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The Poetaster's Korner Tasteful poetry for JESUS but don't let the flowers fool you. NO HOMERS ALLOWED!

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Default Re: "Shh..." - 10-22-2007, 09:45 PM

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Originally Posted by Pastor Al E Pistle View Post
Insult? Why Sweet Tart, that wasn't an insult. I found it to be insulting. I'll have you know, Sir, my bosom is ample. It was my heart speaking and that's what matters, right? *Twitches her nose* I'm going to let you get away with it this time, but that's only 'cause you're you.

Be nice to demoiselle Bandit. She feeds me grapes one at a time.
Well, I don't like her. You tell her to leave me alone.


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Default Re: "Shh..." - 10-22-2007, 09:56 PM

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Originally Posted by Undecided View Post
Well, I don't like her. You tell her to leave me alone.
Hahahahaha! I see what happened. You misunderstood me entirely. I meant to say you are nutcake without the cake. See what happens when simple misunderstandings occur? I wasn't referring you your Tic-Tacs at all.



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Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


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Default Re: "Shh..." - 10-22-2007, 10:25 PM

I promise to leave you alone. I'm not a fan of country music or glycerin tear drops. One parting shot:

Tu ne l'emporteras pas au paradis.


bisou

shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
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Default Re: "Shh..." - 10-23-2007, 03:22 AM

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Originally Posted by Pastor Al E Pistle View Post
Hahahahaha! I see what happened. You misunderstood me entirely. I meant to say you are nutcake without the cake. See what happens when simple misunderstandings occur? I wasn't referring you your Tic-Tacs at all.

LMAO! All right, well, next time, just call me a nut. I don't find that offensive at all, and I'm much less likely to become confused.

Mademoiselle Bandit, est-ce que tu as la permission d'un pasteur pour parler français ici? Le français est interdit dans l'église de l'Un Vrais Sauveur. Montre quelque respect et parler l'anglais.


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Default Re: "Shh..." - 10-23-2007, 03:25 AM

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Originally Posted by Undecided View Post
LMAO! All right, well, next time, just call me a nut. I don't find that offensive at all, and I'm much less likely to become confused.

Mademoiselle Bandit, est-ce que tu as la permission d'un pasteur pour parler français ici? Le français est interdit dans l'église de l'Un Vrais Sauveur. Montre quelque respect et parler l'anglais.
How dare you speak arabic in God's favorite forum you empty-headed female! Speak American or keep silent!

Once more and you'll find yourself with a bucketful of shiny new infraction points!


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: "Shh..." - 10-23-2007, 03:31 AM

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Originally Posted by Undecided View Post
LMAO! All right, well, next time, just call me a nut. I don't find that offensive at all, and I'm much less likely to become confused.

Mademoiselle Bandit, est-ce que tu as la permission d'un pasteur pour parler français ici? Le français est interdit dans l'église de l'Un Vrais Sauveur. Montre quelque respect et parler l'anglais.
I'll speak more clearly in the future. Ms. Bandit surely understands that English is JESUS favorite language, but since you two live in the same place I thought I'd allow a couple of sentences in French so everyone could understand why JESUS hates it. Good for you that you capitalized His Holy Name.


Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
"God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


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Default Re: "Shh..." - 10-23-2007, 03:32 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
How dare you speak arabic in God's favorite forum you empty-headed female! Speak American or keep silent!

Once more and you'll find yourself with a bucketful of shiny new infraction points!
But! But! She started it! I was telling her not to speak French here, I was telling her to speak English! Why am I getting in trouble? *Pouts and stomps her feet* It's not fair!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Al E Pistle View Post
I'll speak more clearly in the future. Ms. Bandit surely understands that English is JESUS favorite language, but since you two live in the same place I thought I'd allow a couple of sentences in French so everyone could understand why JESUS hates it. <-- And you, Pastor Zeke may take that to the bank. Good for you that you capitalized His Holy Name.
Thank you for recognizing my triumphs, Pastor! I try very hard... sometimes...


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Default Re: "Shh..." - 10-23-2007, 03:39 AM

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Originally Posted by Undecided View Post
But! But! She started it! I was telling her not to speak French here, I was telling her to speak English! Why am I getting in trouble? *Pouts and stomps her feet* It's not fair!

Thank you for recognizing my triumphs, Pastor! I try very hard... sometimes...
WHAAAAAAAAT?!?!?!?!? How dare you argue with GODLY Pastor Zeke, you French Harlot!


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Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


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Default Re: "Shh..." - 10-23-2007, 04:06 AM

*Sighs and rolls her eyes* Here we go again.


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Default Re: "Shh..." - 10-23-2007, 09:18 AM

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Pastor Al, ouch! You've really hurt me! And I thought we were past the point of insults. This saddens me deeply.

And as for you, Mademoiselle Bandit, I'd prefer not to have my poems "tweaked" by perfect strangers, and I don't take kindly to the suggestion. So thank you, but no.
I can vouch for her, U. D.

Bandita is a perfect love of people and of poetry.
This is why she's here. We won't harden her heart--impossible.

Not the Scripture, not our Lord, but all of light and life's inside her.

Ergo, let her help your poetry. You will like her thoughts.

I heart banditfemme

(just don't tell Mrs. PP on me?)
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Default Re: "Shh..." - 10-24-2007, 02:34 AM

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Originally Posted by Poetic Peter View Post
I can vouch for her, U. D. You may vouch for her all you like, good Sir, but my instincts don't like her. I'll have to watch her and see if that changes later on.

Bandita is a perfect love of people and of poetry.
This is why she's here. We won't harden her heart--impossible.

Not the Scripture, not our Lord, but all of light and life's inside her. Then why do you like her so much? Shouldn't she have Jesus inside her?

Ergo, let her help your poetry. No thank you. You will like her thoughts. No I won't.

I heart banditfemme Well I don't.

(just don't tell Mrs. PP on me? I dunno about that now, in a situation like this, where you're hearting people who aren't yours to have and to hold 'til death do you part, I think I might have to bring this to Mrs. PP's attention. I hope you're as good at bribery as I am blackmail. )
*Sighs* I couldn't do anything to tarnish your good reputation, PP - I like you too much I was just a tad cranky. Mrs. PP shan't know a single thing, not from this duck.


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Default Re: "Shh..." - 10-24-2007, 03:34 PM

A lie! Where did you come from?
I thought we were finally rid of you, you french troublemaker.
Can't stay away from the glory of Jesus though, can you?
Like the fly you are, you are attracted to the light.

Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal saviour yet?
..Or have you wasted your time boozing and fornicating with goats as usual?
Better hurry up and accept Jesus, woman. He is coming back any second now!


If thou be wise, thou shalt be wise for thyself: But if thou scornest, thou alone shalt bear it.
A foolish woman is clamorous: She is simple, and knoweth nothing.
Proverbs 9:12-13
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Default Re: "Shh..." - 10-24-2007, 07:03 PM

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A lie! Yes? Where did you come from? Well, you see, when a mommy and a daddy love each other...
I thought we were finally rid of you, you french troublemaker. HA! You wish!
Can't stay away from the glory of Jesus though, can you? It's more like I can't stand the idea of leaving you Landoverites without anyone to bother you.
Like the fly you are, you are attracted to the light. Notice how you've yet to catch this fly? You might try using honey as opposed to your vinegar tactic.

Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal saviour yet? Nope.
..Or have you wasted your time boozing and fornicating with goats as usual? Well, there was that party I threw before I moved... No goats, though.
Better hurry up and accept Jesus, woman. He is coming back any second now!
You people are always saying that: "He's coming back tomorrow", "He'll be here any minute", "Just you watch, He's coming" - And yet He never arrives. I'll believe He's coming back when He knocks on my door and says, "BOO!".


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Default Re: "Shh..." - 10-24-2007, 08:06 PM

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Originally Posted by Undecided View Post
You people are always saying that: "He's coming back tomorrow", "He'll be here any minute", "Just you watch, He's coming" - And yet He never arrives. I'll believe He's coming back when He knocks on my door and says, "BOO!".
That will be too late wicker. When Jesus knocks on your door it will be with His warrior angels looking to take you for judgment and a swan dive into the Lake of Fire. It will be too late then.



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Default Re: "Shh..." - 10-24-2007, 08:21 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Undecided View Post
Well, you see, when a mommy and a daddy love each other...
I see you haven't lost your uppity sense of "humor", even though you've lost all your decency.

Quote:
HA! You wish!
You know what I REALLY wish?
That you'd accept Jesus Christ as your personal saviour!
Care to grant my wish..? Remember that it's CHRISTmas soon:
And I couldn't think of a better gift for both me and you.
So do yourself a favor and ACCEPT JESUS CHRIST AS YOUR PERSONAL SAVIOUR!

Quote:
It's more like I can't stand the idea of leaving you Landoverites without anyone to bother you.
Is there any personal reason you hate America?

Or are you simply following satan's orders?

Quote:
Notice how you've yet to catch this fly? You might try using honey as opposed to your vinegar tactic.

Always the sasser eh? This, combined with the fact you're french of course..
Is exactly why I couldn't marry you.

Honey is indeed the appropriate word, as you were most likely a honeypot for Usama bin Ladin & the Clintons -
Put there to lure a godly man like me into sin.

Quote:
Well, there was that party I threw before I moved... No goats, though.
Fornicating with d
ogs is just as gross as fornicating with goats.

Quote:
You people are always saying that: "He's coming back tomorrow", "He'll be here any minute", "Just you watch, He's coming" - And yet He never arrives. I'll believe He's coming back when He knocks on my door and says, "BOO!".
As good brother BJ says, it'll be too late by then.
That's when Jesus will open His mouth against you, and skewer you with the sword He keeps in it!
Praise Jesus!


If thou be wise, thou shalt be wise for thyself: But if thou scornest, thou alone shalt bear it.
A foolish woman is clamorous: She is simple, and knoweth nothing.
Proverbs 9:12-13
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Wink Re: "Shh..." - 10-24-2007, 09:52 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by SalvationSeeker View Post
I see you haven't lost your uppity sense of "humor", even though you've lost all your decency. No, Alie shall always be uppity. 'Tis rather fun.

You know what I REALLY wish?
That you'd accept Jesus Christ as your personal saviour!
Care to grant my wish..? Remember that it's CHRISTmas soon:
And I couldn't think of a better gift for both me and you.
So do yourself a favor and ACCEPT JESUS CHRIST AS YOUR PERSONAL SAVIOUR! That does sound like a good idea. How about you hold your breath until I do.

Is there any personal reason you hate America? No. My reasons are all to do with politcs.
Or are you simply following satan's orders? Sorry, but I've never met Satan before.


Always the sasser eh? Of course. And I love your use of the Truly Canadian "Eh". This, combined with the fact you're french of course..
Is exactly why I couldn't marry you. Terrible shame, that. *Sighs* Oh well. I suppose I'll just have to lure another Christian man to use as a human sacrifice to my heathen gods.

Honey is indeed the appropriate word Aww, Sally, are you telling me you think I'm sweet?, as you were most likely a honeypot for Usama bin Ladin & the Clintons - *Gasps* Well I'm glad to see you've still got your bad attitude.
Put there to lure a godly man like me into sin. No, no, just to a funeral pyre, that's all.

Fornicating with dogs is just as gross as fornicating with goats. You're disgusting.

As good brother BJ says, it'll be too late by then.
That's when Jesus will open His mouth against you, and skewer you with the sword He keeps in it!
Praise Jesus!
Holy Hera, Jesus keeps His sword in His MOUTH?! That is one flexible man!


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Default Re: "Shh..." - 10-25-2007, 02:24 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Undecided
That does sound like a good idea. How about you hold your breath until I do.
Here's an even better idea..
Why don't you hold your own breath until you do?
That'd make the choice you have more clear: Jesus or damnation. TURN OR BURN!
What's it's gonna be, woman?

Quote:
No. My reasons are all to do with politcs.
So you're a stalinist then.. I see.
Well, I suspected as much.

Quote:
Sorry, but I've never met Satan before.
..Before you fornicated with him at your "party" (wiccan rituals), you mean?
You have no shame, woman.

Quote:
Aww, Sally, are you telling me you think I'm sweet?
Not really.

I guess you might have been sweet once, back when you were undefiled by paganism and fornication.
But those days will never come again unless you accept Jesus and is made clean by His purifiying blood.

Jesus died for your sins, which one of your false gods could you say that about??

Quote:
*Gasps* Well I'm glad to see you've still got your bad attitude.
You sinners just can't handle it when the truth is told..

Quote:
You're disgusting.
See above.

Quote:
Holy Hera, Jesus keeps His sword in His MOUTH?! That is one flexible man!
No need to sell yourself short, harlot.
It's well known around us here that you're quite *flexible* too.

But it pleases me that you capitalize 'Him' when you refer to Jesus.
There may be hope for you yet.


If thou be wise, thou shalt be wise for thyself: But if thou scornest, thou alone shalt bear it.
A foolish woman is clamorous: She is simple, and knoweth nothing.
Proverbs 9:12-13
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Default Re: "Shh..." - 10-25-2007, 02:53 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Undecided View Post
*Sighs* I couldn't do anything to tarnish your good reputation, PP - I like you too much I was just a tad cranky. Mrs. PP shan't know a single thing, not from this duck.
Being a women, she is unlikely to know a single thing full stop.
Quote:
Originally Posted by SalvationSeeker View Post
Fornicating with dogs is just as gross as fornicating with goats.
I was under the impression that she preferred the shrubbery, but maybe she's moved on. That's what Darwinism-Stalinism will do for you.


O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.


God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.
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Default Re: "Shh..." - 10-25-2007, 07:28 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by SalvationSeeker View Post
Here's an even better idea..
Why don't you hold your own breath until you do?
That'd make the choice you have more clear: Jesus or damnation. TURN OR BURN!
What's it's gonna be, woman?
Neither, actually.

So you're a stalinist then.. I see.
Well, I suspected as much.
No, I'm not a stalinist, I'm Anti-Bush.

..Before you fornicated with him at your "party" (wiccan rituals), you mean? No, ever. I keep telling you people that just because I'm a witch, it doesn't mean that I'm "in cahoots" with Satan. I've never met Him before.
You have no shame, woman. And you are highly unoriginal.

Not really.
I guess you might have been sweet once, back when you were undefiled by paganism and fornication. Yes, I was. But adfter the Paganism and fornication I became even sweeter.
But those days will never come again unless you accept Jesus and is made clean by His purifiying blood. *Drools* ... Sorry... I have a fetish for blood.

Jesus died for your sins, which one of your false gods could you say that about?? My gods don't need to die for my sins because I do not sin, and gods don't die.

No need to sell yourself short, harlot.
It's well known around us here that you're quite *flexible* too.
And who has been saying that, may I ask?

But it pleases me that you capitalize 'Him' when you refer to Jesus.
There may be hope for you yet.
It's a respect thing; you'll notice that I capitalize the names and pronouns of deities, no matter what religion they belong to. I know I can't expect the same from you, though, sadly.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother Temperance View Post
I was under the impression that she preferred the shrubbery, but maybe she's moved on. That's what Darwinism-Stalinism will do for you.
Oh no, I still love nature.


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Default Re: "Shh..." - 10-25-2007, 07:43 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Undecided View Post
No, I'm not a stalinist, I'm Anti-Bush.
That's one of the most blatant pieces of sophistry I've ever seen. "No, I'm not a Joo, I just pick pennies off the ground, have an unhealthy obsession with Catholic schoolgirls, avoid pork like the plague, and control the media." "No, I'm not a woman, I'm just completely incapable of rational thought, belong in the kitchen, wasn't granted the vote until around 1920, and cannot go a month without bleeding between my legs."
Quote:
And you are highly unoriginal.
Of course he is! When did the Lord Almighty tell us to be original? Being original is just one step away from thinking for yourself.
Quote:
My gods don't need to die for my sins because I do not sin, and gods don't die.
Perhaps your sissy limp-wristed false "gods" don't die, but Our Lord Jesus Christ is perfectly capable of dying whenever He sees fit. Praise!
Quote:
And who has been saying that, may I ask?
Lilith's been trying to market you as part of a "buy one, get one free" offer, but so far there's been very little interest.


O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.


God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.
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