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Default My First Sunday Back at LBC - 04-16-2017, 09:36 PM

Ladies,


I knew you'd ALL be dying to hear the story of my return to Sunday services in Freehold - particularly those of you who live too far away to attend the BEST church in the entire world.


Although my seat was a pew and not my usual padded chair only feet away from Pastor, it was still a comfortable view and just inches away from my former location - which I WILL get back shortly. But anyway:


The church was decorated gloriously and even though Sister Etheldreda's children were rather noisy at first, the congregation was able to enjoy our professional organist's rendition of old hymns above the din of those unruly little urchins once I asked an usher to remind them of the solemn day we were observing. Sister Mary's hat was lovely and her "smile" once she figured out who complained to the usher was so genuine. (Love you, Sister!)


Pastor then asked for the candles to be lit and it was an uplifting experience as the darkness of the sanctuary was replaced by the warm glow of thousands of candles, under the protection of Freehold's fire chief and a special squad of volunteer firefighters. They were all so handsome and muscular and that blue eyed one in the tight pants needs to get in touch with me so we can share Christian fellowship.


After a brief song session, Pastor approached the podium and began to deliver his welcomes. I am sure the fact that he didn't announce my return was purely an oversight. Sister Mitzalizalor was called to the podium to deliver a special presentation regarding the various flora and fauna associated with this most holy of days. Her touching demonstration regarding all the terrible things that can happen when you give a bunny as a child's pet was particularly effective, and only a few members got rabbit blood on their Easter outfits. Since most of them were polyester, I doubt it was any great loss.


And then, the brilliant message of Pastor. Most churches likely had the Easter story repeated to them, but not ours! Instead, Pastor spoke on the topic, "How Tithing Ensures YOUR Place in God's Church." Oh, of course he mentioned the resurrection in there somewhere, stating, "Just as Christ rose from the dead, YOU can raise the amount of your tithe." It was an incredibly anointed and relevant message, during which special "I WILL RISE WITH JESUS" envelopes were distributed, asking us to specify how much we were going to increase our tithe over the next several weeks. Pastor cares about our spiritual growth, and how can he provide us with spiritual growth if our church budget remains stagnant?


I wonder if everyone saw how beautiful Sister Whitford's outfit was? And didn't pastor's special "Youth for Jesus" Asian group look particularly handsome in their little pink suits? What a shame that some were crying when they were led out of the church to return to the Flint Estate. I am sure those were tears of joy, though.


I will fully expect my rightful seat for this week's prayer service, but other than that little glitch, I think everyone was truly blessed to see me in church today. I just knew they would be!


In Christ's Humility and Spiritual Might,
NRL


PS: I didn't see any notice of my return in the church bulletin. Who is writing that these days?


1 Samuel 8:13 "And he will take your daughters to be confectionaries, and to be cookes, and to be bakers."
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Default Re: My First Sunday Back at LBC - 04-17-2017, 02:48 PM

Thank you for commenting; I give God the glory for reminding me about rabbits having nothing to do with Easter but rather celebrating the anticipation of debauch uppermost in every heathen's mind (such as it is) at this time of year. Why they can't think of anything else? The neo-pagans are even worse! "Oh," they tell me, "Easter is our pagan goddess.." and 0 guesses are required to work out how they commemorate whatever she is supposed to have done which seems to involve laying eggs. I point them straight away to God's Word:


Acts 12 . KJV . look up
1-3b
Herod the king stretched forth his hands to vex certain of the church. And he killed James the brother of John with the sword. And because he saw it pleased the Jews, he proceeded further to take Peter also..
Herod kicks off with a solid murder splurge. Whatever he thought he was worshipping it was not God because God does not advocate murdering Christians. When freaks like Herod start their blood orgy and when it's directed against Christians, God arranges a respite.
4b-5a ..and delivered him to four quaternions of soldiers to keep him; intending after Easter to bring him forth to the people. Peter therefore was kept in prison.
Satan is every goddess. Goddesses who preen in the black light of murder do not back off on their special day. But here we see a respite, just for Easter. That would not happen if Easter had been the goddess. So now we know Easter is not a goddess. There is also positive evidence. Obsessing over gods and goddesses and orgies and murder was not enough for Herod, he had to start making speeches. He refused to acknowledge God. Big mistake. God turned him into worms.
21 Upon a set day Herod, arrayed in royal apparel, sat upon his throne, and made an oration unto them.
22 And the people gave a shout, saying, It is the voice of a god, and not of a man.
23 And immediately the angel of the Lord smote him, because he gave not God the glory: and he was eaten of worms, and gave up the ghost.
24 But the word of God grew and multiplied.



Negative evidence:

Herod gets started on a murder binge but just as he's about to ramp things up Easter arrives. The murders stop and God ministers to those He loves as appropriate. This shows that God is a Spirit of Love. After Easter, whatever demon Herod worships get going again with some wholesale murders verse 19 which would not happen if Easter was itself those demons masquerading as a goddess who lays eggs and obsesses over rabbits. If that were the case the murders would increase.

Positive evidence:
Herod flips completely, spouts off & accepts adulation as a god and bingo! it's worms central. God has intervened twice. First during Easter to bring respite for Christians and to thwart Herod's orgy compulsion (well documented elsewhere) and second when Herod elevates himself, becoming worms as a result of God's intervention.

In this way we know that Easter is not a goddess and that pagans, heathens, savages and temple freaks across the board are NOT celebrating Easter in their rituals but degenerating into little more than worms themselves.

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Cool Re: My First Sunday Back at LBC - 04-18-2017, 12:53 PM

2 Chronicles 12:6-7
So the princes of Israel and the king humbled themselves and said, "The LORD is righteous." When the LORD saw that they humbled themselves, the word of the LORD came to Shemaiah, saying, "They have humbled themselves so I will not destroy them, but I will grant them some measure of deliverance, and My wrath shall not be poured out on Jerusalem by means of Shishak.


Naomi Ruth,


Your parents gave you a set of powerful names. Such amazing women both Naomi and Ruth were. They were also quite HUMBLE. I wonder why your name is so HUGE in your signature. Shouldn't G_d be great, and you small? It is almost as if you have more love for yourself than He Who made you.


We are taught that if we humble ourselves and pray, G_d will heal our land. Don't you want to do your part, Naomi Ruth? On the one hand, I say, Michael - meh - it's only a signature. On the other hand I look at it and say, Michael - it's obscene self glorification - how does she stand herself? My mother would have said, "Michael, stay away from such a woman. She places riches above the majesty of G_d." Of course, I've had my share of women who are like that - but to find vanity here? In this forum? I will pray on your behalf, Naomi Ruth. And oh - I'm available if you ever need legal assistance.


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Default Re: My First Sunday Back at LBC - 04-18-2017, 01:00 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Michael Hezekiah Esq View Post
2 Chronicles 12:6-7
So the princes of Israel and the king humbled themselves and said, "The LORD is righteous." When the LORD saw that they humbled themselves, the word of the LORD came to Shemaiah, saying, "They have humbled themselves so I will not destroy them, but I will grant them some measure of deliverance, and My wrath shall not be poured out on Jerusalem by means of Shishak.


Naomi Ruth,


Your parents gave you a set of powerful names. Such amazing women both Naomi and Ruth were. They were also quite HUMBLE. I wonder why your name is so HUGE in your signature. Shouldn't G_d be great, and you small? It is almost as if you have more love for yourself than He Who made you.


We are taught that if we humble ourselves and pray, G_d will heal our land. Don't you want to do your part, Naomi Ruth? On the one hand, I say, Michael - meh - it's only a signature. On the other hand I look at it and say, Michael - it's obscene self glorification - how does she stand herself? My mother would have said, "Michael, stay away from such a woman. She places riches above the majesty of G_d." Of course, I've had my share of women who are like that - but to find vanity here? In this forum? I will pray on your behalf, Naomi Ruth. And oh - I'm available if you ever need legal assistance.


Mike H.
Atty at Law

Hiya Mike,


Did you read Sister Naomi's signature? By the way how does it feel to be a member of one of the world's most inbred societies? Bet it makes some of those backwood rednecks feel good about their family trees.


Cheers for now my Torah Toking commie.


YIC
TT


Isaiah 66:15

For behold, the Lord wil come with fire, and with his charets like a whirlewinde, to render his anger with furie, and his rebuke with flames of fire.
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Default Re: My First Sunday Back at LBC - 04-18-2017, 10:26 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Michael Hezekiah Esq View Post
2 Chronicles 12:6-7
So the princes of Israel and the king humbled themselves and said, "The LORD is righteous." When the LORD saw that they humbled themselves, the word of the LORD came to Shemaiah, saying, "They have humbled themselves so I will not destroy them, but I will grant them some measure of deliverance, and My wrath shall not be poured out on Jerusalem by means of Shishak.

Naomi Ruth,

Your parents gave you a set of powerful names. Such amazing women both Naomi and Ruth were. They were also quite HUMBLE. I wonder why your name is so HUGE in your signature. Shouldn't G_d be great, and you small? It is almost as if you have more love for yourself than He Who made you.
This raises an interesting theological question:

If the subject consciously thinks that the motive for doing an action is so that others (e.g. you) will think that the subject is "more holy", does that negate the holiness of the action? I think it does.

Your self-opinionated, arrogant, typically Jewish, loudmouthed throw away line has now condemned Miss Ruth to always consider how her name should be written - in doing so, you have blocked an avenue of Salvation.

I hope you are pleased with yourself!

To broaden the matter slightly, is not the natural action the one that is guided by God? To suggest otherwise surely places your judgement above that of God Himself.

Miss Ruth's name is there and is blessed by God (Note my keyboard doesn't have the same fault as yours.)

In making your comment, can it not be said that you are being "More Holy Than Thou"? Here is a passage that is remarkably apt:

Let me quote Jesus:
M't:23:1: Then spake Jesus to the multitude, and to his disciples,
M't:23:2: Saying, The scribes and the Pharisees sit in Moses' seat:
M't:23:3: All therefore whatsoever they bid you observe, that observe and do; but do not ye after their works: for they say, and do not.
M't:23:4: For they bind heavy burdens and grievous to be borne, and lay them on men's shoulders; but they themselves will not move them with one of their fingers.
M't:23:5: But all their works they do for to be seen of men: they make broad their phylacteries, and enlarge the borders of their garments,
M't:23:6: And love the uppermost rooms at feasts, and the chief seats in the synagogues,
M't:23:7: And greetings in the markets, and to be called of men, Rabbi, Rabbi.
M't:23:8: But be not ye called Rabbi: for one is your Master, even Christ; and all ye are brethren.

Miss Ruth is a joy of the congregation:

1st Corinthians 5:12 For what have I to do to judge them also that are without? do not ye judge them that are within?
1st Corinthians 5:13 But them that are without God judgeth. Therefore put away from among yourselves that wicked person.








Ec:7:16: Be not righteous over much; neither make thyself over wise: why shouldest thou destroy thyself?

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Default Re: My First Sunday Back at LBC - 04-19-2017, 11:46 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Michael Hezekiah Esq View Post
# # # usual drivel # # #
If your strong feelings are so overpowering, and some people do find reading words stressful, it's an easy matter to switch off signatures in your display options panel. I'm attaching a pictorial example for you, look for the big pointing thing.

We have explained that Jesus accepted your rejection of God's Perfect Love and moved His Plan for Salvation across to us. I appreciate that you have never known Jesus and would encourage you to study The Bible for a less polluted understanding than you have now.

Have you started reading Foucault?
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Jesus Re: My First Sunday Back at LBC - 04-21-2017, 12:51 AM

I mean no disrespect to the good sister, but I, too, have often wondered if her success has begun to make her cocky. Thinking back to her mental breakdown and subsequent treatment by Dr. Niles, I wonder if pride was a part of it all.


Remember that we are to be humble as Christians, even though the fact we are Christians makes us superior, so humility is unfounded.


BrotherLarry


PS: When can I move in your house, Miss Naomi?


Proverbs 21:31 KJV 1611:
“The horse is prepared against the day of battell: but safetie is of the Lord.”

Lord, may I serve my equine brothers and sisters just as I do my fellow man.
Amen and Amen
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