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Mary Etheldreda Mary Etheldreda is offline
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Default Happy Birthday Elmer G. White! - 05-04-2016, 03:08 AM



Happy Birthday to our Distinguished Professor, and Giver of Important Knowledge!






Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

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Default Re: Happy Birthday Elmer G. White! - 05-04-2016, 03:12 AM

Have a very happy Birthday, Brother Elmer!

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Default Re: Happy Birthday Elmer G. White! - 05-04-2016, 04:44 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Basilissa View Post
Have a very happy Birthday, Brother Elmer!


Now that is a cake fit for the King of Kings as He is going to the Oval Office to kick the usurper to the curb and place The Donald in his rightful seat.


Psalm 137:9 Happy shall he be, that taketh and dasheth thy little ones against the stones.
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Elmer G. White Elmer G. White is offline
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Smile Re: Happy Birthday Elmer G. White! - 05-04-2016, 02:48 PM

Thank you for your kind words. This was quite a nice birthday for a couple of reasons:
1) It is most likely that this was definitely and absolutely the last birthday on Earth and by my next birthday, we'll have gathered in the clouds with Jesus (1 Thessalonians 4:17). That alone makes me want to weep with joy but...
2) Mrs. White gave me this year the present I've been expecting for the last decades: SHE IS IN MENOPAUSE!



AND I have absolutely no reason to worry as she is no Sarah that would remain fecund into advanced age:

Genesis 18:11
Now Abraham and Sarah were old and well stricken in age; and it ceased to be with Sarah after the manner of women.

Our next monthly conjugal duty would have taken place in just a few days but now I can concentrate on my evangelizing duties full-time without distractions because of the tiresome physical exertion of marital relations.




Yours in Christ,

Elmer


2 Kings 18:25 - Am I now come up without the LORD against this place to destroy it? The LORD said to me, Go up against this land, and destroy it.



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Default Re: Happy Birthday Elmer G. White! - 05-06-2016, 09:08 PM










(Please forgive me for being so late. I thought I was being Raptured a few days ago while riding on the escalator at the Mall. I started jumping and shouting with JOY while praising the LORD. I must have tripped and hit my head when it got to the top of the elevator stairs because the last thing I remember was being taken away on a gurney. I'm home and OK now (thank you pastors for coming to get me) The folks at the Des Moines hospital were trying to get me committed.) Anyway, I hope you had a GLORYious day.




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