The Freehold Truth and Light Baptist newspaper Featured editorials, letters to the GODLY Pastors of Landover, local news, advise columns. |
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 6,751
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry, Redding, CA
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Re: Is SausageFest '12 on? -
08-02-2012, 12:47 PM
Hey, I'll be flying out for SausageFest this year!
My deacon said that God has called me to service this year, so, instead of cooking, I'll be buying supplies this year. Please let me know if you want to put your sausages in my buns.
Draft Freehold, Iowa Mayor
Johny Joe Hold
for Vice President in 2024
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Forum Member
Forum Member
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Posts: 216
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: The Netherlands
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Re: Is SausageFest '12 on? -
08-02-2012, 03:00 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Deaner
Sounds cool. Why don't we punch out some skinhead soccer hooligans just to get warmed up?
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Oh, we have plenty of those here in this awful country, should I send some? Do you want them fresh, or tenderized?
II Kings 2:23-24: 23And he went up from thence unto Bethel: and as he was going up by the way, there came forth little children out of the city, and mocked him, and said unto him, Go up, thou bald head; go up, thou bald head. 24And he turned back, and looked on them, and cursed them in the name of the LORD. And there came forth two she bears out of the wood, and tare forty and two children of them.
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Family Man of the Year 2010-2013 About as Straight and Manly as you can get Hates anal sex. And trees.
True Christian™
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Posts: 8,323
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Protecting my children from homosexuals
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Re: Is SausageFest '12 on? -
08-02-2012, 05:42 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by WWJDnow
let me know if you want to put your sausages in my buns.
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All I can think about now is dribbling my hot sauce down the crevice of your toasty buns, with my meat bulging out the ends. It sends shivers of anticipation up my spine.
The Only Real Climate Change Will be Hell!
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Gushing for Jesus
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Posts: 23,731
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: Is SausageFest '12 on? -
08-02-2012, 06:20 PM
You boys and your messy pastimes.
Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.
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Honorary True Christian™
Forum Member
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Posts: 13,993
Join Date: May 2008
Location: North Salem, Indiana
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Re: Is SausageFest '12 on? -
08-02-2012, 07:04 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mary Etheldreda
You boys and your messy pastimes.
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But it's so delicious! And why else would God give us sausages, if not to enjoy?
You'll get your chance early in the evening, Sister.
Bible boring? Nonsense!
Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!
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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
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Posts: 79,909
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: Is SausageFest '12 on? -
08-03-2012, 03:19 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by WWJDnow
Hey, I'll be flying out for SausageFest this year!
My deacon said that God has called me to service this year, so, instead of cooking, I'll be buying supplies this year. Please let me know if you want to put your sausages in my buns.
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I'm going bareback this year, brother. I want nothing to distract me from the sausages I'm planning on devouring.
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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Honorary True Christian™
Forum Member
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Posts: 13,993
Join Date: May 2008
Location: North Salem, Indiana
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Re: Is SausageFest '12 on? -
08-03-2012, 04:28 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel
I'm going bareback this year, brother. I want nothing to distract me from the sausages I'm planning on devouring.
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I hope you'll pace yourself this time, Zeke. I seem to recall you working on two or three at a time last year. I swear, if you'd had another hole available, you'd have stuffed it full!
And no, I haven't forgotten 2010. Let's not go there . . . we agreed, remember?
Bible boring? Nonsense!
Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!
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Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 9,981
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: San Francisco, California
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Re: Is SausageFest '12 on? -
08-03-2012, 04:39 AM
I plan to sweet talk the owner of San Francisco's Batter Up into selling me a big vat of his famous batter so I can serve up the kind of thick sausage corn dogs he's known for:
I'm not sure if he'd be prepared to provide me with a huge "big daddy" quantity of his batter, though. Maybe I'd have to just settle for a little "baby" batter.
WARNING:
In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
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Forum Member
Forum Member
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Posts: 216
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: The Netherlands
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Re: Is SausageFest '12 on? -
08-03-2012, 08:30 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Faith_Machine
I plan to sweet talk the owner of San Francisco's Batter Up into selling me a big vat of his famous batter so I can serve up the kind of thick sausage corn dogs he's known for:
I'm not sure if he'd be prepared to provide me with a huge "big daddy" quantity of his batter, though. Maybe I'd have to just settle for a little "baby" batter.
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I suppose this the only non-anal-raping company from San Fransisco then. Luckily you are a True Christian and find beacons of Christianity in such a depraved place.
II Kings 2:23-24: 23And he went up from thence unto Bethel: and as he was going up by the way, there came forth little children out of the city, and mocked him, and said unto him, Go up, thou bald head; go up, thou bald head. 24And he turned back, and looked on them, and cursed them in the name of the LORD. And there came forth two she bears out of the wood, and tare forty and two children of them.
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Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 9,981
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: San Francisco, California
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Re: Is SausageFest '12 on? -
08-03-2012, 08:58 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by LBC loving Dutchmen
I suppose this the only non-anal-raping company from San Fransisco then. Luckily you are a True Christian and find beacons of Christianity in such a depraved place.
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Brother, you flatter me! I am merely an Honorary True Christian™. I honestly haven't enquired as to whether any anal rape goes on at Batter Up, but it's a really small operation with only a few employees, and they don't look like queers or convicts to me.
WARNING:
In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
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Forum Member
Forum Member
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Posts: 216
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: The Netherlands
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Re: Is SausageFest '12 on? -
08-03-2012, 09:15 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Faith_Machine
Brother, you flatter me! I am merely an Honorary True Christian™. I honestly haven't enquired as to whether any anal rape goes on at Batter Up, but it's a really small operation with only a few employees, and they don't look like queers or convicts to me.
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And you honor me with naming me Brother. Sorry I haven't used your full title. Well, I suppose an atheist wouldn't bother to create the perfect batter to put your delicious sausages in and that you'll be safe. Well you are Saved already, that is the most important.
If you don't get it delivered, you might take precautions:
II Kings 2:23-24: 23And he went up from thence unto Bethel: and as he was going up by the way, there came forth little children out of the city, and mocked him, and said unto him, Go up, thou bald head; go up, thou bald head. 24And he turned back, and looked on them, and cursed them in the name of the LORD. And there came forth two she bears out of the wood, and tare forty and two children of them.
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Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 9,981
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: San Francisco, California
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Re: Is SausageFest '12 on? -
08-03-2012, 09:56 AM
I got an e-mail back from the owner. He says he can squirt as much batter as I want into the receptacle of my choice. I'm thinking I want at least a ten gallon drum.
WARNING:
In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
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Honorary True Christian™
Forum Member
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Posts: 13,993
Join Date: May 2008
Location: North Salem, Indiana
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Re: Is SausageFest '12 on? -
08-03-2012, 04:34 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Faith_Machine
I got an e-mail back from the owner. He says he can squirt as much batter as I want into the receptacle of my choice. I'm thinking I want at least a ten gallon drum.
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Don't go overboard. While some of the ladies might be interested in your little weiners, this is SausageFest, not CornCon.
That's in September, remember? Your batter probably won't keep that long.
(For the uninitiated, CornCon is a laste September festival where folks in Freehold celebrate the corn harvest. Corndogs, corn on the cob, kettle corn, and games of Cornhole are all part of the fun.)
Bible boring? Nonsense!
Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!
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Unsaved trash, Arrogant Atheist Dick
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Posts: 14,451
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: The other end of the internet
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Re: Is SausageFest '12 on? -
08-03-2012, 05:56 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rev. M. Rodimer
...(For the uninitiated, CornCon is a laste September festival where folks in Freehold celebrate the corn harvest. Corndogs, corn on the cob, kettle corn, and games of Cornhole are all part of the fun.)
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Will you be blogging about this event as Chief Cornographer again, Rev?
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Trying to out-Methuselah Methuselah You kids get off his lawn!
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Posts: 22,425
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Close to God
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Re: Is SausageFest '12 on? -
08-03-2012, 06:00 PM
As each year I will shoot plenty of rabbits and my wife will make her famous bunnies on a stick:
Freedom means voting for Donald Trump!
To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."
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Honorary True Christian™
Forum Member
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Posts: 13,993
Join Date: May 2008
Location: North Salem, Indiana
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Re: Is SausageFest '12 on? -
08-03-2012, 07:51 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Didymus Much
Will you be blogging about this event as Chief Cornographer again, Rev?
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But of course! It's a shame you can't come; I hear you're an avid Cornholer yourself.
But you'd probably hate Landover's cornhole boards:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cranky Old Man
As each year I will shoot plenty of rabbits and my wife will make her famous bunnies on a stick:
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What a wonderful use of corn, Brother! What will you be bringing to SausageFest?
Bible boring? Nonsense!
Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 516
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Mission for Men, topeka Kansas
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Re: Is SausageFest '12 on? -
08-03-2012, 10:02 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rev. M. Rodimer
But it's so delicious! And why else would God give us sausages, if not to enjoy?
You'll get your chance early in the evening, Sister.
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Amen! It's amazing how the Lord created all these wonderful things like sausages, and I don't know, bananas! to fit right in our hands ! So many uses for our hands! I must admit that to wrap my hands around all your sausages would be a dream come true. I just wish I could come more often, to freehold.
Therefore hath the curse devoured the earth, and they that dwell therein are desolate: therefore the inhabitants of the earth are burned, and few men left. -- Isaiah 24:6 KJV
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Family Man of the Year 2010-2013 About as Straight and Manly as you can get Hates anal sex. And trees.
True Christian™
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Posts: 8,323
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Protecting my children from homosexuals
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Re: Is SausageFest '12 on? -
08-03-2012, 10:04 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by JustGotSaved
I must admit that to wrap my hands around all your sausages would be a dream come true.
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Just wait until you wrap your MOUTH around my sausage!
The Only Real Climate Change Will be Hell!
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Honorary True Christian™
Forum Member
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Posts: 13,993
Join Date: May 2008
Location: North Salem, Indiana
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Re: Is SausageFest '12 on? -
08-03-2012, 11:35 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Billy Bob Jenkins
Just wait until you wrap your MOUTH around my sausage!
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Caution, Brother JGS. I'm told Brother Billy Bob's sausage burns twice, if you know what I mean . . .
Bible boring? Nonsense!
Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!
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Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 9,981
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: San Francisco, California
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Re: Is SausageFest '12 on? -
09-02-2012, 06:22 AM
Sweet, I got a wholesale deal on a case of these!
WARNING:
In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
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