[Mr. Jingles]

My windows XP is running at a snails pace, as it's loaded with viruses & spyware. Is anyone else here having computer problems caused by the Clinton/Gore whitehouse?

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Originally Posted by Mr. Jingles

My windows XP is running at a snails pace, as it's loaded with viruses & spyware. Is anyone else here having computer problems caused by the Clinton/Gore whitehouse?

Of course not! We burned all of those computers!

[JennyD]

Originally Posted by Mr. Jingles

My windows XP is running at a snails pace, as it's loaded with viruses & spyware. Is anyone else here having computer problems caused by the Clinton/Gore whitehouse?

Windows XP only gets viruses and spyware when you download pornography.

[Mrs. Robert Roberts]

The demoncrats are getting into your comuter, brother.
Just the other day, my oldest son Robby told me that one of his friends downloaded something called "daemon tools" on the internets. This obviously is demonic.

Unfortunately, unlike all the other home schooled children here in Jesusland Arkansas, Robby's friend attends public school.
This is exactly the reason why Mr. Roberts and I have firewalled our home computer to only receive Landover Baptist Church on the internets.

Mrs Robert Roberts

[Pastor Isaac Peters]

Why haven't you upgraded to JesOS™?

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Originally Posted by Pastor Isaac Peters

Why haven't you upgraded to JesOS™?

Pastor Peters, that question does make me rather suspicious of our Mr. BoJingles.

Perhaps he isn't a Christian, so JesOS™ won't run on his smut-infested machine?

[Mr. Jingles]

Originally Posted by Rev. M. Rodimer

Pastor Peters, that question does make me rather suspicious of our Mr. BoJingles.

Perhaps he isn't a Christian, so JesOS™ won't run on his smut-infested machine?

I dusted my computer for fingerprints, & found some that aren't mine. I sent them to Rush Limbaugh to have him check it out, as he's always right. I thought they might be my fiancees fingerprints, but she doesn't use the internet; I won't let her.

[TheWrongSide]

Sounds like the PC is not maintained properly, try to defrag the hard drive.

[Buford T Scoggins]

A computer virus! You know that this is the work of terrorists! Al Qaeda (in close cooperation with Al Gore and Bill Clinton) have been attacking Godly Microsoft's operating system for years. They want to spread pornography, homosexuality and AIDS through the Internet to destroy America. They hate us for our freedoms.

The answer is Jesus(OS).

yours in Christ,
Buford

[Nobar King]

Bill Clinton doesn't get much credit for averting the Y2K crisis.

[TheWrongSide]

Originally Posted by Buford T Scoggins

A computer virus! You know that this is the work of terrorists! Al Qaeda (in close cooperation with Al Gore and Bill Clinton) have been attacking Godly Microsoft's operating system for years. They want to spread pornography, homosexuality and AIDS through the Internet to destroy America. They hate us for our freedoms.

The answer is Jesus(OS).

yours in Christ,
Buford

Please explain to me how one can spread AIDS and homosexuality throught the internet.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Originally Posted by TheRightSide

Please explain to me how one can spread AIDS and homosexuality throught the internet.

Jesus gives out the AIDS to whomever He chooses, in whichever manner He chooses.

Jeremiah 44:27 Behold, I will watch over them for evil, and not for good: and all the men of Judah that are in the land of Egypt shall be consumed by the sword and by the famine, until there be an end of them.

[Adam Nelson]

Friend, it sounds like your home personal computer is infected with the evil spirits of malware and pornography. Even if you're not clicking links that lead to such evil electronic pathogens, surely crafted by the likes of Clinton and other Demoncrats, your computer is still vulnerable!

The malware pornography spirits will try to stealthily guide your computer to other perverse dens of carnality on the web, so that at the most unexpected moment a pop-up will catch you off-guard and lead you into temptation.

It may also try to attack your wife or children!

That's why every computer should have the BE SAFE ONLINE OVERRIDE FILTER installed on it.

By letting a council of morality dictate what sites can and cannot be opened on your computer, you'll rest a little bit better knowing that BE SAFE ONLINE will automatically filter out all the nonsense sites so you can browse in peace, and not worry about evil liberal sites infecting your home computer.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Originally Posted by Adam Nelson

Friend, it sounds like your home personal computer is infected with the evil spirits of malware and pornography. Even if you're not clicking links that lead to such evil electronic pathogens, surely crafted by the likes of Clinton and other Demoncrats, you're computer is still vulnerable!

The malware pornography spirits will try to stealthily guide your computer to other perverse dens of carnality on the web, so that at the most unexpected moment a pop-up will catch you off-guard and lead you into tempation.

It may also try to attack your wife or children!

That's why every computer should have the BE SAFE ONLINE OVERRIDE FILTER installed on it.

By letting a council of morality dictate what sites can and cannot be opened on your computer, you'll rest a little bit better knowing that BE SAFE ONLINE will automatically filter out all the nonsense sites so you can browse in peace, and not worry about evil liberal sites infecting your home computer.

BSafe is pretty good, for a secular product. True Christians™ use the JesOS.

[Adam Nelson]

Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel

BSafe is pretty good, for a secular product. True Christians™ use the JesOS.

As I read through all the features of that finely crafted American software, I felt a tear of joy and pride overpower my eye.

I'm assuming that no Ornamental Asiatics had a secret part in coding up its inner-workings?

[Trent Harvey, Jr.]

Originally Posted by TheRightSide

Sounds like the PC is not maintained properly, try to defrag the hard drive.

What?!? You think the problem can be solved by throwing a fragmentation grenade into the tent of his commanding officer?

Way to give me flashbacks. There's no evidence I was anywhere near the incident. Most people say it was one of the haji cooks, and he only dropped it because his hands were slippery with bacon grease. Nothing to see here folks, move along. Youthful indiscretions, just youthful indiscretions.

[Buford T Scoggins]

Originally Posted by Trent Harvey, Jr.

What?!? You think the problem can be solved by throwing a fragmentation grenade into the tent of his commanding officer?

Way to give me flashbacks. There's no evidence I was anywhere near the incident. Most people say it was one of the haji cooks, and he only dropped it because his hands were slippery with bacon grease. Nothing to see here folks, move along. Youthful indiscretions, just youthful indiscretions.

And let's not forget that Hillary murdered Vincent Foster.

Yours in Christ,
Buford

[Nobar King]

My computer wants me to upgrade to version 10 of Windows. I find it suspicious that Apple also has a version 10 of their OS. One of these days we're going to find out that Apple and PC are the same thing and are just marketed differently.

I blame Bill Clinton for this whole mess.