account of the event just goes to show that you shouldn't let the loser of a war survive to tell their story. It's what's known as "revisionist history". God should have killed Sennacherib along with the 185,000; but then we wouldn't have his testimony that corroborates most of the story of 2 Kings 19.

2 Kings 20

1 In those days was Hezekiah sick unto death. And the prophet Isaiah the son of Amoz came to him, and said unto him, Thus saith the LORD, Set thine house in order; for thou shalt die, and not live.

Hezekiah, he was a good king, he will be missed. *wipes a tear*

So Hezekiah prayed to God.

3 I beseech thee, O LORD, remember now how I have walked before thee in truth and with a perfect heart, and have done that which is good in thy sight. And Hezekiah wept sore.

While it's true/and sad, that good people die; when someone as good as Hezekiah dies, it's extra sad.

God heard Hezekiah and He talks to Isaiah.

5 Turn again, and tell Hezekiah the captain of my people, Thus saith the LORD, the God of David thy father, I have heard thy prayer, I have seen thy tears: behold, I will heal thee: on the third day thou shalt go up unto the house of the LORD.

PRAISE JESUS!!!

6 And I will add unto thy days fifteen years; and I will deliver thee and this city out of the hand of the king of Assyria; and I will defend this city for mine own sake, and for my servant David's sake.

Great; more about David!!!

Isaiah goes and tells Hezekiah that he's going to be healed. Hezekiah asks for a sign to prove it (as opposed to just waiting for three days to be healed).

9 And Isaiah said, This sign shalt thou have of the LORD, that the LORD will do the thing that he hath spoken: shall the shadow go forward ten degrees, or go back ten degrees?

Hezekiah says make it go backwards, because that's harder to do. Anyone can make time go forward faster (I have a time machine, it's called a bed; everytime I lay down, when I get up it's much later and it doesn't seem like any time has passed; it's amazing!!!) making time go backwards is hard to do.

11 And Isaiah the prophet cried unto the LORD: and he brought the shadow ten degrees backward, by which it had gone down in the dial of Ahaz.

Now the thing that makes no sense is why a guy who will be healed in three days time, would want to prolong his disease just to prove that he would be well. Personally, for the sign to prove that I'd be healed in three days, I'd ask that the sun dial move ahead three days (but that's just me) NOT to have 40 (possibly) minutes added onto my sickness!

12 At that time Berodachbaladan, the son of Baladan, king of Babylon, sent letters and a present unto Hezekiah: for he had heard that Hezekiah had been sick.

That was nice of Berodachbaladan, to send a get well card and some flowers (and possibly candy) to the sick Hezekiah.

So when Hezekiah got better, he gave Berodachbaladan a tour of everything in the Judah inventory; gold, silver, jewels, arms, oils... everything of value.

14 Then came Isaiah the prophet unto king Hezekiah, and said unto him, What said these men? and from whence came they unto thee? And Hezekiah said, They are come from a far country, even from Babylon.

Apparently Hezekiah didn't know he should be afraid of Babylon.

15 And he said, What have they seen in thine house? And Hezekiah answered, All the things that are in mine house have they seen: there is nothing among my treasures that I have not shewed them.

Isaiah said "Holy fargin shait!!!"

17 Behold, the days come, that all that is in thine house, and that which thy fathers have laid up in store unto this day, shall be carried into Babylon: nothing shall be left, saith the LORD.

Everything they saw will be taken... ALL OF IT!

18 And of thy sons that shall issue from thee, which thou shalt beget, shall they take away; and they shall be eunuchs in the palace of the king of Babylon.

Oh, and your boys will be taken there and have their dicks cut off! They'll be holding the fans for the king, peeling his grapes (their grapes will be removed)!

Hezekiah is like "cool"!

This obviously puzzled Isaiah.

19 Then said Hezekiah unto Isaiah, Good is the word of the LORD which thou hast spoken. And he said, Is it not good, if peace and truth be in my days?

Hey, as long as there as peace for the rest of my life, I don't really care what happens to my offspring.

(Because the LORD won't put the sins of the father on the sons... will he???)

Hezekiah dies.

Next king of Judah; Manasseh.

2 Kings 21

2 And he did that which was evil in the sight of the LORD, after the abominations of the heathen, whom the LORD cast out before the children of Israel.

Remember, Hezekiah drove out ALL worship in the land other than the LORD. So how bad could Manasseh make it during his reign?

3 For he built up again the high places which Hezekiah his father had destroyed; and he reared up altars for Baal, and made a grove, as did Ahab king of Israel; and worshipped all the host of heaven, and served them.

He rebuilt the high places; made altars for Baal; made a grove; and worshipped ALL the host of heaven (angels and others up there (mary worship?))!!!

6 And he made his son pass through the fire, and observed times, and used enchantments, and dealt with familiar spirits and wizards: he wrought much wickedness in the sight of the LORD, to provoke him to anger.

JEBUS! he was a horrible person. Live sacrifice of his children, familiar spirits, wizards... this guy was the WORST. Manasseh, named after one of Joseph's sons. One of the 12/13 tribes names (remember Joseph had 2 shares). Manasseh, what a horrible king.

9 But they hearkened not: and Manasseh seduced them to do more evil than did the nations whom the LORD destroyed before the children of Israel.

Manasseh, man, what an ass, eh? (they would say in canadia)

God then said to his remaining prophets.

12 Therefore thus saith the LORD God of Israel, Behold, I am bringing such evil upon Jerusalem and Judah, that whosoever heareth of it, both his ears shall tingle.

When you hear what God is gonna do, you will probably piss your pants.

13 And I will stretch over Jerusalem the line of Samaria, and the plummet of the house of Ahab: and I will wipe Jerusalem as a man wipeth a dish, wiping it, and turning it upside down.

That didn't really make my ears tingle. The simile didn't really put fear into me. Yes, I was able to visualize the concept, but being told that I'm gonna be destroyed like someone doing the dishes, just doesn't scare the bejebus into me.

14 And I will forsake the remnant of mine inheritance, and deliver them into the hand of their enemies; and they shall become a prey and a spoil to all their enemies;

That simile is better, but still; be destroyed like the dishes? I'd be more worried about being told that I'll be wiped out like a grass stain on a child's pair of pants.

I'd be more afraid of being told I'd be destroyed, like a child playing with a magnifying glass and a bunch of ants.

I'd probably wet myself if a prophet came up and told me that God was gonna destroy me like I'm a finger print on a mirror in the house of a guy with a horrible case of OCD!

Destroyed like a man washes the dishes... arrrgh.

16 Moreover Manasseh shed innocent blood very much, till he had filled Jerusalem from one end to another; beside his sin wherewith he made Judah to sin, in doing that which was evil in the sight of the LORD.

Are there just not good adjectives in ancient Hebrew?

18 And Manasseh slept with his fathers, and was buried in the garden of his own house, in the garden of Uzza: and Amon his son reigned in his stead.

Next king of Judah; Amon.

20 And he did that which was evil in the sight of the LORD, as his father Manasseh did.

I thought the boys were gonna be eunich's in babylon? I thought he was gonna be wiped like the dishes?

21 And he walked in all the way that his father walked in, and served the idols that his father served, and worshipped them:

I mean, the LORD just sent an angel to kill 185,000 Assyrians. Can't he follow his promise to "take out the trash!" God kills people like it's a chore!

23 And the servants of Amon conspired against him, and slew the king in his own house.

I guess that's kind of bad, being killed by your servants in your own house. That's why we have background checks these days.

26 And he was buried in his sepulchre in the garden of Uzza: and Josiah his son reigned in his stead.

Next king of Judah; Josiah.

So what have we learned today?

1. God doesn't like to do the dishes. He probably has a stack of them in His holy kitchen. I'm reminded of the song/poem My House is Full, But My Fields are Empty His fields ARE empty, and the dishes are piling up!
2. How do these great men like Hezekiah and David and Samuel have such horrible children?
3. 185,000 dead, or 30 talents of gold and 800 talents of silver, one of these is the correct outcome of the Assyrian siege of Jerusalem. One is from the Bible, the other is on a big rock... which do you believe?

YIC
V