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Default Re: List of foods now prohibited in True Christian™ households! - 06-16-2017, 11:00 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mrs. Mary Whitford View Post
After a special meeting of the Ladies of Landover, it has now been determined to ban the following foods from True Christian™ households. Bear in mind this is as well as all Biblical prohibitions, so don't start boiling those lobsters yet!

To avoid encouraging sodomy
Papist wafers
That's no wafer, but the body of Christ.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mrs. Mary Whitford View Post
We're AMERICANS, so no fancy foreign stuff!
Tacos
Burritos
Kiwi fruits
Brussels sprouts
Guacamole
Red peppers
French fries (Freedom fries are acceptable and welcome!)
Pizza (especially if it has pepperonis (see above))
Lucky Charms cereal
Snails
Frog legs
Rice
Sushi
Burger King French Toast Sticks or any French Toast
Keilbasa (Polacks are also papists!)
Choriszzo (I don't even know what this is, but according to Sister BTB it belongs on the list twice!)
Haggis
Curry
Couscous
abuelita-granulado
Why is Kebab not on the list, considering that his secret ingredient is rat feces?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mrs. Mary Whitford View Post
Because nobody likes them anyway
Squid
Very wrong, everyone love this:
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Default Re: List of foods now prohibited in True Christian™ households! - 06-26-2017, 02:47 AM

I don't know if this better falls in the category of peppers, or GMO foods, but as soon as dirty heathens start modifying food to look like a man's glory, it won't touch my lips or the lips of anyone in my family!



Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

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Default Re: List of foods now prohibited in True Christian™ households! - 07-01-2017, 02:03 PM

Nachos. They're unAmerican and use foreign ingredients.


And thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might.
Deuteronomy 6.5
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Default Re: List of foods now prohibited in True Christian™ households! - 08-02-2017, 04:25 AM

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Originally Posted by Esther B. View Post
Nachos. They're unAmerican and use foreign ingredients.

Foreign includes just about anything served as food. Take Romeo Rovagnati's Spaghetti al nero di seppia una ricetta facile e gustosa. Like me, you probably lost interest at about the third gabble but honestly would you eat something that looks like tapeworms boiled in ink? Intestines hold a particular fascination for damned nations everywhere so I was not really surprised recently to be served intestine soup at a meeting I unfortunately was obliged to attend.

Worse even than sprinkling vowels everywhere and waving your arms around like a broken semaphore machine are the squawks and chirrups passing for language where this muck originates. The illustrations help me to explain but will not prevent your mind from boggling when I tell you that each intestine is served with the natural filling and relished the more for that. The first picture shows the primary ingredient. Raw intestines filled to popping with all the contents intestines are noted for, anyone who's ever dissected a toad or ferret will recognise this bowlful immediately. It's the stuff you throw away. Unless you have an unusually debased cat. This picture is marked with a large 1.

2. The second picture shows what you get when the intestines are parboiled with assorted wriggling things and a few noodles. Cut into medium sausage-lengthed pieces, these chewy delicacies might almost be boiled pastries but check out the surface of the broth. See those little lumps floating around particularly catching the light bottom right? And the other lumps still in the intestines? It is not sago. Where has it come from?

3. Another way to serve these is parboiled without the wriggling stuff, cut shorter and served with stems from unidentifiable plants probably harvested from the car-park. I checked. There was nothing left. But here you can see the origin of all those floaty bits. Apparently how far along the intestine this bilge has got makes a big difference to its culinary suitability. The intestines in this recipe look larger than in the other two, probably moving it up in the price hierarchy from regions where if something's likely to straight out kill you it is the most expensive food of all.



This is just one example of how foreign ingredients set out to mock Jesus. He has no interest in the contents of intestines and has gone out of His way to make it quite plain:


DEUTERONOMY 23 . KJV . look up
12
Thou shalt have a place also without the camp, whither thou shalt go forth abroad:
13 And thou shalt have a paddle upon thy weapon; and it shall be, when thou wilt ease thyself abroad, thou shalt dig therewith, and shalt turn back and cover that which cometh from thee:
14 For the LORD thy God walketh in the midst of thy camp, to deliver thee, and to give up thine enemies before thee; therefore shall thy camp be holy: that he see no unclean thing in thee, and turn away from thee.


The mere sight of a single bowel evacuation is sufficient to turn God away from an entire nation, even from the nation He loved. Earlier in Deuteronomy it was explained that nations are damned outright..Ammonites and Moabites are mentioned specifically..as I referred to and as we can see has happens when people turn their back on Jesus collectively. And for someone who's explained about what's inside intestines and how much He doesn't want to see any, someone who'd reject a whole nation on exactly that basis, someone who was willing to be murdered for me even though I didn't deserve it, what sort of response could I expect if I parboiled the stuff with noodles and slurped it up out a bowl with chopsticks? Why should Jesus not then reject me?

Intestines from any species are never served in any Christian household, even if it's a species no-one's ever heard of. I hope these pictures will help anyone served up with ambiguous soups, none of which I'd recommend eating, all of which you can dissect in the bowl so you have something to do with your hands. But let's be quite clear: anyone who serves intestines eats intestines and anyone who eats intestines eats them with the natural filling. And anyone who prepares this stuff for public consumption does so without any cleaning process. After all, they will tell you, if you removed that there'd be nothing left.
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Default Re: List of foods now prohibited in True Christian™ households! - 08-02-2017, 08:11 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by MitzaLizalor View Post

Foreign includes just about anything served as food. Take Romeo Rovagnati's Spaghetti al nero di seppia una ricetta facile e gustosa. Like me, you probably lost interest at about the third gabble but honestly would you eat something that looks like tapeworms boiled in ink? Intestines hold a particular fascination for damned nations everywhere so I was not really surprised recently to be served intestine soup at a meeting I unfortunately was obliged to attend.

Worse even than sprinkling vowels everywhere and waving your arms around like a broken semaphore machine are the squawks and chirrups passing for language where this muck originates. The illustrations help me to explain but will not prevent your mind from boggling when I tell you that each intestine is served with the natural filling and relished the more for that. The first picture shows the primary ingredient. Raw intestines filled to popping with all the contents intestines are noted for, anyone who's ever dissected a toad or ferret will recognise this bowlful immediately. It's the stuff you throw away. Unless you have an unusually debased cat. This picture is marked with a large . . .

One more reason to hate Haggis, kilts, bagpipes, and the Scotts in general.


Hell's foundations quiver at the shout of praise;
brothers, lift your voices, loud your anthems raise.
...and get off my lawn
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