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Reload this Page Mother Glendora's Sexual Purity Pledge Place!
Landover to the Rescue - Christian Help Forum A Christian Help Forum led by Sister Daisy Mae Johnson. Warning! Sometimes the Lord's advice is a hard pill to swallow.

View Poll Results: Which form of sexual purity will you pledge to LBC and Jesus?
Pure as Snow - Complete Sexual Purity 13 12.50%
Born Again Virginity 18 17.31%
Only within marriage and never for pleasure 27 25.96%
Un-Gay Virgin (careful there) 9 8.65%
I'll do as I please with my cooter or choo choo! (hellbound) 37 35.58%
Voters: 104. You may not vote on this poll

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Default Re: Mother Glendora's Sexual Purity Pledge Place! - 05-28-2007, 06:02 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dances with Joy View Post
Actually, there's an adult toy store on I-10 that sells them.
Now that is utter nonsense. No one could possibly were one of those for fun.



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Aethereal Aethereal is offline
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Default Re: Mother Glendora's Sexual Purity Pledge Place! - 05-29-2007, 01:07 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Glendora Christianson View Post
I am so encouraged by your pledge. I know you have some serious spiritual challenges, but there is potential for salvation. As one of only two Pure as Snow Virgins, you may need some extra help from our all-knowing Lord who has provided us with the help we need.
Thank you Glendora. Alas, while in a fit of demonic insanity soon after the "Undecided Incident" I disposed of all such Godly restraints. However, when I checked in with my spiritual probation officer at the local Baptist church on Sunday, I told him of my *ahem* problems, and he agreed to purchase "the help I need" for me. I am proud to say that I am currently wearing it and my spiritual probation officer is holding the key.
Also, Jesus had enough mercy on me to allow an entire 5 words of an email to slip past the Holy Spirit embued filters of Mrs. Betty Bowers email server. It was a desperate plea for help. "demon...remove...my house...help" A representative of her ministry returned my email and we began corresponding. Unfortunately, I don't know how much of my message made it through the filters. Enough I suppose, because there is a Betty Bowers Ministries cleanup crew at my apartment right now removing demons from everything from the toaster to the armchair, and removing anything that is not pleasing in the sight of the Lord (or Mrs. Bowers) including a totally redone interior design courtesy of Marge Davis Interiors. Of course, Mrs. Bowers is far too busy too be there in person. That's okay, I understand.
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Aethereal Aethereal is offline
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Default Re: Mother Glendora's Sexual Purity Pledge Place! - 05-29-2007, 01:48 PM

Can I get my name changed? Seeing as I'm coming around, "Aethereal" seems too...ghostly. I need a more True Christian™ user name. How about my real name... *drum roll* "Dillard H. Jones" This is the name on my birth certificate, etc. I was wary of using it here because I didn't want people I knew to find this place and know it was me. But this is a full time commitment now. I'm finished being a "mamby-pamby, sissy Christian" as Pastor Deacon Fred says. I'm ready to kick some demon backside! Praise!
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Default Re: Mother Glendora's Sexual Purity Pledge Place! - 05-29-2007, 01:54 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Aethereal View Post
Can I get my name changed? Seeing as I'm coming around, "Aethereal" seems too...ghostly. I need a more True Christian™ user name. How about my real name... *drum roll* "Dillard H. Jones" This is the name on my birth certificate, etc. I was wary of using it here because I didn't want people I knew to find this place and know it was me. But this is a full time commitment now. I'm finished being a "mamby-pamby, sissy Christian" as Pastor Deacon Fred says. I'm ready to kick some demon backside! Praise!
Did your witch dominatrix girlfriend give you permission Danny?


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Aethereal Aethereal is offline
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Default Re: Mother Glendora's Sexual Purity Pledge Place! - 05-29-2007, 02:14 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
Did your witch dominatrix girlfriend give you permission Danny?
Oh, for God's sake. Not this again. Look, I escaped when I had the chance. I even tried to set the cabin we shared in the forest on fire before I left, but unfortunately I was unsuccessful. (Nothing better than a burning witch). I'm finished with her. I escaped back to my home town and got into spiritual therapy at the local Baptist church. I'm working on my status as a True Christian again and I feel I'm making progress. Witch? Yes. Dominatrix? Yes. Girlfriend? No. I'd burn her in a heartbeat given the chance.
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Bobby-Joe Bobby-Joe is offline
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Default Re: Mother Glendora's Sexual Purity Pledge Place! - 05-29-2007, 10:52 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Aethereal View Post
Oh, for God's sake. Not this again. Look, I escaped when I had the chance. I even tried to set the cabin we shared in the forest on fire before I left, but unfortunately I was unsuccessful. (Nothing better than a burning witch). I'm finished with her. I escaped back to my home town and got into spiritual therapy at the local Baptist church. I'm working on my status as a True Christian again and I feel I'm making progress. Witch? Yes. Dominatrix? Yes. Girlfriend? No. I'd burn her in a heartbeat given the chance.
Prove it Danny to Jesus. Get back there and let the light of Jesus shine upon the she-harlot. Remember every night she walks the earth is another night a little baby gets eaten. My bet is if you ever meet Allie again you'd be on your knees tongue polishing her moose droppings covered stiletto boot heels within ten minutes.



Time to reclaim our FREEDOM from the “Mullah in Chief” and his growing activist voter hoards of socialists, communists, anti-Semites, anti-Christians, atheists, radical gays and lesbians, feminists, illegal immigrants, Muslims, anti-Anglo whites and others.

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Aethereal Aethereal is offline
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Default Re: Mother Glendora's Sexual Purity Pledge Place! - 05-30-2007, 12:37 PM

I am currently living in a rented apartment behind the local Baptist church. It is a kind of "rehab" unit for people like me. I checked with my spiritual probation officer to see if I could go out of town to complete *ahem* the task at hand. He said that I was making progress and had good intentions but I was still spiritually unstable and didn't need that kind of influence. He wouldn't let me leave. It took several guards with tazers to convince me to stay, but here I am. Seeing my determination, they immediately assembled a witch-hunting death squad and are on the way to her cabin now. I hope they make it back. I hope she doesn't.
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Bobby-Joe Bobby-Joe is offline
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Default Re: Mother Glendora's Sexual Purity Pledge Place! - 05-30-2007, 03:38 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Aethereal View Post
I am currently living in a rented apartment behind the local Baptist church. It is a kind of "rehab" unit for people like me. I checked with my spiritual probation officer to see if I could go out of town to complete *ahem* the task at hand. He said that I was making progress and had good intentions but I was still spiritually unstable and didn't need that kind of influence. He wouldn't let me leave. It took several guards with tazers to convince me to stay, but here I am. Seeing my determination, they immediately assembled a witch-hunting death squad and are on the way to her cabin now. I hope they make it back. I hope she doesn't.
You, see even your pastor agrees; you are still under her spell.



Time to reclaim our FREEDOM from the “Mullah in Chief” and his growing activist voter hoards of socialists, communists, anti-Semites, anti-Christians, atheists, radical gays and lesbians, feminists, illegal immigrants, Muslims, anti-Anglo whites and others.

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Aethereal Aethereal is offline
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Default Re: Mother Glendora's Sexual Purity Pledge Place! - 05-30-2007, 04:17 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bobby-Joe View Post
You, see even your pastor agrees; you are still under her spell.
My spiritual probation officer told me to stay because he didn't want me near the influence of that witch! I assure you I have been fully restored to a state of sinlessness, go weekly to get my Jesus enema, and have been demon free for more than a week. I really am trying. Please save your judgement for someone else and try to support me.
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One Year/1000 posts Ribfest '09 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College 3rd Year Bible College 4th Year Bible College Saved 1 Year Long service medal, 3rd class Christian Love True Christian™ The Al E. Pistle Award for Excellence in Rebuking Real American™ True Heterosexual™ Tithing Manager 2008 Witch Hunt Award Gunfest '09 Senior Pastor Mission to Australia Heaven Bound Tagging for Jesus The Lord’s Witness Wound Home Schooled Punched the most queers TC Bravery Protected by JESUS Pastor of GOD Ex-Masturbator Jailed for JESUS Super Soaker Baptism Award Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian Teabag Patriot 20,000 posts Friend of Jesus 2010 Witch Hunt Award Flat Earth 50,000 posts Tell her once Persecuted Porn Resistant Mission to Japan Pro-Life Mission to Las Vegas True Christian Provider™ award True Scientist™ Eats the Most Pork 2011 Witch Hunt Award Outreach preacher Special Mission (North Korea) Golden Bear Award True Republican Batman Shooting Survivor Sons of Liberty Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! WisconSIN Shooting survivor Proud Niglet Sponsorer Truck Stop Ministry Member Hatchet Child Rearing Award Kirk Cameron Fan Club In Love With Zeke Bear Prayer Warrior 2012 Witch Hunt Award Man of the Year True Christian Hotrodder Paula Deen Negro Support Group Gator Touched by Jesus 75,000 posts Man of the Year Babysitter 2014 Witch Hunt Award Stamp of Approval Mission to Korea Trump of GOD Uber Angels Driver Rick Perry's Niggerhead Ranch Roper Crossburn Donald Trump 2016! Pancake Dinner Anti-sodomy Hands Off 2015 Witch Hunt Award Pastor Ezekiel Golden Bear Award Mission Long service medal, 2nd class Aardvark Asked questions later Heart of compassion Crown of Righteousness The Crown of Crowns Crown of Glory Crown of Incorruptibility Crown of Rejoicing Crown of Life BFF of Jesus Proud Survivor of the Overwatch Wars Probing for Jesus Wall of Jesus Alternative Facts Saved 10 Years Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Proud TP Rebuker for Christ Mission to the Philippines Clorox Cured Me QAnon Storm Chaser Anti-Biden British Royalty

 
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Default Re: Mother Glendora's Sexual Purity Pledge Place! - 05-31-2007, 12:35 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Aethereal View Post
My spiritual probation officer told me to stay because he didn't want me near the influence of that witch! I assure you I have been fully restored to a state of sinlessness, go weekly to get my Jesus enema, and have been demon free for more than a week. I really am trying. Please save your judgement for someone else and try to support me.
We are still awaiting your Tithe Danny. Show Jesus how sorry you are by clicking on that Paypal button.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Aethereal Aethereal is offline
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Aka as Daniel, etc.
 
 
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Default Re: Mother Glendora's Sexual Purity Pledge Place! - 05-31-2007, 12:34 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
We are still awaiting your Tithe Danny. Show Jesus how sorry you are by clicking on that Paypal button.
I already said, the therapist took all my money and set it aside in a frozen bank account until I show some more progress. I'll try to get 10% from them but I can't guarantee anything. I don't want to press my luck, but a status change may impress my therapist and show them that I'm making progress. But, all in due time. 1 Thessalonians 5:14: "Now we exhort you, brethren, warn them that are unruly, comfort the feebleminded, support the weak, be patient toward all men."
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One Year/1000 posts Ribfest '09 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College 3rd Year Bible College 4th Year Bible College Saved 1 Year Long service medal, 3rd class Christian Love True Christian™ The Al E. Pistle Award for Excellence in Rebuking Real American™ True Heterosexual™ Tithing Manager 2008 Witch Hunt Award Gunfest '09 Senior Pastor Mission to Australia Heaven Bound Tagging for Jesus The Lord’s Witness Wound Home Schooled Punched the most queers TC Bravery Protected by JESUS Pastor of GOD Ex-Masturbator Jailed for JESUS Super Soaker Baptism Award Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian Teabag Patriot 20,000 posts Friend of Jesus 2010 Witch Hunt Award Flat Earth 50,000 posts Tell her once Persecuted Porn Resistant Mission to Japan Pro-Life Mission to Las Vegas True Christian Provider™ award True Scientist™ Eats the Most Pork 2011 Witch Hunt Award Outreach preacher Special Mission (North Korea) Golden Bear Award True Republican Batman Shooting Survivor Sons of Liberty Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! WisconSIN Shooting survivor Proud Niglet Sponsorer Truck Stop Ministry Member Hatchet Child Rearing Award Kirk Cameron Fan Club In Love With Zeke Bear Prayer Warrior 2012 Witch Hunt Award Man of the Year True Christian Hotrodder Paula Deen Negro Support Group Gator Touched by Jesus 75,000 posts Man of the Year Babysitter 2014 Witch Hunt Award Stamp of Approval Mission to Korea Trump of GOD Uber Angels Driver Rick Perry's Niggerhead Ranch Roper Crossburn Donald Trump 2016! Pancake Dinner Anti-sodomy Hands Off 2015 Witch Hunt Award Pastor Ezekiel Golden Bear Award Mission Long service medal, 2nd class Aardvark Asked questions later Heart of compassion Crown of Righteousness The Crown of Crowns Crown of Glory Crown of Incorruptibility Crown of Rejoicing Crown of Life BFF of Jesus Proud Survivor of the Overwatch Wars Probing for Jesus Wall of Jesus Alternative Facts Saved 10 Years Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Proud TP Rebuker for Christ Mission to the Philippines Clorox Cured Me QAnon Storm Chaser Anti-Biden British Royalty

 
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Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Mother Glendora's Sexual Purity Pledge Place! - 05-31-2007, 01:36 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Aethereal View Post
I already said, the therapist took all my money and set it aside in a frozen bank account until I show some more progress. I'll try to get 10% from them but I can't guarantee anything. I don't want to press my luck, but a status change may impress my therapist and show them that I'm making progress. But, all in due time. 1 Thessalonians 5:14: "Now we exhort you, brethren, warn them that are unruly, comfort the feebleminded, support the weak, be patient toward all men."
Danny, you are weak. That is precisely why you need to send in a healthy love offering to Jesus as quickly as possible. We are being very patient with you son, but Jesus could kill you at any moment, and you are still quoting from a false Bible, and the DOF says you are passing notes to your witch dominatrix harlot gf, so you need to act now. Just to be safe, send your love offering in before midnight tonight.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

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Default Re: Mother Glendora's Sexual Purity Pledge Place! - 01-25-2008, 02:36 AM

Uh-oh. I'm not sure if I should pick white as snow, or only with marriage. certainly, I want to have Godly Warriors for children, but in Canada...
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Default Re: Mother Glendora's Sexual Purity Pledge Place! - 01-25-2008, 04:11 PM

What, Danny hasn't Tithed YET? I am getting unGodly Sick & Tired of waiting around here for him to do so!

It's only your IMMORTAL SOUL, Danny, you ever think of that?

Oh well. Long as I'm here, I Pledge Aeternal Virginity for Miss Petal

After all, "It is more Blessed to give rather than to receive"
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Default Re: Mother Glendora's Sexual Purity Pledge Place! - 05-03-2008, 01:11 AM

Just wanted to let everyone know: Due to something Elmer said at the mall today, I will be joining the Born Again Virgins for at least three weeks!


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Default Re: Mother Glendora's Sexual Purity Pledge Place! - 05-03-2008, 03:55 PM

Uh oh, did you ask him how you looked in capri's again?




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Default Re: Mother Glendora's Sexual Purity Pledge Place! - 05-03-2008, 04:55 PM

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Originally Posted by BibleThumpinBlonde View Post
Uh oh, did you ask him how you looked in capri's again?
Word gets around sister. And then he bought a brand new 30.06 and wouldn't take me to Chick-fil-a!


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Default Re: Mother Glendora's Sexual Purity Pledge Place! - 05-04-2008, 09:42 PM

Because SUV LOVES to give please more than recieve it.
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Default Re: Mother Glendora's Sexual Purity Pledge Place! - 05-04-2008, 09:47 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by FrenchCatholicWoman View Post
Because SUV LOVES to give please more than recieve it.
You know, for a supposed FrenchCatholicWoman, you're starting to sound a lot like that nip Hitoshima.


O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.


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Default Re: Mother Glendora's Sexual Purity Pledge Place! - 05-04-2008, 10:50 PM

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Originally Posted by FrenchCatholicWoman View Post
Because SUV LOVES to give please more than recieve it.
Now what the heckie-poo does that mean? I wasn't even 'here' actually, I was talking about Sister Petal!

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