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Default Foreigners Around the World Part 1 - AFRICANS, ARABS, AUSTRALIANS - 01-15-2015, 12:41 PM

Foreigners Around the World
A Brief Survey of the Various Foreigners,
Their Chief Characteristics,
Customs, and Manners
by T. Templeton




AFRICANS
Racial Characteristics:
Probably not people at all. Probably some kind of monkey.
They eat each other and worship bundles of sticks and mud.
You can never remember the names of their countries, which have a
new Main negro every half hour and too many snakes and bugs anyway.
They eat those, too. They put bones in their noses and wear plants for clothes.

Good Points:
Don't feel pain the way we do.

Proper Forms of Address:
Jig, coon, fishmouth, soot-back, shitskin, boy.

Two Anecdotes Illustrating Something of the Negro Character:
A traveling cattle barterer asks to stay the night at a
root gatherer's hut. The root gatherer agrees but says the
cattle barterer will have to sleep with the root gatherer's daughter.
The cattle barterer goes to get onto the mat with the root gatherer's
daughter and sees that she's very dead, so he spends all night
eating her. In the morning, the root gatherer asks the traveling cattle barterer how he liked sleeping with his daughter.
"She was wonderful," says the cattle barterer, especially those
delicious maggots in her mouth."
"Those weren't maggots," says the root gatherer, "those were
just some grains of rice. She's only been dead since yesterday."

Then there was an African pervert who ate women before they were cooked.


ARABS
Racial Characteristics:
Wear bed sheets and put bags over their women's heads.
They burp and fart during meals and wash themselves in sand.
They bugger little boys and practice some stupid religion that
they're trying to get all our Negroes to believe in. Disorderly
cowards when they have to fight anyone else, they nonetheless
quite courageously murder each other and chop off people's hands
for littering. They plant bombs everywhere they go and own
all the earth's oil, which is why you can't buy high-test if
you're wearing a yarmulke. They hate Jews because Jews
are the only people in the world with noses uglier than
their own, and they're cornering the Cadillac market so
that the Hebes will have to drive Buicks.

Good Points:
If they had any country clubs, they wouldn't let Jews in.

Proper Forms of Address:
Camel jockey, tent-head, soggy Arabian, desert Irish, gas-ass.

An Anecdote Illustrating Something of the Arab Character:
During the Yom Kippur War, Syrian armored units were
preparing to charge several fortified positions in the
Golan Heights when the Israelis canceled their credit rating.


AUSTRALIANS
Racial Characteristics:
Violently loud alcoholic roughnecks whose idea of fun is to
throw up on your car. The national sport is breaking
furniture and the average daily consumption of beer in
Sydney is ten and three quarters Imperial gallons for children
under the age of nine. "Making a Shambles" is required
study in the primary schools and all Australians are
bilingual, speaking both English and Sheep. Possibly
as a result of their country's being upside down, the local
dialect has over 400 terms for vomit.
These include "technicolor yawn" "talking to the
toilet," "round-trip meal ticket," and "singing lunch."
It is illegal to employ the aboriginal inhabitants as anything
but toilets, and some of the peculiar forms of native
wildlife have up to nine assholes. The recent destruction
of Darwin by a hurricane was actually a cover story
for the regrettable coincidence of paydays on three
separate sheep stations.

Good Points:
Amusing zoos.

Proper Forms of Address:
Steady there, Cool off, For Christ's sake-not in the sink,
Stay back, I've got a gun!

An Anecdote Illustrating Something of the Australian Character:
An Australian fellow asks his girl friend to fight, but she
says she doesn't want to because she isn't feeling well.
"Whatta ya mean, not feeling well?" he says.
"You know," she says, "I've got my time of the month."
"Whatta ya mean, time of the month?" he says.
"You know," she says, "I've got my period."
"Whatta ya mean, period?" he says.
"You know," she says, "I'm bleeding down here." And she
opens up her pants to show him.
"Jesus," he says, "no wonder you're bleeding! They've gone
and cut your **** off!"
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