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  • #31
    Re: How to be a Good True Christian(tm) Wife

    Originally posted by MoonFlower View Post
    Awww man...I gotta wait till Saturday? We could always go to Bible Study together, I don't break out in cold sweats or vomit anymore at the sight of a Bible, so I think that would be perfect!

    With all her love,
    Moon

    PS - you only bought one pass for me??
    Well I'm at Bible Study when I'm not out hunting vermin or ministering to homers you know where to find me

    I'll see if any of the homers I minister to have any cash on them, I might be able to buy you another pass to come to Church. Unless you have an extra $400 on you.
    Me
    Got Jesus?

    Comment


    • #32
      Re: How to be a Good True Christian(tm) Wife

      Brother Mike, forewarned is forearmed. When Moon was my daughter we did some DNA testing and (makes sure no one is listening)

      she is part Venezuelan.
      Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
      "God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
      Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


      Comment


      • #33
        Re: How to be a Good True Christian(tm) Wife

        Originally posted by Pastor Al E Pistle View Post
        Brother Mike, forewarned is forearmed. When Moon was my daughter we did some DNA testing and (makes sure no one is listening)

        she is part Venezuelan.
        I though I was..... Cuban
        You pray...I dance naked in the forest

        Comment


        • #34
          Re: How to be a Good True Christian(tm) Wife

          Originally posted by Pastor Al E Pistle View Post
          Brother Mike, forewarned is forearmed. When Moon was my daughter we did some DNA testing and (makes sure no one is listening)

          she is part Venezuelan.
          Ewwwwww...

          She will have to tithe extra for that.
          Me
          Got Jesus?

          Comment


          • #35
            Re: How to be a Good True Christian(tm) Wife

            Originally posted by Brother_Mike View Post
            Well I'm at Bible Study when I'm not out hunting vermin or ministering to homers you know where to find me

            I'll see if any of the homers I minister to have any cash on them, I might be able to buy you another pass to come to Church. Unless you have an extra $400 on you.
            Hunting?.... As long as I don't see them dead, it's ok. I'll pass by the church. I'd hate for you to have to borrow money from the homers...or ME. Don't you worry your cute little TC head...I'll show up and bring food so we could have a little picnic.

            With all her love,
            Moon

            Originally posted by Brother_Mike View Post
            Ewwwwww...

            She will have to tithe extra for that.
            Last edited by MoonFlower; 09-26-2006, 01:05 AM.
            You pray...I dance naked in the forest

            Comment


            • #36
              Re: How to be a Good True Christian(tm) Wife

              See you there
              Me
              Got Jesus?

              Comment


              • #37
                Re: How to be a Good True Christian™ Wife

                I just thought I would bump this thread. I've seen a lot of unsaved whores on the board lately and I'm sure they could use this information.

                Lve, Sister Thumper
                sigpic

                Tweet me Here
                My GODLY Bio Here

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                • #38
                  Re: How to be a Good True Christian™ Wife

                  Originally posted by MoonFlower View Post
                  Like I've said a million and one times before...I SHAVE ALL MY BODY HAIR (except for my head) TO PREVENT FLEAS. And, just in case you haven'ty heard...I TITHE TO LANDOVER EVERY SUNDAY (if not Pa'daddy will come to my Sycamore and beat me silly).

                  So, now that I tithe AND shave, what's my next move Mikey? I'm already going to start my Bible Studies® and Healings® with Lar baby.

                  Moon
                  Ewww you get fleas in your body hair? EW.

                  Anyways, any woman who thinks like this is degrading herself.

                  Comment


                  • #39
                    Re: How to be a Good True Christian™ Wife

                    Originally posted by Poison__x View Post
                    Ewww you get fleas in your body hair? EW.

                    Anyways, any woman who thinks like this is degrading herself.
                    Yeah.. I suppose you want women to be masculine looking, buff, and hairy all over:
                    So you cannot notice that it's actually a woman and not a man unless she takes off her clothes.
                    Jesus pukes at your depravity!

                    Gender confusion is straight from satan!
                    Last edited by SalvationSeeker; 09-01-2007, 01:14 AM.
                    If thou be wise, thou shalt be wise for thyself: But if thou scornest, thou alone shalt bear it.
                    A foolish woman is clamorous: She is simple, and knoweth nothing.
                    Proverbs 9:12-13

                    Comment


                    • #40
                      Re: How to be a Good True Christian™ Wife

                      I didn't say there was something wrong with shaving, in fact, I prefer it. I simply was commenting that you have low personal hygiene if you get fleas in your body hair.

                      Comment


                      • #41
                        Re: How to be a Good True Christian™ Wife

                        Originally posted by Poison__x View Post


                        I didn't say there was something wrong with shaving, in fact, I prefer it. I simply was commenting that you have low personal hygiene if you get fleas in your body hair.
                        Notice that Mr Salvation wrote ...

                        Jesus pukes at your depravity!
                        Jesus pukes first ... we puke later ... that's because we try to do everything Jesus wants, just as He wrote it in the Bible ...

                        1st Timothy 2: 9 In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array;
                        1st Timothy 2: 10 But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works ...


                        1 Timothy 5: 16 If any man or woman that believeth have widows, let them relieve them, and let not the church be charged; that it may relieve them that are widows indeed ...

                        Proverbs 31: 26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness ...
                        Proverbs 31: 27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness ...

                        Comment


                        • #42
                          Re: How to be a Good True Christian™ Wife

                          Originally posted by BibleThumpinBlonde View Post
                          1. Have dinner ready: Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal — on time. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him, and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospects of a good meal are part of the warm welcome needed.

                          2. Prepare yourself: Take 15 minutes to rest so you will be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your makeup, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people. Be a little gay and a little more interesting. His boring day may need a lift.

                          3. Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives, gathering up school books, toys, paper, etc. Then run a dust cloth over the tables. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift, too.

                          4. Prepare the children: Take a few minutes to wash the children's hands and faces if they are small, comb their hair, and if necessary, change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part.

                          5. Minimize the noise: At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of washer, dryer, dishwasher or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet. Be happy to see him. Greet him with a warm smile and be glad to see him.

                          6. Some Don'ts: Don't greet him with problems or complaints. Don't complain if he's late for dinner. Count this as minor compared with what he might have gone through that day.

                          7. Make him comfortable: Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or suggest he lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him. Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soft, soothing and pleasant voice. Allow him to relax and unwind.

                          8. Listen to him: You may have a dozen things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first.

                          9. Make the evening his: Never complain if he does not take you out to dinner or to other places of entertainment; instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure, his need to be home and relax.

                          10. The goal: Try to make your home a place of peace and order where your husband can relax.

                          A good Wife KNOWS her place!

                          And remember, a good spanking or slap upside of the head maybe required to keep her in line.



                          Ladies, please post your ideas and comments on what makes YOU a good True Christian™ Wife.

                          Helpful, Sister Thumper
                          This is great! I know God has almost perfected me in this area. I do most of these things and a little extra. I pretty much starve myself to make sure the kids and darling husband are fed before me. I even put his dinner on his plate and serve it to him and open his pop. I insist that he never learns how to use a microwave. After all, his day was way harder than mine. I make sure he has all 50 remotes close by his hands with his dinner. After that I clean up the kitchen while I throw a scrap of food in my mouth, I rub his feet and make sure his clothes are layed out for the next day.

                          I know not to talk first because no matter the good or the bad that happened in my day - his day was way more important and can always top my stories off! After he is done punching the clock it is his right to kick back and do what he wants. My job is only 24 hours a day with no break. It is even okay if he goes out with the guys a couple times a week. I just need to make sure I have dinner ready and warmed up at midnight when he comes home. I always need to be ready whenever he is in the mood. That would be 24/7 and that is scriptual because one of those books in the bible said that the women's body is not her own.

                          It is pretty simple really. It is just learning how to communicate and listen to the needs of your husband. Who cares about me. I am Proverbs 31 woman and damn proud. Any questions?

                          If the Lord leads you to it, he will get you through it.

                          Comment


                          • #43
                            Re: How to be a Good True Christian™ Wife

                            I'm proud to say that I've never even sliced an apple. Never made a pot of coffee. Never even picked up a broom, except to confiscate them during our annual witch hunt.

                            Which proves conclusively that I am NOT gay.
                            Who Will Jesus Damn?

                            Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

                            Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

                            Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

                            Comment


                            • #44
                              Re: How to be a Good True Christian™ Wife

                              Originally posted by Poison__x View Post
                              I didn't say there was something wrong with shaving, in fact, I prefer it. I simply was commenting that you have low personal hygiene if you get fleas in your body hair.
                              She is a wiccan and part-Venezuelan to boot. Those people don't know what hygiene is.
                              Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
                              I'm proud to say that I've never even sliced an apple. Never made a pot of coffee. Never even picked up a broom, except to confiscate them during our annual witch hunt.

                              Which proves conclusively that I am NOT gay.
                              Praise! It is a fact that in Iran and North Korea, all the men are forced to do the washing-up all day long. Men who voluntarily do housework are traitors to America and Freedom.
                              O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.



                              God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.

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                              • #45
                                Re: How to be a Good True Christian™ Wife

                                Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post

                                I'm proud to say that I've never even sliced an apple. Never made a pot of coffee. Never even picked up a broom, except to confiscate them during our annual witch hunt.
                                Good for you, Pastor Zeke! After all, you have so many important and Godly activities planned for your day, you would hardly have time for the lowly tasks of everyday life.

                                Which proves conclusively that I am NOT gay.
                                Of course you're not, Pastor, who in their right minds would even think such a thing!
                                1st Timothy 2: 9 In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array;
                                1st Timothy 2: 10 But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works ...


                                1 Timothy 5: 16 If any man or woman that believeth have widows, let them relieve them, and let not the church be charged; that it may relieve them that are widows indeed ...

                                Proverbs 31: 26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness ...
                                Proverbs 31: 27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness ...

                                Comment

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