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Friends, there are several threats facing our children today. EVILution, drugs, rock and roll, science, the homos*xual deathstyle, Justin Bieber, abortion, DemocRATS... The list goes on, but perhaps the greatest danger they face is the cult of Wicca. Witchcraft!
We all know the Bible tells us to not suffer a witch to live, but it also tells us to follow secular law, so for now witches get to run around free, spitting in the face of Jesus and His temporary sacrifice for our sins, and even worse, they get to talk to your children and lure them into the depravity of the WICCED cult!
Fortunately, what they can't do is prevent us from recognizing the signs that our children are practicing witchcraft and seeing that they get the help they need from our church and our pastors. So for the sake of preventing this evil from spreading, here is a helpful list of signs that your child is turning into a Wicca.
1. One or more of your pets are missing. This could be due to animal sacrifice.
2. Candles in the bedroom.
3. Is a fan of the rock and roll "musical" Wicked.
4. Veganism.
5. Possession of condoms.
6. Bite marks on your baby.
7. Is a Godless gothic.
8. A hint of brimstone in the air that Febreze just can't cover.
9. Repeated viewings of the Wizard Of Oz where they boo Dorothy for killing the Wicked Witch.
10. Wearing brightly colored scarves and cheap jangly jewelry.
11. Wears a crucifix (Warning: This could also mean they have been lured into the Catholic cult).
12. Hasn't been lured into the Catholic cult, but is still pleasant to Catholic priests (who deliver orders to witches from Satan).
13. Has a cat.
14. Is a lesbian or homos*xual.
15. Votes DemocRAT.
16. Hisses at the sight of a Bible.
17. Is a feminazi.
18. Refuses to spend her Eve's curse time in the menstrual shed.
19. Upon seeing a Christian child, starts drooling and going "Mmmmmmmm..."
20. Listens to the "music" of Cher.
21. Unexplained blood stains on clothing, skin, or hair.
22. Has items that state they are with "Team Edward" or "Team Jacob".
23. When offered ice cream, will ask for a "gelato" instead.
24. Screams when you take them into a church and/or will not sit still during the service.
25. Wants to wear a costume for HELLoween.
26. Asks why you are handing out Chick tracts instead of candy to their fellow coven members who have disguised themselves for "trick or treating".
27. Has read Harry Potter.
28. Has videotapes of Bewitched stashed under the bed.
29. Has had an abortion.
30. Claims Benghazi is a ginned up controversy.
31. "Flips the bird" at American servicemen.
32. Sleeps until noon on Saturdays and holidays.
33. Makes gagging sounds during decent Christian prayers.
34. Supports the construction of the Ground Zero mosque.
35. Isn't married but is no longer a virgin.
36. Drives a Prius.
37. Doesn't like going out in the sun, claims a fear of of the nonsensical "disease" "melanoma".
38. Supports Obamacare, won't admit to the hidden passages in that flawed law that will be used to procure human sacrifices.
39. Fornicates with Satan.
40. Will fill uterus or anus with serpents then defile self with cross.
41. Will float when dunked in water.
We all know the Bible tells us to not suffer a witch to live, but it also tells us to follow secular law, so for now witches get to run around free, spitting in the face of Jesus and His temporary sacrifice for our sins, and even worse, they get to talk to your children and lure them into the depravity of the WICCED cult!
Fortunately, what they can't do is prevent us from recognizing the signs that our children are practicing witchcraft and seeing that they get the help they need from our church and our pastors. So for the sake of preventing this evil from spreading, here is a helpful list of signs that your child is turning into a Wicca.
1. One or more of your pets are missing. This could be due to animal sacrifice.
2. Candles in the bedroom.
3. Is a fan of the rock and roll "musical" Wicked.
4. Veganism.
5. Possession of condoms.
6. Bite marks on your baby.
7. Is a Godless gothic.
8. A hint of brimstone in the air that Febreze just can't cover.
9. Repeated viewings of the Wizard Of Oz where they boo Dorothy for killing the Wicked Witch.
10. Wearing brightly colored scarves and cheap jangly jewelry.
11. Wears a crucifix (Warning: This could also mean they have been lured into the Catholic cult).
12. Hasn't been lured into the Catholic cult, but is still pleasant to Catholic priests (who deliver orders to witches from Satan).
13. Has a cat.
14. Is a lesbian or homos*xual.
15. Votes DemocRAT.
16. Hisses at the sight of a Bible.
17. Is a feminazi.
18. Refuses to spend her Eve's curse time in the menstrual shed.
19. Upon seeing a Christian child, starts drooling and going "Mmmmmmmm..."
20. Listens to the "music" of Cher.
21. Unexplained blood stains on clothing, skin, or hair.
22. Has items that state they are with "Team Edward" or "Team Jacob".
23. When offered ice cream, will ask for a "gelato" instead.
24. Screams when you take them into a church and/or will not sit still during the service.
25. Wants to wear a costume for HELLoween.
26. Asks why you are handing out Chick tracts instead of candy to their fellow coven members who have disguised themselves for "trick or treating".
27. Has read Harry Potter.
28. Has videotapes of Bewitched stashed under the bed.
29. Has had an abortion.
30. Claims Benghazi is a ginned up controversy.
31. "Flips the bird" at American servicemen.
32. Sleeps until noon on Saturdays and holidays.
33. Makes gagging sounds during decent Christian prayers.
34. Supports the construction of the Ground Zero mosque.
35. Isn't married but is no longer a virgin.
36. Drives a Prius.
37. Doesn't like going out in the sun, claims a fear of of the nonsensical "disease" "melanoma".
38. Supports Obamacare, won't admit to the hidden passages in that flawed law that will be used to procure human sacrifices.
39. Fornicates with Satan.
40. Will fill uterus or anus with serpents then defile self with cross.
41. Will float when dunked in water.
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