| Landover to the Rescue - Christian Help Forum A Christian Help Forum led by Sister Daisy Mae Johnson. Warning! Sometimes the Lord's advice is a hard pill to swallow. |
 |
The Future Mrs. Ezekiel Flint
Voted Best Pies in Freehold 10 Years Running
aka the BiblethumpinBlonde
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 15,473
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Apostles Grove, Freehold, IA
|
|
|
How many Muslims does it take to screw in a lightbulb? -
04-16-2007, 07:44 PM
Fateh Mohammad, a prison inmate in Pakistan knows. He put one up his bum.
Do you think Allah told him to do it?
|
 |
Spiritual Mother of LBC
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 6,341
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, IA
|
|
|
Re: How many Muslims does it take to screw in a lightbulb? -
04-17-2007, 01:37 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by BibleThumpinBlonde
Fateh Mohammad, a prison inmate in Pakistan knows. He put one up his bum.
Do you think Allah told him to do it?
|
I suppose a mooslum would put a car bomb in their bum if Allah told them to.
Jesus - gentle, dependable overnight relief.
|
 |
"Stumpy"
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 430
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Waving the Flag for Jesus
|
|
|
Re: How many Muslims does it take to screw in a lightbulb? -
04-17-2007, 03:38 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Glendora Christianson
|
It's actually a common tactic used by Al Qaeda and Taliban forces in the Desert. Most of the time they use small children, however, and the kind and just Soldiers (good god-fearing boys from states like Nebraska and Kansas with their soft hearts) are often times are tricked by this. I've watched a man blown into pieces by these godless mudslime towelheads. The reality of it all is sad indeed.
Proverbs 23:13 Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. 14Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell.
Last edited by Warrior in Christ; 04-17-2007 at 03:39 AM.
|
 |
Senior Usher
True Christian™ missionary to the Unsaved Kingdom
A very nice young man
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 15,647
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: South Yorkshire, hotbed of sin
|
|
|
Re: How many Muslims does it take to screw in a lightbulb? -
04-20-2007, 06:22 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Warrior in Christ
It's actually a common tactic used by Al Qaeda and Taliban forces in the Desert. Most of the time they use small children, however, and the kind and just Soldiers (good god-fearing boys from states like Nebraska and Kansas with their soft hearts) are often times are tricked by this. I've watched a man blown into pieces by these godless mudslime towelheads. The reality of it all is sad indeed.
|
Small sand negro children can fit entire cars up their behinds? My word. They're really not like us, are they?
O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.
God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.
|
 |
Predestinated Servant of Jesus Christ by the Will of God
True Christian™ Theologian
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 4,420
Join Date: Sep 2006
|
|
|
Re: How many Muslims does it take to screw in a lightbulb? -
04-21-2007, 12:43 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother Temperance
Small sand negro children can fit entire cars up their behinds? My word. They're really not like us, are they?
|
Well, the sand niggra is certainly a unique creation of Satan, but I think what WIC was saying is that, usually, it's the adult Al Qaeda and Taliban male conscript who fits the hapless child, in its entirty, up his posterior opening, God have mercy. Apparantly such a practice, in one form or another, has been a celebrated part of sand niggra culture for centuries.
I loved Newt before Newt was invincible
|
 |
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 9,361
Join Date: Jan 2007
|
|
|
Re: How many Muslims does it take to screw in a lightbulb? -
04-21-2007, 01:06 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Larry Lee
Well, the sand niggra is certainly a unique creation of Satan, but I think what WIC was saying is that, usually, it's the adult Al Qaeda and Taliban male conscript who fits the hapless child, in its entirty, up his posterior opening, God have mercy. Apparantly such a practice, in one form or another, has been a celebrated part of sand niggra culture for centuries.
|
This is disturbing news. And to think that they just can't be garden-variety sodomite homers like we have here in this country. One thing they all have in common is that they disobey God's commandments and traffic signs about being a one-way street - straight to Jesus.
Hell's foundations quiver at the shout of praise;
brothers, lift your voices, loud your anthems raise.
...and get off my lawn
|
 |
Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
|
|
Posts: 67
Join Date: Jul 2007
|
|
|
Re: What Not to Put up Your Bum! -
07-13-2007, 10:11 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Student of Landover
I'm too lazy to put a new one on here.
|
SLOTH IS A SIN YOU ARE GOING TO HELL!
|
 |
Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
|
|
Posts: 79,910
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
|
|
|
Re: What Not to Put up Your Bum! -
07-14-2007, 12:23 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by sephy26946
SLOTH IS A SIN YOU ARE GOING TO HELL!
|
Kindly back that up with scripture, you teenaged maggot.
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
|
|
Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
|
|
Posts: 67
Join Date: Jul 2007
|
|
|
Re: What Not to Put up Your Bum! -
07-14-2007, 04:11 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel
Kindly back that up with scripture, you teenaged maggot.
|
One of the 7 deadly sins.
Gluttony Greed Sloth Lust Pride Envy Wrath
|
|
Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
|
|
Posts: 79,910
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
|
|
|
Re: What Not to Put up Your Bum! -
07-14-2007, 04:13 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by sephy26946
|
I said SCRIPTURE, not some mary worshiper horror movie.
Don't you even own a Bible?
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
|
|
Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
|
|
Posts: 67
Join Date: Jul 2007
|
|
|
Re: What Not to Put up Your Bum! -
07-14-2007, 05:18 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel
I said SCRIPTURE, not some mary worshiper horror movie.
Don't you even own a Bible?
|
I copied and pasted from the movie page yes but the killer in the movie killed based on the 7 DEADLY SINS!
Not that it matters, my ******* life is a joke anyway.
Last edited by Mrs. Mary Whitford; 07-14-2007 at 05:28 AM.
Reason: Removed profanity.
|
|
Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
|
|
Posts: 79,910
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
|
|
|
Re: What Not to Put up Your Bum! -
07-14-2007, 01:41 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by sephy26946
I copied and pasted from the movie page yes but the killer in the movie killed based on the 7 DEADLY SINS!
Not that it matters, my ******* life is a joke anyway.
|
There is no such thing as "the 7 deadly sins". That is a catlicker bit of nonsense you half-heard somewhere along the way. ALL sins are deadly, boy. All of us were born in sin thanks to that addle-brained Eve.
The good news is that Christ is willing to forgive all of our sins, no matter how repugnant or vile. All you have to do is get on your bony little knees and ask Jesus to take over your life, renounce satan forever, and Tithe.
There is, however, one sin that is completely unforgivable. I'll give you a chance to look that up. Here's a hint: It isn't from some third rate horror flick. It's from the Bible....
Let me know when you find it. 
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
|
|
Senior Usher
True Christian™ missionary to the Unsaved Kingdom
A very nice young man
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 15,647
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: South Yorkshire, hotbed of sin
|
|
|
Re: What Not to Put up Your Bum! -
07-14-2007, 02:02 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by sephy26946
I copied and pasted from the movie page yes but the killer in the movie killed based on the 7 DEADLY SINS!
|
Well, that's us told: all this time we were foolishly following the Bible, when we should have been watching Jew-made films about that queer Kevin Spacey slicing people up under orders from the Pope, because obviously that's a far more reliable source of information about God. 
O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.
God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.
|
| Thread Tools |
|
|
| Display Modes |
 Linear Mode
|
Posting Rules
|
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
HTML code is Off
|
|
|
Powered by Jesus - vBulletin® Version 3.8.9 Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
vBulletin Skin developed by: vBStyles.com
Content Landover Baptist Forums © 1620, 2022 all rights reserved
|
