[Mother Of Seven]

Re: URGENT funding need: Save James Hutchins' Truck Stop Ministry!

Didn't you get the $1000 I sent?

^^ This.

[Mistress Cookie]

Re: URGENT funding need: Save James Hutchins' Truck Stop Ministry!

^^ This.

Yes yes, Mother...although we at the Church Offices first thought it was a joke, we received your very thoughtful little $1,000 check, marked "Please do not cash until the 15th of the month." I set it aside with the rest of the junk mail the Pastors get, but will look for it later.

As to Brother Faith Machine's computer he said had been "hacked," we have confiscated it in preparation for tomorrow's meeting. If anyone sees him posting here, please alert a Pastor or Male Elder, as he is probably doing it from his cell phone, and we are needing that, too, for his audit.

Thank you all for your cooperation in this serious matter.
.

[Faith_Machine]

Re: URGENT funding need: Save James Hutchins' Truck Stop Ministry!

I demand that you return my computer IMMEDIATELY! All contents of my hard drive are protected by the 4th Amendment of the United States Constitution!

Furthermore, your confiscation of my hardware is based on a false premise. I never claimed that my computer had been hacked! Clearly, hackers on the Internet gained access to my account using a password-guessing script, so there is absolutely no reason whatsoever for you to boot up my computer and go poking around in its files, and certainly no conceivable justification for viewing any photos or videos which may or may not be on my hard drive and which I may or may not have collected in order to carefully document the scourge of indecency which plagues the World Wide Web!


Posted from LBC for Android™

[Mistress Cookie]

Re: URGENT funding need: Save James Hutchins' Truck Stop Ministry!

I demand that you return my computer IMMEDIATELY! All contents of my hard drive...etc. etc.

A Friend of the Church™ has alerted us you are posting on your phone from Hasting's 24 Hour Coffee Shop on Reservation Road. Please remain there. A car is being sent for you at this moment so you will be on time for your morning appointment at the Church offices.

I have arranged a pass for you to sleep in the infirmary. You will be given the discount rate.

[Faith_Machine]

Re: URGENT funding need: Save James Hutchins' Truck Stop Ministry!

Given that said coffee shop is empty, and given that I've seen nobody around here in over an hour, I can only conclude that you are using a back door into my wireless provider's system to ascertain which cell phone tower I am connected to.

You listen here, Miss Back Door Lady, I do NOT appreciate having my privacy violated in this fashion! If you wanted to know my whereabouts, all you had to do was politely ask!

You will cease and desist all spying efforts forthwith! I am contacting Mayor Johnny Joe Hold, and you'd better believe he's not going to allow this reckless disregard for our Constitution to stand!

Posted from LBC for Android™

[Mistress Cookie]

Re: URGENT funding need: Save James Hutchins' Truck Stop Ministry!

It is my hope you will come out peaceably when the car arrives.

On another note, I do not appreciate being called "Miss Back Door" or any other slanderous epitaph. (Who have you been talking to?) You are in a good deal of trouble already and I urge you to consider your words carefully.

[Faith_Machine]

Re: URGENT funding need: Save James Hutchins' Truck Stop Ministry!

Ezekiel Bathfire, PLEASE ANSWER YOUR PHONE, THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!

Mayor Joe Hold, your maid said you weren't home? It's desperately important that I talk to you ASAP!!!!!

Oh God oh God oh God oh God oh God please help me, Jesus!


Posted from LBC for Android™

[Mistress Cookie]

Re: URGENT funding need: Save James Hutchins' Truck Stop Ministry!

There's nothing to be afraid of, Brother Machine. Just get in the car when it arrives for you.

You know the Pastors and Male Elders give everyone a fair hearing. Though first you will be going before me, and the other "harpies" (as you call us on your computer) in the bookkeeping department.

[Faith_Machine]

Re: URGENT funding need: Save James Hutchins' Truck Stop Ministry!

You think you're so clever using your nanny state NSA back doors to triangulate my position!

To a certain pastor's wife who shall remain nameless:

There are no hard feelings about you not opening your front door. Thank you for dropping your jacket and your old cell phones and that bag of hard tack out your bedroom window. If I never see you again, please know your kindness has been the flicker of warmth that sustains me through this dark, cold night.


Posted from LBC for BlackBerry™

[Mistress Cookie]

Re: URGENT funding need: Save James Hutchins' Truck Stop Ministry!

To all Church™ Members and True Brothers and Sisters in Christ(TM)

Please be advised that Brother Faith Machine has "dropped off the grid" and is attempting to evade escort to a perfectly perfunctory tithing audit scheduled for this morning in the Church™ Offices.

The boys in the Department of Faith (DoF) has been alerted, but it is YOUR eyes and ears on the ground that can help bring this to a speedy closure. It is obvious that Brother Machine is in a confused state, and needs the Church™s assistance this cold and frosty morn.

Any sightings, or rumors of sightings, should be reported here. Security is patrolling the board (and Freehold Proper) as we speak.

Thank you.

[Faith_Machine]

Re: URGENT funding need: Save James Hutchins' Truck Stop Ministry!

I'm not going back to the Room With No Shadows! I won't do it!

Jorge Cabron survived for weeks without being detected, and so can I!

Oh God Oh God Oh God Oh God Oh God Oh God Oh God Oh God Oh God Oh God Oh God Oh God Oh God Oh God Oh God Oh God Oh God Oh God help me Jesus please, please, please help me Jesus!!!!



Posted from LBC for BlackBerry™

[Mother Of Seven]

Re: URGENT funding need: Save James Hutchins' Truck Stop Ministry!

Yes yes, Mother...although we at the Church Offices first thought it was a joke, we received your very thoughtful little $1,000 check, marked "Please do not cash until the 15th of the month." I set it aside with the rest of the junk mail the Pastors get, but will look for it later.

Yes, I'm sorry, it's not much, and barely worth mentioning, but we're going through some tough times at the moment with my husband's dealing with that pedophile Austrian priest, Regens Kuechl.


And I'm sorry for that little note, but hopefully all this nasty matter will be sorted by then and I can be assured that it goes to assist Brother Hutchins.

[Faith_Machine]

Re: URGENT funding need: Save James Hutchins' Truck Stop Ministry!

Mother of Seven, I am going to dial your number exactly five minutes from now. Please, please, please pick up the phone.



Posted from LBC for BlackBerry™

[Mistress Cookie]

Re: URGENT funding need: Save James Hutchins' Truck Stop Ministry!

Yes, I'm sorry, it's not much, and barely worth mentioning, but we're going through some tough times at the moment...

You know, Mother dear, you could be of great help by helping to look for Brother Faith Machine. Don't you have a bicycle? You could sweep the woods on the east part of town and try to flush him out (?) The dogs aren't ready yet.

He was last seen on Reservation Road...

[Mother Of Seven]

Re: URGENT funding need: Save James Hutchins' Truck Stop Ministry!

Well, he phoned me as promised, and I asked him where he was but he wouldn't give the slightest hint. I also tried to track his call, but he was too much on the ball, and kept the conversation brief.


My little dachshunds have good noses - I'll put them on the scent. If they find him, I'll try to keep him here until you come to collect him - no promises though.