[Dr. Anthony J. Toole]

Now that anyone and anything will be forced to get married under Obama's religious hate laws, it's a good time to review building codes and wedding procedures - for everone's safety. I was thinking of a few additional requirements off the top of my head:

1. Ministers must have admitting priviliges at other nearby churches.
2. A mandatory waiting period of 20 weeks if you request a wedding.
3. Chapels must have a broom closet of at least 12 sq ft.
4. Use a special type of very rare paper to make certificates.
5. An intravaginal ultrasound probe.

I admit the last one seems a little "out there" but this is just a draft list for brainstorming and safety is our number 1 priority - better safe than sorry.

[Free Market Fred]

Originally Posted by Dr. Anthony J. Toole

Now that anyone and anything will be forced to get married under Obama's religious hate laws, it's a good time to review building codes and wedding procedures - for everone's safety. I was thinking of a few additional requirements off the top of my head:

1. Ministers must have admitting priviliges at other nearby churches.
2. A mandatory waiting period of 20 weeks if you request a wedding.
3. Chapels must have a broom closet of at least 12 sq ft.
4. Use a special type of very rare paper to make certificates.
5. An intravaginal ultrasound probe.

I admit the last one seems a little "out there" but this is just a draft list for brainstorming and safety is our number 1 priority - better safe than sorry.

All excellent suggestions, Brother Toole. The only thing I'd like to add is that the whole application process should be run by private companies, such as mine. You can't trust Big Government to marry people, let alone perform intravaginal ultrasound probes.

This is where my company could help. For a small fee - let's say $20,000 per marriage - we could expedite the whole bureaucratic process. The laws needs to be changed to make it illegal for guvmint entities to register marriages and issue certificates. Rather, only the company that wins the no-bid contract should be granted a total monopoly to perform this process. Of course, to make this work it would be necessary that the USA stop recognizing marriages performed in other countries - otherwise, you'd have all kinds of people going down south to Beaner Rico to get hitched. And if they did that, who knows what diseases they'd bring back to our Godly shores?


Privatization protest - note how these dummies
(who attended public school) can't even spell!

Ultimately, the solution is to stop allowing Congress to pass laws - the entire process must be turned over to private corporations. Our bought-and-paid-for Supreme Court showed us the way with their wise Citizens United decision, but clearly that was just meant as a stepping stone to better things. After all, who would you rather trust to run your life - Obama and the communist-Muslim-Kenyan congress, or corporate CEOs who are the job creators?

[Witch Hammer]

Originally Posted by Dr. Anthony J. Toole

Now that anyone and anything will be forced to get married under Obama's religious hate laws, it's a good time to review building codes and wedding procedures - for everone's safety. I was thinking of a few additional requirements off the top of my head:

1. Ministers must have admitting priviliges at other nearby churches.
2. A mandatory waiting period of 20 weeks if you request a wedding.
3. Chapels must have a broom closet of at least 12 sq ft.
4. Use a special type of very rare paper to make certificates.
5. An intravaginal ultrasound probe.

I admit the last one seems a little "out there" but this is just a draft list for brainstorming and safety is our number 1 priority - better safe than sorry.

I think it would be wise for the pastor performing the ceremony, and the groom, to wear anti-rape condoms in their anuses...

...just in case some dope-crazed fags leap from the crowd and try to cornhole them. Not an unlikely scenario, these days...

[Free Market Fred]

Originally Posted by Witch Hammer

I think it would be wise for the pastor performing the ceremony, and the groom, to wear anti-rape condoms in their anuses...

...just in case some dope-crazed fags leap from the croud and try to cornhole them. Not an unlikely scenario, these days...

Thank you for the endorsement, Brother Hammer. The No-Rape Condoms™ are proudly manufactured in the USA by my company, at Huntsville State Penitentiary in Texas. We specifically recruited homo prisoners for the job, knowing that this would be a product that they'd have a personal interest in.

No-Rape Condoms - yet another fine product from Uranus!